childless and struggling

[moosad]

Hi,

My first time posting here. I am starting to struggle with my infertility issues and that I am about to have a hysterectomy due to endometriosis and adenomyosis.

After trying for over 10 years to conceive and putting up with so much pain and surgery every 12-18 months, I have decided I have had enough and having a hysterectomy in November.

My husband is very supportive, but I have so many thoughts going through my head thinking that I am a failure because as a woman, the only thing I have wanted most in this life, I cannot have.

I have got a close support group of friends, but feel I cannot talk to them. When I do, I start crying and try to change the subject so I can hide the truth.

I finally opened up to my husband last week about how I am feeling as I have been keeping it from him too. But it is all getting too much. I am lacking energy and starting to not want to go anywhere or do anything. I try and put on an 'I'm OK' face at work. I want to be more involved with our niece and nephew and show an interest in what they are doing, but I am starting to struggle with this as well, thinking that I will never get to experience these moments with my own child. 

I wold love to be able to adopt, but I just don't think I am in the right mind frame at this point in time to consider it.

Sorry for waffling on, just thought it might help jotting it down.

Thanks

[Sophie_M]

Hi moosad,
Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like you’ve had an incredibly difficult time, and we can understand you’d be feeling rage, sadness and tiredness. It may be quite hard to express what you’re feeling, at the moment, but please know you’ve taken a really brave and commendable step in sharing here.
This is obviously an incredibly painful time, and it’s really important you and your family are supported through it. Please know that you're not alone with this, you can call the Beyond Blue helpline at any time, on 1300 22 4636. They can help you talk this through and will also be able to help you plan what's next so that you have that support in place. Reaching out is so important for those moments when you don’t know what to do.
We hope you're able to be kind to yourself through this, as you've been so kind in sharing your experience here. We can imagine some of your feelings would be really difficult, given what you’ve been through, but please know that in sharing this here, and in getting through so much together with your husband, you are showing incredible strength, resilience and love. We hope that you find some comfort here from our wonderful community, and please feel free to keep us updated on how you're going, whenever you feel ready. This community is here for you, any time.
Kind regards,
Sophie M
 

[moosad]

Thank you Sophie,

My Dr is great, she suggested I reach out and talk about it as well. 

It is a big step and I feel as it gets closer I will become more anxious about it.

It is nerve racking taking the first step to reach out.

Thank you once again.