Boyfriend left me after 6 years because I couldn’t get my bipolar II under control

[Needhelp2018]

Hi everyone,


This is my first time posting in the forums so please excuse me if I don’t write the right thing.


After 6 years, my boyfriend has broken up with me. This is a result of me treating him very badly over the years because I didn’t take my diagnosis of bipolar II disorder from 7 years ago seriously. I have had a number of hypomanic episodes over the years which have led to some very deep lows and he has taken the brunt of all of the side effects of these - me being irrational, irritable, paranoid, needy, manic (in the form of working 16 hour days, ferociously pursuing a career with no plan, spending money I don’t have, etc), and at times have been emotional abusive and very hurtful to him.


I’m not surprised after all this time he has finally decided he needs to put himself first and think about his own happiness and protecting himself the only way he can - by not being with me. He says he still loves me and a part of him always will but that he can’t be with me anymore.


I have officially hit rock bottom. I can’t breathe at the thought of not having him in my life and want to prove to him I am now serious and am going to make permanent changes to my life to get on top of my condition, not for him but for me because it’s not just my relationship with him that’s affected.


Whilst I am doing this, I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t want to ask him to stay with me but I can’t bear the thought of him moving on and finding someone else.


Has anyone else been in this position? Should I let him go and focus on myself for now and prove to him I can do this once and for all and hope he doesn’t find someone in the meantime?


Any advice greatly appreciated,


X

[Doolhof]

Hi Needhelp,

Welcome to the community here. There is no right or wrong way to write here, we all express ourselves in our own way and you have expressed yourself very well.

Sorry to read that your boyfriend has reached a point where he feels like leaving is the only option, that must be very hard for you both.

Living with a mental health issues can be confusing. It can be hard to accept the fact you have a condition that requires help and assistance so you can deal with it.

It sounds like you are going to seek help, so I hope you are able to find the assistance that you need. Talking to your Dr would be a great first step.

Hopefully you can have a chat with your boyfriend and let him know that you are going to get assistance and help. I don't know if that will make a difference to him or not. Hopefully it will. Either way, getting assistance will be very beneficial for you.

This is certainly a confusing time for you. It can be hard to let someone go if they decide to leave.

If you become really distressed by all of this, you may like to phone the Beyond Blue support people on 1300 22 4636 and chat to someone about how you are feeling.

Having thoughts running around in our heads can sometimes make our conditions worse.

Wishing you all the best, cheers from Dools

[white knight]

Hi and welcome

Certain personalities have certain tolerances. One partner might not tolerate her partner gambling or socializing or their odd hobbies and so forth. Some wont tolerate our bipolar and imo you can try (a good thing) to get your symptoms of bipolar under control, but the nature of our illness is such that, without total cure those symptoms will remain, and there is no cure.

What I'm saying is, you could have therapy and medication but relapses or rather, the bipolar going to its extremes (mania, depression, over spending etc) will occur from time to time...is he going to stick around and endure that? Not likely. Sorry.

The facts are there is positives in mental illness...inventiveness, creativity, lovingness, depth of emotions..

Google: beyondblue Topic depression is there any positives

So in effect we should aim for a partner that loves us for who we are, warts and all, bipolar moods etc and a partner that can influence us to contain ourselves.

Your negative symptoms is not your fault. Read that again. You are ill, in need of many special things like learning all about your illness and how to live with it and accept it is part of you.

A partner that accepts you for you is what you deserve.

Yes, youll go through the grief period like anyone else post separation, but again, it isnt your fault. We bipolar ones learn the hard way.

Be fair and kind to yourself which includes not hoping for miracles and realising love, true love can be found in other prospects.

I hope that helps.

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

Needhelp

I too welcome you here. As you can see by Mrs Dools very helpful reply, this place is full of kind and caring people.

Mrs Dools has given very helpful suggestions which I will not repeat.

You know your boyfriend and I am wondering do you think that he may want a bit of tome alone, this does not mean that he is leaving , but it will give you time to get help. Do you think he will feel pressured if you ask him to stay?

I have bipolar and I was in denial for many years and refused to get help . It is not an instant fix and for some people it takes some time to find the right treatment, and it is an ongoing journey to stay well.

As you know having bipolar is exhausting and distressing and living with someone with bipolar is also exhausting , confusing and draining.

As you have written you want to get better for yourself but you also want to prove him you can do it.

I remember thinking that as I soon as I got help and had medication everything in my life would be easy , and of course it was better than the wild mood swings but I still had to work out who I was and how to relate to people.

I am pleased you wrote your post and reached out to people.

There is a thread This bipolar life that may want to have a look at .

Feel free to post as much as you like.

Quirky