Cause for concern

[mark8661]

My partner is going overseas for 5 weeks with her daughters. Originally, it was ment to be her and her 2 older daughters, however the ex husband has decided he wanted to tag along.

It caused alot of stress for my partner to make the decision and she eventually caved and said yes to more so please her daughter. 

The ex husband broke up with his partner to go on the trip.

He cheated on my partner twice in the past and they have been separated for 6 years. I don't trust his motivations in wanting to go, as he has said he didn't want to miss out on the trip with his daughters who are 25 and 22.

I am being assured there is nothing to worry about, however the bpd and overthinking in me is another story.

Am I right to feel anxious about it?

[Croix]

Dear Mark8661~

Welcome here to the Forum. It does sound an unusual situation.

May I ask if you had any part in your partner's decision to firstly go away on a trip with her 2 daughters and then on the question of her ex coming too?

Really speaking to make any intelligent comment one needs to know your attitude and the extent of your influence before saying much.

What one can say is a lot depends on how much you trust your partner. If sensible she will not only not receive any advances he may make but may try to let her daughters know how untrustworthy he is and how little relationships mean to him.

I have no idea of course on why he wishes to go, maybe it is simple as he has affection for his daughters and wants to be with them, then again it may be an excuse to leave his current partner, or even a hope of reestablishing relations with your partner.

Then agian if the family is originally from overseas he may be hoping to persuade his daughters to live with him there.

It is not a situation I would be happy with unless I had rock-solid faith in my partner, her love for you and common sense. in that case it is simply a question of how the girls end up viewing their father.

What does your partner say about the way the trip will work out?

You mentioned overthinking and BPD. This of course may make matters seem wose than they are. May I ask if you are receiving medical assitnce for these conditions?

Also do you have anyone in your life, a friend perhaps, to give you support?

You know you are welcome here anytime

Croix

[mark8661]

Thanks Croix,

Sp the tripnwas planned before pur relationship started. And I had no issue with her going away.

I am being assured he is going away with them purely to experience it with his daughters. 

And being assured by my partner that any and all feelings are well and truly dead towards him.

There are alot of guarantees and assurances being made, however doesn't alleviate the concerns I have.

I've had the discussion with her, and do have trust and faith she will do the right thing. But being burnt in the past several times doesn't help with the situation. 

In terms of the bpd and overthinking. Yes, I am medicated for it and have regular psychology sessions.

[Croix]

Dear Mark8661~

I'm pleased you hare getting medical assistance, and also that you have faith in your partner - no real relationship can endure if one does not.

I guess at times I've simply had to rely upon someone else and wait to see if things work out. It is not a pleasant experience and all sorts of unhappy endings can come into the mind. Still I'm glad to say my faith has most often been justified.

If you can keep in moderate contact -i.e. not all the time but a f relaxed schedule than that may ease your mind while they are away. I'd certainly not try to keep tabs or come ac cross as over-ancios, no matter what you feel inside. To contact more frequently would not really make you feel much better but might in fact make your partner doubt about the level of trust you have in her

Perhaps if you were to keep busy that might help too.

Croix

Hope all goes well

Croix