Can't seem to find my happy self again

[Toots87]

Hello, just wanted to share my story and seek some advice.  I'm 26. A mother and usually a very positive and happy person.  I guess the reason for this post is, recently I haven't been able to find my happy self. I've just been through a break up with the father of my daughter.  We were together 3 and a half years. We had trouble throughout our relationship. We'd fight, due to disagreements mainly caused by his temper and negativity. We've been through a whirlwind, of breaking up and getting back together. He's cheated in the past. Basically I ended the relationship after a regular argument. I'd had enough of the way he spoke to me. It was very disrespectful.  Even more recently, my family has gone through something where a lot of childhood secrets have now come about. I've learned and remembered some things I wish I never knew from when I was a child. Now going through this as well as the breakup has really taken it's toll on me. I'm finding it hard to motivate at work. I don't wake up happy anymore. I'm always upset. I don't know what else to do.

[Damien]

Hello Toots87,

Wow, there is a lot of stuff happening around you right now, it's no wonder your happy self has taken leave for a while.  Even though this is a site where people with Mental Illness gather, (me included), there is a lot to be said for "normal" stress and unhappiness, which if you think of it is actually very real.  So good on you for posting and seeking some support.

If you find yourself low and disinterested in life's pleasures for longer than two weeks, and I mean bummed out by everything and not just this bad situation, it might be worth checking in with your doctor just to see how things are going: get your pulse and blood pressure checked, get some advice on sleeping and eating if that's not working well.  Of course you have every right to be unhappy, but don't let it take control of your life, or that of your daughter.

There's lots of lovely people on here if you just want to chat, although the posting/replying thing can take hours.  I hope you find some support here, and I'll pop in again to see how you're going too.

🙂

[geoff]

dear Toots, if any relationship breaks up and then get back together again numerous times, the writings on the wall, which is sad but it happens many times, and it's probably best for your daughter to have two loving parents, rather than two angry ones.

These childhood secrets have obviously upset you and they should have been left alone, and what was the intention of mentioning them, I hope that it wasn't to upset you.

As Damien has said you should visit your doctor, and if you want reconcile with your husband, maybe a vist to a marriage counsellor might help. L Geoff. x

[Toots87]

Thank you Damien. I will see how I go with my GP. Some days are tougher than others. Today isn't so bad. I'm trying my hardest to keep on top of everything for my daughter so that she doesn't feel my stress or heartache.

[Toots87]

Hi Geoff, thank you for your advice.  I totally agree with relationships in that aspect, and that's what helped me make the final decision. I don't want my daughter to be a part of an unhappy family environment.  The family secrets came out when a member of a particular side of the family passed away. This particular side are the ones with all the secrets.  It's been years since we've been in contact with them so it makes everything just that much more tricky.  Yes I will see my GP and go from there. I don't want any reconciliation anymore, I've tried and tried again to no avail. Counselling for the both of us was an option a year ago but it's beyond that point now.

[Damien]

🙂

Good to know it's a less bad day today, the more of them the better.