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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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white knight Narcissist partner, kids and all that drama
  • replies: 10

I married my first wife when she was only 19, me 29. I had no idea she'd turn or expose her narcissistic traits some years later. Silence was her most effective weapon, in fact it led to my only attempt on my life...one week later I left the family h... View more

I married my first wife when she was only 19, me 29. I had no idea she'd turn or expose her narcissistic traits some years later. Silence was her most effective weapon, in fact it led to my only attempt on my life...one week later I left the family home. That meant leaving my children with her and having fortnightly weekend access. As my kids were then 7 and 4yo I had to endure my ex every time we conversed about our kids. The body language, the minimal words, the refusal to allow things like my kids coming with me for parent and teacher night's...all these things were a constant battle for a further 14 years till my youngest reached 18. What kept me going was my dreams. A life without my ex, my own home, my kids visits. So when the child support stopped, so did my contact with her, a short letter "please never contact me again." That was 10 years ago. My girls now 27 and 31. My youngest sympathized with her mother and I have zero contact. My eldest is close to me. You can survive a narcissist. Be strong and wait for that moment when you are at peace. That came a few years ago when my eldest married. Are you doing ok in separation? TonyWK

Dappled_Deer Am I a bad person for considering leaving?
  • replies: 3

My partner of 5+ years has pretty severe depession. He goes through waves where he might be ok (or pretending to be ok) for months then all of a sudden will be at the bottom of the well. A few years ago was the worst and I honestly would not have bee... View more

My partner of 5+ years has pretty severe depession. He goes through waves where he might be ok (or pretending to be ok) for months then all of a sudden will be at the bottom of the well. A few years ago was the worst and I honestly would not have been surprised if he passed away. Thankfully he hasn't been that low in a long time. We are currently in a wave right now, and it was ok, till I found he had lied to me about something he promised he wouldnt do about 6 months ago and confronted him about it. Context, i'm the main provider. When he was at his lowest, he didnt work for about 2 years (a few casual jobs here and there), and he has a problem with impulse spending, so we have seperate finances. I've just found out he took out yet another payday loan several months ago for no reason. He just wanted money to spend. Luckily he is currently working, but if he wasn't this is something else I would need to pay for (I have bailed him out about 20 grand at this point). He constantly accuses me of thinking of nothing but money. And I do see why he thinks that. But its hard to have a relationship were you are constantly giving and never recieving. Im constantly giving him suppourt for his depression (he wont see anyone or take medication and his family are the "get over it" sort), im giving him financial stability, i do all the housework and cooking and groceries. I know he isnt capable of making truly rational decisions when he is depressed and I know this isnt really his fault. I love him so much, but i'm really struggling with this newest admission. I thought we were finally on the same page but its "my fault" because I wouldnt give him money. I have a few thousand as im tyring to save for a house deposit for us (and i fully expect to be the sole payer). I feel like im nothing more than a wallet. And i know i have enabled it when i was younger and wasnt aware of his diagnosis (he didnt tell me and wouldnt admit he had one). I also feel alone. All anyone tells me (friends, family even a counsellor) is that I should leave. But im so worried about what will happen to him. I know his family wont provide the suppourt he needs and he only really has 2 friends (both of whom have their own problems but are lovely people). I feel trapped by my own feelings because I do love him so much, but im realistic enough to know that life is more complicated than "love conquers all" as much as i might wish that were true.

Madeline07 Nobody knows I’m suffering in silence
  • replies: 3

Hi There, I feel like there is something wrong with me, like I might be broken, or missing a part? I had my first child in July 2019 and I think I may be suffering with Post-natal depression (if it’s still called that after the baby is a year old) In... View more

Hi There, I feel like there is something wrong with me, like I might be broken, or missing a part? I had my first child in July 2019 and I think I may be suffering with Post-natal depression (if it’s still called that after the baby is a year old) In the months that followed birth I was crippled with anxiety and bouts of depression, I didn’t seek help (I was too anxious) and eventually things calmed down and I began to settle in to my new life. However, recently things have gotten bad again. I’m so quick to anger, over the smallest of things, I’m irritable, I feel so incredibly low and weighed down? I cry often, and not just a few tears, full breakdowns, I have no motivation, no focus and feel so flat. I’m constantly exhausted and drained. I’m truely starting to hate myself and how I look, I try not to look at myself anymore and I avoid getting any new clothes because I don’t think anything will look nice on me. I feel like a big fat toad. I have thought about ending my life, but I do know that deep down that’s not what I want. I have thought about running away, and often. I don’t feel like I’m a worthy mum. I absolutely love and adore my child, so please know that they are safe. what hurts me the most I think is that no one notices how much I’m struggling. My husband doesn’t see it, my mum doesn’t and my friends don’t either, I feel like I’m in so much pain and no one can tell. I know I need to get help, but I’m so scared. I just want to be the best me, so I can raise my child well, I don’t want my struggles to effect them.

Sarah89 Hating new mum life
  • replies: 9

My baby is 2 weeks old, and while I love her, i hate the new mum life. I was massively under prepared. I feel like I cannot deal with the no sleep, I hate her screaming and and me not knowing what she wants, i hate that i dont have time to do even th... View more

My baby is 2 weeks old, and while I love her, i hate the new mum life. I was massively under prepared. I feel like I cannot deal with the no sleep, I hate her screaming and and me not knowing what she wants, i hate that i dont have time to do even the basics, eg shower, clean house. I feel at my wits ends lots of the time, like I'll go insane. My baby barely ever settles and i feel like all i do is hold her all day. I feel like i cant even fit in time for things like tummy time etc. Everyone tells me this phase will pass. But ive barely made it 2 weeks... i dont know if i can cope much longer. People say sleep when baby sleeps... baby doesn't sleep long enough for me to get to sleep and when she does i feel like i am doing other essential jobs like eating, toilet, cleaning breast pump things etc. People also say get others to help, well there is minimal support from others for me. I dont know how to get more sleep or make it through this newborn stage

rcjy I'm at my wits end - need help with dealing with my husband's anger
  • replies: 11

I've been married for 8 years and have 2 kids. My husband has been going through some issues and recently it has gotten a lot worse. He has a choleric personality in which is ambitious and very goal oriented. He had this plan where he wanted to be su... View more

I've been married for 8 years and have 2 kids. My husband has been going through some issues and recently it has gotten a lot worse. He has a choleric personality in which is ambitious and very goal oriented. He had this plan where he wanted to be successful by 30 and make enough money so that he could quit his job (in which he hates - this job pays him enough to support the family quite comfortably). He has had this goal in mind since he was in university. I, however, am very passive in everything I do so earning lots of money has never been my goal. I take things too easy, I'm laid-back and very indecisive, therefore, when we got married, it was perfect. He makes the decisions, I trust him and follow. But life being that it is, doesn't turn out the way we want it to be. To make enough money, my husband and I invest in many businesses or projects to achieve his goal and not one has been successful. In fact we have lost a lot of money in these investments. They are not scams, they just didn't turn out the way we wanted it to be. With my personality, I say "let it go and move on. Try again". With his personality, he says "I'm a failure, things don't go my way. I'm angry and frustrated that I can't achieve my goal". Now, it has been many years and we are still where we are with 2 kids. It has now come to a point where he can't control his anger. He's shouting at home and he's now angry at my 'don't care' attitude. This 'don't care' attitude is my way of letting things go so I don't need to deal with his anger. I am now at my wits end and I snap back at him more and more now. One time I lost it and starting throwing things in the house. Our kids cried when they saw me. He has seen a counsellor for his issues (this was a few years ago) but after 8 sessions, he says it's not working. He says "this is how it is with life, I am a failure and nothing goes well for me. I don't know why I'm living. You should have never married me, you should have been with someone else. We should not have had the kids" He keeps saying he wants to turn back time. I should add that he plays games to take his mind off things but if he loses in the game, he snaps. I need help on how to deal with the situation as I can't seem to hold back on my own anger now because of his frustration. I snap when he snaps. It is getting out of hand. Should I just leave but that seems like running away from the problem.

Lilaa Am I wrong in my feelings or my decisions?
  • replies: 19

Not sure where to start but to put this simply, I live with a perfect man,husband and father to our daughter and I'm somehow always sad,lonely,rejected,neglected and depressed. There are many times when I convince myself that I just need to change th... View more

Not sure where to start but to put this simply, I live with a perfect man,husband and father to our daughter and I'm somehow always sad,lonely,rejected,neglected and depressed. There are many times when I convince myself that I just need to change the way I look at things and be appreciative but there are even more times when I pay attention and do not see myself being in the picture. Days and weeks passing by and him not engaging in any meaningful conversation with me other than managing our daily affairs. We 've been married for 15 yrs and I clearly remember being extremely happy and satisfied for the first 5 years or so until our daughter turned about 1 year old which also coincided with him starting his own business for a couple of years and gaining extensive recognition. He is otherwise a very successful man but there was something that changed him when he built something from scratch and lived that kind of feeling. He had to close the business due to some issues afterwards but the feeling remained with him I think. I can't really decide what changed him between being focused on our daughter and what happened at the time of his business or that it is just what marriages end up to be after a couple of years. I have been withdrawn and spend my time at full time work, housework and movies etc. he spends all his time at full time work, with our daughter, reading and learning new things. We go out on weekends and stuff but I can’t really say we are together. It is like we are hired to play husband and wife and we are doing a great job, but I never feel he is really there. If I do not plan for a weekend, then we don’t do anything. If we are with friends, he never knows I am there too. He never gets upset or angry and never with me unless I get upset or angry and then he says he has similar problems with me too and then we argue. We resolve the argument after sometime but what I had been upset or angry about remains there which most of the time is about his lack of attention or real care. I am lazy with eating and he is happy to offer me food or cook and we each have our roles in the house work but he never knows how I feel or thinks about asking me about anything beyond managing day to day affairs. I feel like he stopped loving me long ago but is either too kind and polite or cares so much about our daughter that would not do anything about it.

user981 Girl pushed me away and became toxic
  • replies: 2

I used to be very close with a girl. After a few months I noticed things started seeming a little off with her. Things started going downhill and she has mentioned to me that she's got depression and has been hurt so many times in the past. As things... View more

I used to be very close with a girl. After a few months I noticed things started seeming a little off with her. Things started going downhill and she has mentioned to me that she's got depression and has been hurt so many times in the past. As things went downhill she still was close to me in a way but not the way things used to be. There are times where it's like she pulls me closer and then pushes me away because she doesn't want to be attached to me. When I try having conversations with her to talk about issues that are affecting our relationship, she usually gets upset and tells me to leave her alone or tells me to go away. She became really toxic after things started going downhill. Has this got anything to do with mental issues or is this really the person she is? I feel like she tries avoiding conversations with me because maybe she knows she's the one that's made things bad? It feels like I have stuff trapped inside me that I can only get out by talking to her but she doesn't want to talk to me, she got more toxic towards me. I asked her did you ever care and she said no. I can't trust anything that comes out of her since she's lied about so many things and once again I don't know if this has to do with her mental issues? She once used to say she loves me and that she cared. Oh well..

Chloe_Annelise Broken up feelings and left confused
  • replies: 9

So my now ex partner and I had been dating for a year and a half and we were very close with each other and each other’s families. I met my partner and then a couple of months later my parents split up after being together for 20 years and my partner... View more

So my now ex partner and I had been dating for a year and a half and we were very close with each other and each other’s families. I met my partner and then a couple of months later my parents split up after being together for 20 years and my partner saw everything that happened and it took a bit of a toll on his mental health yet he was always there to support me and love me no matter what and I was always there for him. Times were tough but we got through a lot and when living with my mum there were many times where my partner would see us have a bit of an argument. My partner use to tel me that it’s not normal for the way my mum treats me and I use to get upset and he use to always say that he hates seeing the person he loves get hurt. Anyways our relationship continued and things got really good until covid lockdown 1 came down and we got through most of it until we had a break from one another because he found things too much and too stressful which was totally understandable, we went through 3-4 days not seeing each other and then resolved our issues and then we were stronger then ever! We started getting back out to the gym and lifestyle was back on track and then lockdown number 2 came and my partner started to have a bit more anxiety and i saw his mental health slightly dropped and I had all my personal issues going on at the same time and he was studying and also he was worried about his family too for some reason. Things were busy for us at times but he use to always complain about there was no gym and his anxiety wasn’t good although he bought gym equipment etc.. one night he met a friend of mine that I just became friends with again and that night my mum and I had an argument in front of everyone. My partner went home and later told me he needed a big break because everything was getting to him. After a week I contacted him asking if we could meet but he didn’t sound interested and I took that as a sign that he wanted to break up so we argued for a bit and then I broke up with him. I later regretted my decision and called him up and apologised and explained that it was in the heat of the moment. He said that he just needs to move on and he thinks that stuff would happen again if we got back together. I just want to know if he’s ever gonna come back around or even miss me... I’ve gotten off social media fully and he’s still on there posting his thing and we haven’t spoken in a few days since he said he doesn’t think we could go back.

S1980 May have been in an emotional affair, feeling used and stupid
  • replies: 7

A married man from my child's school recently befriended me. I was foolish enough to think he was a genuine friend, 4 months of daily chats, weekly meet ups.. fell for all his compliments and lines.Because I wouldn't cross the line our chats were jus... View more

A married man from my child's school recently befriended me. I was foolish enough to think he was a genuine friend, 4 months of daily chats, weekly meet ups.. fell for all his compliments and lines.Because I wouldn't cross the line our chats were just friendly.. I really enjoyed having someone to talk to and didn't realise what an emotional connection I had with him. About a month ago he just completely stopped talking to me, acted weird when we crossed paths at school. No explanation. It's left me feeling played and foolish. I'm pretty sure he just found someone else to pursue after he couldnt get what he wanted. But even though I see his true colours I can't stop thinking about him. Feeling hurt, and still hoping deep down we could still be friends. I can't focus and feel like a shell of myself. I know I need to stop wasting time and emotion thinking about him but why is it so hard even after this long. I feel stupid for feeling this way and it is affecting my day to day life. Why do I need validation from someone like him. I guess i keep thinking that if he still wanted to be friends I wouldn't feel like it was all a lie and a game to him. I'm really struggling to feel like my normal self.

Bananie1234 How to cope with long distance during Covid19
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, just wondering if anyone here have some tips on coping with a LDR during border closures? 3 months into dating, he left to be an expat just before the pandemic hit. We knew we wont be able to see each other much but we never expected it ... View more

Hi everyone, just wondering if anyone here have some tips on coping with a LDR during border closures? 3 months into dating, he left to be an expat just before the pandemic hit. We knew we wont be able to see each other much but we never expected it to be 7months and counting. prior to him leaving, We eventually agreed on keeping it going as we do want a future together but we will just focus on building a solid foundation first instead of forcing each other into a serious commitment to save the stress caused by the distance. i usually just refer him as “the guy I’m seeing” and i keep it low. I know many might see this as a red flag but i had the pleasure to meet his family a couple of times just before he left. (No point taking me to meet your family before moving overseas if you don’t see me in your future) As the border continue to stay shut I’m really starting to feel it mentally and physically. he seems to be coping it better than i am which makes it hard for me to express my frustration. (He’s away from his family and friends too and is in a foreign country.) I’m so afraid that he’s slowly losing interest in me even though nothing has changed between us communication wise. It’s been so long I’m starting to feel disconnected. i feel I’ve reached breaking point. (I also live away from family which isn’t making things easier) I’m starting to overthink and wonder where i stand in him anymore. I don’t know how to bring it up to him and I’m afraid to tell him. I think as much as technology keeps us connected, its just not the same. It’s harder to read emotions over phone calls and texts. i know I’m going to be feeling this way for another few months at least. I was hoping anyone would have any self care strategies to help cope with this? Whatever i use to do isn’t working anymore. thank you