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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Pineapple_orange Learning to take responsibility and give space in a difficult friendship
  • replies: 2

Hello, I am looking on advice for how to manage a friendship that I have been struggling with for the past three years. This friendship was once a very loving one, but three years ago boundaries were crossed and the nature of the relationship became ... View more

Hello, I am looking on advice for how to manage a friendship that I have been struggling with for the past three years. This friendship was once a very loving one, but three years ago boundaries were crossed and the nature of the relationship became confused. Although I was unaware of it at the time, my self-esteem had become linked to the place that I occupied in this friend's life. My friend was very cavalier in how he handled the change in our relationship and subsequent fall-out, which I found very difficult to deal with. I was so dependent on him that this instance of disregard left me feeling worthless. I needed space, but instead I continually went to him for affirmation, which ultimately made me feel more hurt, worthless and resentful. My friend is well adjusted, and doesn't struggle with the relationship in the way that I do. He drinks and parties a lot, and I find myself doing the same, even though I know that my mental health is fragile and that I do not handle alcohol well. On numerous occasions I have complete lost it while drunk, and have been insulting and offensive. It is completely unfair to him and a huge burden to our mutual friends. I have alienated a number of people. These outbursts send me into a shame spiral, and I apologise compulsively even though I know he is fed-up and needs space. A month ago, after another one-sided alcohol-fuelled fight, I told my friend that the solution I could arrive at was space. This frustrated him and we stopped talking. I saw him at an event with mutual friends on Saturday night. I was highly-strung and we stayed up all night drinking. We were polite to each other, but the next day it was clear that he does need space. I also need space to rebuild my self-worth. I spend hours thinking about this relationship and neglecting what is important to me. My failure to accept the limits of what my friend is able to give me feels disrespectful on my part and at times even controlling. I feel that I have lost my identity and integrity. Yet today I have wanted desperately to reach out for reassurance that everything is OK and that he is not angry with me. It was extremely difficult for me to control this impulse. I need professional help, but in the interim, I am looking for any advice on how to break these destructive patterns, be patient and respectful in allowing for space, and down the track accept this friendship for what it has to offer. Thank you very much for reading this

kitedrew How to deal with consistant physical rejection when you are doing all you can
  • replies: 10

Hi community, I am new to this site and definitely new to having anxiety with physical symptoms. So please be nice but honest!! I am a 32 year, male, medically i am fit and with no issues, dont smoke, dont drink and love being active however anxiety ... View more

Hi community, I am new to this site and definitely new to having anxiety with physical symptoms. So please be nice but honest!! I am a 32 year, male, medically i am fit and with no issues, dont smoke, dont drink and love being active however anxiety has stopped alot of that as sports now triggers breathing difficulties. I have two major anxiety triggers i have learnt about of the last 6 months. One being health based anxiety where a single little pain will trigger an anxiety / panic attack. This one i am working on and doing well at getting over it slowly. However the second is the one i wish advice on. I am due to get married to my gorgeous wife-to-be very soon, and this decision will not change as i really do love her with all my heart. we are both super excited. However over the past year and especially in the last 4 months she has been constantly rejecting my advances. Intimacy has dropped to a level i have never experienced since i was single. Now i know most of you might have the stereotype view that i need to do more around the house to help her and to romance her. But this is not the case with me. I am a hopeless romantic that loves doing little things for my partners, i do all the cooking, most of the cleaning and don't force her to do anything she does not want to do. She can hang with her friends and party without me if she wants as i dont have trust issues. I am a kind, caring and considerate person that considers everyone a friend. It all started when her work life started taking over and she worked 12-14 hour days constantly. She had a stress melt down over work but after she got over it went straight back to working the same crazy hours. She sleeps all the time, falls asleep on date nights, too tired or not in mood in mornings or is too focused on other things. We used to have a great intimacy connection. She has been working on things but in last 4 months her stress levels have decreased a little, which is good. Now last night when i touched and kissed her, suddenly i felt an instant and overpowering feeling of rejection and than anxiety kicked in. I guess i might be overthinking whether that touch will get brushed off or make her feel uncomfy. I am a very physical person and she used to like that. I just need some advice to get through this patch and how people deal with it? I want it to get back to what it used to be but i know it will take time. ps. our communication is good hence why she is trying to work on things.

GuestYD Advice
  • replies: 11

Hi all I'm a woman who has only ever slept with men. I think I'm interested in girls. It's something that keeps coming up since my teens and I tell people at times when I've been drunk. I had a dream last night about a friend proposing to me and I fe... View more

Hi all I'm a woman who has only ever slept with men. I think I'm interested in girls. It's something that keeps coming up since my teens and I tell people at times when I've been drunk. I had a dream last night about a friend proposing to me and I felt so happy. It made so much more sense being with a girl than a guy. What should I do now? Thanks LC

Quaintrelle Don't know how to keep going...
  • replies: 5

I'm 31, in a long term relationship, and 8 months pregnant with my first child (due December 23). I have Persistent Depressive Disorder (or Dysthymia), Major Depression, Anxiety and a substance abuse problem (alcohol). It has been a very difficult pr... View more

I'm 31, in a long term relationship, and 8 months pregnant with my first child (due December 23). I have Persistent Depressive Disorder (or Dysthymia), Major Depression, Anxiety and a substance abuse problem (alcohol). It has been a very difficult pregnancy and dealing with it on top of my pre-existing mental health problems has left me feeling pretty battered, bruised and struggling to cope. Then, about 2 months ago, my Mother had a severe stroke. She is only 53 and - prior to this - was active, independent and in perfect health. She has made incredible progress in terms of recovery but is never going to be the same. As such, she will likely not be able to live independently again (at least, not in the immediate future). I am grieving for the Mother I once knew and, as I prepare to become a mother myself, I feel this lost most keenly. My parents are divorced and so the responsibility for her future care falls to my sister (age 29) and I. Despite the conflicted relationship I have with my Mother, I cannot bear to see her relegated to a residential facility. We are not in a position to fund private care, so it has to be my sister and I who look after her. She is still in hospital for the moment but we have been notified that she could be discharged as early as the 11th of November so we must make plans rather quickly. The idea is for all of us (my mother, sister, partner, our new baby and myself) to move in together so we can share the workload of caring for my Mother at home. While I know that this arrangement makes the most sense, I am feeling so overwhelmed by the prospect that I am struggling to keep going. Instead of spending these last few weeks preparing for my new baby, I am snowed under with responsibility and have so much to do. My Mother is the least organised person I know, and wading through her papers so I can get her finances (etc) in order as her Power of Attorney is a mammoth and seemingly unending task. Dealing with Centrelink to try to arrange a Disability Support Pension and trying to figure out all that she will require once she is home in terms of equipment, support and services (when the hospital will tell me nothing, and the social worker assigned to her case is impossible to get in touch with) is an absolute nightmare! Honestly, I just want to run away, change my name, start again. Some days, all I do is lie in bed and cry. I feel so frustrated, so hopeless, so trapped. I don't know how to keep going. I need help.

james1 Liking people too much
  • replies: 7

Hello everyone, I don't know what I'm looking for here. Maybe to vent, or maybe to ask whether others do this as well to the same or similar degree/extent. I realise I like people too much too quickly. In psychology talk, it's the idealisation part o... View more

Hello everyone, I don't know what I'm looking for here. Maybe to vent, or maybe to ask whether others do this as well to the same or similar degree/extent. I realise I like people too much too quickly. In psychology talk, it's the idealisation part of splitting. In my relationships, whether friendships, family or romantic, I am either 100% emotionally invested or 0%. There is no middle ground for me, even upon just meeting someone. And my natural tendency is to go 100% until they do something I don't like, at which point I will either forgive and then give 150%, or just fall apart and decide I never want to talk to them again. And in the process of all this, I lose myself a bit. To give you an example, if I start a conversation here, I feel obliged to continue it. I might still enjoy it, but I will also think that they must at least like talking to me so I can't let them down. And I will be super afraid that I'll let them down and if there's a slight delay in the response, I panic without realising it. So then I'm not even continuing the conversation for myself, but just for the other person. It's very annoying. It's something I'm working on with my psychologist but progress is so slow. I don't feel like I've made any changes to how I feel, only how I react. So I now just walk away and leave it until later. But it doesn't help the hurt inside and I end up brooding. Still, it's better than both brooding and reacting badly, damaging the relationship/friendship. Okay, that's all from me. James

Real1 Out of control!
  • replies: 15

I am in a bad situation and can't see the end of the tunnel! I have a long time girlfriend who lives 3 states away, she has this guy who's been after her. She sees him just as a friend, but he wants more. Unfortunately she is young and gullible, whic... View more

I am in a bad situation and can't see the end of the tunnel! I have a long time girlfriend who lives 3 states away, she has this guy who's been after her. She sees him just as a friend, but he wants more. Unfortunately she is young and gullible, which he prays on. Despite a 4 hour chat between them last weekend, (their second as they had one last year) this guy doesn't take a hint! He fronted up to me the other night, via SMS, and he revealed himself for what he was...which was the wake up call she needed to see his true side. He's soon to be her boss, my BIGGEST nightmare! I trust her, as I always have after 8 years as she's very moralistic, but him I don't! Some nights I lay in bed my head spinning and my stomach churning, it's a living hell!!! Is there any way to get a handle on this?

Fab4 Chronic sleep deprivation + 4kids & FT work
  • replies: 3

Life feels very very hard right now. I feel awkward to reach for support when I know so many people have bigger concerns than me. In many ways I am very blessed and lucky. I feel like life will be easier one day but right now I am struggling to face ... View more

Life feels very very hard right now. I feel awkward to reach for support when I know so many people have bigger concerns than me. In many ways I am very blessed and lucky. I feel like life will be easier one day but right now I am struggling to face each day, crying every day, feeling unstable, and unsure how to get on top of things. I have seen my GP every week this month and started anti depressants a few weeks ago. My extended family are completely unsupportive despite me asking for help and explaining how much Im struggling. My husband is in the same place as me. He is very helpful but we just feel like robots going through the motions every day. We have toddler twins and two primary school aged kids. 3 of the 4 kids wake multiple times a night. There are constant tantrums and mess. The jobs to be done are never ending. We are always running out of money despite earning reasonable incomes. We didnt plan on 4 kids. We didnt even plan on 3 kids. Thats a longer story though. Like I said - i should feel blessed. I just dont know how to navigate from this rut to the blessed place.

Dusty78 The anniversary of my mothers death
  • replies: 3

Its less than a month till the 1 year anniversary of my mothers suicide. i dnt know how to feel. i dnt know what to do. all my family is in new Zealand and know body around me knew her. all i want on her anniversary is to sit down and reminisce about... View more

Its less than a month till the 1 year anniversary of my mothers suicide. i dnt know how to feel. i dnt know what to do. all my family is in new Zealand and know body around me knew her. all i want on her anniversary is to sit down and reminisce about her but everyone is so far away. she had alot of troubles thro out her life. she was a functioning alcoholic. even she would admit alcohol was her first love. she fought her demons untill her last breath. i always knew this is how ahe would go but didnt think she would leave me at 24 years old. what about her grandchildren she will never meet what about when i get married.

Callie11 down in the dumps and don't know where to turn.
  • replies: 4

Hi, I've been living with anxiety and possibly a bit depressed for the past year, although I've only really accepted all of this in the last week. Im booked in to see a psychologist on friday but wanted to reach out to other people in similar situati... View more

Hi, I've been living with anxiety and possibly a bit depressed for the past year, although I've only really accepted all of this in the last week. Im booked in to see a psychologist on friday but wanted to reach out to other people in similar situations. Ive been with my partner for 2 and a half years, we are currently renting together. He is 33 and I am 24. About a year ago I found messages to a few different girls, one being his ex girlfriend. He was messaging her asking to catch up to talk about issues that were going on with him at the time. I was devastated and confronted him and he said that he felt that he couldn't speak to me about the issues as i come from a 'perfect family' and i wouldn't understand. One of the messages to another girl was talking about a time (before we met) that they has sex and he was telling her how amazing that night was and that he hasn't forgotten it. As you can imagine I was heartbroken and moved back home for a few days. He promised me he would never do it again. We both love each other very much but I haven't been able to trust him since, he doesn't understand as it was so long ago but he hurt me so much. I don't know how to trust him again. Fast forward to now... we are going through a very rough time, our relationship is hanging on by a thread. I wad tidying up his clothes and I found a fine in it from the police. He had been charged with driving under the influence of cannabis and meth. I felt sick to the stomach but instantly confronted him. He obviously had to admit to it and said he was going to tell me but didn't know how.. I don't believe he would have. Im pretty against drugs and really don't know what to do in this situation. I love him and I can't imagine my life without him but I'm not sure if I can be involved with a drug user.

BethOK Trust and Anxiety issues in relationship
  • replies: 3

My partner has shown reason in the past to not trust him. When i do trust him he lets me down. Im to scared to trust him cause i dont want to get hurt. We have tried taking baby steps to build trust e.g. him going out for a few hours with friends but... View more

My partner has shown reason in the past to not trust him. When i do trust him he lets me down. Im to scared to trust him cause i dont want to get hurt. We have tried taking baby steps to build trust e.g. him going out for a few hours with friends but it always fails on his end because he cant keep to his word and he is easily influenced by friends especially when intoxicated. Also when he drinks too much he doesnt know what hes doing and wont rememberthe next morning either and this exact thing his happened before where hes found out a week later that he had been unfaithful to me. So because of all this and my anxiety over it i dont let him go out with his friends unless I'm with him. I know thats unhealthy and it has gotten worse since we've had kids. Sometimes it feels like the kids arent a priority to him. He has said we would be better apart but we continue to stay together. I cry about this a lot especially when i think about losing him and being alone. I have family to turn to but i have no close friends that i can go to for extra support. We are both young (19 & 21) and have been together for 3 years and i feel like I've learnt to depend on him to much that now i dont know how to be independent and on my own. We do love each other and both don't want our family broken up. How do i learn to trust and get over my anxiety?