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confused mother

Hereforsupport
Community Member

Hi all,

New poster here.

Short story so to the point. I have a 2 year old son, I'm pregnant with number 2. My husband drinks weekly and its become apart of his routine. He will start early on a Friday afternoon and drink minimum 12 in one sitting. This is every week without fail. He will buy a slab and finish it in that weekend. He is loyal and works. I believe he is also on the spectrum. For example tonight, we had a nice night out and we got home 9PM. He is straight on the beer, his excuse was "its a long weekend". There's always an excuse as to why he drinks. I'm becoming bitter, anti social, boring, unhappy and alone. I can't help it but it's how I am feeling. There is no intimacy since we found out about the baby and that is okay, but there is no kissing or touching. We don't do family day trips or family activities, getting my husband out of the house is a mission. Tonight was a family birthday dinner and he complained the whole day about it being "late" (6PM), he also said he was not going, he went and had a lovely time. We don't often have serious adult conversations as he gets bored fast and sits on his phone or laptop, we had a conversation tonight and it was amazing, I felt like things were good and how they were years ago, that I had my husband back. We get home and straight to the alcohol. I cried in the shower and went to bed alone again, alcohol is ruining my life, the person I married is becoming a monster and he can't see it because what he wants he must have/get. He doesn't care who he hurts along the way and I'm getting bored of it. It's not how I pictured my life and I'm starting to have the regret and I can't do anything about it, I can't move on my own as I have no job & kids, I'm stuck. I guess I am just needing to get it off my chest and some advice?

12 Replies 12

How did you go about yourself getting diagnosed if you don’t mind me asking?

im sorry you have all that going on but good on you for getting clean. I have some family who are on drugs so I can understand you with your husband. It’s hard to see and handle.

he won’t face it now I know that already.
I keep everything, photos and videos and all. He doesn’t want to see anything the next day. His happy for a ride and have it all done for him. He is lazy. He picks and chooses when he wants to do something for others. But on his term. It’s been 2 years.. I have lost hope and faith. I think I need to help myself first. I’m always putting him first and his needs ans I have exhausted who I am. I need to reconnect with myself.
I don’t know where my heart is.. I know I love him but the man I married seems to have been lost within alcohol being the problem. There is more to his problem as he almost died from it. So alcohol ans him do not mix and his family know it too. Everyone’s ready to give up cause he won’t work with us

Diagnosis takes time but started with a referral to a councilor who specialized in people on spectrum but went onto seeing a few specialists .

Alcohol is the very worst drug as legal so allows the addict to lie to themselves so easily.

Hello Herforsupport, I understand your circumstances and feel you should be consulting a solicitor on a no win no fee basis as he is in debt with a drinking problem.

If I can just say that as much as you're hurt by what's going on and at a loss of what to do, the present situation you're in maybe of great concern and make you angry is understandable, but there could still be love there, however, this doesn't mean that you should try and forget about the future, because what you want may not occur and if you don't do something now, then you can not predict what's going to happen in the future, better or worse.

The balance between your rent, the mortgage payment, rates, sewerage and repairs compared with his debt repayments need advice from an accountant.

I can't say what you should do, but only he can decide to stop the drinking, adding to his debt.

I'm sorry.

Geoff.