Deaf guy relationship

[Deafboy]

I'm a Deaf gay from Asian and in my late-30s. My all ex were Deaf and I never had hearing bf. I'm out of relationship with my Deaf ex 3 years ago, and I have rare dating with guys coz of my deafness.

Most of hearing guys rejected me as I'm Deaf Asian guy. Some guys met me just once or twice then dropped me as it's hard to communication with me. I recently met one nice guy and seen him for two weeks, I knew we went too far and he disappeared and nothing hear from him since.

I feel ashame myself being Deaf. If I'm hearing then it will be better (Don't tell me that I should dating with Deaf guys here, it's very low number of Deaf gay guys here). I have a full time job, own my house and car, no smoke and no drug, different hobbies, not into party and health food. I tried to go out and any events but no one come to me. I feel less value and no love by anyone. My family love me but they never talk anything to me; I only have one or two close friends but they can't listen to me all the time, I recently visit my psych and not yet feel better. I feel no love in the world, No one give love to me and I can't give them my love.

I'll be okay however I think I get worst day by day and I cry almost everyday. Sometimes I thought why I'm here? I don't know if you understand me?

[Paul]

Hi Deafboy,

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums.  I'm sorry you're having a tough time at the moment. 

You know there are some hearing guys who are really horrible. Quite a lot who just want to pick us up and then not contact us after that. I know that being deaf would make this more difficult, but people being horrible like you've described don't limit this to hearing or non hearing people. They are just horrible no matter what.

I haven't met you, but you write beautifully and I can tell you're a sweet guy from how you've written about your experience. Don't ever forget that you're beautiful whether you are hearing or not. 

There's a few things that I can think of that might help. 

Have a talk to a counsellor who works with non hearing people about relationships and possibly about depression. 

Also depending what state you are in I can find the local gay deaf group who host activities and meetings.  The counselling service in that state usually has great contacts.

If you are comfortable to let us know what state you live in I'm happy to call the counselling service and find the information for you. 

There are also a number of gay social meetup groups @ www.meetup.com there's also a smartphone app. Meetup is non sexual and brings people together who have common interests. 

Hugs.  Let me know what you think about a counsellor and if you would like me to get some gay deaf social group contacts for you. 

Take care. 

Paul

[Graceeeeee]

Hi Deafboy

I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through all this, you can try opening up to your family and close friends more, they will be there to listen, because they love you. Also I think lats has a good point about seeing a counsellor, I think that would really help.

When you say you feel no love in the world that makes me sad, because there is love I know, at least on this forum we love and support each other. I hope you feel better by opening up here.

And just in case you need some love today I'm sending out my love and support to you 🙂

Love,

Grace xx

[white knight]

Hi Deafboy,

Please keep reading threads on this forum. There are many that might help you get your confidence back.

You might think that getting a "never give up" attitude is beyond you but it is easy once you gain confidence.

The advice from the others is outstanding also.

Tony WK

[geoff]

dear Deafboy, I am sorry that you call yourself by this name, because you're still a person who works and lives with everyone
else in the community, so I feel as though you are already degrading yourself, as this certainly doesn't happen here on this site, where
everyone is equal no matter what colour, shape or size and definitely not what sexual tendencies you are.
There's a TV show on early in the morning which I love to watch where a deaf person works in the FBI, you may know about it
and everyone treats her as being a great asset in the force, where she lip reads what they are saying, as well as does sign
language to the people she has trained.
What I am saying maybe way off what you have posted in about, but there are people who are keen on communicating with
you by writing down what you and he have to say, so don't let this be a barrier stopping you from meeting someone. Geoff.

[Deafboy]

Thanks lats for your advise. I met different counsellors and they always asked my many questions about my Deaf world, I just wonder if I paid them for education them about my Deaf culture or counsell me?? Recently I found a psych who understand Deaf people and I only met him since late last year and I still need to visit him often if possible. I get depressed when I came out 20 years ago and never have a relationship/dating with hearing bf.

I'm from Melbourne, however I knew all Deaf gay guys here and I know the group. Just don't get me better.

Thank you.

[Deafboy]

Thank you Grace!!

[Embracing_Tiger]

Hi Deafboy,

sorry life is hard for you right now. You seem to genuinely and deeply want to connect with someone on that intimate level. 

From your post, I can understand how difficult it is to make these connections and why you would feel ashamed about being deaf. I hope that one day you will see that the way that you are makes you the unique and valuable person that you are. In a lesser way, I used to (and sometimes still do) be ashamed of being Asian, when I saw online profiles saying "no Asians". I feel better about myself now, but it still hurts. The LGBTIQA+ community has to improve its inclusion and understanding of people with a disability. 

I can only offer you words of encouragement. You, literally, see the world differently from most people, but that makes you so valuable; to a future partner and to the community at large. Perhaps the online space could be an opportunity to make more friends, or at least, have a chat? There are people on these forums that happy to chat with others, myself included. We're here for you.

I don't know if it interests you, but I did see a ASL "music" clip of the song Same Love. It did seem lovely, and may help you feel less alone.

ET

[Deafboy]

Thank you Tony WK. I lost any confidence since I came out 20 years ago and feel myself not attracted to anyone however I tried to join sport competition, actor, volunteer but still don't feel better. Hearing won't learn Auslan or try to communication with me, so I feel I'm out of any communities.

I never give up but still never feel that I'm successful. 

[Paul]

How about meetup Deafboy?

Have you tried finding people who share similar interests whether gay or straight and hearing or non hearing. I'm sure there would be many non hearing groups on there.

www.meetup.com

Paul