I first posted in June about a break up. The relationship was my first and I expected to lose my virginity (something I held on to wanting to wait for the right person. given I'm over 25 I also became self conscious about this). We never got to have intercourse because my ex couldn't get an erection. I thought it was me, but my ex eventually told me that he was struggling with sexual trauma from childhood, preventing him from getting erect for the first time in his life. I was devastated about his experience and even though he told me it wasn't me, that feeling of insecurity was implanted in me before I knew about the trauma and I can't shake it off. We were so in love and the whole relationship breakdown due to his PTSD broke me.
Two months after, I met somebody else. He was open about his turbulent childhood and told me that he was apprehensive to hurt me, since he felt dark and he noticed that I was innocent. I decided against a serious relationship - in fact I suggested we only have fun and ehe agreed. By this stage I had known him for two months and felt comfortable around him. I wanted to associate sex with fun - after discovering my ex's trauma, I became distraught. I also associated sex with embarrassment because of my inexperience. The new guy was understanding and I felt empowered to view sex differently. We tried to have sex and I was devastated when he couldn't get an erection too. He has ADHD and told me that fatigue is one of his symptoms, which prevented erection. He also said he was nervous.
This was a month ago and we haven't tried again. I messaged to catch up/have sex and he said he was busy and responded a little slower than normal. Ever since then we've only messaged sporadically and I feel like I'm being ghosted. Could he be embarrassed? He was keen for a casual arrangement too and now I feel that he's lost interest after the encounter when he couldn't get erect. I'm disheartened, feeling uncertain and fearful about sex. I've ran into him a couple of times and he's been really kind, but I feel really self conscious about us not continuing our sexual relationship. I could ask him why but I can't face the rejection. While looks aren't everything, I'm told very often by people that I'm attractive and both men felt connected to my personality too, but I can't shake off feelings of inadequacy and fear about sex now.
I feel abnormal and like a failure. How do I become less nervous about sex? I'm so scared of this happening to me again.
