Have no friends and can’t make any.

[ZPav]

Hey,

I don’t know if this is the correct forum, but I’m just really lost, I haven’t had any friends since 2016 I’m 22, and have gotten worse at socializing and have really bad social anxiety and can’t have even small talk without going completely blank in the head with anything to say, I’ve been practicing at home and doing all that but nothing works, people don’t like me pretty much straight away cause they take my awkward/shyness as rudeness, I’m scared I will never be able to make friends I just started working out but it’s got a lot of older people in my class so can’t really make friends there, I hope this makes sense, I feel like along with all this I have possible ADHD or ADD but can’t afford a psychiatrist I just want to be a better person, it makes me feel really horrible. I saw a psychologist but they didn’t really help me learn how to get through the social anxiety or give any tips, I have nowhere else to turn to but here, there’s so much more stuff that’s going on as well, and family isn’t much help so don’t really have any support coming from anywhere.

[JacintaMarie]

HiZpav

I know how you feel, I'm the same, my social anxiety makes me awkward & horrible, I don't have many friends too.

Your on here so you're getting help and you will get better, just keep going.

My thoughts feel so real, at work I feel useless & stupid & worthless, though I'm told this is just my thoughts, my small talk I find hard to do too, my mind goes blank.

Anyway you've taken a great step in coming to the forum, things will get better.

[gucia6]

Hi ZPav,

welcome. It is great that you reached out. In my recent crisis I found lots of support here, I hope this will be the case for you too.

I am sorry to hear that the social anxiety is affecting you so much. I am somehow similar in this. I am awkward meeting and talking to people (event the ones I know and work with every day), small talk is a real challenge (this pulled me down so many times when I had interviews for jobs I really wanted, and failed), I haven't had friends since I was a child (I am 37 now). The whole definition of what a 'friend' should be is blurry, like what should I give, what should I expect, how attached should I be not too appear clingy or forceful, if that makes sense. Anytime I got closer to anyone the inability to trust, the fear of getting hurt again by the ones I care about was just too much, making me retreat to that place where my thoughts were taking over telling me I don't need anyone to be happy.

I think it is awesome that you started working out. Exercise is great in itself. And talking to older people is not necessarily a bad thing. They can be a great source of wisdom.

But what really helped me was opening up to those handful of people I feel relatively comfortable with and I took a 'risk' to trust them. I told them I have issues with socializing, and to my great relief they did not push me away, they showed concern and willingness to support me. To my surprise, they even told me they see me as their friend.

If you have someone like that, maybe you could give it a go?

Then I started practicing use of little questions, like 'how was your weekend?', or 'what are your plans for the weekend?', 'how is the work going?', 'how are the kids doing?' or just things I know we have common interest it. Well, sometimes it feels a bit artificial and unnatural, and I feel like a complete fool. But usually the conversation flows. Sometimes I would like more, but I am telling myself to take it slowly.

Other thing that occurred to me is that since I appear distant, why should I not take initiative to invite someone for cuppa? And even though it took quite a bit of courage, but it actually opened couple of new doors, and now I am having almost regular coffee with 2 people (separately, I am not yet ready for groups). After all, even though my anxiety stops me from acting, it does not define who I really am.

I hope some of this can help.

[Jasjit]

Hey Buddy!!

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story!!

I can honestly 100% relate to your story!!! I used to do exactly those things during my school time - you know making friends and all. But it came to a point where I literarily begged my classmates to be my friends - I was so so so desperate for someone to like me!!! What happened then? I lost myself. I lost my identity. My problems got worse, I suffered social, generalized anxiety, with depression - to even make it worse to hide my fears, I got into comfort eating.

But guess what? Now I am 22 years old and I have no anxiety/depression and in the best lean shape of my life. How? Well, one day it struck me really hard. I completely understood one thing that making other people like you is an endless pursuit which as a result is always (no matter what) frustration/anger/sadness etc. What I did was I did something completely for myself!! Only myself!! - like I always wanted to be in the best shape of my life, so I did that and went under fat loss transformation. But more importantly, it was life transformation!! Because I became fully vegan (only eating whole food plant-based) and started incorporating mediation/yoga/religious practices in my daily routine.

From then on, I started connecting with myself. All those fears, anxiety, depression issues I had DISAPPEARED!! Now I can speak in front of 100 people!! I am not conscious on impressing people! I am just myself. How? Why? Because now I completely know myself inside/out and in fact, I am blissful within myself. This is blissfulness is what attracts other people!! When you are happy within yourself, people would want to become your friend!!!

As I have mastered this, I would like to inspire others and help people out. Please tell me more about yourself? What do you like doing when you have free time? Any hobbies? I would really help you out!!

Talk to you soon!!