Bpd and starting relationships

[Jester3]

hi there<3

i have been sort of diagnosed with BPD for almost a year. I'm under 18 so I've been told i cant properly get diagnosed yet, but my doctors and therapist are confident I have it because it's pretty obvious. now that i know more about BPD im alot more aware of my actions, which is good and bad. an example of it being bad is how i dont know whether my anger towards someone is justified or not, making it harder for me to confront people when im upset because i feel as though im crazy or overreacting. 

my biggest issue though involves relationships. i have never had a significant other and really struggle with dating. whenever i begin dating someone, whether or not i genuinely like them or not, as soon as we start dating its like my body shuts down. i feel emotionally disconnected from the person. i could literally be in love with the person but as soon as i kiss them, date them or do anything remotely romantic with them i switch off. it is so genuinely frustrating, i dont know how to stop. 

recently, i went on a date with a girl. i did like her before we went on the date and began being closer. but after the date i feel emotionally disconnected again. like i dont feel the romantic or physical attraction i once had. i no longer want to date, i dont want to talk to them and i just want to be by myself. i dont think im aromatic or anything because i do want to date someone but the switch from liking someone to completely shutting down as soon as things advance is so annoying. 

sometimes when this happens i have to break things off with the other person, but as more time passes i find myself regretting it and wanting them back. i dont understand why im like this and i hate that i hurt people when i do it. i dont even know if its my BPD or because i hate being vulnerable or something else entirely, but if what i wrote makes any sense i would love to know what is wrong with me and how i can fix it. 

[Baileysmells]

Hey Jester, I have bpd as well. First of all try not to invalidate yourself about the non diagnosis thing; a bit of text on a piece of paper doesn’t change much anyway 🙂

Relationships are rocky af. My best advice for you is communication communication communication. Please don’t shut yourself off from people, that’s a mechanism of our trauma working against us, think of it this way- is it fair to the person? A conversation goes a long way. Sometimes we just don’t feel that connection with people, it may be possible you’re not interested in that side of relationships and that’s fine. 

The best thing about bpd is that it’s a personality disorder, essentially we need to train ourselves socially a bit more

Every date, intimate interaction is a step forward in your story as much as it sometimes doesn’t feel like it, baby steps my friend. You have a few years before you’ve developed as a person, think of it as an excuse to train yourself. Everyone else is at the same time 🙂

Keeping a journal has helped me a lot personally, putting things on paper is like viewing your thoughts in third person.

Keep kicking ass, even going on dates is a big step so give yourself a pat on the back when you deserve it. Take care