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Damned if I do, sicker if I don't
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Man - I just lost everything I was typing and have to start again - another anxious moment.
I have a lot of things happening that I don't feel i can do anything about without rocking boats and cutting ties. They are work things, not family things.
I want to talk about these things but am so concerned about the consequences that I feel like I am stagnated. This stagnation is making my depression and anxiety worse and my symptomatic assists are all coming back.
The advice I was given was 'leave and don't go back' but that hasn't taken away the knowledge that I know things are happening there and I don't feel right just leaving.
It is almost an innate feeling of justice but maybe I am just being a troublemaker, don't really know what I am talking about, being a nuisance, believing I know better.
Any advice would be SOOOOOO welcome.
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Hi Fredi, welcome
I'd like to paint a quick picture then address your issues.
I', 68yo and back in 1987 following several security jobs RAAF, Prison officer and dog ranger I joined a council and had a good moralistic boss. Then he left and my new boss permitted mini corruption to take place. I was disturbed because pensioner and unemployed had to pay their fines but a politician got away with not paying because he had friends in high places in the council. I was ordered not to go fine him again for any reason, dog at large or parking issues. This infuriated me.
I ended up refusing the order and continued doing my job as usual. My boss got word that a fine was issued again and argued with me. I had a huge pain in my chest and my doctor said I'd had a heart attack, I was 31yo. I was off work for 10 months and could never return to that profession. During that time I had therapy to learn 1/ I did nothing wrong 2/ that I was black and white and had to learn that people were "grey" 3/ that law enforcement wasnt for me 4/ that ther eis more than one way to "skin a cat".
So looking back on that era I realised that principles are great but you have to blend into the community to survive without effecting your own mental health, protect your family and stay in employment. Also wisdom and hindsight is good so I realised I could have told my boss to carry out those duties with that politician and done other work. But point out to him over time of how unacceptable his approach is. eg get change over time.
So morals are great but they can have consequences that are life changing from suppression at the workplace to major health issues. If you are in a profession whereby it is easy to change employers then by all means leave and move on but if you risk unemployment resulting in poor financial stress then it isnt wise. It all about getting things in perspective and the best approach is - "if the community tolerate poor behaviour and you are alone in your stance then you could be over reacting regardless of if its justified". Obviously with things like racism, cruelty etc you are justified regardless.
Your anxiety and depression is understandable and my therapist treated me for that as well as my Dr. You can indeed eliminate anxiety but depression is more difficult. Here is some threads, you only need to read the first post of each thread. I hope they help.
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it/td-p/183873
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/do-we-expect-a-smooth-road-in-life/td-p/127389
Reply anytime
TonyWK
