Hi, I’ve found it helpful to write on here before and I’ve found
everyone’s responses comforting. I went through a break up almost six
months ago. We were dating for 3 months. The nicest and most healthiest
relationship I had ever had. I knew the guy...
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Hi, I’ve found it helpful to write on here before and I’ve found
everyone’s responses comforting. I went through a break up almost six
months ago. We were dating for 3 months. The nicest and most healthiest
relationship I had ever had. I knew the guy was reluctant to have
children and that this would be an issue because I grew up always
wanting them. It became an issue a few months in, as we were discussing
taking the next steps in our relationship. I had minimised how important
children were to me when we first discussed it. There truly was a part
of me that wanted to change my mind and weigh up the possibility of not
having a child. However, it was clear that we both had different stances
on this when we spoke more. I became really emotional and I felt that he
was becoming a bit reluctant about us. He was worried about me
regretting not having children. His reasons for not wanting them are
completely valid, he did explain all of those things to me. He was still
so kind to me despite these unresolved issues, which I’m really grateful
for and we still continued to see each other for a couple more weeks
after this chat. Everything was going so well up until these chats and
it made me so devastated knowing I had to eventually decide whether to
stay or go. But he made that choice for the both of us and decided to
end things. He mentioned that over those last couple weeks, our
relationship had become stagnant and that I should find someone with the
same long term goals. He seemed genuinely sad and even didn’t want me to
leave his house straight away when he ended it. I’ve had a lot of
intrusive thoughts, wondering if it was more than just the kids issue
that made him want to end things and that I was just able to easily
become a platonic connection after everything we experienced. I’m in
therapy, have spoken about this at length with my therapist. I find that
I sometimes feel a bit better, but mostly I still feel so heartbroken.
The more time that goes by, I feel awful that I’m not better and I
imagine that he’s doing great. It’s making me worried that what we had
was one sided and that I had deep feelings and he didn’t. It was weird
not speaking to each other everyday, but he eventually broke the ice and
reached out to me a week after the break up and told me that he still
wanted me in his life. I was surprised by how soon he wanted to catch
up. We had a lovely catch up (some time after, as I needed more healing
time). He even initiated another catch up a few weeks later. I feel
guilty about this, as I shouldn’t have agreed to see him if I wasn’t
ready. He seems to have kept to his promise to still want to see me,
which I find kind of amazing. I wondered at first if he said that to be
nice. I was even surprised when he reached out again, because I had
wondered if our first catch up was just to establish a “no hard
feelings” sort of thing and that would be that. In his eyes, I’m sure I
seem fine. Our interactions are really natural. I’ve been amazed by how
confident and calm I have been during these catch ups. But they have
made me sad afterwards. He probably thinks it’s ok to be friends because
of how calm I seem. Secretly I’m really upset that he seems to be able
to easily catch up with me. I feel like he’s had an easier time and is
probably over me completely. It makes me feel like I didn’t mean a whole
lot. I feel like I need to take a step back and not see him anymore.
This relationship is tied to a lot of grief in many ways that would take
me paragraphs to write. Not only this, all the women in my family have
started having babies. I found out that one of them was pregnant when
him and I had our first emotional chat about kids. Then when we
discussed it more and ended it, the family member’s baby was born. I
keep feeling heartache during everybody else’s milestones and it’s
really heartbreaking. This guy was really so healing for me and I’m
gutted we didn’t want the same things. It took me so long to find a nice
one. While I know it’s for the best, I can’t shake off these emotions.
I’m meditating, seeing doctors, but I thought I’d write here tonight to
gather my thoughts in words. I know I shouldn’t feel rejected, logically
it made sense to end this relationship, but I’m struggling to cope with
the emotions.
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