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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Nic_mum My 19 year old son ignores me
  • replies: 5

About 3 years ago my son started to shut down with me and often ignore me or treat me like I was stupid. This corresponded with a much closer relationship with my husband (his father). My son and I had always been very close, my daughter too. He wasn... View more

About 3 years ago my son started to shut down with me and often ignore me or treat me like I was stupid. This corresponded with a much closer relationship with my husband (his father). My son and I had always been very close, my daughter too. He wasn’t as close with my husband who was often emotionally and physically absent. I understand that children need to find their own path, seperate and move away and I spend time helping to build his confidence and resilience and encourage him to be his own person and take responsibility (which was often hard). Our personalities are similar - the good and the bad bits, so I get why he rejects me (I’m like a mirror) but it’s hard, a bit like a death and I’m really struggling- not just because I desperately miss him and feel lonely but because I don’t know what to do. The fact that he’s now so close to my husband and they both sort of gang up on me ( eye rolling and dismissing me). Now my daughter has started doing it (don’t think I’ll cope with both). I’m not chasing what we had before. I know boys have to establish themselves beyond their mums but I’m worried that this will last and we’ll never be close again. I’m also worried that the way he treats me may be how he treats women in his life. Also, if he does he will struggle in his relationships. I genuinely am lost and don’t have strategies. I try things all the time and pretty much make things worse - I give him space, I tell him I love him, I support him, I encourage him to make his own decisions, I don’t control him - nothing works and it’s getting worse, almost unbearable. Now when I walk in the room he walks out. With his dad, he’s the opposite. I suspect it’s grief, but I’m seriously not coping and feel that I’m ruining things with the things I’m trying. I suspect I appear needy and emotional. I’m worried I’m confusing him, and my daughter and husband. Also, I’m worried that I’m starting to feel they’d be better without me. Any tips on things to do that may help or things you’ve done would be good.

Aria87 Feeling unsupported in marriage :(
  • replies: 2

Firstly, id like to put it out there that i understand everyone is struggling with restrictions at the moment For the past 7 months i have been dealing with my husband being unhappy with my family. Which have turned into confrination on both sides in... View more

Firstly, id like to put it out there that i understand everyone is struggling with restrictions at the moment For the past 7 months i have been dealing with my husband being unhappy with my family. Which have turned into confrination on both sides in which they are currently not speaking. Husband VS my family. This has put a huge amount of pressure on me, as since this my husband thinks its okay to continually talk or make comments about them even though im trying to move on from this situation.. which causes more anxiety for me. My husband doesnt understand my anxiety and he gets frustrated himself by this. It is now day 4, in which my husband and i have not spoken. And ive never felt so alone in my life as i do not speak to my family about my marriage (as i dont need anymore pressure or comments added to the fuel) and with friends in lockdown, i cant see anyone. My husband decided that he didnt want to continue to have dinner with me at the same time, which now seperates our 3 year old who he has dinner with. I hate this. So i just let him go with his dad and try hide the fight so he doesnt worry his precious little heart about anything. Im over crying and my son seeing it, he thinks mums tired when she cries. Id prefer this than he actually know im upset. Im just so lost. The more i try understand sides and care who feels what and try make this situation go away, the more torn and sad i become.

Digital-2_4_6 Parents deny claims of depression and do not understand me
  • replies: 1

I (17M) have lived with depression for the last year and a half. Recently during a parent-teacher interview and echoed throughout this tough time period is the idea that my mum puts forward stating that "I do not let go of past trauma." This includes... View more

I (17M) have lived with depression for the last year and a half. Recently during a parent-teacher interview and echoed throughout this tough time period is the idea that my mum puts forward stating that "I do not let go of past trauma." This includes previous friendships and bullying affecting me. She just came into my room and asked what I disliked about the mental health week we have at school and I said how I disliked that no-one chose to check up on me during the week, neither teachers nor students who ALL know about my condition. Literally all of them know, and no-one came and said anything. She then stated how "I can't always play the sympathy card" which sent me over the edge, and I stopped talking to her. I must mention that she told me to jump out of the cruise ship during a holiday last year because I attempted suicide before, and she was fed up with me. Is there any way I can relay these feelings about this to her. P.S. I regularly see a psychiatrist and take an antidepressant daily.

Coastal_vibes10 Don't know what to do or say anymore
  • replies: 3

So I have been married to my husband for 7years together for 15years and have a 5 year old child together. Things were great all the way up until I fell pregnant and since then it feels like it's all slowly falling apart. Everything used to be 50/50 ... View more

So I have been married to my husband for 7years together for 15years and have a 5 year old child together. Things were great all the way up until I fell pregnant and since then it feels like it's all slowly falling apart. Everything used to be 50/50 or close to but now everything from cooking and cleaning down to doing all the shopping, response for all bills and all of our child's wants needs, not to mention I'm the only 1 working. He is hardly around and when he is he is playing video games. The only time he touches me is if he is wanting sex, we used to be really affectionate and I need that kind of affection. Lately we just don't have sex anymore and I have voiced my feelings to him numerous times but I don't know if he just doesn't care anymore if he honestly doesn't think what if saying is true. He has told me just recently that because we don't have sex anymore he is starting to not love me anymore and anyone else in his position would have cheated by now. For a long time now I have felt incredibly lonely, lost and broken This is where things get messy, I have recently come back into contact with an old friend (we both used to have a thing for eachother but because of circumstances nothing ever happened) now having him back in my life and all these old feelings coming back (that he has told me he still has as well) has me feeling so confused. Nothing would happen with this friend as as cheating is a no for me but he has straight up asked me to leave my husband and be with him and if it wasn't for my kid I would seriously consider it. My husband has already said if we were to ever split he would fight me for everything, kid/s included and I just can't risk loosing my child as well as alot of other things incredibly important to me. I honestly don't know what I should be feeling, thinking, needing wanting or doing anymore.

anonymousteen4life Just finished cancer treatment and almost miss the hospital because my father is abusive and my personality has disaprred PLEASE HELP
  • replies: 4

Hello, all I know my issue might not be the most pressing of all as a lot of you may be having suicidal thoughts etc. and I hope you get better and know there is someone out there for you and so much more in life. Also please ignore my terrible gramm... View more

Hello, all I know my issue might not be the most pressing of all as a lot of you may be having suicidal thoughts etc. and I hope you get better and know there is someone out there for you and so much more in life. Also please ignore my terrible grammar and spelling I've always struggled with English. 10 months ago I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, Hodgkins Lymphoma and that was a battle and I'm cured now and trying to move on with life but I've seen some serious changes in my personality. I've always struggled with my relationship with my parents especially with my father he has been very harsh on me growing up. Examples are siding with my sister and not letting me even speak as it is disrespect, I don't really want to go into detail because I get to upset thinking about it. But my mom is helping meditate and fix that relationship so that should be good. But because of my 6 months of pretty much not having to do anything but sleep I've lost my work ethic and drive and I seem to get up every morning for nothing, I use video games as a escape which doesn't help, since I'm doing to advanced learning subjects and am falling behind on all my classes. If someone could so kindly give some advice on what I should do on getting my old self back and being able to be as eager as I once was and try to enjoy life a bit more. -Thank you

Zun Drained due to having newborn and alcoholic husband 😔
  • replies: 2

We have a newborn, almost 10 weeks now. . He works in defence and works 5 days a week. He is provider of the family but only earning money and not fulfilling any other responsibilities at home being a new parent is killing me. He sleeps in other room... View more

We have a newborn, almost 10 weeks now. . He works in defence and works 5 days a week. He is provider of the family but only earning money and not fulfilling any other responsibilities at home being a new parent is killing me. He sleeps in other room as he has to get up early for work. But I expect him to help me on weekends atleast so that I can get some sleep. But he is flat out with over drinking. last weekend he went out for drinks with his friends again. Told he would be home by 11, but he wasn’t home untill 12:30. So I called him, his phone was switched off and he came home around 4 am. He came completely drunk and I asked him where he was, he told me he was having drinks with friends. I asked him whats wrong with phone. He told battery was dead, but when I put to charge it had half charge left. I thought there is something going on. So I check his phone thoroughly, I found brothel address in the google maps. I was completely shattered and devastated. Here I am looking after our newborn at home all by myself and I came to know all of these. He denied he went there. And I don’t have anything to prove it. But there is no way I can believe him any more. I just feel like leaving him and move out with my lil one.

sir_stokeley stuck
  • replies: 2

I am so stuck. I was diagnosed in Jan with BPD, depression, and anxiety. I haven't seeked or received any help or treatment for any of this because I don't know where to start. I had my mental health diagnosis hidden in my room because I didn't know ... View more

I am so stuck. I was diagnosed in Jan with BPD, depression, and anxiety. I haven't seeked or received any help or treatment for any of this because I don't know where to start. I had my mental health diagnosis hidden in my room because I didn't know what to do with it. My mum was going through my room and found it, took photos, sent it to my dad. They both saw on paper my diagnosis and that I had a history of self harm. They called me ungrateful and made jokes. I try to forgive and forget but sometimes it's too much. They know I have troubles sleeping, I've complained about not sleeping until 11-4 since I was 8. They still take my phone off of me at night at 8:30, leaving me alone in my room for 4-8 hours a night with my thoughts in a room full of things I could easily relapse with. I've expressed how this makes me feel and I was laughed at, again telling me to stop being dramatic and to just go to sleep. I have a close friend who was recently assaulted and who already had considerable existing suicidal thoughts/plans. I am so worried about him. Ironically enough, my mum works at the school I go to in the Wellbeing Team. I feel like I can't go to the school counsellor or nurse about anything because it will degrade my mums professionalism? Bc of this she knows about this boy and what happened to him. I had a dream 2 nights ago. It was so distressing to me because that's what he said is his plan. Tonight he was expressing suicidal intentions/behaviour and I was so worried and felt sick to my stomach. My parents came to take my phone off of me and I begged them to let me have my phone, just for the night because I was worried about my friend. My dad laughed in my face and told me it's not a life or death situation, to get over it, go to bed, stop gossiping. He said the only reason i wanted my phone was to gossip and talk to boys all night. I told him he had no idea what it was like and how this boy is feeling and he scoffed and mocked me, called me melodramatic. They took my phone and continued to mock me from their bedroom. I am so scared my friend will call me and ask for help or even just want someone to talk to and I won't be there to help him. I've cried so hard i gagged and almost puked. I am so worried about him because if anything happens to him because I wasn't there I don't think I could cope. I don't know what to say to them to make them understand me, because they don't take me seriously.

Olivia1 I just feel so lonely!! ☹
  • replies: 10

Hi all! I hope you are all doing well! I am a 17 year girl who has high functioning Asperger's. And I feel so socially isolated and invisible. At my school I struggle to connect with anyone and I am afraid that that's because I am a boring, basic nob... View more

Hi all! I hope you are all doing well! I am a 17 year girl who has high functioning Asperger's. And I feel so socially isolated and invisible. At my school I struggle to connect with anyone and I am afraid that that's because I am a boring, basic nobody. I only have 1 good friend who I hang out with and without her I have nobody. I feel bad because she is really popular and I feel like I rely on her way to much and I feel like i'm holding her back socially. Then when I started working I still made no friends. I just feel like no matter where I go I will be always lonely, which is a scary thought because I don't want to be lonely as an adult. I just wish I knew how to make new friends. It seems to come so easily to some people and it's close to impossible for me. I try and get out there but it is really hard considering how socially awkward I am and extremely shy. I also seem to have anything interesting to say. I don't really know how to end this well so.. have a good day and thanks for reading.

TaylaP1199 Not Good Enough
  • replies: 2

Hey I’m Tayla, I’m 25 years old and ever since I can remember I never feel good enough for anyone in terms of relationships and friendships..I just feel like I’m not worthy of being in anyone’s life and that they are better of without me. Due to thes... View more

Hey I’m Tayla, I’m 25 years old and ever since I can remember I never feel good enough for anyone in terms of relationships and friendships..I just feel like I’m not worthy of being in anyone’s life and that they are better of without me. Due to these thoughts I always seem to push people away whenever someone gets close and come up with excuses not to see them. I guess this all started from when I was a young child. I grew up with a young single mother who split from my father when I was around 12 weeks old. My mum has never been the most neutering or caring person- I know she loves me but just doesn’t show it so growing up I never received much shown of being loved. I used to see my dad sometimes on weekends but then he became addicted to a drug and started to be verbally abusive- name calling and put downs mostly alongside his own mental health issues..so at the age of 12 I stopped going to his house and now only see him on occasion. In terms of romantic relationships I have one had one official proper relationship which lasted only 7 months and ended Feb this year. At the start things were great- he treated me right and things got serious quick..towards the end of our relationship things changes and he started lying about stupid stuff, tried to control me and was manipulative- everything was my fault and he could never do no wrong..not to mention he never had anything nice or positive to say about me or my family which made me feel really sad and basically ended the relationship..after it ended I realized I did deserve better and told myself I would not settle for anything less Friendships have always been hard for me as I’m socially awkward and pretty shy so I’ve only ever had a couple of real long lasting friendships so feel alone a lot of the time Can someone help with trying to move past these issues and getting these thoughts out my head?

ZPav Have no friends and can’t make any.
  • replies: 3

Hey, I don’t know if this is the correct forum, but I’m just really lost, I haven’t had any friends since 2016 I’m 22, and have gotten worse at socializing and have really bad social anxiety and can’t have even small talk without going completely bla... View more

Hey, I don’t know if this is the correct forum, but I’m just really lost, I haven’t had any friends since 2016 I’m 22, and have gotten worse at socializing and have really bad social anxiety and can’t have even small talk without going completely blank in the head with anything to say, I’ve been practicing at home and doing all that but nothing works, people don’t like me pretty much straight away cause they take my awkward/shyness as rudeness, I’m scared I will never be able to make friends I just started working out but it’s got a lot of older people in my class so can’t really make friends there, I hope this makes sense, I feel like along with all this I have possible ADHD or ADD but can’t afford a psychiatrist I just want to be a better person, it makes me feel really horrible. I saw a psychologist but they didn’t really help me learn how to get through the social anxiety or give any tips, I have nowhere else to turn to but here, there’s so much more stuff that’s going on as well, and family isn’t much help so don’t really have any support coming from anywhere.