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Constant cheating

Community Member
Any advice would be great.  6 years ago, I discovered my husband had joined Ashley a dating site for married people.  He promised to not do it again.  A few days ago, I found an email confirmation on a booked session with a paid sex worker.  I went numb.  Not only did he pay $500 for an hour session, it was booked the day after our wedding anniversary where he didn't even buy me a gift, flowers, card, nothing.....I then went through his phone (which I know is a no no) and found the workers number in his contacts.  In addition, I found a profile set up in a trans site.  I'm so confused......I confronted him about the  worker and he says he doesn't want to be married, he feels trapped, feels like he doesn't belong anywhere.  We have a disabled son, and he said that he feels he has to stay as he won't abandon his son.  He said he loves me but doesn't like the routine and boring life of marriage.  It's been 4 days and we haven't spoken about it since.  I need to know what's going to happen.  I need to know what his sexual preference is?  I want to give it a few more days but need to open the dialogue.  I can't remain married with someone who wants to be able to have "extras" on the side.  I believe I deserve better and I personally want more in a partner and relationship.  He displayed alot of remorse and is being extra attentive since my confronting him, but I need more questions answered.  Obviously, he'll do it again, because he has - when he promised he wouldn't.  I love him too much to hold him into something he feels trapped in, but don't know how to push him to be honest about what he wants.  He says he can't imagine his life without me in it and the safety of our home, but surely, he can't expect me to just put my head in the sand?  Any help, guidance or advice from anyone who has been in the same or similar position would be truly grateful.  
11 Replies 11

Community Member

Hi again


I just wanted to check in and make sure you are alright, I know how the pain just hits you at anytime it wants. Just know you're not alone.

Have you received any of the answers, you needed and deserved?


Take Care

Alison M

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Alison, there is a lot to be said about marriage vows, because after a short time are they adhered to and who remembers them after a year of marriage or does personal satisfaction dominant and if this does happen then trust can be broken.

If a person seeks pleasure before consideration on what harm it may do to the marriage, then it can be regarded as cheating, because all they are doing is thinking about themselves.


Life Member.