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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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doctorwho parents separating
  • replies: 7

so I heard not long ago that my parents are separating, I was initially really upset about it and I am still a bit sad about it. the thing I don't understand though is that they have already both moved on so quickly, by that I mean trying to pursue s... View more

so I heard not long ago that my parents are separating, I was initially really upset about it and I am still a bit sad about it. the thing I don't understand though is that they have already both moved on so quickly, by that I mean trying to pursue something with other people. is this weird? I sort of found it weird? they are not even divorced yet. what do you think? would love to hear your thoughts below

FridayNext Does she love me anymore
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, This is a little weird for me as I've never done this before and it is a tad overwhelming but I feel I've got nowhere else to turn and I just need help.... I'm in a happy and loving marriage and have been for the past 10 years. Well that... View more

Hi everyone, This is a little weird for me as I've never done this before and it is a tad overwhelming but I feel I've got nowhere else to turn and I just need help.... I'm in a happy and loving marriage and have been for the past 10 years. Well that is until about 1 year ago when things just started to exist. Passing one another in the corridor and making room for the other but the affection and intimacy has gone. It's almost like being roommates. There's no animosity or dislike it's just like my wife and I share a room. I've tried taking about it but I'm usually met with the "tired" reasoning and put off conversations. Now I find cannot talk about it anymore. I'm told that it's just a phase and that there are others with bigger problems and that this should put things into perspective. I just exist and this is starting to eat away at me. I find myself thinking that it must be my fault, that I'm unlovable or even likeable. That I haven't tried enough. I haven't many friends. In fact I could honestly say there is only one. She has been a great support to me but now I'm very conscious that she needs to get on with her life and I don't want to bother her with my problems. I feel I'm becoming a burden to those around me. I'm becoming withdrawn. I'm either angry or sad or frustrated all the time. I've got no more supports and I'm starting to crumble. Colleagues at work are noticing, despite putting on a face of normality everyday. I'm tired. I don't sleep. I just need help. I'm losing hope. I'm just losing and can't see a way out

Jess1114 How to support someone via long distance - my marriage is in trouble
  • replies: 2

My husband is currently in Perth while I am in Victoria. He has been there for eight weeks and with all of the issues around Covid I have not been able to visit him at all. Being in such a tough situation we have both been depressed, and have now hit... View more

My husband is currently in Perth while I am in Victoria. He has been there for eight weeks and with all of the issues around Covid I have not been able to visit him at all. Being in such a tough situation we have both been depressed, and have now hit a snag in the relationship. He is in a bad place mentally, and does not have any support around him. What is worse is that I am not sure he realises how deep of a depression he is in. I am trying to remain a beacon of light to guide him through the darkness, but he is pushing me away and I find that very hard to take sometimes. Overall what I am looking for, is some advice on how to deal with him in his depressed state, how I can support him and get through to him. We are seeing a couples counsellor online, due to have our second session next week. So in the meantime, I am doing my best but am interested to hear from others.

HelloMyNameIsDale Alienating people closest to me
  • replies: 10

I am feeling more and more distant from people who used to be my closest people. I am growing cynical of them and trust that but it's also super harmful for these friends and family. I know they arent kind people but it is scary to lose them and I am... View more

I am feeling more and more distant from people who used to be my closest people. I am growing cynical of them and trust that but it's also super harmful for these friends and family. I know they arent kind people but it is scary to lose them and I am the one initiating the questioning of relationship and it's been going to shit and I'm feeling like now I have no one.. can I be comfortable with being around unkind and non supportive people? I know this is a better solution rather than cutting them out. Please help

Von is lost Am I doing something wrong?
  • replies: 8

I realised that I have been single for four years today, with lots of failed relationship attempts in between. I’m almost turning 26 as well, and am starting to get a bit panicky about being single for so long. It’s not that I hate being single, it j... View more

I realised that I have been single for four years today, with lots of failed relationship attempts in between. I’m almost turning 26 as well, and am starting to get a bit panicky about being single for so long. It’s not that I hate being single, it just baffles me that I haven’t even gotten close to having a relationship in that timeframe. It makes me wonder if I’m giving off weird vibes or doing something wrong or looking in the wrong places for the wrong type of people to date. And that this will cause me to be single for a long long time, and therefore limiting the kind of life I eventually want for myself (kids, family etc.) But I don’t know what to change. I’m finding it hard to stay positive about dating and trusting the timing of things.

gympiegirlq Dealing with a selfish ex of partner, is it worth the stress?
  • replies: 2

My partners ex had several affairs before they split in 2006. She told him after they had children she didnt feel attractive and if she was able to get attention from other men it would enhance their relationship as her confidence would be restored. ... View more

My partners ex had several affairs before they split in 2006. She told him after they had children she didnt feel attractive and if she was able to get attention from other men it would enhance their relationship as her confidence would be restored. Of course it wasnt. She fell for one guy and thought theyd both leave their spouses for each other and it didnt pan out. She then booted my partner out with the excuse of it was just for a few months and he could move back. Of course it wasnt. She received 85% of their assets house car etc. We eventually got together and had the kids 5 nights a fortnight. Good routine, all settled. Then we wouldnt have the kids at a moments notice so she could go out as we had other commitments that night so she got the kids to help drag out the remaining items of furniture that belonged to my partner and set fire to them on the front lawn and posted video on facebook. Then she got a new bf and moved towns without any consultation. He now sees his kids 2 nights a fortnight if she doesnt change it to 1 randomly. She has told the kids she never loved their Dad only used him to have kids which upset my partner as she had once said the same to his face in anger. He never wanted kids or marriage but yet he loved her so much he gave her both but it wasnt enough. She drops the kids off when we arent here even when we've arranged work hours around her times. She has now said she wants her life back and will be dropping the kids off for half school holidays each year amd wont be home if we try to take them back. She gets child support, family benefit and her wages. My partner only has his wages to live on and pay bills etc. We cant afford vacation care and cant take 6 weeks holidays. She thrives on knifing him constantly yet the divorce etc was her idea. He takes everything bitter twisted thing she does and does nothing. He cant afford to go to family court. Im now unsure if I can mentally handle another 10 years of this (their youngest is 8). My kids have grown.

Speaker_glass Raising Children in Blended Families
  • replies: 1

A safe place for parents to discuss difficulties in a blended family. Nuclear families are very common these days. How do you make it work? What are the dynamics? What happens when they become teenagers? (especially when they play parents against eac... View more

A safe place for parents to discuss difficulties in a blended family. Nuclear families are very common these days. How do you make it work? What are the dynamics? What happens when they become teenagers? (especially when they play parents against each other). Blending a family is difficult enough, but when the ‘other’ parents don’t make it a positive experience they set it up to fail from the beginning! What do you do to stop this? how much stress do you feel? Feel like you’ve tried everything and read every book possible? Feel exhausted from taking on someone else’s kids? Probably even more so if you care for them for more time than the Bio parent. what about the youngest child? Are they still the youngest child? And how do they cope if they are no longer the youngest. Have an older child or two now? they both used to be the eldest and now they fight for prime position. My family; I separated from my children’s dad in 2015. In 2016 my new partner and I moved in together. He has two boys currently aged 11 and 14. I have two children, boy age 12 and girl 7. my daughter was 2 when we moved in together so she wouldn’t have it any other way. my children’s dad lives 1 hr away and sees them every second weekend and half of holidays. My step sons are with us 50/50. Their Mum lives 10 min away. As of 2 years ago, all of our children attend the same school, that has been great! however at the start of this time when my step son started high school (prep-12) it became a difficult place to be and today I feel it could come to an end. I’m exhausted, I’m angry, and I’m not even sure it’s at my step son. Maybe my husband somewhat for not handling it better and definitely his bio mum because of the manipulation! I’m also heading down the barrel of court again ( for the 3rd time) with my ex. It just doesn’t end. would love to hear of anyone is going through a difficult time with the eldest teenager in their blended family. What did you do and how? This road is the toughest I have ever been down. I have no family support. My closest friend has just moved interstate to flee a DV situation (she was also in a blended family). I feel there is no way out, no easy way to make it easier. I don’t want out. I just don’t want the conflict.

lifeisbutadream Ghosted (cheating?) boyfriend moved on. Feeling incredible pain and struggling to cope, seeking advice.
  • replies: 10

Hi there everyone, I've posted about this relationship before but...sadly what has come to pass I never saw coming. My ex-boyfriend had depression, characterised by episodes of withdrawing and isolation. In our relationship he had 2 episodes like thi... View more

Hi there everyone, I've posted about this relationship before but...sadly what has come to pass I never saw coming. My ex-boyfriend had depression, characterised by episodes of withdrawing and isolation. In our relationship he had 2 episodes like this, in the first he ended up communicating that he had felt lost in a dark place and was unable to cope, but had sought help and was in a better place emotionally. Just over a month ago, his communication started to drop off and he echoed these thoughts (ie having a hard time, feeling trapped inside his thoughts etc) and I encouraged him to seek help, including referring him to here and his GP. He replied with how much he loved me, and wanted to get better so we could be together...And then nothing. I didn't hear from him for a month (I still haven't). During this time I had exams to focus on, so I just sent a few encouraging texts every few weeks or so, so as to not overwhelm him but just let him know I was there. It was very hard but I always remembered the good times, and used that to push me forward. I also figured it was because of his depression causing him to isolate. We had also made plans together that obviously fell apart. Something in my gut told me yesterday (Valentine's Day) to search his social media, and I discovered he is now public with a new girlfriend. I quickly blocked him and I'm thinking of entirely deleting my social media for sometime. I just feel the most incredible deep and pervasive pain. I feel like I only ever treated him with honesty, support and care only to be completely discarded and ultimately betrayed in the most callous and cruel way. Even at this point, I haven't even so much received a "hey, this isn't working out" text or anything...at all. Our relationship had rocky points, but I never even suspected he was interested in seeing other people and I'm completely blindsided by this....even if he had broken up with me to be public so soon (1 month!!) with a new girl is just so hurtful. I just don't know how to cope with this pain because it all just feels so inconceivable and immense. I never knew he was capable of such cruelty and it seems so unlike him to do this. To think the whole time I was so worried about him and reading about depression, doing the best I could to support him and he was moving on with someone else makes me sick to my stomach. I have so many questions...did he ever think of my feelings at all? I would just really appreciate any input.

Love2020 Wishing death upon abusive father
  • replies: 12

Hi, My father is my worst enemy. He has created me to become my own worst enemy. He is a man I despise and recently have wished death upon. He is an alcoholic, smoker, a gambling addict (lost hundreds of thousands of dollars), had multiple emotional ... View more

Hi, My father is my worst enemy. He has created me to become my own worst enemy. He is a man I despise and recently have wished death upon. He is an alcoholic, smoker, a gambling addict (lost hundreds of thousands of dollars), had multiple emotional affairs on my mother, failed every business he has started and blamed me when they weren’t going well. He has always called me stupid, lazy, never good enough. Was yelled at when I expressed emotions he didn’t know how to deal with. He blamed me when life wasn’t going his way. I was told my basketball games were a waste of time because I never won games. My earliest memories of being physical abused go back to when I was a toddler. Due to my divorce I have lived back home with my parents since the start of the year. Today tension erupted and he unleashed his fury, swearing, yelling, smashing the door and left a hole in the wall. I forgot what it was like to live with my abusive father and it has brought back so much trauma. As I reflect I see that unfortunately I inherited a lot of his bad behaviour - anger, impatience, emotional abuse, manipulation and the need to blame others. Its not until I divorced I realised that’s how I treated my husband. I hate my father more now that I realise my bad behaviour was instilled by his upbringing. This behaviour ultimately ruined the best thing in my life - my marriage. Is it normal to have such hatred for your own father? Can you forgive someone who has so negatively impacted your life?

bill12345 I feel like i suddenly don’t love my GF anymore
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m a 17 year old and i’ve been with my girlfriend for around 9 months now. Throughout those months i’ve loved her so much, loved seeing her, spending time with her and she made me feel so special. Now a couple of days ago i almost feel like i do... View more

Hi, I’m a 17 year old and i’ve been with my girlfriend for around 9 months now. Throughout those months i’ve loved her so much, loved seeing her, spending time with her and she made me feel so special. Now a couple of days ago i almost feel like i don’t love her anymore suddenly, like i don’t want to listen to her, i feel kind of numb around her and i just want to love her the way i used too. I don’t want to break up, i don’t understand what’s happening, i’ve struggled with anxiety and mild OCD for the last 4 years, could it be an effect of this, i feel so horrible that i have these feelings but i’m so worried i don’t love her anymore and that i’ll hurt her