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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Crys I feel stressed under this restrictions.
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I’m 22 and currently live in the area that is under stage 4 restrictions. While the restriction allows me to go meet my romantic partner, I kinda don’t wanna go because I live with two at risk people. I’ve stayed at home for a total of almos... View more

Hi guys, I’m 22 and currently live in the area that is under stage 4 restrictions. While the restriction allows me to go meet my romantic partner, I kinda don’t wanna go because I live with two at risk people. I’ve stayed at home for a total of almost 5 months since the beginning of the pandemic and it’s stressing me out. Me and my partner, we’re under a lot of stress for not being able to see each other. We keep fighting and seems like we cannot get things to work out. I expect a lot more attention and affection from him. I want him to at least call me once or twice a week. And by call, I mean when we’re seriously focusing on talking with each other, not him playing games and watching streamers. Whenever I get mad at him, he promised that he’ll try to change but it just keep staying that way. But I also feel like I’m the one who’s being annoyingly unreasonable. I feel super lonely and anxious that our relationship is not gonna work, and I don’t know when will this all end so I can start a normal life again. Because of that, I want him to talk with me more, care for me more. I get mad when he sleeps 12 hours a day. I get mad when he watches a movie and take a while to reply to my message. I even get mad because he doesn’t know that I have a haircut. I didn’t tell him but I changed my avatar on a social media platform. I just feel like if he’s really care about me, he would have known. Even the smallest thing can trigger me. I told him about my feelings, what I think and what I want from him. He told me he’s understand but after a few days, it’s just going back to the same way. The main reason that I feel that way is because when we first met, he care about the littlest detail about me. Everything that I get mad about above, would never happen. All these things make me feel like he doesn’t love me anymore and the feelings we have for each other has faded. And because of that, I kinda resent him more. We just decided to stop talking with each other for a week to sort all of our feelings out. But I seriously don’t know how to control my feelings and stop expecting too much from him. But seriously, when will this all end? Stay safe guys and remember to comply with the rules.

Mel83 Husband Has Told Me He No Longer Loves Me
  • replies: 4

Three nights ago my husband of 10yrs and partner of 18yrs, told me he no longer loves me and took his stuff and left. We are both 37 and have two teenage boys and my heart is breaking. This was completely unexpected. I have an appt with my counsellor... View more

Three nights ago my husband of 10yrs and partner of 18yrs, told me he no longer loves me and took his stuff and left. We are both 37 and have two teenage boys and my heart is breaking. This was completely unexpected. I have an appt with my counsellor in 4 days but am struggling at the moment. I tried to tell him I will do whatever I can to be a better wife but he won’t listen. We have a mortgage and he has said myself and the boys will keep staying here as normal but I know at some point that will change. I haven’t really eaten in 3 days and when I think about the future and how I will cope I feel like I can’t manage. I feel so alone, even though I have friends for support.

Bagman My Wife of 23 years is having an affair
  • replies: 13

With COVID I was out of work for 6 months. Worrying about money I got a bit snappy and put on some weight (I am never aggressive or shout). I stopped working on projects around the house and watched a lot of TV. I have always been the money maker, th... View more

With COVID I was out of work for 6 months. Worrying about money I got a bit snappy and put on some weight (I am never aggressive or shout). I stopped working on projects around the house and watched a lot of TV. I have always been the money maker, the strong one in the team. My wife is included in all our decisions, but I am a strong personality and she generally takes my lead. About 5 months ago she met an old male school friend (let’s call him B). I did query her when they got together every week and chatted online all the time, but my wife told me B was going through a tough time and she was helping. 3 weeks ago, her behaviour changed. She started to dress sexy going out. With a laugh asked if I should be worried – she smiled and said no. Following my gut, I read her phone while she was in the shower. They talked about the sex, what they would do next week once I was “out of the way” (that hurt), and worse – how much they loved each other. This was not just sex but a romance. I wrote my wife a letter saying I knew what was going on. Obviously, this was something she felt she needed. It was not my place to tell her what to do but I still loved her very much (and always will), but I did want her to be honest; to know what was going on and where we went from here. I was careful not to lay blame or guilt. We spoke that night and she told me that what she wanted is US. The last six months had been hard for her. She knew I loved her, but she did not feel desirable. The affair was not planned, and B had said he did not want to come between us. She wanted to fix everything. But in the 3 days since then I know she has not told him anything. Its ‘all on’ for her though she is now hiding her texting to the bathroom. Her telling me one thing and doing another is what is killing me. I was not sleeping well the last 3 weeks but now I am lucky to get 3 hours a night. Did I do the right thing? Am I being too understanding or forgiving? If I fight for her will I show her that I love her or push her away? Does she just need a little time – I am not sure how long I can last like this so I thought I would reach out for some help from others. I’m always the one people ask for help and I always turned to her – now I find myself alone.

Shaneena Narcissistic mother
  • replies: 2

I’m a middle aged woman living in NSW. All my life I’ve clashed with my mother. Currently she’s not talking to me because I decided to marry my partner of 7 yrs without asking for her input. My partner and I just decided and then sent my parents an i... View more

I’m a middle aged woman living in NSW. All my life I’ve clashed with my mother. Currently she’s not talking to me because I decided to marry my partner of 7 yrs without asking for her input. My partner and I just decided and then sent my parents an invite. For context, my partner is a female. She’s my first serious relationship with a woman and I adore her. My mother has tried to control me my whole life by shaming and embarrassing me by telling her friends about my virginity, lifting my t shirt g ThI show my dad my first bra and then calling me a horrible name when I sat cross legged. At 17 I applied to university to escape her. I was young and poor, so I started working as a prostitute. Finally I had money and could concentrate on my studies. II earned an Honours degree in education, then I earned a bachelor of nursing, bought a house and 2 new cars. I now work as a nurse and am quite senior now. Unfortunately when I was young my mother found out I was working by breaking into my locked wardrobe and all hell broke loose! She called my father and they sat outside my house blocking my drive way for days until I called the police so I could get out. We were estranged for 10 ys. We’ve never really addressed our strained relationship because I don’t want her to know too much about me because she constantly criticising me and bringing up the past but in a sneaky way. Like she has a little dig at me all the time. I recently invited her to my wedding reluctantly but now my brother tells me she’s been telling him all about me calling the police on her 30 years ago! And she’s stopped talking to me since the invite. I can’t bring myself to talk to her and I feel she’s narcissistic and don’t want her to know anything about me. I feel really sad that we have never been close. Sometimes I think she’s jealous and in competition with me. I have come around to accept that my mother doesn’t love me and is still trying to embarrass and control me by telling my brother about me working as a prostitute and calling the police so I could get out of my driveway. My brother told me that my mother feels hurt about that but in the past 30 years we’ve stayed at each other’s homes and gone overseas together. I don’t understand why she is trying to embarrass and control after all these years. Oh and she’s homophobic and racist. I’m nothing like her because my partner is female and Chinese. I’d just like some thoughts from others about my situation. Thanking you in advance. X

Lea_D Husband has asked for Separation
  • replies: 5

Hi I am new to this. I think I posted a reply elsewhere but am not quite sure what I am doing. My husband asked for a separation a couple of days ago. It is well and truly over, wedding bands taken off today. He has told me he is not in love with me ... View more

Hi I am new to this. I think I posted a reply elsewhere but am not quite sure what I am doing. My husband asked for a separation a couple of days ago. It is well and truly over, wedding bands taken off today. He has told me he is not in love with me anymore and that we have grown apart. We have nothing in common and dont like to do the same things. Our marriage did become very "going through the motions" and there was not much intimacy anymore. I believe this trigger has come from a friend of his who is female and has the same interests as him, they are quite close and he did spend alot of time there over the past 13 years helping out with their farm. She is into all the same things he is like 4wd , camping etc and I am not. With covid and not being able to help them out with the restrictions he told me he misses her. It has always been my worst fear that he would leave me for her. He has told me he is not and that is not his intention at all and he has never been unfaithful in anyway. I still plays on my mind. I am so distraught as I do love him, I dont know if I am still in love with him or the idea of still being in love with him because it is comfortable. I am so scared to adult on my own, even organising internet connection makes me cry. Some advise would be really helpful please Thanks

Billiee How much strain has Corona Virus put on your relationship ?
  • replies: 8

Hi Everyone, Thinking of everyone who is in Victoria right now, I have alot of family there and I do worry for their mental health whilst they are locked down for 6 weeks. Daniel Andrews said they can get fresh air from their front door which is sad ... View more

Hi Everyone, Thinking of everyone who is in Victoria right now, I have alot of family there and I do worry for their mental health whilst they are locked down for 6 weeks. Daniel Andrews said they can get fresh air from their front door which is sad to think about. Corona Virus has made some MASSIVE economic impacts around the world, but some of the biggest issues are within the house hold. How is everyone dealing with their families? Have issues risen that where avoidable before because you had freedom to go about your daily lives? Billiee

Timshel Timshel
  • replies: 26

Hello out there, It’s 4am and once again I am really struggling to sleep which means I will now be wrecked tomorrow and will probably end up sleeping half the day away. I have many problems in my life at the moment. Serious relationship issues in a 2... View more

Hello out there, It’s 4am and once again I am really struggling to sleep which means I will now be wrecked tomorrow and will probably end up sleeping half the day away. I have many problems in my life at the moment. Serious relationship issues in a 28 year marriage, parenting issues with my 15 year old son, a long history with anxiety, anxiety disorder and depression which has only been exasperated by the above mentioned family issues. I am not coping, just getting by (barely). I have no family out here in Oz and no close friends out here any more who I feel I can open up to. I have become increasingly isolated and alone and lonely even though I am in a ‘marriage of sorts’ and have a son. The in-laws aren’t close so I don’t see much of them. I have occasional professional help and have contacted Lifeline in types of great distress. But they can only talk for certain periods of time and I have to retell my story each time, a story which keeps evolving and changing all the time as more and more problems arise. I am so tired physically and emotionally and have been for so many years now. Mental Health issues are enough to cope with alone but all the family issues and lack of support on top of that have broken me completely. No relief in sight.......can anyone relate?

Hazel97 Rebuilding a broken father/daughter relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, In the past I’ve used this forum to vent, but this time I actually need some advice. Just a little background, I have diagnosed anxiety and have been on medication on and off for the past 5 years (on at the moment). I’ve been estranged f... View more

Hi Everyone, In the past I’ve used this forum to vent, but this time I actually need some advice. Just a little background, I have diagnosed anxiety and have been on medication on and off for the past 5 years (on at the moment). I’ve been estranged from my father for almost 5 years, but our relationship has been rocky for at least 10 years. I’m an only child, my parents divorced when I was 5, and both remarried when I was young. A variety of reasons led to us no longer talking, mainly I felt as though he never picked me or put me first, everything was always more important than me and when I turned 18 I reached my emotional limit. When coronavirus started getting worse, my dad called me. I couldn’t answer out of sheer shock, but we’ve been texting back and forth for the last few months. I took a big step and reached out to organise a lunch, just me and him. He agreed and now I’m freaking out. Sooooo much has happened in my life over the last 5 years, and it feels extremely overwhelming thinking about telling him about all of it. I’m not going to tell him everything at once, but it’s all flooding to my head, as well as all the things that I’d have to get of my chest in order for us to move forward. Everyone keeps asking what I’m wanting out of this, and to be honest I have no idea. I’d like some kind of relationship, but I don’t want to have any expectations, cause I’ll just get hurt again. I feel like I’m going into this blind, I have no idea if it’ll hurt me more or help me. I just want to know if anyone has any advice for this first meet up and for our future relationship? Thanks in advance

Brad84 My life is chaos recent breakup is killing me!
  • replies: 6

Hi I have been separated for about a month but really it's been years. My ex hates me. I want to try and make it work but I'm told I'm a narcissist, I have a sex addiction, I'm seeing someone behind her back and I'm being out right deceitful. She has... View more

Hi I have been separated for about a month but really it's been years. My ex hates me. I want to try and make it work but I'm told I'm a narcissist, I have a sex addiction, I'm seeing someone behind her back and I'm being out right deceitful. She has access to all my gmail phone account everything. She still says I am up to no good. I am not at all I am being honest and iv said I want her and my son's In my life. And I want it to work I am a open book. I know she can see everything and that's fine but for something I havnt done? I know it is finished, she doesn't love me at all any more. Understandable. I still want to try and be a good dad and ex partner but in every way I'm accused of being a sly creepy loser. I have just called men's health line about my situation and thoughts of suicide. I need a behaviour group therapist. I want to live my life but to be told I would be better off 6 feet under , Kills. I'm not hiding anything from her I am not being deceitful. I really just want help with me living my life in peace and not like I'm on the FBI watch list. I'm just not sure what and where I should go hope I can sort something out coz it's effecting everything I just wish we worked our relationship out and made the family I wanted for my boys. And sorry to my family for failing them i wish I didn't coz I am innocent here I don't want war I want peace. Who can i talk to and thanks if any one reads this. Brad

audreylou How do you continue to support a loved one with depression when you constantly feel rejected?...
  • replies: 2

My boyfriend of 18 months suffers severe depression and anxiety. Our relationship didn't start in a traditional way- I left my husband to be with him, who is 6 years my junior. We live together, with my 2 children, following his mental breakdown at t... View more

My boyfriend of 18 months suffers severe depression and anxiety. Our relationship didn't start in a traditional way- I left my husband to be with him, who is 6 years my junior. We live together, with my 2 children, following his mental breakdown at the start of the year. He was unmedicated and fell into such a deep hole that he stopped working, showering or even leaving his room. I never gave up on him and continued to love and support him, even though the relationship was so new- I knew that I loved him like I've never loved anyone before. After his suicide attempt I convinced him to come stay with me so I could keep an eye on him. He got help through the CAT team and is now 6 months on medication and doing better than I, or any of his friends, have ever seen him. The problem is that despite him being happier and more active- and telling me how much he loves and is attracted to me, he has absolutely no sex drive and it's leaving me feeling hurt and rejected. We talk about it almost every week and I try so hard to tell myself that it's his illness and not me- but how long can I continue living with this feeling of not being attractive enough, being too old for him to be attracted to, not being able to turn him on, etc.? I try to do things like buy sexy outfits, flirt with him, tell him how attracted I am to him... but he just can't. He tells me that he hates himself for it and that he wants to be intimate with me, but just freezes up and then gets upset with himself and so can't even fool around or anything. I want to believe him so badly, but when I know he's had relationships in the past that were purely based on sex and nothing else- how can I not compare myself to that? How long can you continue to support the person you love through their battles- when they are creating your own battles? I find myself constantly watching what I eat and exercising excessively to try and make myself desirable for him. I feel worthless and unattractive and I just don't know what to do anymore.