Being Brave

[Georgyp]

Hi all,

I have been with my partner for 10 yrs, and it has not always been easy. I have suffered terribly with hormonal issues for a good part of those 10 yrs , undiagnosed until recently. I tried antidepressants and every natural remedy under the sun to try and have some consistency with my moods. Anyway, long story short, i have felt misunderstood and blamed for my outbursts for years, I have asked for my partner to read or listen to podcasts that explains my hormonal disturbance, so he may be more understanding and not say things that trigger reactions. I asked for a separation the other day as i can no longer cope with trying to make an effort and receiving nothing in return, Im just so heart broken.

I understand he has probably had enough but at the same time I feel so let down that i didn't matter enough to him to try and help and understand me. I am a nurse and a very loving caring person and only wanted to have that reciprocated from him. I still love him and I know the decision to seperate is probably the right one, but I am really struggling to maintain my courage and brave face, thanks for listening 

[Croix]

Dear Georgyp~

Welcome here to hte Forum. I hope you find others here with similar problems about relationships.

I cna well understand your feelings of being let down and not cherished and looked after with  understanding.

I beleive in any partnership each has the welfare of the other at heart, giving understanding and love, and tying to smooth their path though life.

OK so you have been subject to an illness that makes you react -perhaps you are prone ot outbursts of anger or crying, - yes, I'm guessing. The thing is though a partner should be able to see these things for what they are, and instead of having an argument or retreating should 'ride over' them wihtout takng them personaly.

I remember wiht my late wife a family member in y=er younger years treted her badly and put her down all hte time. This became a large part of her life and at times when I said something quite  innocuous was faced with unreasoned anger. I knew the reason and would just grin until it passed.

A true partner should also take all reasonable steps to se what the nature of the problem is. Nobody expects someone to get a medical degree to understand, but listening to a podcast is not in the same class and seems a very small effort. Not going out of the way to help in such a small thing is very hurtful and naturally you do not feel valued.

On a separation like this there is often a tendency to remember the good times and not the bad ones. Then one can start to wonder if one is doing the right thing. I would suggest you make a conscious effort to remember the times that hurt as well

It is a big step, even if it can be the right one, do you have anyone to support you, a family member or friend perhaps?

I do hope now you have gained a diagnosis the hormonal problem can be lessened

If you felt like it I would like to know how you get on

Croix

[Georgyp]

Thanks so much for your kind words. I suggested we see a counselor yesterday as i thought it might be useful either way, i really would have liked the opportunity to try and have him understand what i have been going through mentally and physically, and even if its too late to selvage our relationship, i thought it might give us some communication tools to use whilst navigating a separation. He didn't see the relevance at all, its simple he said, sell the house, go 50/50, what else is there. His responses make me so angry inside, i wish they didn't, i virtually have to shut myself in my bedroom when he is home as i dont trust myself to not react to the things he says. Anyway, im trying to stay strong and focus on the positive aspects of separation, i dont have any family here in Australia so i do feel a little isolated, I will keep posting to let you know how its going, it helps to reaffirm why i sitting here in this situation, take care 

[Croix]

Dear Georgyp~

Well, I'm sorry that you are in this situation. My impression from your words is that your partner does not wish to try, after all counceling is not such a big thing, but no. Then perhaps an attitude to splitting up as if he does not care. If correct this is terribly upsetting, as if you were not important. you do not deserve such treatment.

The only thing that seems it might be reasonable is his pronouncement of splitting 50/50. If there is a separation and it can be arranged equitably then that is an enormous load out hte way.

I think you are very wise to refrain from saying whay you think when hurt or annoyed, I don't believe it would help eihter you or the whole situation. It is a new and difficult experience and as such not knowing all the details can work out unfortunate.  May I suggest if you are thinking of separation that you seek assistance at this time,one avenue if there is an office close to you is Women's Legal Services who have a branch in most states.

It's a pity you have no family close by to support you, can they do so from a distance, or maybe you have a friend to talk with?

You are always welcome here

Croix