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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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countrybride feeling lost
  • replies: 3

I don't really know how to start..which may just be the crux of the issue. I come from a family that ironically is rubbish at communicating (ironic because my dad is a counsellor that specialises in relationships). I have recently married an amazing ... View more

I don't really know how to start..which may just be the crux of the issue. I come from a family that ironically is rubbish at communicating (ironic because my dad is a counsellor that specialises in relationships). I have recently married an amazing man who seems to be more comfortable sitting in silence. I don't know how to start opening up to him, which I really need to do. Recently I've been feeling broken and emotional because despite how hard we try, we can't seem to get pregnant. I've been trying to hide how much this is hurting me so that I don't become a burden or "too much to handle". I know he knows something is wrong, but because neither of us is amazing at this talking thing, I'm sure you can imagine how well that's going. It seems to be growing harder to deal with it recently; I'm not one that cries, but I seem to be crying at the drop of a hat. It isn't helped by the fact that my husband deals with illness and issues by shutting himself off. So now that I need physical contact and emotional support, He doesn't know how to do that for me. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to start communicating or coping strategies? I'm sorry about the word dump, but I need help. I have become adept at putting happy faces on at work, I really don't want to be wearing them at home.

Mum_to_3_girls Dealing with a volitile 13 year old without turning into a blubbering mess
  • replies: 5

My 13 year old daughter is a handful. She has always been a full on kid right from the moment she entered the world, it’s just her personality. She is very reactive and loud and quite self centred. Her entry into high school this year has not been a ... View more

My 13 year old daughter is a handful. She has always been a full on kid right from the moment she entered the world, it’s just her personality. She is very reactive and loud and quite self centred. Her entry into high school this year has not been a smooth one but she is slowly finding her feet after a lot of grief from our end. The problems arise when she looses her temper or mouths off. She always needs to have the last say. I then lose my temper and yell at her which then creates a big argument. She goes to school in tears, my partner and I argue because he tells me he doesn’t want to be around this tense situation and doesn’t want the baby to be either (he is 13 year olds step father) I call in sick to work because I can’t cope with life and then end up crying all day because of how shit of a mother I am. Parenting is so hard. I don’t know what I’m doing but everyone is looking to me for answers. Nothing I do is ever good enough and no one ever tells me I am doing a good job. I feel so unworthy and crappy about myself when I am around my family. At work I am bright, bubbly, smart, someone people look to for guidance and they voice their appreciation when I provide it. How can I be two different people. Im so lost.

shining Fright or flight
  • replies: 9

Hi, newbie to this so here goes. 11 April found out that my husband had been visiting dodgy massage parlours and getting "happy endings" for over a year. On top of that I found that he also "felt sorry" for one of these girls and to get her "off the ... View more

Hi, newbie to this so here goes. 11 April found out that my husband had been visiting dodgy massage parlours and getting "happy endings" for over a year. On top of that I found that he also "felt sorry" for one of these girls and to get her "off the job" , he employed her without telling me what her background was. He would take her grocery shopping because he said that she could not afford to shop. He also had her to the odd cleaning job on his work sites and one day he brought her home to meet me. A few times we went out for a casual meal after work he asked me if it was ok to bring her to eat with us and I said of course, she is lonely here being a student from Japan on a casual work visa etc. After I found out about how they met I immediately confronted hubby and fired the girl on the spot. 3 weeks later was when i discovered his year long behavior with all the girls and massage parlors. Needless to say I was gutted and devastated. Have been to counselling together and have been working towards recovery but I am struggling big time with different emotions/aspects of the problem. Right now (10 weeks on) I have not moved forward as much as I thought. Don't even know if I made the right decision to stay. It was very hard to get him to see that his behavior with both aspects was and is INFIDELITY!!! He is very good at deflecting away from any discussion I might want to have and has the attitude of "we decided to move forward so what is your problem?" I feel so angry toward him now and don't know which way to turn. The story is a lot longer than what I can write here. A bit about myself: been married for 33 years, have a son and a daughter and 4 grandchildren. I have a history of medication controlled depression but this has hardly impeded my life. Have had menopause and all the stuff that goes with that and husband keeps referring to both of the issues as the reason why he did what he did. If I refer to his behavior over the last 12 months, the first thing that comes out of his mouth is " I have told you why I did it, you were depressed and had menopause". I have been asking myself if it is a good idea to take myself off for a week alone to try to help sort out my thoughts and feelings. My mood had been erratically shifting from sadness to anger to despair and several other emotions over very short periods of time. Any thoughts??

kaylaG Loneliness
  • replies: 3

Hi.. I'm 24 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is my main and probably my only source of support when it comes to my anxiety and depression. I turn to him whenever I'm feeling anxious, upset or need to talk about... View more

Hi.. I'm 24 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is my main and probably my only source of support when it comes to my anxiety and depression. I turn to him whenever I'm feeling anxious, upset or need to talk about my feelings. Lately, he has been making me feel very lonely and rejected as he doesn't like listening to my problems anymore. It comes off as annoying or seeking attention.. and it is really difficult for me as I'm just trying to get it off my chest. He doesn't understand that just because my problems seem small to him they feel really big for me and affect how I go about my day. He makes me feel as though my feelings are invalid.. making me feel rejected and isolated. I don't know what to do and when I tell him I'm just communicating how I feel he just makes me feel stupid for even having these emotions that I can't help..

justintime Confused about wanting friends but not wanting them
  • replies: 13

Hi, I'm new to Beyond Blue & wanted to start my own thread in the hope that I can get some support. Lately I've been feeling a bit down, I'm getting some professional help but feel that what I also need is to chat to others who may be going through s... View more

Hi, I'm new to Beyond Blue & wanted to start my own thread in the hope that I can get some support. Lately I've been feeling a bit down, I'm getting some professional help but feel that what I also need is to chat to others who may be going through something similar so that I don't feel so alone. What I find hard is friendships & I don't quite know why. I easily meet people, make lots of acquaintances & get offers to meet up & go out. I also have no problem (as in fear or lack confidence) to ask other potential friends out but what's a bit confusing is that when I get invited out I don't want to go & for the life of me I don't understand why. I want friendships, I need them & I'm terribly lonely at times so I just don't get why I don't take up these invitations. Yesterday I was asked to go for coffee with a new potential male friend & today I was invited to dinner on the weekend from a female longer term friend. Both people are still waiting for my reply & I'm avoiding answering because I don't want to go. Is this what depressions does? Is it the lack of motivation part of depression that does this? Has anyone else ever felt this way & developed some understanding about why this happens? For the life of me I don't get it. I want & need friendships yet don't make it happen when the opportunity arrives.

25yearsshattered Lost & confused after 26 years together
  • replies: 5

After 26 years together my husband has walked out. He says he loves me but not in love with me. This has just ripped the rug out from under me as I love him very much. He's being influenced by anotger woman who he says he has no physical attraction t... View more

After 26 years together my husband has walked out. He says he loves me but not in love with me. This has just ripped the rug out from under me as I love him very much. He's being influenced by anotger woman who he says he has no physical attraction to, but she's trying everything to get him in her bed & is very manipulative. To make things even harder is she works for the local womens crisis centre so as I have no family here I feel I have where I can turn for support. He suffers clinical depression and has had a down turn since his fathers passing, yet apart from talking to her & being turned inside out, he refuses to get professional help. I just feel lost & heartbroken.

Romy No friends
  • replies: 2

I'm 20 years old, in my second year of uni. I feel like I have lots of acquaintances, I can always talk to people at uni easily. However I feel like I don't really have anyone I would actually hang out with outside of uni or work. I don't have a grou... View more

I'm 20 years old, in my second year of uni. I feel like I have lots of acquaintances, I can always talk to people at uni easily. However I feel like I don't really have anyone I would actually hang out with outside of uni or work. I don't have a group of people I can go out and party with, I only have about 3 seperate friends I could think of, and even then I don't hang out with them often and it feels so hard to organise things when people have different schedules. I just want to know if this is normal. I feel like a loser and I don't want to be the girl who only hangs out with her boyfriend. I want some gal pals!

Ms_Weeza Heart crushing moment.
  • replies: 3

HEART CRUSHING MOMENT You've been really supportive to your mate, through everything, so you send them a love song "truly, madly deeply" by savage garden. Real soul tapping love stuff. They play it, as they are next to you and....nothing. Then they g... View more

HEART CRUSHING MOMENT You've been really supportive to your mate, through everything, so you send them a love song "truly, madly deeply" by savage garden. Real soul tapping love stuff. They play it, as they are next to you and....nothing. Then they go off to play a game with their bestie and have fun. I burst into tears. The more I try to connect it seems the further away we get. He wants so badly to have all this magical spiritual work happen and yet puts a wall up between us. My opinions are bounced in his tone of voice. I often feel smaller and smaller. My inner child shrinking when it wants to expand and grow with him. How does a person explain that a lot of what he seeks is right in front of him?? I'd be scoffed at. No, that's not it. That's not my life's purpose....and yet, he doesn't know what to do or feel. He just knows that outside influences are at work, pushing him down and stopping him from doing his spiritual work. Maybe he's just not listening? Slow down. Relax. The answers you seek are closer then you realise. I'm not that strong anymore. I don't know if I can survive this quest. Interstellar higher mantra crap. Next life, I'll tend to a garden. A small peaceful garden. Solitary. Maybe some animals. And butterflies. And fireflies. That way I can enjoy day and night Just keep your twin flaming souls away from me. Standard love and families are bad enough. Even friends suck. Humans suck. Higher beings Pffft give me a break. You're all full of it. Honestly. I'm hurting so much and yet I still can't leave. Thanks. Thanks for the umpteenth experience.

ImplodedSoul Unappreciated impacts
  • replies: 6

She came home from a trip, and the next night told me she hadn't loved me for 2 years and was leaving that night. The kids are to stay with me. 3 days later she had a boyfriend. I week later she had our young children at his house. I said I did not w... View more

She came home from a trip, and the next night told me she hadn't loved me for 2 years and was leaving that night. The kids are to stay with me. 3 days later she had a boyfriend. I week later she had our young children at his house. I said I did not want them near him for the moment. We have been trying to communicate but she is resistant, although sends very mixed messages. We agreed that the kids could see him for short periods (15-20 minutes, no family outings, he's not to stay the night) every now and then. Last night he was with them for 4+ hours. I broke, in my mind she has lied about the agreement after acknowledging it that day and I wanted my girls safe so I went there to get them. A dumb move but she is ignoring my feelings all together, even when I've been trying to be there if she needs support. I needed to tell her that. She didn't understand. The kids ended up staying. I love her, I want her back. Even though I've likely destroyed any chance. This is but a part of the story, but it's eating at me. Why couldn't she just wait a little to introduce him. Saying good night to our kids, they could only talk about playing with him. She was meant to be spending time with them! Lost and broken now. No one to talk to, nowhere to go. She and the kids are my life.

Ardenrose Someone hear me..
  • replies: 10

Hello everyone, It would mean a lot to get a response but I'm writing to get all these feelings off my chest... What is worse than feeling worthless and not loved at all? My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now and have been through a lot... View more

Hello everyone, It would mean a lot to get a response but I'm writing to get all these feelings off my chest... What is worse than feeling worthless and not loved at all? My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now and have been through a lot but it saddens me how I still feel unrecognized and not worth it at all. Sometimes, I dont know anymore who to hate. Is it me, for being so sensitive and emotional? That I give way too much for him? Is it me that I always want him around. That the thought of losing him scares me.. It hurts me so much that I cannot be honest with him at all without being judge or him attacking me with his own words. So I try, I try to live with those "short-happy moments" because thats when I'm happy. And I would rather that than him getting angry at me and leaving me. I do know he loves me, but only in certain levels. Only when i'm okay. When its easy to love me. when its convinient for him.. Yet, I still choose to stay because I am hoping, hoping he would one day see how Ive been there through it all. That i never left. My anxiety is getting worse.. My depression is slowly coming back. Im not sure how long I can hold it all together and convince myself that it is going to be okay.. soon.. My heart is crying. I want to rest for months. I want to sleep for months maybe he would then miss me and see my worth. Im extremely tired.