Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

One way street

Community Member
I am new here. I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since 2013 a year after I was diagnosed with a very rare breast cancer (all well there at the moment).

Anyway, I am emotionally exhausted of hiding how I am really feeling, of always been happy, doing what I can for everyone else. I run my own business and my social media presence is strong and needs to be 'happy'. I feel like I give my all to my family and friends, friends who I class as family but I am the one who is always saying hey how are you, hey whats been happening, hey do you want to catch up. I am over it, when someone does say hey how are you, I don't feel like i can say, "I'm feeling pretty down actually" because they will just stop talking to me or think that I am attention seeking, that I am to much work, the "oh yes she is always down". I know that I seriously over think a lot of things, I always have. But is it to much to ask for my close friends to go hey, I haven't heard from you, How are you doing, are you really ok. They just don't get it.
I am a busy lady, Im a mum to twins and run a business. I always see how my friends are doing though, but they never do the same for me....its a one way street and I am exhausted....sorry i don't even know if this makes sense.
2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi always me

Yes it makes do much sense to me

A thread that us relevant (google) Topic: they just won't understand, why?- beyondblue

You might also however review the depth of your friends. I have had a swinging door system with friends for a while. If they argue too often, don't care, aren't kind or are manipulative they get the flick. So I've ended up with quality friends.

Tony WK

Just Sara
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Welcome 'always me';

Exhausted? No wonder! You have quite a bit on your plate. I'm glad your breast cancer situation is settled. That on its own would be genuinely exacerbating. Twins and running a business too? Wow, what a survivor! You're strong and resilient, and oh so courageous.

I understand exactly how you feel. I too have been the one to contact others, but have decided to retreat into a bubble, (not agoraphobia) it's a metaphor for boundaries and trust. These things weren't spoken of growing up, but is now starting to make sense. I have the right to discern who I spend my precious time and energy on, most importantly myself. Giving to others as a matter of course isn't really about giving, it's about giving in the hope that sentiment will be returned. Unconditional giving is a child's concept about being loved or liked if we're good enough and please others.

What this site has helped me to understand, is that I can give or accept what others give as a process. I make mistakes, or share too much, but people keep responding with care, empathy and wisdom. I'm learning from those who are also learning, and giving in return because of gratefulness instead of obligation; it's about choice.

I'm also leaning to develop and use the skills I've learned on BB in my relationships. It's bearing fruit so to speak with some, and realisation of how I've been used with others. It's trial and error.

So good luck with your evolution. Transitioning to being in control of your life is a day by day exercise. Please take advantage of all this site and its wonderful people have to offer. It works!

And; what Tony says is true. Giving people the flick shouldn't be about guilt. It's about not wasting our precious lives on those who don't deserve it.

Kind thoughts...Dizzy x