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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Trying_Optimist Don't want to let go of 1% hope but don't want to be a doormat
  • replies: 4

Hi, My fiance and partner of 8 years ended us in July. Reason: 'he needed to work through childhood trauma and didn't think he was a relationship person'. I have now been out on my own for 1 month. I chose to move because I thought it would show him ... View more

Hi, My fiance and partner of 8 years ended us in July. Reason: 'he needed to work through childhood trauma and didn't think he was a relationship person'. I have now been out on my own for 1 month. I chose to move because I thought it would show him my commitment to listening to what he needs (distance) and that still living together was doing further damage. When I moved out, I found him sobbing and holding his head and then at the end he just kept repeating, 'I'm so sorry, I'm so confused'. Fast forward a week and a half from moving and I went back to get things (I still have a lot there). I found the work 'friend' I had expressed concern about all year stayed the night. I was shattered. I left without him knowing. He had said earlier it was his male friend coming for tea that night. A few days after that it was our anniversary. My friend helped me move more stuff out while he was at work, but I ended up seeing him later. We ended up talking for 2 hours, but it was basically him crying and unloading on me about being confused and this not feeling real & he may move home overseas next year (our original plan). He said the female friend had stayed because her apartment had 'carpet moths'. She in the bed, him on couch. I so desperately wanted to believe that. He repeated that he would never go out with her for many reasons such as an alcohol problem. I left and felt just so sad for him and me. The following week I was in the area so messaged him to see if he was ok for me to go and get stuff - he replied ok.I found more evidence of her being there. I feel sick and leave. Don't say anything. We end up talking the next day as my rental had water leaks and may need to stay at the house for a night. He ends up yelling at me that I trigger him. I ask how as I don't intend to. He refuses to tell me and the phone call ends. A week ago I went back for things when he'd be at work. More evidence of her. I'm Crushed. I see a note from her saying that 'though she can't say everything she'd like to, she has so appreciated his care and warmth'. I hate I still hope we could try again with a stronger understanding of what we both need. We still haven't sorted the house/money and I'm afraid that I'm being a doormat while he gets to enjoy our lovely house with the 'friend'. But I don't want to make it so final and walk away.

LastChance After the crisis
  • replies: 2

Thanks for having me here. My wife and I had a major crisis some years ago. Since that time every hug or smile feels fake, every sympathy is an act of respect but does not feel sincerely. Sometimes I feel she is totally checked out and just waits for... View more

Thanks for having me here. My wife and I had a major crisis some years ago. Since that time every hug or smile feels fake, every sympathy is an act of respect but does not feel sincerely. Sometimes I feel she is totally checked out and just waits for the right moment to exit. It’s hard to describe. Any tips?

Kelly_T How do you get past a long term affair betrayal?
  • replies: 29

This week I found out that my husband ( 9 years married, 14 years together) has been in a relationship for the past three years. They would meet at his hotel initially and since then, they would regularly speak on the phone or via text in French, she... View more

This week I found out that my husband ( 9 years married, 14 years together) has been in a relationship for the past three years. They would meet at his hotel initially and since then, they would regularly speak on the phone or via text in French, she was saved in his phone under a man's name. He tells me that, in general, the relationship for the past 2 of 3 years was really just banter and not sexual, he was texting her while we were away for my 40th birthday, she called him when his father died, their relationship was intertwined with our most personal moments. During that time, I would dream about their relationship almost every week and tell him about it, I also found receipts for private flights over the harbour (how romantic) he got mad at me, I now realise he got mad at me and made me feel like a paranoid woman numerous times, when most of those times what I was asking him about was directly related to his infidelity. I feel so overwhelmed with sadness and anger I can't even explain how my body hurts, I have been on the couch for 3 days and nothing matters to me anymore. I feel dead inside and like everything I believed in was nothing. I always believed we were through everything so connected in our hearts and I can't understand how he could betray me for so long, who is he? It's like everything I thought I knew was wrong. I feel like I'm having a breakdown, my head is empty, I just sit and stare at things and then cry and then repeat and wish I could be drugged or put in a coma so I don't have to process this consuming sadness. I need to hear from people who have been here, I love him and he is also devastated about his mistakes. We are going to counselling today for the first time and I expect I will just cry. I just wish it could be erased and he could be back as he once was. How do you get past this? I fear I'm going to be broken after this, I'm afraid I won't be me again.

Creative42 My anxiety angers my sister
  • replies: 5

Hi allI’ve struggled with anxiety for most of my life, sometimes managed it well, other times not so well. I’ve previously had to escape an abusive relationship with a partner, and start over in another state.My sister has supported me through this, ... View more

Hi allI’ve struggled with anxiety for most of my life, sometimes managed it well, other times not so well. I’ve previously had to escape an abusive relationship with a partner, and start over in another state.My sister has supported me through this, however, she doesn’t fully understand what any of it feels like. If I’m not doing everything she thinks I should be, she gets angry. I was recently triggered by an event at work in which a man ran into the store yelling, bleeding and trying to find another car to steal. I had to handle the aftermath with police, and helping look after two young teens who he’d stolen keys from. My boss and my other superior weren’t at work that day, and I found it difficult. I wanted to help everyone, but was struggling not to break down myself.I thought I would be ok, but it triggered past memories and feelings of being in danger. I wasn’t able to make it into work the next two days, and I behaved poorly by not letting them know. I was overwhelmed, terrified and the only way I could cope was to sleep. My work rang my sister to see what was going on, and when I didn’t answer my phone, she came over. I feel ashamed of my behaviour, terrified of going to work tomorrow, and after speaking with my mother, have learnt that my sister is angry and fed up with me. I could tell she was angry as soon as she arrived at my place, and she wanted nothing to do with me. I don’t know how to handle her. I don’t want to lose her, but it feels awful that she’s angry with me, is always thinking I’m not doing enough, or trying hard enough. I feel like she considers me a failure, and doesn’t want anything to do with me.

max_u Trapped by work
  • replies: 4

Just to start, English isn’t my strong suit. I’m six year in on my business, I’m established and things are going well on the surface. underneath I feel trapped, I work 14-16 hrs a day six but usually seven days a week, I picked up a second job just ... View more

Just to start, English isn’t my strong suit. I’m six year in on my business, I’m established and things are going well on the surface. underneath I feel trapped, I work 14-16 hrs a day six but usually seven days a week, I picked up a second job just help out. my partner is very sick and I feel I should be spending all my time with him before it’s too late. I haven’t seen much of my family either apart from the occasional phone call. I don’t have any friends. I’m working to keep our heads above water and I do alright but things are getting tight. we are planning a trip to Disneyland but will need to produce a lot of money quickly, money I just don’t have. I do love my job though.

Viki123 Ghosted
  • replies: 1

Hi I was in a 5 year relationship with a man that I met online. At first I wasn’t into him and viewed my online experience as a bit of fun after an abusive marriage of 16 years and a bitter divorce that went on for 2.5 years. Looking back I think I w... View more

Hi I was in a 5 year relationship with a man that I met online. At first I wasn’t into him and viewed my online experience as a bit of fun after an abusive marriage of 16 years and a bitter divorce that went on for 2.5 years. Looking back I think I wasn’t ready to date. the first 6 months for me were full on as he love bombed me. He fell hard and hardly worked and always wanted to be with me. I kept pushing him away. My gut told me that he wasn’t the one for me but his kind gentle nature made me want to make it work so much. He was jealous and insecure which created problems and I found myself changing to accommodate him. I guess it took a trip overseas with my boys to realise I wanted to really make it work with him - we were apart for 4 weeks. When I got back things were different. His emotional walls were worse and I found the relationship frustrating and I felt empty and not valued. I couldn’t bear to break up with him even though I felt like this as I knew I wouldn’t cope after everything that had happened in my marriage etcAnd I grew to love him. Our kids were like siblings and his daughters adored me. The relationship we all had was really special. I wanted to progress in the relationship but his walls were up I didn’t get to meet his parents in the 5 years togther! in the end, 6 months ago he ghosted me. Just took off!! I managed to get communication from him through his cousin and he actually called me once after 2 months saying that he felt he had to call. I guess the guilt got to him He had lots of excuses as to why he left but I guess the reality is he didn’t love me although he kept telling me he didNot once has he reached out to me or my boys who adored him. His girls were very upset about it all but they’ve now let go which is for the best. I couldn’t eat for a month and struggled to work up until recently I started going to the gym and tried to really focus on myselfI have dated many guys in the hope it will help me forget but I think it makes it worse. Guys are interested and want to continue seeing me but I just can’t do it. I still struggle but it is better - I just wish I could forget Him and move on it’s turned my life upside down just when you think life is settling something like this happens has anyone got a similar story ? V x

teej43 Pregnant and discovered my partner cheating
  • replies: 3

Long sorry short me and my partner just reconciled after 4 years. We have 2 beautiful children already and I am expecting another one which happened quiet quickly with us getting back together. Fast forward 5 months and I have just discovered he has ... View more

Long sorry short me and my partner just reconciled after 4 years. We have 2 beautiful children already and I am expecting another one which happened quiet quickly with us getting back together. Fast forward 5 months and I have just discovered he has been cheating the whole time we got back together. Reasons we split previously was due to drugs and alcohol and I assume cheating in there.anyways I can’t help but feel like an absolute idiot. I seriously was happy living my best single life until I let my guard down and let him back in, and then seeing how happy our kids were to have there family back again. But now how do I crush there world again all the while mine is falling apart

Ebony2 My husband is lying to me about his stimulant addiction
  • replies: 36

I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, we are a blended family plus we have a baby together. 5 years ago he was heavily addicted to stimulants which almost broke me and our family. After an intervention he reluctantly went to rehab. Since that time h... View more

I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, we are a blended family plus we have a baby together. 5 years ago he was heavily addicted to stimulants which almost broke me and our family. After an intervention he reluctantly went to rehab. Since that time he’s had a few relapses. He’s never approached me about it, it’s always been a case of me suspecting and catching him out in some way. I’ve told him that the lying is the hardest part and that the trust would rebuild if he would just come to me. Over the past 6 months I have seen the red flags again but I feel that he has wisened up and knows what I look for now. I also think he knows just how much to use. Nevertheless I found stimulants in his jacket pocket 6 weeks ago and a pipe in his car last week. He has an answer for everything and claims that he has not used since his last supposed relapse 10 months ago. I don’t believe him at all. He says I’m paranoid and that my fears will ruin the marriage. This is the first time he hasn’t owned up to it yet I just know. My anxiety is through the roof. I love him and just want a happy marriage based on trust but I feel so hurt that he is still lying to me and even worse gaslighting me. Im scared to tell him how I’m feeling because I know he will explode again and flip this on me yet my feelings of connection with him are at an all time low. Please help.

Elisabeta Boyfriend crying out for help but is isolating himself
  • replies: 5

Hi,I've only been with my boyfriend for 4 months it's been nothing but amazing. We went away together 2 months ago for 2 weeks it was great except for a few moments he was really distant, I thought this was him being bored of me. The week we got back... View more

Hi,I've only been with my boyfriend for 4 months it's been nothing but amazing. We went away together 2 months ago for 2 weeks it was great except for a few moments he was really distant, I thought this was him being bored of me. The week we got back he was so distant we barely spoke and made a few comments about his mental health being bad. The following week the same thing, then the next week he sent me a snapchat of a place he tried to commit suicide at. I completely freaked out and said I'm here for you and I'm all ears like I did the previous weeks but again he kept pushing me away, I said some things I now know aren't the right things to say but never came from a bad place I was just frustrated as he kept saying he's fine and has always dealt with being like this. 2 weeks go by and he's still super distant when we're not together so I message him and ask if he's over me and he said no.. anyway things escalated because I have anxiety and have a fear of him leaving me. The next day I drove to his house and we spoke for hours, he was really angry and told me he'd need a few days but still loved me...it's now been 3 weeks and he still doesn't want to see me (hasn't directly told me no) but he keeps reaching out and telling me he's mentally in a really bad place and just wants someone to talk to but completely ghosts me when I suggest we meet up. I'm not sure if I should give him more space when he's ready to see me or just show up at his house again like the first time. He's never had anyone be there for him before so I think deep down he is just scared. Is it bad to just show up at his house again without telling him? I don't want to push him away if he's not ready

Corey1995 I don't know? Anymore...
  • replies: 4

I don't know how to feel anymore. I don't know what to think what to say what to do. I'm so torn up inside that I feel isolated. My name is Corey and I'm 27 years old I have a beautiful wife 25 and a gorgeous daughter 2. My wedding is coming up this ... View more

I don't know how to feel anymore. I don't know what to think what to say what to do. I'm so torn up inside that I feel isolated. My name is Corey and I'm 27 years old I have a beautiful wife 25 and a gorgeous daughter 2. My wedding is coming up this Monday on the 31st it should be the happiest day of my life but fate had decided to send my mother to ruin it she has never accepted my love for my wife she has lied and emotional minuplated myself and my side of the family against me. She has called me a liar in my own home and growing up she claims everything she does for me is for me but it's seems it's always about her my entire life has been about pleasing her and yesterday we had a fight because she blow up at my wife and I defended my wife I will admit I told her to get out of my house with nasty words in there but I have been push to such a limit I can't take it anymore. I feel miserable and lonely my wife says she said by my side but I don't what she truely feels I don't know what much else to say I'm not really a talker I don't handle feelings like this well. I don't why I'm even posting this here I guess you can say I'm at my last resort. I'm desperate for help someone who can understand me but my mother has turned Freund's and family against me and sacred that I won't be heard or understood. Does this make me horrible. Am I the problem. I don't know anymore I don't know how to feel how to think I feel every choice I make is wrong. I just want help before it's to late. I'm so sorry if this isn't what the forum is for I don't normal seek help or advice. I just don't know where to go or what to do.