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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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J_H Partner distancing herself from me - and no one else
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, First time poster.. My partner has just been told she has depression. Is it normal for a partner to distance themselves from partners only? Im noticing no efforts in organising time, events or activities together, however she still puts ... View more

Hi everyone, First time poster.. My partner has just been told she has depression. Is it normal for a partner to distance themselves from partners only? Im noticing no efforts in organising time, events or activities together, however she still puts in a lot of effort with friends to do so. Im even noticing a lot of changes in communication between us too. Should I be taking this personally? Is it me? Now I am starting to question and doubt myself. I try talking to her and she is very confused and now feels as though she needs a break from me? Although nothing has happened between us to onset this depression. Im feeling very confused and now very anxious that things will just end. Any advice or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated. Especially final outcomes. Thanks in advance.

Advicerequest Marriage after betrayal and conception stress
  • replies: 3

Has anyone successfully recovered after a betrayal? My husband was sexting with a colleague, apparently it was only the one time, which they both confirmed when asking immediately when I found out, I checked with her first before she could discuss an... View more

Has anyone successfully recovered after a betrayal? My husband was sexting with a colleague, apparently it was only the one time, which they both confirmed when asking immediately when I found out, I checked with her first before she could discuss anything with him. This was two months ago and every now and then I get overwhelmingly insecure and his response just feels like he doesn't care, I feel pethetic and should just get over it. But I just want to ask him to show me his phone. We had a couple of councelling sessions and they said we're good, we are a strong couple and he's not a repeat offender. But I just have one of those days today where I can't sleep, I can't get it out of my head and feel overwhelmed. At the time when I asked what happened to trigger it, he said I called him fat. I have absolutely no recollection of ever saying that about him, and it's just not something I think. I asked if it could have been misinterpreted but he said no, you called me fat. I have so much guilt and agnst about this. People say it's not you but in this case it is, it was me, it is my fault that my husband cheated on me, I caused it. I'm really struggling to get over the regret. I completely stopped drinking just in case I said it whilst drunk. He said he would stop drinking as it happened when he was drunk. But he hasn't. I feel like I'm putting in the effort and he isn't. He has focused on one thing which is saying I love you. I'm going to sound picky but it's usually just a mutter under his breathe, but it'll have to do. Secondly we've been trying to fall pregnant for almost 2 years. Again I feel I'm making the sacrifices and he isn't commiting. I get that guys tend to focus on only one thing and think that's enough. I suppose I just needed to let that off my chest, but wondering if there is success after cheating. I know normal is out the window but I just want the pain and worry to stop.

EmeraldEmphasis more love for drugs then me
  • replies: 6

I have been in a relationship for around 4/5 years now. My partner has always been a heavy drug smoker throughout that time, however it never effected our relationship as we weren't living together. i have asked him to cut down - to only smoking on w... View more

I have been in a relationship for around 4/5 years now. My partner has always been a heavy drug smoker throughout that time, however it never effected our relationship as we weren't living together. i have asked him to cut down - to only smoking on weekends etc however its truly an addiction and he gets aggressive, tense and honestly awful to be around if he doesn't smoke for even a day. like most young people, he doesn't believe the drug is addictive however the way it makes you feel, the chemicals released and the tobacco its mixed with is addictive. he has said he will never quit and i think in all honesty its time for me to end the realtionship. He would rather spend his money on it then go out on a date with me, pay bills (which i pay all of), i've had to lend him money, he literally doesn't want to do anything with me...like wont even engage in a conversation unless stoned. Here are some other things (these happen both stoned and sober) - he wont eat unless I make it/offer it (and if i don't he will have a starvation strike) -if i do buy food to make he is too lazy to make it (simple as making a wrap) - i buy the groceries, as i am the one cooking and in all honesty he wouldn't spend his money on food even if there was none in the house -if i asked to go out there is always an eye roll or a 'uuurgh why' -he doesn't like living the house unless its to pick up drugs or see his friends to smoke it -wont offer to make me a coffee, food, watch something however if i don't he'll get up and ask why i didn't offer him -will come in at night asking to cuddle after he has spent the whole day not engaging with me -wont be affectionate or even think about having sex with me (See's it as effort) -i do all the washing/cleaning/organising and he does absolutely nothing to contribute (doesn't work) it sounds like i am being a negative person, but in all honesty i can't see the positives in the realtionships anymore. he wont come and hang out with me because he says 'sitting with you watching something is boring' and i have said 'well how do you think i feel, i don't wont to be sitting here watching tv'.

Annie0_0 Anxious - confused about my feelings.
  • replies: 1

Female, it will be our 6th year wedding anniversary this year. I suffer from anxiety and take meds for it. Im not happy I feel like something isnt right. I'm getting more confident at doing normal things, dropping my son off to school, hanging out wi... View more

Female, it will be our 6th year wedding anniversary this year. I suffer from anxiety and take meds for it. Im not happy I feel like something isnt right. I'm getting more confident at doing normal things, dropping my son off to school, hanging out with friends. I get anxiety driving but i feel like ive been getting better with that too. on the other hand Im having mixed feelings about my husband. It started when we had friends come visit us during the new years. and i was crushing super hard for one of them. it went away when I gave him a hug on the day he left but it left me feeling very confused. those feelings did subside though. I had sex with my husband thinking about a female friend sexually. afterwards i was in tears in the shower with my husband saying im gay. it made me feel happy saying it out loud, but i was still unsure about the statement, as at games night i felt an attraction for one of the guys there as well. after outburst my husband hung out with my friends gf . I was jealous. its been so many years since he did anything like that with me. we have 2 kids (5 & 2) so understand why not but its still hard to swallow. ever since then it felt like something clicked inside. I dont want to be in this relationship. i feel repulsed by sex and I have a hard time reciprocating intimacy. its going to get to a point where i'll have to say something. im sick now with a cold. I've had it for about 5 days now. Ive tried piece by piece over the years to bring up issues with him. i told him I was jealous. were going to spend valentines day together I feel it necessary to try. when im alone and have no one to talk to and thoughts of ive had enough, i want to move out and make my own life are at their strongest. but then he'll come through the door after work and give me a hug and then i feel guilty and sad about having these thoughts and then for 2 seconds when he's telling me about his day I feel like everything could be fine. talking here and writing it all out helps too. if anything else, thank you.

BocajP Partner Unwilling to Move
  • replies: 9

I am toward the completion of my undergraduate degree, and looking to commence a Juris Doctor in another city. I am currently based in Brisbane with my partner, who I have been with for one year. We are engaged. I have spoken to my partner and asked ... View more

I am toward the completion of my undergraduate degree, and looking to commence a Juris Doctor in another city. I am currently based in Brisbane with my partner, who I have been with for one year. We are engaged. I have spoken to my partner and asked them how they would feel about moving to be with me whilst I study. Every conversation on the subject results in him stating he is not going to move, despite the fact he only works a part time job and doesn’t have any goals to study or further his career. I have suggested he stays in Brisbane until he finds a job in the other city and then moves down at a later stage. I have also suggested long distance as an option, to no avail. Whilst I have 5 months to think about the decision as to whether I should stay and complete the Juris Doctor in Queensland or move, I am constantly feeling worried and anxious about the cessation of my relationship. I want to remain with my partner but am faced with a moral dilemma. I have always wanted to attend this specific university and I feel if I don’t go, I will regret my decision and lay blame on my partner. Should I stay in QLD and attempt to save the relationship, or follow my aspirations to study at this university?

nellie158 Questioning relationship over a pet.....
  • replies: 4

Just to give a bit of background: my partner and I have been in a relationship for about 6 years, but have only been living together for 12 months. When we first moved in to our house, I brought along my dog who I spent a great deal of time training.... View more

Just to give a bit of background: my partner and I have been in a relationship for about 6 years, but have only been living together for 12 months. When we first moved in to our house, I brought along my dog who I spent a great deal of time training. In the middle of last year we decided to get another dog. My girl lived with my parent’s dog when I was back at home and enjoys the company of other dogs, so we thought a companion would be good for her. My partner was adamant he wanted a male dog, so we got an 8 week old male pup. We took him to puppy preschool and tried to socialise him as much as possible, but from about 7 months he has been reactive towards people and other dogs he is not familiar with. I have been going through a reactive dog training program with him and working on desensitising and counterconditioning him. On top of this I work full time, do the majority of the cooking, cleaning, shopping and pet care. My partner works full time, mows the lawns and maybe vacuums and cooks once a week. I have really been struggling with my workload and have asked him multiple times to help me, whether it is helping with house duties or the dogs. He always says “yes I’ll put more effort in” then nothing changes. This is starting to get very hard on me because it means I don’t seem to find much time to relax myself (not great for my anxiety), while he goes off and plays sport or goes out 3-4 nights of the week. Is it horrible I am reconsidering whether this man is a good life partner over how he handles a commitment to a pet?

Estrangedandalone Estranged from my mother
  • replies: 10

I'm at a loss. I've recently had a very big falling out with my mother. It hurts to breathe I feel sick in the stomach. Can't sleep Can't concentrate. My dad passed 10 years ago and my mum became very controlling of my life. She became fixated on wha... View more

I'm at a loss. I've recently had a very big falling out with my mother. It hurts to breathe I feel sick in the stomach. Can't sleep Can't concentrate. My dad passed 10 years ago and my mum became very controlling of my life. She became fixated on what my little family was doing. She needed to know where and what we were doing how much money we had who we were with basically everything. I would often tell her lies because she would criticise everything I did. As a young adult she would tell me I was getting fat or would say picky stuff to me about my appearance. Then as my kids got older she would say your daughter is too overweight its your responsibility to make her lose weight the other needs a breast reduction, your daughters are spending too much money they are spoilt. Over the years she's called me cruel heartless weak and recently said I deserve to be alone. I know I should be able to accept criticism but I'm just tired of her telling me how to run my life. Our relationship was more like a dictatorship. I know my mum doesn't feel the same for me as she does my brother and my cousin. My cousin more like the daughter she wants. It's a pretty messed up family maybe I'm better on my own.

CoolBananas New relationship. Boyfriend decided to stop medication and pushing me away.
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 5 months. I knew that he had previously struggled with major depressive disorder and anxiety, and he opened up to me about this in our first few weeks of dating. Early on he was vulnerable, affectionate,... View more

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 5 months. I knew that he had previously struggled with major depressive disorder and anxiety, and he opened up to me about this in our first few weeks of dating. Early on he was vulnerable, affectionate, would send me flowers, and tell me he missed me when he was away for work. We have been in contact every day since we first started dating, even if it was just a message to say hello – he has commented on that fact that he likes thay I don’t ‘blow up his phone’. We got boozy with some friends one night in the first few months of dating (he also took illicit drugs) and when we went to bed he started saying that he was ruining me, and accused me of lying to him about liking him - I reassured him that wasn’t the case. As the months progressed, his communication went hot and cold – on his good days he would talk about future plans, adventures and I would feel loved, and then on his cold days he lacked any interest in my life and would show no affection. He has mentioned a couple of times about forgetting to take his medication for 2-3 days, and I am wondering if this coincides with his cold behaviour. Recently he has applied for a job that would require relocation, and he asked me how I felt about that, which I was supportive of. We have also briefly talked about moving in together, but that was over a month ago and he hasn’t bought up anything since. About two weeks ago he told me he has decided to wean himself off his medication, without going to see his GP. Since then he has been so distant, somewhat distracted, extremely lethragic, and has had little interest in sex – that last bit is so out of character as he normally has a high sex drive. He said it isn't me. My anxious self immediately thinks he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, and I am trying to understand whether him pushing me away is a result of his mental health, coming off his medication, or if he generally just doesn’t want to be with me anymore – I notice he can still maintain normal relationships with others. I am extremely patient, I give him space and wait for him to reach out to me, which he does – but I also make sure from time to time to let him know I care about him. I asked him today how he was feeling, and he got defensive and just said he was fine and if he isn't feeling great he will tell me. HELP!

Mark h Can you live in a marriage with NO romantic involvement?
  • replies: 9

Hi Everyone. Thanks for reading this. I need some advice and support. My wife of 23 years has recently told me that she wants a separation and I have to be honest in saying that this is all down to me and her not having any more trust in the relation... View more

Hi Everyone. Thanks for reading this. I need some advice and support. My wife of 23 years has recently told me that she wants a separation and I have to be honest in saying that this is all down to me and her not having any more trust in the relationship. I haven't cheated on her or been abusive in any way, far from it in fact. Those that know me would say that I am an 'over generous, fun, caring type' but I must admit I have done a lot of stupid stuff in my past. I have suffered from severe anxiety and depression most of my life and I am now 49 years old. I also have a psychologist and psychiatrist who help me get through but I am highly successful and love my family beyond words. My depression and more anxiety is due to an abusive childhood that has continued even to this day. I now live in Australia and my family are overseas so it is considerably easier now but it was very tough growing up. I am finding it so hard to cope with the fact that my marriage seems to be over and I just want to fix everything but I know I can't. My wife has had her faults too but nothing like mine. She says that she cannot see any kind of 'Romantic' relationship anymore but then sometimes she (after having a few drinks at night) tells me that she still loves me. She went away for three days with a friend and then yesterday she calls to say that she just wanted to hear my voice. We are not arguing, fighting or anything...it's all quite amicable but we have a business together and two teenage boys who live with us in the house. They have been told by the way and are coping fine. We still do the same things but she seems to be moving on with her life much quicker than I am. She hasn't found anybody else but it almost seems like it's a relief that she is not in this anymore. We still sleep in the same bed (but clothed), we still watch TV and chat. She says I am still her best friend but she needs complete space. She also seems to be without emotion too. I have tried to talk, explain and ask for her forgiveness here but right now, it's a very confusing time. This all happened 4 weeks ago too so it's very new. I have only two friends both of which are husbands of my wife's friends which is awkward. She keeps telling me that I need to manage my own happiness now but it's hard to move on. I have sobbed so much. I regret everything but should I now move on and do the kindest thing by leaving? I still want to fight for us but if it's only me fighting, then maybe I should admit defeat?

Rowan85 Lost
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm posting this because I feel so lost and I am struggling to connect with those around me, I just do t feel they get where I am at and I was hoping there might be someone out there that might get what I'm going through. I'm 35 and my wife of 10... View more

Hi, I'm posting this because I feel so lost and I am struggling to connect with those around me, I just do t feel they get where I am at and I was hoping there might be someone out there that might get what I'm going through. I'm 35 and my wife of 10 years has just told me she is no longer in love with me and has felt this way for a while. I made the decision to move out hoping that some time apart might change things. But after 2 months we are in the same place we were 2 mo tha ago. My family seems to resent my presence and don't understand that I still love her and I cant just let her go. I just feel the one person I have found in my life who really gets me and makes me feel whole and safe is gone, and now everyone around me expects me to move on and not think about it. I still love her and wish that she would call me and ask for us to back to the way it was. I just can't let her go, not yet. But everyone wants me to move forward, they don't like who I am now and want me to be back to my happy self, little can they realise that I can't be that person because i am truly lost without her. I am adrift and am not sure where my life is ment to go from here.