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Can't stand hearing about my new niece

ams019
Community Member
My brother's wife gave birth yesterday, and I can't handle seeing the new pictures, and dread having to have the 'congratulations' conversations. The truth is, even though I get on well with my brother and don't have any issues in our relationship, I don't want to see them or hear about how great their life is going. I feel like such a failure in comparison, and it really hurts that yet again, I am being left behind. I don't feel like I have it in me to keep fighting through all the rubbish.
4 Replies 4

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

welcome to the forum.

It is hard sometimes to join in someone else's joy when you yourself are struggling.

Your brother may find it difficult adjusting to his new role as a dad and may enjoy some one to talk to when you feel up to it.

Is there someone you can talk to about how you are feeling.?

Thanks for reaching out here and sharing your thoughts.

Quirky

Katyonthehamsterwheel
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey there

I can absolutely relate, and unfortunately it can make things difficult in our relationships. I distinctly remember the feeling of not wanting to hear about my brother and his partner's upcoming holiday around the world that they were so excited about. That's when I was first starting in therapy around twelve years ago. I think the best thing we can do is work on ourselves, so that we can be there for ourselves, but also for others. I wonder if you've spoken to anyone about feeling down? A GP can be a good place to start. Katy

Penna
Community Member

I 100% get this. Last year my fourth and final round of IVF as a single 43 year old ended in a pregnancy that I had to terminate due to extreme fetal abnormalities. Devestated is the understatement. My brother and his wife had their second child, a daughter, 4 days before my own daughter would have been due. The other day I received a first birthday invite for my niece. Im rattled by it. My brother and I don’t get on. He never acknowledged my loss and honestly I don’t think he gave/gives a shit. He’s not a very nice person. His children are gorgeous though and it does make me wonder what’s wrong with me that his life took this path and mine took a path not of my choosing. I too feel forgotten and left behind by life. Due to geography I won’t be going to my nieces birthday but even if I could I don’t think I would as it’s still too raw.
Chin up, smile and continue bud despite it all being crap. That’s what I try and do

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Ams019~

I guess I'm not sure exactly what you are feeling, for some people having a child is a life's ambition, and to have it denied is truly devastating. In that circumstance one might well not want to see another's child, it would be a reminder you have not achieved your ambition.

However here you did say "yet again, I am being left behind", which might mean there is more to it, that perhaps there are other areas and events that your brother (or someone else) has experienced but you have not - as yet.

If this is the case I wonder why you feel a need to do the same things at the same time (or earlier). It is very obviously affect you deeply. You do say "I don't feel like I have it in me to keep fighting through all the rubbish."

Sadly trying to keep up with others is a race one cannot win, there will always be something.

Are others pointing things out that are unwelcome? Implying you are not as good in some way?

Perhaps I'm on the wrong track, if so I apologize, if not would you like to say a little more about your feeling left behind?

I look forward to you reply

Croix