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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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rcjy I'm at my wits end - need help with dealing with my husband's anger
  • replies: 11

I've been married for 8 years and have 2 kids. My husband has been going through some issues and recently it has gotten a lot worse. He has a choleric personality in which is ambitious and very goal oriented. He had this plan where he wanted to be su... View more

I've been married for 8 years and have 2 kids. My husband has been going through some issues and recently it has gotten a lot worse. He has a choleric personality in which is ambitious and very goal oriented. He had this plan where he wanted to be successful by 30 and make enough money so that he could quit his job (in which he hates - this job pays him enough to support the family quite comfortably). He has had this goal in mind since he was in university. I, however, am very passive in everything I do so earning lots of money has never been my goal. I take things too easy, I'm laid-back and very indecisive, therefore, when we got married, it was perfect. He makes the decisions, I trust him and follow. But life being that it is, doesn't turn out the way we want it to be. To make enough money, my husband and I invest in many businesses or projects to achieve his goal and not one has been successful. In fact we have lost a lot of money in these investments. They are not scams, they just didn't turn out the way we wanted it to be. With my personality, I say "let it go and move on. Try again". With his personality, he says "I'm a failure, things don't go my way. I'm angry and frustrated that I can't achieve my goal". Now, it has been many years and we are still where we are with 2 kids. It has now come to a point where he can't control his anger. He's shouting at home and he's now angry at my 'don't care' attitude. This 'don't care' attitude is my way of letting things go so I don't need to deal with his anger. I am now at my wits end and I snap back at him more and more now. One time I lost it and starting throwing things in the house. Our kids cried when they saw me. He has seen a counsellor for his issues (this was a few years ago) but after 8 sessions, he says it's not working. He says "this is how it is with life, I am a failure and nothing goes well for me. I don't know why I'm living. You should have never married me, you should have been with someone else. We should not have had the kids" He keeps saying he wants to turn back time. I should add that he plays games to take his mind off things but if he loses in the game, he snaps. I need help on how to deal with the situation as I can't seem to hold back on my own anger now because of his frustration. I snap when he snaps. It is getting out of hand. Should I just leave but that seems like running away from the problem.

Lilaa Am I wrong in my feelings or my decisions?
  • replies: 19

Not sure where to start but to put this simply, I live with a perfect man,husband and father to our daughter and I'm somehow always sad,lonely,rejected,neglected and depressed. There are many times when I convince myself that I just need to change th... View more

Not sure where to start but to put this simply, I live with a perfect man,husband and father to our daughter and I'm somehow always sad,lonely,rejected,neglected and depressed. There are many times when I convince myself that I just need to change the way I look at things and be appreciative but there are even more times when I pay attention and do not see myself being in the picture. Days and weeks passing by and him not engaging in any meaningful conversation with me other than managing our daily affairs. We 've been married for 15 yrs and I clearly remember being extremely happy and satisfied for the first 5 years or so until our daughter turned about 1 year old which also coincided with him starting his own business for a couple of years and gaining extensive recognition. He is otherwise a very successful man but there was something that changed him when he built something from scratch and lived that kind of feeling. He had to close the business due to some issues afterwards but the feeling remained with him I think. I can't really decide what changed him between being focused on our daughter and what happened at the time of his business or that it is just what marriages end up to be after a couple of years. I have been withdrawn and spend my time at full time work, housework and movies etc. he spends all his time at full time work, with our daughter, reading and learning new things. We go out on weekends and stuff but I can’t really say we are together. It is like we are hired to play husband and wife and we are doing a great job, but I never feel he is really there. If I do not plan for a weekend, then we don’t do anything. If we are with friends, he never knows I am there too. He never gets upset or angry and never with me unless I get upset or angry and then he says he has similar problems with me too and then we argue. We resolve the argument after sometime but what I had been upset or angry about remains there which most of the time is about his lack of attention or real care. I am lazy with eating and he is happy to offer me food or cook and we each have our roles in the house work but he never knows how I feel or thinks about asking me about anything beyond managing day to day affairs. I feel like he stopped loving me long ago but is either too kind and polite or cares so much about our daughter that would not do anything about it.

user981 Girl pushed me away and became toxic
  • replies: 2

I used to be very close with a girl. After a few months I noticed things started seeming a little off with her. Things started going downhill and she has mentioned to me that she's got depression and has been hurt so many times in the past. As things... View more

I used to be very close with a girl. After a few months I noticed things started seeming a little off with her. Things started going downhill and she has mentioned to me that she's got depression and has been hurt so many times in the past. As things went downhill she still was close to me in a way but not the way things used to be. There are times where it's like she pulls me closer and then pushes me away because she doesn't want to be attached to me. When I try having conversations with her to talk about issues that are affecting our relationship, she usually gets upset and tells me to leave her alone or tells me to go away. She became really toxic after things started going downhill. Has this got anything to do with mental issues or is this really the person she is? I feel like she tries avoiding conversations with me because maybe she knows she's the one that's made things bad? It feels like I have stuff trapped inside me that I can only get out by talking to her but she doesn't want to talk to me, she got more toxic towards me. I asked her did you ever care and she said no. I can't trust anything that comes out of her since she's lied about so many things and once again I don't know if this has to do with her mental issues? She once used to say she loves me and that she cared. Oh well..

Chloe_Annelise Broken up feelings and left confused
  • replies: 9

So my now ex partner and I had been dating for a year and a half and we were very close with each other and each other’s families. I met my partner and then a couple of months later my parents split up after being together for 20 years and my partner... View more

So my now ex partner and I had been dating for a year and a half and we were very close with each other and each other’s families. I met my partner and then a couple of months later my parents split up after being together for 20 years and my partner saw everything that happened and it took a bit of a toll on his mental health yet he was always there to support me and love me no matter what and I was always there for him. Times were tough but we got through a lot and when living with my mum there were many times where my partner would see us have a bit of an argument. My partner use to tel me that it’s not normal for the way my mum treats me and I use to get upset and he use to always say that he hates seeing the person he loves get hurt. Anyways our relationship continued and things got really good until covid lockdown 1 came down and we got through most of it until we had a break from one another because he found things too much and too stressful which was totally understandable, we went through 3-4 days not seeing each other and then resolved our issues and then we were stronger then ever! We started getting back out to the gym and lifestyle was back on track and then lockdown number 2 came and my partner started to have a bit more anxiety and i saw his mental health slightly dropped and I had all my personal issues going on at the same time and he was studying and also he was worried about his family too for some reason. Things were busy for us at times but he use to always complain about there was no gym and his anxiety wasn’t good although he bought gym equipment etc.. one night he met a friend of mine that I just became friends with again and that night my mum and I had an argument in front of everyone. My partner went home and later told me he needed a big break because everything was getting to him. After a week I contacted him asking if we could meet but he didn’t sound interested and I took that as a sign that he wanted to break up so we argued for a bit and then I broke up with him. I later regretted my decision and called him up and apologised and explained that it was in the heat of the moment. He said that he just needs to move on and he thinks that stuff would happen again if we got back together. I just want to know if he’s ever gonna come back around or even miss me... I’ve gotten off social media fully and he’s still on there posting his thing and we haven’t spoken in a few days since he said he doesn’t think we could go back.

S1980 May have been in an emotional affair, feeling used and stupid
  • replies: 7

A married man from my child's school recently befriended me. I was foolish enough to think he was a genuine friend, 4 months of daily chats, weekly meet ups.. fell for all his compliments and lines.Because I wouldn't cross the line our chats were jus... View more

A married man from my child's school recently befriended me. I was foolish enough to think he was a genuine friend, 4 months of daily chats, weekly meet ups.. fell for all his compliments and lines.Because I wouldn't cross the line our chats were just friendly.. I really enjoyed having someone to talk to and didn't realise what an emotional connection I had with him. About a month ago he just completely stopped talking to me, acted weird when we crossed paths at school. No explanation. It's left me feeling played and foolish. I'm pretty sure he just found someone else to pursue after he couldnt get what he wanted. But even though I see his true colours I can't stop thinking about him. Feeling hurt, and still hoping deep down we could still be friends. I can't focus and feel like a shell of myself. I know I need to stop wasting time and emotion thinking about him but why is it so hard even after this long. I feel stupid for feeling this way and it is affecting my day to day life. Why do I need validation from someone like him. I guess i keep thinking that if he still wanted to be friends I wouldn't feel like it was all a lie and a game to him. I'm really struggling to feel like my normal self.

Bananie1234 How to cope with long distance during Covid19
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, just wondering if anyone here have some tips on coping with a LDR during border closures? 3 months into dating, he left to be an expat just before the pandemic hit. We knew we wont be able to see each other much but we never expected it ... View more

Hi everyone, just wondering if anyone here have some tips on coping with a LDR during border closures? 3 months into dating, he left to be an expat just before the pandemic hit. We knew we wont be able to see each other much but we never expected it to be 7months and counting. prior to him leaving, We eventually agreed on keeping it going as we do want a future together but we will just focus on building a solid foundation first instead of forcing each other into a serious commitment to save the stress caused by the distance. i usually just refer him as “the guy I’m seeing” and i keep it low. I know many might see this as a red flag but i had the pleasure to meet his family a couple of times just before he left. (No point taking me to meet your family before moving overseas if you don’t see me in your future) As the border continue to stay shut I’m really starting to feel it mentally and physically. he seems to be coping it better than i am which makes it hard for me to express my frustration. (He’s away from his family and friends too and is in a foreign country.) I’m so afraid that he’s slowly losing interest in me even though nothing has changed between us communication wise. It’s been so long I’m starting to feel disconnected. i feel I’ve reached breaking point. (I also live away from family which isn’t making things easier) I’m starting to overthink and wonder where i stand in him anymore. I don’t know how to bring it up to him and I’m afraid to tell him. I think as much as technology keeps us connected, its just not the same. It’s harder to read emotions over phone calls and texts. i know I’m going to be feeling this way for another few months at least. I was hoping anyone would have any self care strategies to help cope with this? Whatever i use to do isn’t working anymore. thank you

82Milly Husband may be gay. Warning Explicit details. What do I do?
  • replies: 3

I’ve been with my husband for five years. We have two children. I wondered if the way he wanted sex was a bit of a worry but I asked him outright and he assured me no he is not gay. I trusted him. It would have been a deal breaker. We’ve always had a... View more

I’ve been with my husband for five years. We have two children. I wondered if the way he wanted sex was a bit of a worry but I asked him outright and he assured me no he is not gay. I trusted him. It would have been a deal breaker. We’ve always had a pretty good sex life and we get on really well. He had a few long term girlfriends before me and a lot of casual female partners. When I was pregnant with the first baby he let slip that one of his Female friends, who he’d previously told me had only ever been a friend, he had actually slept with. This concerned me as she was regularly phoning him and was posting inappropriate comments on some of his Facebook posts. I told him it was not ok and he said he talked to her and she blocked him. Her reaction seemed extreme. Unfortunately I had lost trust and I checked his messenger. I found some pretty inappropriate recent sexy conversations. I was 5 months pregnant at the time they wrote them. I tried to talk to him but he went ballistic. Said I broke his trust, should not be snooping. I apologised for snooping but he refused to admit any wrong doing for the sexy chats, would not apologise. So I still have trust issues. This week pregnancy hormones getting the better of me I had a look at his email. I have discovered that just a few weeks prior to our relationship, and for at least a year prior he was having gay hook ups arranged online. Explicit requests. They would exchange nudes and then he would get the address, make a time and I can only assume follow through and hook up with these men. Now I’m aware I got this information by a not ok method - I checked his email. But what do I do? Is the past really in the past when it comes to sexual orientation? He had flat out denied having any gay desires or past to me. He is a great father and husband, and he is excited to be a dad again, comes to all my appointments. Is it possible that was a phase or is he likely repressing being gay? If he is gay and wants a facade of a happy family we can probably work that out somehow so he can have his relationships on the down low and I guess I can too, but we can parent together if that’s what we could agree to. I would be willing to make that work. But I know he will deny he is gay. How do I eek out the truth and what he wants from someone who is repressing something like this?

Miss_Firefly some guidance or support needed for someone who has a partner possibly with BPD? schizophrenia?
  • replies: 1

Ok. So i don't even know where to start here. So i'll try keep it to the point and elaborate if and where required. I have been with my partner for 6 years. it has been turbulent at its worst and heavenly at its best. after much research online about... View more

Ok. So i don't even know where to start here. So i'll try keep it to the point and elaborate if and where required. I have been with my partner for 6 years. it has been turbulent at its worst and heavenly at its best. after much research online about his behavior and issues we have had, it seems to match bpd and i had word from a friend who knows his family and it was passed down to me to her from his sister that he has schizophrenia. Now before i go on, i know he has had some issues in the past from his childhood which helps me understand his behaviours. and i love him regardless. I dont think i have the energy to go into everything now to be honest after the day i have had, i am struggling myself with the situation. Is there a support group for partners suffering this illness that i can talk to? or the phone? I really wanted to reach out here but my energy levels have drained. luckily i had an awesome friend with me today who had experience with a family member having bipolar who helped me avoid what could have been a very dramatic confrontation when i was face to face (almost) with him and another woman (who was said she was his ex girlfriend) long story... always is huh? i think i need a professionals advice. i need to do what is right for me and to do that i need to understand a bit more about the illness directly related to a relationship... i want to also add (without sounding cocky) that i am proud of myself today for holding back and not confronting him and flying off the handle (which also relates back to major trust issues on my side) which i acknowledge as well... Thank you for reading and i hope i can get some people reaching out who can guide me in the right direction.. xo

JJL030713 Friend ignoring him
  • replies: 2

Hi, my son suffers from severe social anxiety, In Primary school he made a good friend who was one year ahead of him, Anyway his friend went off to High school while he did his year 6 last year feeling lonely. Now this year my son has started High sc... View more

Hi, my son suffers from severe social anxiety, In Primary school he made a good friend who was one year ahead of him, Anyway his friend went off to High school while he did his year 6 last year feeling lonely. Now this year my son has started High school, he hasn’t gone much at all this year but when he does he feels lonely, I have spoken to teachers and they re-introduced him to his friend from primary and his new group of friends but he reckons that they all ignore him. He tells me that he feels stupid and has a dumb brain and he doesn’t know what to say. I feel helpless and am unsure of what I am able to do to help him? Any helpful information would be wonderful.