Christmas Dread

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't help that everything stops/closes for a period, contributing to that sense of isolation. I try and tell myself "it's just another day" and it's not even today, or tomorrow, but my body and mind are unconvinced, and I feel rubbish. I'm doing whatever it is I would normally be doing, but not feeling good. And I've ordered some yummy food to eat Christmas Day and bought myself a gift, but just can't shake the grossness and not sure what else to do.

[mmMekitty]

Oh, sorry, Hello Rxx & WaterFront,

You could also follow the link I have included in my post to Moonstruck. (Yes, Rxx, I know you have found that thread, already, so just in case you have lost it again, see the link below.)

Here it is again:

Xmas 2023 not always a happy time

or use the search thingy at the top of the page to find it.

I got a biggish family, too, maybe not as big as yours, Rxx, & I have been estranged from them for decades - except my sis, in recent yeas, because of some legal stuff which she was facillitating on my behalf. The renewed contact hasn't meant that our relationship has been reconciled - & i'm in two minds about whether or not I want to or not; it's complicated by mental health.

I would not want to do the big family get together either, no matter where it was. Getting there would be a major hassle for me. Even going to my sis's place, I'd rely on her or her hubby for transport to & from public transport, at least. I'd feel stuck out there, which brings up past problems for me... but I've no space to host people here, if I wanted, & morever, having them here would be noisy, & then my noisy neighbours would complain & that could easily escalate out of control ... I can't afford to get everyone into an hotel .... I don't know the answer.

Personally, I don't want to do all the social stuff anyway - all but the sing-along to Xmas songs & having yummy food together. those things would be fun.

& WaterFront, nice to meet you here on BB. I'd like to hear more from you about the feeling of being in the hamster wheel, in order to better understand what you are saying. It sounds like you get caught up in all the activity, trying to do everything, then collapsing with exhaustion & needing time to recuperate? Do I have that right?

&, Katy, if you are still reading, I miss your contributions & hope you are coping well with the weather, the season, & everything.

Hugzies, everyone,

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

[Argh, I forgot to post this before, so now it's after my other post here today.]

Hello Moon

Paw Prints has made a thread: Xmas 2023 not always a happy time

I trust this link will get you there, because I tested it.

But, of-course, you are more than welcome to make your own thread.

I have seen you around BB searching out a thread which talks about how Xmas & New Year is such a difficult time for you - it's like you are searching everywhere, like you are feeling trapped? The mess of Xmas expectations especially seems to be overwhelming for you.

Over the last few years, I have been asking myself, do I have to do the Xmas / New Year like how it's portrayed in public places, which ignores how difficult it all can be for very many people, including myself, & I realise, I don't have to cringe, or even run away. I can pick & choose what i like, as far as food, decorations, gifts for myself. Yeah, some things can't be substituted, such as the fact I'm not close to family, no close friends either to share everything as I'd like to... that is, simply, how it is. I tried to find people to share the day with, but my plans fell over because I need a support worker with me & I didn't find one available (& considering the public holiday cost coming out of my NDIS funding, I was unsure anyway). So, I'm making the best of what I can have, doing my best to not dwell on what I don't.

I am thinking, it looks like being a hot & humid (with possible showers & storms) Xmas day, & then more hot days to follow, so vegging out looks like a good idea. I might get a day with one support worker at their pool Wednesday, then go with the other support worker, Thursday, to their pool! That would be very welcome indeed.

Anyway, I hope you can find some fun & relaxing things to do, if only to take your mind off whatever everyone else seems to be doing - & if your mind strays into thinking everyone is happily enjoying everything, remind yourself, you've seen here on BB, that simply isn't so. There are many people visiting BB who are not enjoying this time of year, either.

Personally, I think the best answer to knowing others aren't enjoying Xmas or the New Year, is to try to find some way to help them to enjoy something about this time of year.

I don't know who said this, but I've heard it said that the best gift we can give is something we need ourselves.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[randomxx]

Hi mm and thanks for that.l actually wouldn't mind being estranged from most of mine tbh apart from a couple, it's just too much. Even to just find out where they're having Christmas or if it's a family one this time is sometimes a nightmare. lf l'm going all that way l don't wanna turn up to just 3 people l try to pick the whole family yrs to pickem all off one hit haha. When l use to live down there it was no drama lf l did wanna go it was just across town somewhere but it didn't even matter back then l'd just naturally see most of them here or there anyway.

But ldk, l wonder wth l'm even bothering for these days. l have the best ones by far at home anyway even if l'm gonna be alone that yr one yr l spent the day down the beach, it was bloody beautiful.

l wish families our size were more common l'd love to know how other people handle it when they live all over the place or if they even bother too actually.

[WaterFront]

Hi mmMekitty,

It's nice to meet you too. I've seen you around BB and read many of your posts and support of others.

I was talking about how throughout the year you just get on with it - work, family, routines and activities - distractions. When Christmas rolls around these distractions are not there (except family, for me. For which I am very grateful) and then you can get derailed into thinking about things that you've been avoiding (Yes, I know avoidance is not the best plan) - it just brings things up that I am really sad about and then I have to work hard in the new year to get myself back on track mentally/emotionally. Having said that, I have actually made a concerted effort in my personal development over the last few years, which was brought on by necessity, and I think I am making progress. 

Great to talk to you.

WF

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

I don’t do Christmas but in a society  where it is celebrated it is hard not to see others stressing. Christmas decorations appear in October.

I wish everyone a calm time and prepare tools to have for coping with judgmental and stressful people. 

[mmMekitty]

Hello WF

At this time of year routines can be thrown out of kilter. The actual public holidays themselves create problems if there are needs to be met regularly.

People want holidays from work, so close up shop or are not working during the week of Xmas & into the New Year. My support workers tend to do this. My psychiatrist is on his annual leave, the pharmacy where my 'scripts are held wants to get as many of us sorted for our meds so the week of Xmas won't be hard on them.

But I am old enough to recall when more days were holidays for the big supermarkets & every other shop down to the sole trader. We had to plan & shop ahead of time for our everyday things, like milk, & the only people moving around were going to or from someone's place or to a beach, or park maybe. Go into the city & nothing was open.

& finding you have more time on your hands because you are not doing all the same things you usually do, not going to the usual place, for work, I guess, you now have to find some other things to fill the days.

What about those things you didn't think you had enough time for during the rest of the year?

My own path into better health, 'self-improvement' if you like, began as a necessity, too. 

Now I am thinking about the pressure to do what is expected - how do I best respond? I don't want to give in & act as if I'm into everything Xmas & desperately try to be with people, to buy gifts, travel (public transport) to where these people are, eat all the food which is not so great for our bodies, & then eat more of it, go on & have a drink or two while I'm at it ... no I won't. I'd end up miserable, craving being by myself again, needing it, in fact, to recover & get my bearing again.

I find the best way so far is to not make a big deal of wanting to do my own thing, to not go into detail with anyone who does happen to ask. I've spoken more here, with the hope that those who want to do more & don't have family or friends, might still see how to enjoy Xmas. Even if alone, people can have fun.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Hello Quirky

Yeah, having both Hallowe'en & Xmas stuff out in October is ridiculous, I agree. & much of it is simply thrown away after the day has passed for another year.

What tools do you have, Quirky, for dealing with people who'd put stress on you to join in?

Thank you, for your wishes for us to have calmness in our lives. The world could do with more of that.

Wishing you a relaxing time, with no stress.

Hugzies

mmMekitty 

[Moonstruck]

Oh someone please tell me this horror story isn't coming around again soon but I am beginning to realise Its creeping up slowly with its cruel tendrils fertilised by the media and shopping malls...Its bloody torture....help me ....someone help me avoid it all this year?  Bah  Humbug!

[Merricat]

Hi Katy

I hate Christmas and Boxing day more than any other day of the year, even my birthday. This will be my 35th Christmas on my own with absolutely no contact from anyone.  

I more or less do what you do, something special to eat but I get lots of library books and audio CDs out to keep me occupied.  I wish I could just sleep through it.

Take care

Merricat 🐱

[Moonstruck]

I was talking to someone who had just returned from an island destination which crosses the dateline (or however you say it) e.g. if I depart from there Christmas Eve....I will get home on Boxing Day - missing Christmas Day altogether...yay!  what a wonderful idea....any other Grinches like to join me!