Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

sprinkles07 Seperation after 15+yrs, and 4 children
  • replies: 2

Hi all In Jan this year i found msgs between my husband and one of his work colleagues. Once confronted he said it had stayed as a friendship and crossed the line for about 2.5mths, and she ended up kissing him and he decided that irs not what he wan... View more

Hi all In Jan this year i found msgs between my husband and one of his work colleagues. Once confronted he said it had stayed as a friendship and crossed the line for about 2.5mths, and she ended up kissing him and he decided that irs not what he wanted to do.... he wanted to fix things at home. The msgs i read seemed to support this but there had been ones that had been deleted. Anyway, a week later, he moved into a little unit to sort this head out. He claimed he just couldn't get over what he had let happen and done to me as he was the most in love and happiest he's ever been with me. So we started as seperated but not broken up....then he said he just couldnt see past it, then he could,then he couldnt. Then it was he couldn't unblur the line with her as he still had to have alot of contaxt with her for work.....throughout the last 4mths he's been flat out lying to me, sleeping with me still and making out like we possibly had a chance. Then i got phone records and even after him telling me they onky have contact for work purposes, the phone records told a completely different story. And he still tried to pass that off as only worl and him telling her he couldn't be with her. He then ended up moving 45mins away, still telling me she's not in the picture, we slept together the night before he started applying for all these houses! And i had heard she was moving to the same place he coincidentally was trying to get a house. Anyway he moved, and i found out she's actuslly staying there with him when she doesn't have her child and our kids aren't there!! Why lie!! Anyway, I'm heartbroken and so sad all the time. I've stayed seeing a counsellor and she was great. But its at night i have the most trouble i just csnt get the thought of them being together out of my head. How coukd he do that, did 15yrs mean nothing...... I'm stuck in or family home at this stage, its taking its toll. But our 17yr old is mid way through yr12 so we can't really move atm. I just feel stuck.... and unable to move past the feeling of wanting him to be with me and i hate it. I know time will help, but.... it's really hard.

PurpleRed How do I drop this "friend"?
  • replies: 2

I'm a 26 year old online content creator with a modest following. I became friends with another content creator with a slightly larger following. We met through a Facebook group for creators, and she was an admin. This was around August 2019. Fast fo... View more

I'm a 26 year old online content creator with a modest following. I became friends with another content creator with a slightly larger following. We met through a Facebook group for creators, and she was an admin. This was around August 2019. Fast forward to the end of 2019 - The group goes downhill fast. Her fellow admins have the claws out for me and many other members. I leave the group and don't return. She's upset I left. I warned her they'd do the same to her. A couple of months after that, they do the same to her and she gets kicked out of her own group around February 2020. It's now mid June, and she still doesn't shut up about them and how they've sabotaged her YouTube channel with dislikes. This woman is 39, btw. I feel like she's clinging onto me because I understand her situation. I'm so sick of hearing about it. I've tried ending the friendship to no avail, telling her I wont be online for a while, delaying the time between messages by a day, sometimes even days and even telling her directly that I don't want to be friends and I find her constant whining messages annoying. She always finds a way to weasel her way back in and she's always the one who always initiates conversation. I guess the question is: How do I get rid of her? I could just block her, but I don't want her telling people about my secret Instagram account. That's my main concern if I break this friendship off. Should I delete this IG account and just make a new one without her? Thanks for reading.

rainbowsunsets Depressive episode and losing friends
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am a first time poster here and I have depression and OCD. I have been in my high school friendship group for years, there are 5 of us. I am now 33. They have always been aware of my depression and OCD. They have never really understood but we ... View more

Hi, I am a first time poster here and I have depression and OCD. I have been in my high school friendship group for years, there are 5 of us. I am now 33. They have always been aware of my depression and OCD. They have never really understood but we have had our good times and when I’ve been well I’m a great friend and I don’t discuss my day to day battles with my mental health. Then when I have episodes I isolate and can’t find it within myself to answer texts or socialise. I have explained this to them. In the last three months I have been in the deepest and darkest depression of my life and I have just come out of it about a week ago. So I started contacting my friends to say hi and asked to catch up. One girl whom I considered to be the closest to me just sent me a text message ending our friendship a couple of hours ago by saying that she struggles with me cause coming in and out of her life and that when I am available she finds the frequency of my communication all encompassing and it stresses her out and effects her mental health. She said she has enjoyed our friendship over the years but feels we are going in different direction (this I don’t understand). Then she just says she doesn’t want to catch up and she hopes that I respect her decision and just wished me all the best. I text her back asking to talk on phone about it. She text back saying, “enough has been said and please respect my decision. The rest of the girls are not texting me back either. I think they are all gone. I am in shock and sad and don’t know why this is happening to me......

Guest0090 Blaming myself for them breaking up with me.
  • replies: 9

Hey guys. I'm going through a very rough break up. We were engaged and she broke our entire relationship off becausebshe couldn't let go of past issues. Mistakes I made in the past include opening up to her about my issues when she asked me to, this ... View more

Hey guys. I'm going through a very rough break up. We were engaged and she broke our entire relationship off becausebshe couldn't let go of past issues. Mistakes I made in the past include opening up to her about my issues when she asked me to, this relates to family issues and she said that it made her feel like her issues didn't matter. I actively tried to cope with these issues on my own because it isn't fair to put them on your partner but this upset her more because she felt I didn't trust her. I have explained multiple times that it is my issue and that i don't want it to affevt our relationship but it did. I couldn't be sexual with her due to these stresses, and explained that it was the stresses and not her, she's the most beautiful person in the world to me and I've never even looked at anyone else. She kept things from me for fear I would be angry if she spoke up. In the past I have gotten frustrated when she pushes issues onto me but I never ever get angry, I simply ask her to give me time to think about it and then we would work on a solution and things would be okay again.

Over_thinker Am I over thinking things?
  • replies: 8

I have suffered depression and anxiety for most of my life. Lately my anxiety is getting out of control and I can feel my depression creeping back. My husband has been texting and receiving texts from a coworker constantly. Most days they they text, ... View more

I have suffered depression and anxiety for most of my life. Lately my anxiety is getting out of control and I can feel my depression creeping back. My husband has been texting and receiving texts from a coworker constantly. Most days they they text, it could be about work related stuff or everyday small chat (football, what’s for dinner, just checking in to see how one is going) texting can be late at night when he is at home and sometimes up 3 times during the day morning, midday and nighttime with 10-15 msg being exchanged each time My husband and I have been together for nearly 25yr, married for 15 of those. Have 3 gorgeous children. I have spoken to him about it and he reassured me they are nothing but friends. She is 20 yrs younger then me and gorgeous looking. And I feel like I’m stuck in a mummy body. I am going crazy thinking about it all the time. Questioning everything he does.

pinktulip Parents and therapy *TRIGGER WARNING*
  • replies: 8

Hi there, I have a question about dealing with family when you have mental health issues and still living with them. If your parents are paying for your therapy/medical treatment and they get distressed with your mental state at times and then insist... View more

Hi there, I have a question about dealing with family when you have mental health issues and still living with them. If your parents are paying for your therapy/medical treatment and they get distressed with your mental state at times and then insist on talking to the psychologist or psychiatrist... (you've over 18) Am I meant to go to psychology or psychiatry appointments never with parents...? Also, how often should I have therapy? Because I've had the problem when I had 10 medicare sessions and I said I wanted to psychologist alone and my mother insisted on being in the room with me - normally, I had let her in. I mean if you thought you might have bipolar disorder and your mother thinks you react to all medications and starts saying how I reacted to fever medication when I was a baby (I don't now react to that medication in that way) and on and on re distress Or then I got worse so my parents didn't restrict to 10 sessions (because they said I didn't talk previously) and had weekly sessions... but there's been the problem where you haven't been told that a particular therapy was designed to be able to be implemented in group environments... but were told to go to a psychologist 1 on 1 (bought the workbook after the fact). It's like because I have my parents - people didn't tell me about the group option... Also, if I've been trying to do relaxing activities and these activities have been making me distressed... Then I get told to keep doing them... Or I was seeing a psychologist and then my parents decide not to go back to that one... Like it could be that particular therapy not being appropriate or person still training in it... Or being told to go to a psychiatrist... but you have been getting agitated talking to the psychiatrist - re condescending comments re a lifelong condition and smiling... Didn't want to raise it to parents but when I did; my mother was like... you should have said something earlier about it. Also, I'm not sure what I'm meant to do... Because I've had the experience where a psychiatrist told me I had the right to **** myself because I was over 18... But because my parents were there, the psychiatrist repeated this to them in the vicinity of her 5 or 6 year old daughter (which had been picked up from school by the receptionist) - If they hadn't been there, would they have believed me? So I don't like how confiding in my parents can distress them but if I do sometimes they distress me further.

white knight Relationship strife? the peace pipe
  • replies: 18

To marry my best friend sounds ideal, but thete was one problem, we both have firey tempers. We've been married 6 years. After 2 years we had to find a method of surviving our clashes. We both agreed we cant eliminate our temper, nor our need to stor... View more

To marry my best friend sounds ideal, but thete was one problem, we both have firey tempers. We've been married 6 years. After 2 years we had to find a method of surviving our clashes. We both agreed we cant eliminate our temper, nor our need to storm off in a desperate need to escape the other person. Having considered that, I came up with this solution. Couple A and B have an arguement and one storms of to his shed or her the bbq area. The rules are Never follow them initially Never drive Never leave the property. The one that stormed off has to feel that they wont be hounded. They need time out. This is a reasonable request. After a time often minimum 20 minutes max 1 hour one person will feel like approaching the other for reconciliation. It doesnt matter who it is. Pride has no place here. Person A approaches and asks person B if they'd like a cuppa. Person B might have thought they werent far off doing the same so they gave their cuppa. One rule here- no raising of voices. If person B refuses the offer it simply means they are still fuming. Thats ok. Person A returns indoors. It is then person B to approach person A for a cuppa when ready. You will be astounded how well this works...why? Because the time out period is so effective in calming you down. You are left alone with the knowledge that if the other person shows up it will be only to offer a peace pipe...a cuppa. You'll be comfortable that your partner wont drive dangerously or wont go missing and cause huge levels of concern. This method needs a commitment from both, promises set in stone. It works for us. Lately we have found less and less need to carry this out, rather we stop the person walking out and talk quietly and calmly. We short circuit the process. A key element is respect. Both persons feel respected. Either way its a winner. Tony WK

Lonelygirl2322 Confused and sad
  • replies: 3

Hi, first time posting here. I’m struggling a lot with my relationship. I moved cities to be with my partner, everything was going well but lately we are fighting a lot over small silly things, haven’t been intimate in weeks, he doesn’t give me any a... View more

Hi, first time posting here. I’m struggling a lot with my relationship. I moved cities to be with my partner, everything was going well but lately we are fighting a lot over small silly things, haven’t been intimate in weeks, he doesn’t give me any affection like kissing or cuddling. I have spoken to him about it and he says he still loves me but says he feels depressed about our relationship and isn’t sure if he wants to be together or not. i feel so lost and upset. I find myself crying daily and not sure what to do. I don’t know how to fix this and am scared that if it does end I’ll be alone as I don’t know anyone in this city.

Lauren_79 Struggling mum with special needs child
  • replies: 5

First time poster and really not sure what I’m expecting to get out of this. 3 years ago I finally separated from my verbally and sometimes physically abusive alcoholic husband. 2 years ago items bought to my attention my son (7yo) had problems at sc... View more

First time poster and really not sure what I’m expecting to get out of this. 3 years ago I finally separated from my verbally and sometimes physically abusive alcoholic husband. 2 years ago items bought to my attention my son (7yo) had problems at school and with behavioural issues that would preventing him to have the ability to learn. After Paedeatrician appointments, school appointments, psychologist appointments and what felt like hundreds of questionnaires I quit my full time job to focus on my boys needs. my life for the last 2 and a half years has been focused solely around helping him. Several therapies during school and after school, 18months of trialling up to 7 different medications and countless combinations of these medications. endless meltdown, emotional and physical. I’m not sure many know what it’s like to have your 7,8,9 year old child verbally and physically abuse you. It breaks you. It’s broken me. this weekend I Hit rock bottom. I’ve only been here a few times, and it’s like I’m in a black hole that I don’t want to, or can’t, come out of. I can’t communicate with my children or my husband. I can’t function to do my job. I can’t stop crying. I just want to sleep until it all passes.

blue_belle My boyfriend never wants to have sex with me
  • replies: 33

Hi, I'm a 30 y/o woman in a long term relationship with a 29 y/o guy. I suffer from bi-polar (mostly under control) & he suffers from anxiety & depression (he is on meds) We have been together for 2.5 years, live together, have created a home & life ... View more

Hi, I'm a 30 y/o woman in a long term relationship with a 29 y/o guy. I suffer from bi-polar (mostly under control) & he suffers from anxiety & depression (he is on meds) We have been together for 2.5 years, live together, have created a home & life together & we would like to head in the direction of marriage. In the past year, the sex has gone from amazing & frequent to non-existent... even before he started medications he has just not wanted it. He never initiates anymore, & then gets annoyed with me because he feels i don't initiate. The unfortunate thing is, that i really do try... but every time i do he is tired, or sick or not in the mood, or has something more important to do, or tells me my timing is terrible... so then i ask to plan it & he tells me it will feel forced & not spontaneous... but when i am being spontaneous - refer to the above. I've stopped initiating it. We are lucky if we have sex once a month, usually it is less than that & we are both physically fit, healthy & attractive. I feel so hurt, rejected & ugly. My self confidence is now non-existent from being constantly rejected. My self esteem is shot & i am so down on myself. He said this makes it worse & it doesn't really make him feel like he wants me when i am so down... but i am so down because he doesn't want me! It is a vicious cycle I really tried to open up to him the other day & talk to him about it. I was so scared & anxious. I felt physically sick because i knew he would get the shits. Anyway, i told him how i felt & he got upset with me & told me that i shouldn't put all the blame on him & i am acting like he is the reason i feel so down about myself... (even though it is true) he got very defensive even though i told him that i was finding it difficult to talk to him about it & was worried of the consequences & i was only telling him because i love him & want us to work. I don't know what to do. I travel a lot for work & he won't even be intimate with me before i leave for a week away... then nothing when i get back. He told me the other night before i left to go away for work, that he wanted to do it... then i went & prepared all excited, nice perfume etc... & all he wanted to do was lay on the couch. He told me he felt too awkward & forced. What do i do? I'm so depressed. He is great & i love him & want to be with him but i don't want to be in a sexless relationship forever, especially when i feel we can't talk openly about these things. I'm so down.