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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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FedUpDad2020 Fed Up Dad - I need a win to see my son - Help - Any Family Law Hearing Tips badly needed
  • replies: 4

Hey everyone. I feel like I've exhausted all my family and friends with my ongoing issues with my 9 year old son's mother so I thought I'd come here for independent advice or help based on your experience. Mainly to give them a break and for me to ga... View more

Hey everyone. I feel like I've exhausted all my family and friends with my ongoing issues with my 9 year old son's mother so I thought I'd come here for independent advice or help based on your experience. Mainly to give them a break and for me to gain some fresh perspective. I haven't seen my son in 6 weeks. Why? Because his mother just decided to cease our care arrangement of 6 years, a 60/40 arrangement. She has just completely blocked all my numbers and refuses to answer to anyone about this. I quickly learned with no court orders she is not required in any shape or form to change this situation. I'm not going to do anything stupid and go around there. So I just sit here powerless. She refused mediation so I've engaged a lawyer and we did have a court hearing early September. But being in VIC and legal services being shut down as of today for 6 weeks, I assume it could be November before I now get my day in court and subsequently have any contact with him. 3-4 months for a 9 year old with no contact with his Dad amounts to child abuse in my eyes. I'm very concerned for his well being as his mother does not let him do any home schooling whatsoever and the education department are powerless to do anything... he's pretty much done nothing this year and lost a whole year of primary school. I now have evidence she is a long time meth user. She doesn't work and she hasn't paid rent in over a year... I know this because I'm the landlord! She is a pathological liar, to me, to him, to his school, to the education department. She has psychological issues and a drug problem but I have no avenues that I'm aware of to reach out to him. The DHHS even looked into it and palmed it off to Family First (orange door). She'll just ignore them too. The stress and depression it has caused me and continues to cause me concerns me and that's why I've come here. Maybe someone can suggest an alternative option that I'm not aware of. I've never gone more than a week without seeing my son since he was born and I'm staring down the barrel of 4-5 months... and the worst bit is I don't know what lie she is telling him as to why he can't see me or even call me! Thanks for listening.

Jenni78 living with family at this time.
  • replies: 1

HI, Im experiencing overwhelming anxiety living with my family at this time. My husband seems always aggressive, (he has not hit me or anything) yelling at the dogs, stomping around the house, slamming doors and calling everyone and everything every ... View more

HI, Im experiencing overwhelming anxiety living with my family at this time. My husband seems always aggressive, (he has not hit me or anything) yelling at the dogs, stomping around the house, slamming doors and calling everyone and everything every name he can think of. Today he slammed a door and an artifact that he has had for a long time, fell off the wall and broke. His anger is immense and I'm just trying to stay out of his way. I have just recovered from covid - 19 and waiting on a final clearance so I can at least go back to work to get out of here. I'm feeling sick and worried - I have no where to go (no local family etc.) and with all the restrictions cant go anywhere How are other people in a similar situation dealing with this - how do they cope with such an angry housemate although its not directed at you personally.

Autumnado Recent and first break up
  • replies: 16

Hey, new here, hopefully I can get some help even if this issue doesn't seem that big to many. I recently broke up with my first girlfriend of about 9-10 months mutually. She lives in another country, but wont move. I want kids, she doesn't. Makes se... View more

Hey, new here, hopefully I can get some help even if this issue doesn't seem that big to many. I recently broke up with my first girlfriend of about 9-10 months mutually. She lives in another country, but wont move. I want kids, she doesn't. Makes sense, right? We even want to stay close friends for the rest of our lives and for the most part, get along very well, which is why we dated online and even people that didn't know about us exclaimed how well we fit together. But since the break up (on and off since about March-May) I've basically fallen into waves of depression. I've never felt this before, nor been clinically diagnosed, but I feel like it's definitely the case. Every so often, maybe multiple times a day, a massive wave of sadness crashes over me, my chest tightens, I panic a bit, feel super alone, hopeless, physically painful and my thoughts get both sad and dark. Very dark from my normal self. I'm going to assume this is depression, unless someone tells me otherwise. I suffer from social anxiety, I'm a 28 yo man (in 5 days from this post) and this was my first "proper" relationship. I was extremely happy, the happiest I've ever been. But now, it's quite the opposite. I feel like I know what I should do. Go out there, meet people, work out, eat healthy, better myself, etc. But, I just get this massive overwhelming sense of hopelessness and lack of motivation that prevents me from trying (nobody will talk to me at a cafe/etc). And because of the current state of the world, I can't exactly safely go outside to better myself and clear my head/thoughts right now either. And to top it all off, me and my ex have been arguing almost constantly since the break up because of, basically, me and how fast she's moved on. She no longer feels the way she did when she was with me. She moved on about 3 or so weeks after the break up (no boyfriend but, she is looking). Meanwhile, I keep begging her to change her mind about kids and moving here, knowing full well that she wont. Not exactly topics people just flip their decisions on. So I feel like my emotions and potential depression just force me into insecure panic attacks that just result in me begging her for answers and badgering her with questions when we should be close friends. Instead, she occasionally tells me that she thinks we shouldn't talk anymore and that she's falling out of love with me because of these arguments... ...So, I guess my question is... Anyone got some advice or help?

Npf1120 Separating with wife, but 5 year old is getting upset now.
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I posted a few weeks ago about separating from my wife, although it has been amicable, my wife has just told me that our 5 and a half year old is upset that he doesn’t want me to move out (which is happening this Friday). ive included him in... View more

Hi guys, I posted a few weeks ago about separating from my wife, although it has been amicable, my wife has just told me that our 5 and a half year old is upset that he doesn’t want me to move out (which is happening this Friday). ive included him in everything in the new place and he really likes it, But is there any tips on making it as easy as possible for him? Him and I have a really active time together and he will miss that when I’m not around. I am setting up the iPad to FaceTime him every night and I’m thinking I might pick them up from school mid week to take them home. I’ve also got a 2 and a half year old that doesn’t really know what’s happening. if anyone knows how to make this better for my precious boys I’d really appreciate it. cheers

katbar Wanting to leave but dont know how
  • replies: 3

Hi all I have been married for 21 years and have 3 adult kids. I am not happy in my marriage and have been this way for a while. My husband is 12 years older than me and has become increasingly jealous and suspicious of me. We are not very social and... View more

Hi all I have been married for 21 years and have 3 adult kids. I am not happy in my marriage and have been this way for a while. My husband is 12 years older than me and has become increasingly jealous and suspicious of me. We are not very social and don't have many friends that we see together. We spent a lot of time with our kids when they were younger with motocross and spent a lot of time traveling around the state. Now that they are 18 and 20 we are almost at the empty nest stage and find ourselves at home alone together. I became a nurse in 2012 and a midwife in 2017 and my social life has increased since then and I will go out with work colleagues every now and then. This causes problems between us due to the fact that it may involve going to a pub where there are guys that want to pick up chicks. These are his thoughts on the situation. I literally got the silent treatment for a week after i told him i was going out for drinks recently. I think most of the issue is with the fact that he does not have his own friends to go out with to socialise without me which i think is important. He also thinks i may have had an affair which is untrue but does not believe me. I am at the point of thinking i need to leave as i dont feel that we are on equal footing in our marriage and i feel that we would be better off apart as friends. I do not know how to go about telling him this as I am scared of his reaction.

ilovesweets Marriage more than 20 years and now so much hurt
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, This is my first post. I have been reading and watching for a while and can appreciate everyone's support on here, it is truly a great place to seek some guidance. As my title says, my husband and I have been together for 22 years, 17 ye... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first post. I have been reading and watching for a while and can appreciate everyone's support on here, it is truly a great place to seek some guidance. As my title says, my husband and I have been together for 22 years, 17 years of those married. There is an age gap of approx 10 years between us and we met when I was in my mid 20s and him mid 30s. When we met I had left a previous relationship and had a 14 month old son, I left the previous relationship of approx 5 years because I was unhappy, did not feel valued and he was a heavy drinker and seemed to have more fun with the mates than focus on us as a family unit. I felt I was there to serve, keep house and not much more. When I met my husband, he was a nice guys, very different to what I was use to, quiet, intelligent, reserved and full of manners. All attractive qualities in a partner, just not your outgoing, social type of guy, but I thought well that is not a big thing, he had friends, long term ones and was a nice guy, opened doors for me the whole bit! I did not want to get involved straight away, as I had just come out of a relationship and had a young son and wanted to get myself settled, so we were friends, went on dates, met his friends but nothing romantic for approx 9 months as I wanted him to be sure he knew what he was getting into (with a son) and if I really wanted to get involved with someone again. Fast forward a few years and we have had out ups and downs, lots has been accomplished together, goals achieved, he is a hard worker but very critical of how I do things, a perfectionist and very slow at getting things done because in his eyes they have to be "perfect". He is frugal with money (which has got us where we are) but the downside of this is money is not spent on making our lives easier. The old saying "you do not pay someone to do something, you can do yourself". My relationship with my son (fast forward 20 or so years) has broken down and a couple of years ago he moved out of the house (at my request) and consequently I have not had any communication with him, which hurts. Parting ways comments like "i hate him" really sting. I feel I have let myself down for not stepping in earlier to correct the damaging behaviour of my husband. We now have 2 boys of our own (10 & 12) they are now starting to push back on my husband and I can see the whole repeat happening.

MandaC 15 year relationship, was it for nothing?
  • replies: 17

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 15 years (16 in November) and we have been having issues for maybe the last year and a half. Pretty much since he started hanging out with new people. Anyway, he has been drinking to excess everyday, ... View more

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 15 years (16 in November) and we have been having issues for maybe the last year and a half. Pretty much since he started hanging out with new people. Anyway, he has been drinking to excess everyday, is at the pub minimum 3 times a week and gambles a lot. My issue is when he drinks he is a different person. He rarely remembers what happened when he wakes the next morning, which is fine for him, but not for me as he is usually quite mean in the things he says when he is drunk. He usually says things like he is going to leave me, he has had enough, im stupid etc. Last night was really bad where he said he wanted to move and I said i didnt (because i dont want to move away from family and be someone where i have no one, and my dad is also not in the best of health) so because of that I dont love him and have never loved him and ive just used him for 15 years (thats the nice version). He also accuses me of cheating all the time which i would never do. He was saying that his life is worthless etc. He said he left his kids for me and i have done nothing for him. His kids are still in our lives, i have always made an effort with them (they are all grown up now). He stormed out of the house and has not returned. I tried to call him a couple of times this morning to see if he was ok but he didnt answer. I sent a text saying if he didnt want to talk at least let me know that he is ok please and I got a text back saying "ok". that is all the communication i have got. Last year, he left me without warning but came back 2 or 3 days later realising he had 'made a mistake'. This was after he had an affair and i forgave him. i dont know what to do. Is this it? I have stood by him with all that he has done, been there for him through everything. I feel so alone and lost. My best friend is gone.

Notanurse Relationship dilemma
  • replies: 4

The past year or so ive been in an internal battle with myself on being a proud single woman happy to not have a partner and more than capable of being a single mum by choice(through donor sperm and IUI) and wanting a partner. Ive been through financ... View more

The past year or so ive been in an internal battle with myself on being a proud single woman happy to not have a partner and more than capable of being a single mum by choice(through donor sperm and IUI) and wanting a partner. Ive been through financial abuse, sexual assault and verbal abuse in my past relationship so I guess that explains why I'm so cautious now. Every time I think about having a partner I want to throw up(literally) because I can't picture myself with an adult sized child(that isn't my own child) living with me, sleeping in my bed, being around, sharing a life with etc. I fear being in a relationship then that relationship breaking down and it all going sour like ive heard from friends many times where the guy takes absolutely everything leaving the woman in the dirt basically or trying to take the kids and court orders etc, all that scares the hell out if me! I'm lucky for now that my sons father refuses to be in his life, things are peaceful for me now and I dont want to change that by bringing a stranger into our lives. Plus im also terrified of a potential partner stinking like a dead animal because he doesnt know how to keep up his own personal hygiene(reference to the ex there..), like im not your mum and im not a cat that licks you to get you clean. But then I think all traditionally and that marriage is the next step in life and having a partner would mean I get help with future kids or even buying a house which I might not be able to do as a single woman. Its such a frustrating battle in my head. I jump on these dating apps and see what's there maybe something will instantly click but nope, and I don't have time to just go out there unless Prince charming who meets my long list of yes shows up on my doorstep. I want to talk about this stuff with my psychologist but ive never been very open in talking about that stuff with anyone in person.. but I need to get my mind in the right direction sort of thing.

Lost_in_my_Thoughts Partner has been lying
  • replies: 3

so about 2mnths ago I was suspicious that my partner was chatting to other women and I had this feeling for a while. I finally decided after asking and getting no where to go thru his phone which came up with multiple pics and videos that had been ex... View more

so about 2mnths ago I was suspicious that my partner was chatting to other women and I had this feeling for a while. I finally decided after asking and getting no where to go thru his phone which came up with multiple pics and videos that had been exchanged with women. I then asked him about and he said yes he had met up with 1 but only to drop some stuff off to her and didn't believe him at all so I decided to msg this girl a month ago and she responded a week ago saying she had no idea about me and the kids and felt guilty (wasn't her fault) she also showed me a msg that he had sent to her a month prior saying im sorry I have a family please don't tell her anything. We had quite a good conversation and she came out with all the answers I needed to know. They had met up once back in April (I checked my msgs from back then between partner and I and he had a diff story) she also said that they were going to meet up again on a date a sea later and it worked out to be the same date as i miscarried. We had a good/great sex life but during covid our let our hair down nights became an everyday thing for him as i am working i knew but didn't know how bad it got. After confronting him with all the facts he then somehow made it my issue as i didn't have time for him (he was out every night) He then blamed her saying she was all over him and what was he spos to do I told him I needed my space and took off my engagement ring he then started to accuse me of cheating (I am loyal to a fault) and started crying saying he would kill himself, that i dont care about his feelings and it meant nothing.. ao last night I thought i would let my hair down a bit and as we were becoming touchy with each other I couldn't get what happened out of my head, at the start he was cool and gave me my space to breath but this morning he has woken saying last night was a waste of time. I love him we have been through so much together but I dont trust him. He doesn't understand how hurt I am considering when we met he knew that cheating was a big "NO" for me and he agreed He is constantly looking over my shoulder if I am on my phone and becomes very over the top when he doesn't get the answers that he wants me to say and it makes me nervous.

kiyojordie My ex is a mother enmeshed man. What do I do?
  • replies: 2

About 3 months ago my (25F) boyfriend (22M) suddenly broke up with me. He had recently moved in with me and was getting a lot of trouble about it from his mother who suffers with severe mental illness. She first called me a snake and said I was teari... View more

About 3 months ago my (25F) boyfriend (22M) suddenly broke up with me. He had recently moved in with me and was getting a lot of trouble about it from his mother who suffers with severe mental illness. She first called me a snake and said I was tearing her family apart (even though it was completely 100% his decision, even I was surprised he wanted to move in), then argued and insulted him on a daily, yelled, cried and begged him to come home, and called him every single day having hours long conversations. I witnessed him having mental breakdowns over her insults. She had always controlled him and said things that impacted his self esteem, and as a result of all of this he developed bad anxiety that led him to believe that if he didn't answer the phone or make her happy she would commit suicide. There are so many things I could get into, such as him having an emotionally distant father, spilling all of her relationship issues onto their son and using him as an emotional crutch. To put it plainly she is toxic and he is enmeshed. The problem is that he doesn't realize any of this. I was the one that pointed out his mental health problems and told him months ago to see someone, but he denied it. He doesn't really see the issue with his family situation and views it as normal, however it has affected his ability to make and maintain close connections (I was his first best friend and first relationship). As a result, the reason he gave me on why he broke up with me was that he didn't want to commit and admitted he has commitment issues. We had been together for over a year and his mum was pressuring him to think about the future and having kids. I think he panicked and went back to what felt comfortable. It was a decision made when he went to visit his parents for one night. I know he still loves me. He messages me every day and still flirts with me. At this point I just wish for him to have a happy, healthy life because I still consider him my best friend. How do I help him? He still refuses to see a psychologist and I've been trying really hard to encourage him to go. I know that this shouldn't be left up to me, but his parents only enable him and he doesn't have any other close friends. I don't necessarily wish for us to get back together. I'm just not sure what to do for both my peace of mind and his happiness.