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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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livetogive Two years into relationship and have never had sex
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone, hope you are all well! So I am a 26 year old male and I have been with my boyfriend (23) for more than 2 years and absolutely love him to bits. When we first started dating, he was quite up front about his difficulty to have sex, as he u... View more

Hi everyone, hope you are all well! So I am a 26 year old male and I have been with my boyfriend (23) for more than 2 years and absolutely love him to bits. When we first started dating, he was quite up front about his difficulty to have sex, as he unfortunately was a victim of sexual abuse when he was a young teenager. He also was up front about reassuring me that with his exes he always had sex, and that he was experienced in it all. For the first 12 months or so I kept trying to initiate sex and he kept ignoring it, or just generally rejected me. So I decided to talk to him and just reassure him that I was fully supportive and would take it as slow as he wanted. But this didn't change anything between us. With my sexual frustration at all time high, after the 12 months or so, I said to him that I was going to leave it totally up to him to come to me when he is ready. Another 12 months later and nothing has changed, actually it has become worse. We probably fool around once a week or even once a fortnight. Before dating my boyfriend, the longest I went without sex was about 2 weeks. I also called it off with a guy who was essentially a friend with benefits and we had the BEST sex of my life, he just didn't want a relationship and I did. Im reaching out for a bit of help and advice as to how I should approach the situation again as I really really would like to have sex. The situation is particularly delicate due to his past sexual abuse. Should I suggest we or he see a councillor/therapist? Or what if he just never wants to have sex? Should I suggest that I could have sex with other guys? Im open to any and all suggestions. I'm a bit stuck as I really love my boyfriend and see a future with him, but sex is so important to me to be able to be completely happy. Hope anyone can offer words of advice or even just open chat with me. Cheers

always_me One way street
  • replies: 2

Hi I am new here. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since 2013 a year after I was diagnosed with a very rare breast cancer (all well there at the moment). Anyway, I am emotionally exhausted of hiding how I am really feeling, of always... View more

Hi I am new here. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since 2013 a year after I was diagnosed with a very rare breast cancer (all well there at the moment). Anyway, I am emotionally exhausted of hiding how I am really feeling, of always been happy, doing what I can for everyone else. I run my own business and my social media presence is strong and needs to be 'happy'. I feel like I give my all to my family and friends, friends who I class as family but I am the one who is always saying hey how are you, hey whats been happening, hey do you want to catch up. I am over it, when someone does say hey how are you, I don't feel like i can say, "I'm feeling pretty down actually" because they will just stop talking to me or think that I am attention seeking, that I am to much work, the "oh yes she is always down". I know that I seriously over think a lot of things, I always have. But is it to much to ask for my close friends to go hey, I haven't heard from you, How are you doing, are you really ok. They just don't get it. I am a busy lady, Im a mum to twins and run a business. I always see how my friends are doing though, but they never do the same for me....its a one way street and I am exhausted....sorry i don't even know if this makes sense.

Solosombra My ex is getting cold feet keeps contacting me drunk
  • replies: 8

So my ex girlfriend who I am still friends with is getting married in a week. A few days ago I start getting these late night text saying she misses me misses us etc etc. I knew right away it was the alcohol talking. Now the texts are coming in when ... View more

So my ex girlfriend who I am still friends with is getting married in a week. A few days ago I start getting these late night text saying she misses me misses us etc etc. I knew right away it was the alcohol talking. Now the texts are coming in when she is sober which really is messing with me because deep down somewhere I know I still love her but I also believe that this is just what happeneds when you get cold feet and I don't want to be that guy who broke up a wedding because my ex is having a moment of emotional weakness! I've asked her nicely to stop contacting me before she says something we will both regret! I've considered changing numbers etc but I'm hoping it will stop before then so maybe it will be a waste of time! Is that a gamble I shouldn't take? Should I just go ahead and get a new number

Emmyk26 Putting my "face" on again...
  • replies: 1

Hi All, This is my first time posting on BB and would like to start by saying thank you to all the other brave people who have posted and have given me the confidence to do so. I have always had some form of anxiety even as a small child. This did no... View more

Hi All, This is my first time posting on BB and would like to start by saying thank you to all the other brave people who have posted and have given me the confidence to do so. I have always had some form of anxiety even as a small child. This did not effect me too much until the past few years. The switch was flipped when my Dad pasted away after a long battle with Hep C, my brother in law came out and left my sister, my work circumstances changed, which left me feeling isolated and I moved out into a place by myself creating more isolation and financial difficulties. During the past few months I have had to take leave without pay and move home with my Mum, whom I love dearly, but am having difficulties living with her. I have finally revealed my "true self" the one that is not always bright and bubbly and happy with what is happening but with this has come major issues. My sister has basically stopped talking to me about anything but surface comments and my Mum has become my "fixer" and has been forcing changes and pushing me into situations to the point of actually triggering a major panic attack in a social situation. I thought that letting my guard down and letting everyone in would make it easier for me but all it has done is withdraw more form my family and put my "happy face" back on creating MASSIVE anxiety to the point that I can now feel my breathing is shallow and my mind is racing. I don't know what to do anymore as I have lived the past 20 years putting on my "happy face" so that everyone around me can feel better but I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. Will I always have to play "happy me"? Thanks for reading.

pipsy Hi, my name is Pipsy and I am nearly 64. I've been married nearly 25 years and I'm so fed-up and down in the dumps. Can anyone help? please.
  • replies: 118

I was abused my by own family as a child and now I feel as though it's starting again. My husband knows about my past but says I have to 'rise above it', easy for him. His parents have been very nasty to me and I feel everytime he visits them (often)... View more

I was abused my by own family as a child and now I feel as though it's starting again. My husband knows about my past but says I have to 'rise above it', easy for him. His parents have been very nasty to me and I feel everytime he visits them (often), he's rewarding them for hurting me. I've tried to explain this to him, but he 'switches' off. What can I do to overcome this 'betrayal' feeling?

Sharny Sorry for all my posting. I think I'm going to have to try harder and dig deep for acceptance.
  • replies: 12

Hi to you lovely people on the forum, I feel the need to apologise for my posting. After years of keeping a lid on it and just ploughing forward and not sharing I've reached out here for all the 'add ons'. One of the things I've struggled with is tha... View more

Hi to you lovely people on the forum, I feel the need to apologise for my posting. After years of keeping a lid on it and just ploughing forward and not sharing I've reached out here for all the 'add ons'. One of the things I've struggled with is that it comes from a regret I have, not sharing with my own mother when she was here with us. I lost mum when the children were little, my son had just turned 5 and my little girl was almost 2. I was at a vulnerable time I guess 4 years after first receiving my diagnosis after the large storm. My mother was so ill with life threatening secondary cancer and I wanted her to enjoy the children. I suspect when she came over with food and helped with my washing etc that she might of known something was wrong although I was pretty good at hiding. She knew I couldnt leave the house apart from medical visits for my child. When she asked how things were I talked loudly and urgently and she did enquire if I was having racing thoughts but I said no. I regret not telling her my state of being later. I regret not being able to share the details with her but do think to this day her instincts might of known and she was keeping an eye on me. My sibling has the same diagnosis and she was aware of that. His condition is much worse than mine, my mother had felt immense guilt at his condition and I never wanted to burden her with the knowledge of mine once diagnosed. All I ever wanted her to see was me coping, so I hid my condition and suffered inside. When mum passed my husband thought I'd go backwards in terms of my coping with mental illness but it didnt. In short, she passed not knowing. It would of been very easy to disclose now that I'm doing better but at the time with her in the middle of oncologist appointments and what she was facing absolutely no. I protected her from it but I live today knowing that I believe perhaps she might of known. The thing is we can cover up, its not always obvious. I would lie to her when she asked how much sleep I was getting etc, I believed if the house was impeccable and everything in order no one would know. People can suffer dramatically inside but from the outside it can appear normal. She did enquire though why I wore the same tracksuit for days on end but insisted that my little boy had a new suit after each feed. So, I live with regret in not sharing, another 'add on'. All I can do now is know that I did my best. Thank you for listening to my inner thoughts.

LittleA Illness & failing relationship
  • replies: 4

I moved interstate 2 years ago, away from family & friends, to be with my long distance partner. Over the past 6 months or so I've been getting very unwell, and as of the last 3 months my doctors think I have chronic fatigue syndrome, on top of major... View more

I moved interstate 2 years ago, away from family & friends, to be with my long distance partner. Over the past 6 months or so I've been getting very unwell, and as of the last 3 months my doctors think I have chronic fatigue syndrome, on top of major depression/anxiety. I've not been handling this well - I physically can't work, I sleep most of the day, I'm tired and frustrated almost all the time. I have near constant headaches, brain fog, hypersensitivity to sound, joint aches etc etc. I feel like everything that makes me 'me' has been taken away by this illness. I don't recognise myself in the mirror. I'm at a very low point in my life, I've never felt so helpless or hated life as much as I do now. My partner has been taking this all very hard, he works a stressful job (emergency services), he's dealing with me as a financial burden because I have no money and no job (I'm attempting to get Centrelink but it's a long painful process), and he's been dealing with me as I've been dealing with the illness. He initially started out super supportive but as times gone on, we are fighting a lot, he feels like I'm a massive burden to be around, he looks forward to going to work because it gives him space to breathe away from me. He feels that I'm not a girlfriend any more, that it's all too hard on him. I've told him how much I'm not coping in myself, that whilst I'm trying to get a handle on this illness it's going to take a lot out of me and therefore I'm not going to have as much energy for him. The illness itself sucks the energy right from me - some days I can't get out of bed to shower - so it's extremely difficult for me to do things like go out of the house to do things together, to keep up intimacy. I understand that I'm not an amazing person to be around, but it's like he expects more of me then I can give right now. I feel like he can't see past my illness anymore. He sees someone who is a burden that he has to care for, rather than someone who is still his companion but just struggling. He's asked for some space to think things over and so I've moved temporarily back interstate to my parents place to give him space. But now I'm in limbo. I'm stuck waiting to see if he feels like he can keep going with us or throw everything away because I'm too much to handle when I'm sick. I don't know what to do, and I really don't want us to end. I don't know if I'll handle it right now.

trish_k new love and lost
  • replies: 2

hi everyone, i met a man who i study with after many years of trust issues and coming from an abusive background i finally opened my heart and let someone in.. fell hard for him he is amazing but unfortunately things turned bad for him and now we can... View more

hi everyone, i met a man who i study with after many years of trust issues and coming from an abusive background i finally opened my heart and let someone in.. fell hard for him he is amazing but unfortunately things turned bad for him and now we can't be together.. he is currently looking after a very close female friend who tried to end her but she is okay tho. he wants us to be on hold till he can help her which is actually my idea but it hurts soo much.. triggered a lot of ptsd. after talking with him today it sounds like we won't be able to be together. i understand that but it hurts so much.. i want him to do the right thing and he is but i feel like u sacrificed my happiness for someone eles's and it hurts like hell. i miss him i miss talking with him i miss his arms around me.. we haven't had any intimate moment yet but the cuddles and talks were magical. i just never thought i could love again and now even before it started it's lost. i feel soo broken after years of being single i finally met some i really like and then something happens and i'm in pain again. i am praying she feels better soon so we can hang out again i miss him.

Michelle77 Just seperated from my husband. Struggling to move forward
  • replies: 13

My husband left me 4 weeks ago. I done nothing but love and care for him but he has decided he wants a single life and hang with his mates ect we have a 3 yr old son. Now he wants to spent every weekend here with us like we are happily married but th... View more

My husband left me 4 weeks ago. I done nothing but love and care for him but he has decided he wants a single life and hang with his mates ect we have a 3 yr old son. Now he wants to spent every weekend here with us like we are happily married but then leaves Sunday and acts single all week I don't know how to feel or think anymore I've done it for 2 weekends for our sons sake but it's killing me inside any advice would be great

Sharny Self awareness just not enough.
  • replies: 6

There's two parts to my being, the illness itself and then the attachments. Sometimes I think the thoughts I have constantly thinking of how my illness impacts those in my family are nothing but depleting and get in the way of forming even better cop... View more

There's two parts to my being, the illness itself and then the attachments. Sometimes I think the thoughts I have constantly thinking of how my illness impacts those in my family are nothing but depleting and get in the way of forming even better coping skills. I know this, but unfortunately I can't rid my mind of those extras because I'm a mum, a wife and I care about my family like anyone else would. I've written down many a time what I think this extra anguish achieves and each time I come up with nothing. My mind still feels immense guilt, shame and discomfort with the imperfections my life has. I can't stand the knowledge I have of some of this journey. I can't accept the times when depression robbed my inner self, keeping me flat and unable to 'feel'. When it dissolved again my feeling came back and I relished it. You see, I know it's not my fault but the most shameful of symptoms from the past still haunt me. I wonder, will I ever tell my children one day of the journey? right now they don't know what Mum has fully endured and thats ok, we've chosen to keep caring for the children and keeping my mental health story beneath. I suspect still they have seen some symptoms over time but I'm good at masking too. When my head gets stuck on blaming myself I try to write down everything I've achieved, everything thats a move toward better and try to dwell on it. Unfortunately it doesnt last too long, I think my mind will always find it hard to be kind to me. I also try to look at my efforts and praise myself as I would praise any other family member for their efforts in life. The expectations I have of myself quite often are an enemy to me purely because if I don't reach them I feel like a failure, I don't want to feel that way anymore. My goal is to not only keep managing the illness but also rid myself of extra attachments that do nothing for me. I'm a kind person to others. It's time to start valuing myself and stop these add on thinking styles centred around having mental illness. I need to look at the facts no matter how ugly in any given time frame and accept them.