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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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mick02 No more romance
  • replies: 3

Hi all, Iam new to this and would like to share my story. I have been married 1 1/2 years iam 33 and my wife is 36, everything went well before marriage and just recently my wife seems to be ignoring when it comes to romance (let alone sex). Iam a br... View more

Hi all, Iam new to this and would like to share my story. I have been married 1 1/2 years iam 33 and my wife is 36, everything went well before marriage and just recently my wife seems to be ignoring when it comes to romance (let alone sex). Iam a bread winner and we dont have kids. My wife is not an australian resident yet as i have just sponsered her and she doesnt work at the moment. We are living well off and i really do care for her in a way a husband should be when it comes to fulfilling her needs and wants but sometimes it just never get apreciated the way one deserves. At night i urge to make love and romance but my wife never have that single feeling. All this was slowing down after 6 mnths of our marriage. I have sat down and discussed this with her but all i get in reslonse is SHUT UP. She sleeps at night facing her back to me and i approach her and cuddle her from the back but still she has no taste. I have so far discussed this issue with her 10 times but its not working. Iam tending to worry it more and more and getting to cope with stress and feeling nothing is working out . I feel that iam nothing on that bed for her and its all about just hitting the bed and going to sleep. Not kiss no hugs nor any romance its just getting more darker on my side where i cant even have a night sleep. She makes excuses of pain in her abdomen when i want to have sex so i let it go and took her to the doctors and the result was there is nothing wrong in her abdomen. It is really frustrating for me and iam loosing hopes. I urge for that romance and love from a wife and life partner but all i feel is lonely. I think sometimes its better to let it go and just have a another woman who can love me and appreciate me for who iam and be romantic, but iam already committed and what if my next women in my life is worst than this.i have asked her for her opinion about me if theres something wron in me that is making her withdraw from this but she never complained. If any idea on how to fix this then please help and advise.. appreciate your feedback friends... Mick..

KellyB Concerned about latching on to friends too hard
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I am a 25 y/o female and was diagnosed with depression two days ago by my GP, though I suspect I've had it for a very long time now. So far my mother and my best girl friend have been supportive; Mum checks in regularly to see how I'm doing... View more

Hi there, I am a 25 y/o female and was diagnosed with depression two days ago by my GP, though I suspect I've had it for a very long time now. So far my mother and my best girl friend have been supportive; Mum checks in regularly to see how I'm doing and to make sure I'm taking my meds, which I'm sure will get annoying after a while but for now it's appreciated, and my friend (we'll call her 'Beth') has been around to listen to me try to sort out my feelings about other things for the past few weeks (including the below). I also have a guy friend (I'll call him 'Drew') who has been good about spending time with me and distracting me when I need it. My issue right now is this: I'm concerned that I may come to latch on to these two friends and depend too much on them. This is not without precedent. Though Beth doesn't actually know them, Drew knows my other friends. It was through him that I made friends with 'Jack' and 'Josh' a few years back. Josh quickly became my best friend. We were incredibly close. So naturally, when things got hard, I turned to him. Quite unfairly, I put a lot of burdens on him. I wasn't even aware that I was doing it for a long time, just venting away my anxiety and general displeasure with my life. Then he started to avoid me. At first he took his time responding when I would message him, or had excuses as to why he couldn't hang out 'right now', and it progressed to him flat-out not acknowledging me when we're in the same place, or even when participating in the same conversation! I realised what was going on and sort of sat on my displeasure for a few months, hoping that I was mistaken and he really was that busy, before an incident where he literally looked me in the face and turned his back had me exploding at our other friend Jack in a moment of frustration. Afterwards, I was ashamed of myself, apologised as best as I could, and finally just asked Josh point blank why he was avoiding me. Turns out I was simply too negative for him to be around. I would be lying if I said I'm not still hurt over it. I was inconsolable for that night and the next day. Two days after the conversation, I managed to make my way to my GP. Two. Days. So, here I am, best-friend-less, and afraid that the same thing will happen again with my other friends. I keep apologising for complaining at them, but I literally cannot process what's going on unless I talk to someone about it, and my first appointment with a psychologist isn't until next week.

James18 My Wife Isn't Interested in Anything to do with our Relationship
  • replies: 5

Back Story: So I have been married for over two years now and we've been together for over 4 years. I work close to 60 hours a week. My wife works full time at the moment but wants to cut back to part time because the job is very tough for her. I spe... View more

Back Story: So I have been married for over two years now and we've been together for over 4 years. I work close to 60 hours a week. My wife works full time at the moment but wants to cut back to part time because the job is very tough for her. I spend my free time on weekends doing all the housework by myself and take full care of our two cats. For over the last year my wife has been getting more and more neglectful to the point I feel like she doesn't care about anything including me. Our sex life is almost non-existent and it's probably happened 4 times in the last year (Initiated by me every time). She doesn't want to help me with the housework as she claims she is always tired and I am forced to be responsible for all meals in our house. We fight almost every day about how I don't care for her and show her the emotional support she needs but I am never anywhere else and whatever I do isn't enough. I am going over the edge and don't know what to do. I feel like my emotions are being played with and that I am being used constantly. She will tell me how much she likes me and always wants to be with me but every opportunity she has I get blown off. I try to tell myself this is normal and I'm simply not doing enough but I don't know what else to do. Every second day I think about asking for a divorce but can't stand the thought of leaving her alone. I have tried to encourage her more and show her videos and talks about relationships. She keeps telling me that it'll get better and I shouldn't worry but nothing has changed in a very long time. I have read lots of books and feel like I am at the end of my rope and can't cope anymore. I have one side telling me to leave and one side telling me to seek more intense therapy etc. Someone please help me with some advice or tell me if this is normal? I'm caught in tug of war with emotions and sometimes I think there is only one way out... J.

Lauren87 Anxiety after break up
  • replies: 5

My boyfriend of 3 years ended things very suddenly and with little explanation. I have suffered anxiety and panic in my life but only when something emotional triggers it I can't cope. Since the break up 11 days ago I have spiralled down hill. Massiv... View more

My boyfriend of 3 years ended things very suddenly and with little explanation. I have suffered anxiety and panic in my life but only when something emotional triggers it I can't cope. Since the break up 11 days ago I have spiralled down hill. Massive panic attacks, insomnia, nightmares when I do sleep and food just isn't working as it goes through me. I'm so damaged and shocked as we had a beautiful rship and he was a loving guy. Then out of no where his become a ghost. i don't have a social circle no girlfriends and really just feel like I've been left out to die. I have a horrible past rship before I met him and he showed me what it was like to be loved... Now to do this so cold and quick with no issues prior makes me feel so worthless. My entire body is shutting down and I've never felt more alone. There's been no contact and I know his doing this... But I don't feel I can ever accept how it happen... That morning he loved me and spoke all day fine.. By night time he emotionally closed off and ended it (by text) which I then I called. It's destroyed my worth and what I was to him... I can feel myself slipping into a dark place and I have so much anxiety about how it's happen... What now? The future? Hard to move forward and keep busy when I have no friends. I don't think I can ever feel good about it... He made me feel like the 3 great years were just a pass time... I was never in his future where I thought I was.

Real_Buttons Relationship breakup due to partner's depression
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, I was seeing someone for the past 3 months (not a long time I know) and he recently broke up with me because of his depression. He said he felt lost and didn't know how to be by himself anymore and he needed to learn how to do that agai... View more

Hey everyone, I was seeing someone for the past 3 months (not a long time I know) and he recently broke up with me because of his depression. He said he felt lost and didn't know how to be by himself anymore and he needed to learn how to do that again. This took me by surprise because I thought he would have talked to me about it before it got so bad or said that we need to work out a good dynamic so that we don't spend too much time together. We have still been messaging each other like we did when we were together but he has said he doesn't have an interest or see us giving our relationship another go. I now feel lost and incredibly hurt. Like I've lost a best friend. When will the pain go away?

Sophjane I'm a new member -heartbroken
  • replies: 13

I don't where to start really, I had been going out with my partner for 7yrs. We were very stressed and my work was stressful and his ex wife had another baby who was dying from cancer, we had his daughter (8yrs old)with us. We were talking about wha... View more

I don't where to start really, I had been going out with my partner for 7yrs. We were very stressed and my work was stressful and his ex wife had another baby who was dying from cancer, we had his daughter (8yrs old)with us. We were talking about what we were going to do for xmas and who was coming for xmas lunch etc....and what paint to paint the house as we had just finished redoing the house. My partner hated my job and often asked me to quit so I wouldn't be so stressed. My partner went back to work ( he works away ) and after 5 days he texted me and said it was over and needed a break but maybe the new year would bring something more. The baby died 3 days later. He never spoke to me only through texting. He came home 10 days later and moved his stuff out before xmas and on the same day he moved his stuff into his new girlfriends house. He told his daughter that we had broken up and at the same time said he had another girlfriend all in half an hour. He introduced the new girlfriend straight away after telling her. The daughter refuses to see him after there weekend together with the new girlfriend. We spent most of the holidays together. I put on a brave face for her and said it was ok. But deep down inside everything is hurting and still is. He sent me a text saying he never cheated on me but I find that hard to believe. He even rang my mum and father and said he never cheated on me, but for someone to move in with another person so quickly / the same day you come home.... I feel so lost and upset . My dreams with him and his daughter are over. I am finding it hard to move on with out crying....it's been nearly 3 months and I have days where I'm ok and then other days where I cry nearly all the time especially at work. I feel like I didn't know him at all.. My ex and I are 40 years old. I would have said this was out of his character but I don't know at all... Thank you for letting me be heard.

Chrissy123456789 Please help
  • replies: 3

I met my fiance a year ago. He was the perfect gentleman and although I wasn't overly attracted to him...i developed deep feelings and love for him over time. He would tell me i was the type of woman that he always dreamed about and pursued me vigoro... View more

I met my fiance a year ago. He was the perfect gentleman and although I wasn't overly attracted to him...i developed deep feelings and love for him over time. He would tell me i was the type of woman that he always dreamed about and pursued me vigorously with everything he could muster...including expensive gifts etc etc...he put me on a pedestal and put me before everything else in his life...his ultimate goal was to make me happy. We are both in our late 40s and i felt this is finally the man i could spend the rest of my life with...about 6 months into the relationship we started silly arguments that got way out of control fast!! I started to realize i was mirroring his negative moods...he became very sensitive and felt i was putting him down etc...I was always shocked and would say but honey thats not what i meant at all...i wasnt purposely trying to offend him. The last conflict we had was four days ago...he had walked off and totally shut down from me. He has said i love you but im not in love anymore...your all i ever wanted in a woman but i think im destined to be a single man and just concentrate on my career...because i think that is what is going to ultimately make me successful and happy. How can love dissapear from someone over night? The week before i got a valentine's card stating..."words cant explain how deeply i love and adore you..you have given me the best gift i have ever known...your heart. I love you today and every other day. Thank you for being my soul mate". What should i do...should i hold on and wait and see if his feelings return?? I'm so confused and don't know where to turn...

Jammi My happiness or my parents'
  • replies: 7

Hi there, My parents wont ever accept my boyfriend because he has depression. I am in love with him and have an extremely strong bond with him. They made me break up with him last year and if I didn't I was not allowed to leave my house. I have tried... View more

Hi there, My parents wont ever accept my boyfriend because he has depression. I am in love with him and have an extremely strong bond with him. They made me break up with him last year and if I didn't I was not allowed to leave my house. I have tried to be with him secretly a few times (which I know is never a good idea) and they have found out and it didn't end well. Now I have been talking to him again and have told my mother I want to be with him. She said that there was no way she would ever accept him or allow me to date him. I now have the task of telling my father which causes me more anxiety than usual. I know that it won't end well and I will most likely be kicked out of home. The issue that stresses me the most is I don't want to disappoint or make my parents unhappy. I come from a large family and strong culture where pleasing your parents is essential. They have given up a lot and work hard for their children except I am not happy. If I chose to make myself happy and be with the person I love then it causes them to be miserable. I cannot talk to anyone about this issue and was just wondering anyone else's opinion other than my own thoughts I don't know what is more important making myself happy and staying with my boyfriend or maming my parents happy Thank you very much for reading

r_wills anxiety and overthinking is ruining my relationship!
  • replies: 6

hey guys im new on here but my anxiety has gotten so bad in the past couple of weeks that my relationship with my boyfriend is been badly affected. Long story short my anxiety stems from a previous relationship where my ex was extremely emotionally a... View more

hey guys im new on here but my anxiety has gotten so bad in the past couple of weeks that my relationship with my boyfriend is been badly affected. Long story short my anxiety stems from a previous relationship where my ex was extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative as well as a drug addict. During this relationship I was faced with the most intense feelings of worthlessness and was constantly on edge, comparing myself to every other girl in the room, looking at my ex's internet history to see which girls on facebook he was talking to then fantasizing over all while showing me absolutely no affection. It got to such a point that I couldn't even dress myself with what I thought was nice looking and instead dressed how he wanted me to. I thankfully got out of that relationship and knew I had bad anxiety, jealously and self esteem issues from it however I didn't realize how bad they actually were until recently. Ive been with my current boyfriend for almost a year now and he is absolutely amazing and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. However this makes me feel more anxious than ever! these days absolutely everything sets me off, I feel those past feelings creeping up and as an automatic defense I lash out because its easier to feel angry than hurt or worthless or forgotten. I get this overwhelming fear of been forgotten and create these images in my head which then rev the anxiety up to an extreme and I cant seem to snap out of it until the damage between my partner and I is already done. This is mostly trigged by the thought of other girls and I cant stand the thought of feeling rejected and completely self conscious about every part of my appearance. The past comes back to hunt me and I constantly worry and stress about him finding other girls attractive even though I know that's life! ive developed this habit where im literally pulling out my hair strand by strand when im feeling these emotions. I need help because I cant stand been trapped in my own head like this and my partner does deserve to feel like he cant do anything. I want to be me again and be fun to be around and have my sense of humor and laid back attitude back! please help RELATED THREADS Anxiety and overthinking? Overthinking My anxiety is getting worse - overthinking Anxiety, my constant overthinking

Nebulous What to do after losing your lifeline?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I don't hold any pretense to be suffering anything remotely comparable to what some of you are, but problems are problems and here are mine. To keep it brief, I am a second year uni student studying abroad in Australia with a very minima... View more

Hi everyone, I don't hold any pretense to be suffering anything remotely comparable to what some of you are, but problems are problems and here are mine. To keep it brief, I am a second year uni student studying abroad in Australia with a very minimal support base (my sister also travelled here to study and lives an hour away) and was recently dumped by my 1-year girlfriend because of my depression. As I had really made no other friends here she was my lifeline, and while she is a deeply selfless and compassionate person I just became too much of a burden for her. At the moment I am just trying to reboot my life and pick myself up; reading literature for my upcoming units, participating in clubs/activities, and trying to socialize. I would say that I am only moderately depressed at the moment, which is why I can find the energy to even attempt the aforementioned things. I do however have low energy, lower appetite, deficient sleep, poor memory, feelings of pointlessness, etc. I just began taking medication today but obviously will have to wait a while for it to kick in. My question is, how can make sure I don't spiral, as I did last year, before the drugs take effect? I am honestly making every effort to connect to people, but am also highly introverted and low on social energy, which can make it hard. I also just feel as if I am just naturally unlikeable until people get to know me very well, which is something that seldom happens. Because I have been so worried about potentially being alone I have spoken frankly with my ex asking if we could try to be friends quickly. Unfortunately we both hold quite strong feelings for the other and texting/calling her has only scared her more, though she sincerely wants to help me. She is crazy about me but sees me as a sort of ticking bomb of severe depression at this stage, and wants to be away from the blast zone. It is the weirdest mix of devotion and fear. The whole day of the break-up was this bizarre, suspended period where she seemed to be battling against herself to actually say the words. Honestly, above all I just can't bear the idea of not being able to talk to her. I would take the hit of friendship any day in order to have her in my life again, but she is emotionally unprepared for it (and I probably am too). Anyway, story over. I would be grateful to hear your thoughts on this, thank you for your time and help