Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Living57 So not coping
  • replies: 6

Just too much at the moment. I have bi-polar and depression along with having panic/anxiety attacks. My husband has just been diagnosed with dementia. We had my parents living with us from 2009, Mum passed away in 2010, Dad passed away in 2012, in be... View more

Just too much at the moment. I have bi-polar and depression along with having panic/anxiety attacks. My husband has just been diagnosed with dementia. We had my parents living with us from 2009, Mum passed away in 2010, Dad passed away in 2012, in between in 2011 my much loved son-in-law passed away aged just 40. We moved to a new house in April thus year and to be honest that is all that is keeping me going, 5 acres, chickens, veggies and fruit trees.I am finding it hard to cope, particularly with my husband. His doctor has stopped him from driving, told him to cut out all alcohol. He complains to all who will listen that I made the doctor take these actions, that he doesnt have dementia, they have all got it wrong. I understand that he is going through his own issues in comung to terms with what is happening. I too am finding it hard, it is playing havoc with my mental health.i am so low, the bottom of the hole, i just wish sometimes the blackness would swallow me. I have told my husband how I am feeling and he tells me not to be ridiculous and to get over it, get a life. He has become totally unsupportive, and I admit to be scared of how I am feeling.Anyway, thanks for letting me get it out, much appreciatedbeyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community areencouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Aynat Break up, not coping
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I was with my boyfriend for seven years. Ten months ago he told me he wanted to explore his sexuality. I was shattered. We were so close, i would speak to him everyday. Since our break up we have been on a roller coaster of emotions. We have even hoo... View more

I was with my boyfriend for seven years. Ten months ago he told me he wanted to explore his sexuality. I was shattered. We were so close, i would speak to him everyday. Since our break up we have been on a roller coaster of emotions. We have even hooked up a few times. We hooked up recently and about three weeks afterwards i found out he had slept with a man. I am so hurt. I have not had one day go by without crying. I have lost my best friend. I am just so hurt that he is able to move on. I feel like our relationship meant nothing and that i mean nothing.

MindfulStep feeling alone and frightened.(trigger warning)
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I've had a really tough week and waiting for a psychiatric assessment - I've recently lost another job and at 45 feel quite scared as I don't have family - context being my mother threw me out of home and dissapeared after I tried to tell authorities... View more

I've had a really tough week and waiting for a psychiatric assessment - I've recently lost another job and at 45 feel quite scared as I don't have family - context being my mother threw me out of home and dissapeared after I tried to tell authorities about her boyfriend's abused, and in 2007 my father cut me off after telling me it was normal for father's to find daughters attractive, and for me ringing DOCS to report his nephew - this action of mine resulted in being cut out and threatned with physical threats. My twin brother has hit me so many times, and also hospitalised other men and women - his own wife had to dissapear with my two neices. I've manage to crawl my way back out of boarding houses, abusive relationships but it is hard work. It is a marathon. This week my friend of 15 years who always rang me and who moved to Queensland to be close disclosed some very heavy stuff about her own step daughter who she has been leaning on me to support - but it lead me to only feel a more overwhelming sense of depression and I found myself preparing a will - which is for me is weird as I hate paperwork. She is my emergency contact so when I told her I was going to admit myself into hospital and to please seek professional help for her stepdaughter she unfriended me. I asked her politely why she had done this and she said to force me to call her. I explained I was in emergency ward and had no credit - I could communicate via facebook. She then just bombarded me with texts and finally called late at night when I was resting. I've had to block her and now realise I am completely on my own. Going to hospital on my own and having to work out who is going to be my emergency contact. It is pretty overwhelming.

CtrlAltDelicious How can I stay positive?
  • replies: 5

Hi all, this is my first post so I hope I get it right I have been with my partner for 10 years now, and I've noticed that he's gotten more and more negative over the past four or so years. He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety around 6 years ... View more

Hi all, this is my first post so I hope I get it right I have been with my partner for 10 years now, and I've noticed that he's gotten more and more negative over the past four or so years. He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety around 6 years ago, but he refuses to do anything to address it. He won't take medication or see a counsellor or anything. I myself have been battling depression and anxiety since I was a teenager and I know how hard it can be. Every time something bad happens (no matter how small the problem) he just gets so frustrated and angry. He always puts it down to never having any good luck or me jinxing things. He just always assumes the worst in everything. He constantly puts me down, either it's my weight, my laziness, stupidity or lack of compassion. We end up fighting all the time because I'm just so sick of his negative comments. I feel like he's trying to control me because he feels like he has no control over his own life. He told me I'm a horrible person to be around because I'm so angry all the time, but the funny thing is that when I'm at work or away from him I'm very happy person! His bad attitude towards everything, just frustrates me so much! I want to try and stay positive around him and not let his attitude get to me and maybe it might rub off on him a little? Is it even possible?? I'm at the point where I don't want to be around him at all and seriously thinking of leaving him altogether. Does anyone have any advice?

shadowfox I'm just having a really tough time
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I've lived with depression for most of my life, but since my early 20s I've coped with it pretty well. I've just ended an on again, off again relationship. I love him so much, I've never felt anything like this for anyone, but we just kept having pro... View more

I've lived with depression for most of my life, but since my early 20s I've coped with it pretty well. I've just ended an on again, off again relationship. I love him so much, I've never felt anything like this for anyone, but we just kept having problems. The more we tried to fix it, the worse it got. I've gotten really depressed over the fact that the two of us loved each other so much but kept having problems, so I've really ended it. I've finally confided in close friends and family about how I've been feeling, and it turns out they've been worried about me for a while. i had made a little island of isolation for myself and shut everyone out. I'm talking to people every day now about what I'm going through and it's been so helpful knowing that people are willing to help me with the burden. i went to my gp today to try to get a bulk billed referral to get some counselling, but i have to wait 4 weeks to see someone. It's so frustrating. I just really don't want to feel this way anymore. it's also killing me that i know he's struggling and he won't be giving up or letting me go in his own mind. I know that this is the right thing because it shouldn't be so hard, but he doesn't understand why we can't keep trying. I'm so worried about him. He's distraught. I want to make sure he's okay but i can't speak to him. When the lines of communication open back up, he starts trying to talk me into giving it another shot and it kills me that i have to keep refusing and hurting him and myself at the same time. I haven't been this depressed since my late teens. I was suicidal then. I'm not at this point, but i get a bit scared that it might spiral if I'm not careful. I know i have a lot of people who care about me and i am leaning on them and being supported, but i still just feel so helpless sometimes.

Vetiver Troubles with sister. Troubles with family.
  • replies: 2

My sister and I have a very conflict filled relationship. She is my younger sister and there is just us two siblings. Growing up, we had a very difficult childhood with my parents who have major issues of their own. As the older sister, I protected a... View more

My sister and I have a very conflict filled relationship. She is my younger sister and there is just us two siblings. Growing up, we had a very difficult childhood with my parents who have major issues of their own. As the older sister, I protected and supported her so that she didn't bear the brunt of the issues with my parents. She was able to be denial that there were any problems at all until she was 18 and then she wasn't able to deny it any longer and that's when the problems started with her. She has serious anger management issues and we both have very different coping styles. I blow up quickly and then I get over it and I try to find a solution to forgive and get on with things. Her style is to be non-confrontational but very passive-aggressive and she holds a grudge for a long time. We had an incident last night where we had an argument over the way that she was talking to me. I felt like she was being very rude and disrespectful in the way that she was talking to me. She took that as major criticism and escalated so quickly to the point where she lost it and started to put up her fists as if she was going to fight me. I was like "Whoa, calm down and talk to me", but she had already escalated. She was out of control so I grabbed her car keys so that she would not be driving in that state and said "Take a walk or stay here and calm down but you're not driving". She then scratched and pulled at me to get her keys back and when I pushed her away, she struck on the head and I received a minor head injury that was bleeding. The police were called by her, because she was threatening me to "go ahead and take out an AVO, I don't care." I didn't even want the police involved, although she has called them in the past because she thinks that they need to be there. She has regular emotional ups and downs and it can be quite difficult to deal with her. She is currently seeing a counsellor and has seen her GP and two other counsellors in the past. Every time she has seen her counsellor, she comes back even angrier and lashes out verbally and emotionally at me. I just feel so helpless and frustated with the situation. There is never a dialogue with her to make peace and work out a resolution, only ranting about how I destroy her life. This can go on for two weeks and longer. I feel so frustrated and alone. My parents will not intervene as we are adults and my dad says that I should watch out for her, maybe she's tired or stressed and I should allow for that.

Tuffy My husband battle
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I'm new to the forum but am desperate for help. I have suffered depression most of my life and have and still am learning how to manage it. My husband was diagnose with prostrate cancer in 2009 resulting in surgery and radiation. In 2013 he was diagn... View more

I'm new to the forum but am desperate for help. I have suffered depression most of my life and have and still am learning how to manage it. My husband was diagnose with prostrate cancer in 2009 resulting in surgery and radiation. In 2013 he was diagnosed with bladder cancer. He is having ongoing treatment for this which I think is what is tipping the scales for him. He has never talked about any issue that we have had and this continues. I am the opposite. I want to talk about things so they don't bottle up in side of me. We have our own small business, which adds another problem to the mix. He is unable to make a decision, he is not doing the job up the the standard that is required, and I find myself trying so keep us afloat financially by fixing up his mistakes, I have been working full time as well, but am now dropping back to four days a week in August. He won't talk about what is happening let alone do anything about it. I am at the end of my tether. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Dumped_confused sick of crying
  • replies: 6

Hello everyone, My partner recently left me after 2 years of traumatic events in our lives. I am in total disbelief and dispair. We have been through so much including nearly dying giving birth to our 2 year old. We had 3 deaths in our life, of young... View more

Hello everyone, My partner recently left me after 2 years of traumatic events in our lives. I am in total disbelief and dispair. We have been through so much including nearly dying giving birth to our 2 year old. We had 3 deaths in our life, of young close friends, and the suicide of one of our friends feels like the straw that broke my partners back. He left me soon after without any specific explanation and in a total panic. I keep on reassuring myself that it wasn't anything I did, but after 4 months of supporting him and telling him that I'll love him and wait for him he flaws me by telling me he no longer loves me and does not want to get back together again.. I feel like we've broken up all over again. He looks healthy and happy, which really upsets me because it means that he is happier without me! We have 3 children between us which is so hard for me to lose. My 2 step kids love me and I do them but I don't want to see them because it hurts that they're not my family anymore.... Yet, I take them out every couple of weeks, it feels like I'm self harming. I have to reset everytime I see any of them, and that's at least 3 times a week with handovers. It's killing me to pieces!!!! I'm seeing a psychologist, a Chinese therapist, a psychic, getting massages and I even bought a house last week! Yet nothing seems to be bringing me back to me. I ultimately know that time heals, but I'm in the moment and it's breaking me. Please share your thoughts, everything will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Stag1987 Depression or break up issues?
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HelloI just signed up for this website and was hoping to get some support from others who didn't know much about me. About 1 year ago, my girlfriend and I broke up and since then I have not been doing well. I have visited my doctor, seen a counselor,... View more

HelloI just signed up for this website and was hoping to get some support from others who didn't know much about me. About 1 year ago, my girlfriend and I broke up and since then I have not been doing well. I have visited my doctor, seen a counselor, seen a psychologist, taken anti depressants, confided in my best friend and parents and nothing has changed. I still feel absolutely crap and have spent the last three days crying and don't know what to do anymore.I have presumed that I am depressed, but don't know if I actually am or if I haven't dealt with this break up well. My ex and I went out for three and a half years, lived together for 2 and half years, had a dog together and constantly talked about the future, marriage and kids. I always thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. Before we broke up things were rocky I'll admit, I was doing FIFO and every time I came back I could feel her drifting away. I knew I wouldn't be doing FIFO for ever so I always presumed we'd get through 1 year of FIFO and everything would be great, however when I did get back we broke up one month later and the reason she gave me was that she thought we were too different and wouldn't work out in the long run.That seemed at the time as to why she did it but 1 week after we broke up she was already seeing someone else. 3 weeks later they went on a holiday down south together and after two and a half months of dating she took him on a holiday with her entire family to Broome, which I was supposed to go on and I'm pretty sure the ticket he used had my name on it. It must be said though that they had been friends for about 10 years and she stayed at his house a few times when we were going out but I was never worried as I always thought he was gay, how wrong I was. After I learned of all these things, (my best mate dates her best friend so obviously I know everything) I was not doing well. I questioned everything about myself and every weakness I have. I learnt that I had social anxiety disorder and I do everything to avoid social interaction. I still ask myself today, what could I have done differently, what do I have to live for, why do I want to get up in the morning, how can I live with all these memories? Some days I want to give up. I still love my ex even after everything and even after I found out she is now engaged (11 months after we broke up).I don't know if I'm depressed or just weak. I do know I can't spend the next year like the last. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Little_people am I just a bad person and karma has come
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My son died in 1997 aged 18. Had his car for one week and died in it. My mother had Alzheimer's in 2006 and passed away. In 2006 at the same nursing home my father met a Russian woman who had married a man from Canberra in Russia. He brought her and ... View more

My son died in 1997 aged 18. Had his car for one week and died in it. My mother had Alzheimer's in 2006 and passed away. In 2006 at the same nursing home my father met a Russian woman who had married a man from Canberra in Russia. He brought her and her daughter to Canberra in 2006. She then claimed supposedly domestic violence in 2006 and got residency. She used my father and cried poor. In 2012 he was starting to show signs of dementia. In July 2013 she took his financial documents and secretly had him have a memory test and married him 12 August 2013. She kepte from him. She wanted his money. She tried court action to keep me away and lied to everyone. His dr sedated him with medication which should never have been given to an 88 yr old. She sold our family home sold of or threw away our memories. Eleven months later my father was dead and she got everything. She didn't tell me he died wouldn't let me at funeral as only immediate family ie her and her daughter were allowed. Today is 12 months since he died. Very bad day