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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Ecm94 Social Media in Relationship
  • replies: 2

So I've been with my partner for over 3 years now, we live together and we just welcomed our first child in May. He's an amazing partner, always affectionate and always trusted him (even though I've had trust issues previously due to an ex messaging ... View more

So I've been with my partner for over 3 years now, we live together and we just welcomed our first child in May. He's an amazing partner, always affectionate and always trusted him (even though I've had trust issues previously due to an ex messaging and sending pics to girls online). Anyway, yesterday I discovered he had been liking a few pics of other girls on Instagram. The pics were mostly of them half naked and not just one account. This really surprised me. Not only because my partner is always telling me how beautiful he thinks I am and genuinely is a nice guy but also because he has said before that he isn't attracted to girls that look like that. I don't believe he would go any further than liking these pictures as he was genuinely apologetic when I confronted him and said he didn't know why he did it. He has also had experience with cheating in the past (not him, his parents and also an ex) so I doubt he has any intentions of cheating but I'm just feeling like everything he has said is a lie. I'm nothing like these girls, especially now I've recently had a child. Feeling really down about how I look and just wanting some justification as to why he would do this.

Mum Chris Bit scared
  • replies: 5

Under a lot of stress and my support network has let me down. Home is a lot and I had a couple of friends that I could be with and pretend life was good. I can't stop crying and I am desperate to keep a happy face at home. My friends have really let ... View more

Under a lot of stress and my support network has let me down. Home is a lot and I had a couple of friends that I could be with and pretend life was good. I can't stop crying and I am desperate to keep a happy face at home. My friends have really let me down and I'm more upset than I should be. In my mind I know they are human and not perfect but it's hurt me. I'm old and so are they and they have acted like children and I'm excluded from some outings and they can only see me on their terms. I'm allowing people to hurt me at home and at work. How do I get strong and not feel so emotional. I need to harden up. Be tough. My husband threatened to divorce me unless I did what he wanted and then my friends let me down. I'm not going to do what he wants because I don't agree. Sorry for being vague. On top of it may lose my job. So probably normal 2020. I'm on all the meds I can take and been to therapy evidently I am doing all the right things but geez I'm tired.

anders Would you tell your parents everything?
  • replies: 2

Hi - Im 36yrs old - my parents are conservative so I usually keep things to myself about the decisions I make in life. But now its come to the point that my boyfriend wants them to know that he is divorced with 4 kids (something I didnt tell them whe... View more

Hi - Im 36yrs old - my parents are conservative so I usually keep things to myself about the decisions I make in life. But now its come to the point that my boyfriend wants them to know that he is divorced with 4 kids (something I didnt tell them when they met him and also they live overseas). Would you tell them knowing all the drama that would ensue as a result of it?

Talon Am I being selfish
  • replies: 3

Hi there, I’ve been separated for over two years. Going through the motions with property settlement and child care arrangements still!!! I live with my ex and two children, a daughter aged 7 years and son aged 4 years. I have 2 adult sons to a previ... View more

Hi there, I’ve been separated for over two years. Going through the motions with property settlement and child care arrangements still!!! I live with my ex and two children, a daughter aged 7 years and son aged 4 years. I have 2 adult sons to a previous marriage. Yes I don’t think I do marriage very well?!? My ex has a new boyfriend who also lives with us, or at least stays with us more than he does at his place. That’s fine and I actually get along great with him. I’ve rambled a bit here and will get to the point of this post. I have always been a fan of the ocean, swimming in it, body surfing/boarding, snorkelling. And I think the lifestyle of living at the beach would be great. I’d go so far as to say it has been my dream to live this lifestyle since childhood. But you don’t choose where your parents decide to live. I really want to move to the beach. Preferably near nsw/qld border where my dad lives. It’s a long way from my children who I love dearly. I spend most of my time with them. My 4 year old son is like my shadow and that’s fine by me, he’s a little legend. I just wanted to put it out there for opinions of whether it would be selfish, prudent or otherwise to make that move? My ex wouldn’t be happy at al with this and more importantly, well, only important thing to me, is how this may affect my children. I’m 50 now and don’t want to wait forever to make this move, if I get to. Any thoughts, opinions??

Pinkandblue82 Husband completely shutting me out
  • replies: 2

Hi i saw a msg from a happy ending massage girl on my husbands phone and he has not said a word to me since, he not coming to bed or anytging unfortunatley it’s not the first time something like this has happened, but the msg obviously means they hav... View more

Hi i saw a msg from a happy ending massage girl on my husbands phone and he has not said a word to me since, he not coming to bed or anytging unfortunatley it’s not the first time something like this has happened, but the msg obviously means they have been seeing each other for a while because it was quite personal im Devestated I just want to sleep and never wake up we have had many many rough patches and over last few weeks have noticed him pulling away and I know he is no longer attracted to me, when we go out he doesn’t look at me only other women we have been together 19 years, worst part is I just want him to hold me - that’s how screwed up I am emotionally i have been told before he is a narcissist so I guess I have been groomed to feel this way sorry for blubber but I am completely alone hiding away crying to hide it from my kids

Sally5 Teen depression & school refusal
  • replies: 2

I feel so exhausted from the effort needed to encourage my 16yo son to go to school and often with no result. He ends up back in bed with a pillow over his head. He's diagnosed with mild depression and waiting for a second psychology appt. They are s... View more

I feel so exhausted from the effort needed to encourage my 16yo son to go to school and often with no result. He ends up back in bed with a pillow over his head. He's diagnosed with mild depression and waiting for a second psychology appt. They are so busy it's a 4 week wait even though the psyc says come back in two. The school is sympathetic but has no capacity to help. The teen won't do the actions being recommended - time off tech, tech off 1 hour before sleep, take sleep herbal remedies. I am at a loss. His Dad, my x, is very engaged but we disagree about how to respond and we don't have strategies for consistent responses to scenarios that evolve. I'm hoping others who have made it through may have some new ideas for us to use. Any assistance welcome

MiaRose8 Is it cheating? It feels like it
  • replies: 7

Hi All, I have been with my husband now for 8 years. Married for 3. We get along well. We hardly ever fight. I have always supported him and tried to encourage him in all his hobbies and life choices. I thought we were a happy and supportive couple. ... View more

Hi All, I have been with my husband now for 8 years. Married for 3. We get along well. We hardly ever fight. I have always supported him and tried to encourage him in all his hobbies and life choices. I thought we were a happy and supportive couple. Over the years he has had a thing for social media. In particular specific women on social media. I understood him looking at pictures but it’s become more than that. He follows hundreds of these women. He comments on their pictures saying how beautiful they are and leaves them kisses and winks. He doesn’t do or say anything like that to me. I can see these comments as they are on public profiles. I know he has been doing other things with dating apps and chat apps which I can’t see as he has his phone attached to him 24/7. We had seen a counselor previously for this but my husband did not acknowledge this was an issue. I have asked him in the past if he is happy and if he felt like he wanted to chat to other women could be please talk to me first. He assured me he was happy and nothing was wrong. He made me feel bad for distrusting him. I really have no idea what to do. I feel if I confront him again he will not be truthful and get defensive about it. I cannot sleep and feel sick all the time. I feel like I am being cheated on and I don’t think he thinks this is an issue. Any advice would be very helpful. Thank you for listening. Mia

StartAgain20 Don’t know how to move on
  • replies: 1

Hi, I’m new to this forum, but I’m sure my issues are anything but new. My partner had an affair which lasted as couple of years. He was caught by a complete accident. It’s been nearly a year and I’m just unable to move on. He begged me to stay, prom... View more

Hi, I’m new to this forum, but I’m sure my issues are anything but new. My partner had an affair which lasted as couple of years. He was caught by a complete accident. It’s been nearly a year and I’m just unable to move on. He begged me to stay, promised to do anything to gain my trust again, said I’m the only one blah blah blah. He tried at first, we went to see a counsellor twice, I saw a therapist. We talked and talked, had dinners together. But now i can see it’s gone back to where we were a year ago. While having an affair he completely shut me out, but in a terribly nice way. It was like, I don’t know, living with an awfully charming polite stranger. We hadn’t had sex in years, and when I tried to initiate he’d just politely refuse. It was awful , not knowing what i did wrong. But now I know the reason and it’s even worse. There is no perfect partner, but I thought I was a good one, supporting, loving, trusting. Or maybe I was just a naive idiot. Anyhow, I’m gradually slipping deeper and deeper into well perhaps not a depression but apathy. He’s still super nice and caring, but I suspect he doesn’t really want to/know how to be a couple. I’m not sure I want to either. I know I have to make a decision, have a goal but have no idea what to do. Things are complicated enough to just walk away (family, children, mortgage, business). I’m lost.

ReeCar123 How can I finally let go?
  • replies: 14

Hello All, about 1.5 months ago, my partner and I made the decision to end our 1.5 year relationship. He just wasn't ready after uncompleted grief work following his leaving his marriage with an alcoholic wife, plus quite a bit of work to do relating... View more

Hello All, about 1.5 months ago, my partner and I made the decision to end our 1.5 year relationship. He just wasn't ready after uncompleted grief work following his leaving his marriage with an alcoholic wife, plus quite a bit of work to do relating to childhood issues he never really got aware of before. He also has an avoidant attachment style because of the childhood issues, so although he wants and loves me, every time he has the chance and I want to build a lasting relationship, he pushes away again. He is aware now and his therapy has taken a much better turn since he is finally aware of all the various things he needs / wants to work on so that his future can be brighter one day. Nonetheless, we ended our relationship because he is not ready and we did not move forward. It was excruciating for me and so we said we would do the one thing we can and give each other the chance to work on ourselves individually so that we both can have a chance of good lives, love and happiness in the future. However, although I initially wanted to keep hope alive that this might still mean the two of us together some day, I have realised that everything he says and does is too vague and I need to let go so I can progress and not get stuck in nothingness. I am trying my best, I have arranged things with friends, found new hobbies, I exercise a lot and get out into nature. I read a lot about myself and how I can / want to improve aspects of my life. Lastly, I realised I have to set boundaries with him because we work together and although I love him very much, it is not healthy for me to interact much with him while my feelings are still so strong. So I set boundaries again and again, worked from home for weeks on end and asked to only have contact if we really have to speak about work. But, I guess the push and pull continues because although he cannot give me anything and constantly says we need to look after ourselves for now, he continuously seeks contact. It hurts me a lot because that way, I have to be the hard one and push back although everything inside me feels terrible for doing so. I was always the one ready to go all the way, the one that loved 150% of the time. Now I feel I am the only one trying to set necessary boundaries. I love him but this pulls me back again and again and every time I feel I am progressing, contact with him makes me so incredibly sad. How can I progress without breaking our connection completely and without breaking myself?

Clover9312 Failed sexual relationships
  • replies: 2

I first posted in June about a break up. The relationship was my first and I expected to lose my virginity (something I held on to wanting to wait for the right person. given I'm over 25 I also became self conscious about this). We never got to have ... View more

I first posted in June about a break up. The relationship was my first and I expected to lose my virginity (something I held on to wanting to wait for the right person. given I'm over 25 I also became self conscious about this). We never got to have intercourse because my ex couldn't get an erection. I thought it was me, but my ex eventually told me that he was struggling with sexual trauma from childhood, preventing him from getting erect for the first time in his life. I was devastated about his experience and even though he told me it wasn't me, that feeling of insecurity was implanted in me before I knew about the trauma and I can't shake it off. We were so in love and the whole relationship breakdown due to his PTSD broke me. Two months after, I met somebody else. He was open about his turbulent childhood and told me that he was apprehensive to hurt me, since he felt dark and he noticed that I was innocent. I decided against a serious relationship - in fact I suggested we only have fun and ehe agreed. By this stage I had known him for two months and felt comfortable around him. I wanted to associate sex with fun - after discovering my ex's trauma, I became distraught. I also associated sex with embarrassment because of my inexperience. The new guy was understanding and I felt empowered to view sex differently. We tried to have sex and I was devastated when he couldn't get an erection too. He has ADHD and told me that fatigue is one of his symptoms, which prevented erection. He also said he was nervous. This was a month ago and we haven't tried again. I messaged to catch up/have sex and he said he was busy and responded a little slower than normal. Ever since then we've only messaged sporadically and I feel like I'm being ghosted. Could he be embarrassed? He was keen for a casual arrangement too and now I feel that he's lost interest after the encounter when he couldn't get erect. I'm disheartened, feeling uncertain and fearful about sex. I've ran into him a couple of times and he's been really kind, but I feel really self conscious about us not continuing our sexual relationship. I could ask him why but I can't face the rejection. While looks aren't everything, I'm told very often by people that I'm attractive and both men felt connected to my personality too, but I can't shake off feelings of inadequacy and fear about sex now. I feel abnormal and like a failure. How do I become less nervous about sex? I'm so scared of this happening to me again.