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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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JJ56 The Age Gap
  • replies: 2

I’m 56 with two children, I separated from my wife over 10 years ago and have been single ever since. Both of my children are in their 20’s, one no longer living with me and the other about to move out next month. I was born and raised a long way fro... View more

I’m 56 with two children, I separated from my wife over 10 years ago and have been single ever since. Both of my children are in their 20’s, one no longer living with me and the other about to move out next month. I was born and raised a long way from where I currently live and over the years the friends I had have just faded away to the point where I now have no really close friends. I know that's my own fault, after my marriage broke down I totally dedicated myself to my children at the expense of everything else and I locked everyone out because I just didn’t want to feel that sort of pain again. Several years ago I met this woman and we formed a very close friendship, even though she’s 20 years younger than me, we got on really well, similar mind set and such. I have always had feelings for her, but she’s always made it clear that we would never get together because of the age thing, even though she has said several things that that made me believe that she had feelings for me. I was always happy to just be friends, but several months ago that changed and my feelings just got stronger, before Christmas we were seeing each other 3 to 4 times a week and talking every day, but something has changed, since Christmas she doesn’t seem to want to be around me and it’s breaking my heart. We still talk and see each other on occasions but nowhere near as much. I think about her every minute of every day (good and bad) and I’m so frightened that I’m going to lose her, but I can’t tell her how I feel, the reality is that I always knew that eventually I would lose her, but it doesn’t change the feeling. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate on my work, it’s affecting everything in my life and the worst of it is that I know that if she goes, for the first time in my life I’m facing the prospect of being totally alone. And there’s the crux of the matter, I’m trapped in a world of my own making, this is not what I wanted for my life, this is not where I wanted to be, I feel like I’ve built a house with no escape, no doors that lead to a better place and I’m just constantly feeling sad and alone. I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want this anymore, but I can’t find a way out.

cherries04 Superannuation confusion
  • replies: 8

Hello, I'll start off by saying how thankful I am for this community as it greatly helped me a few years back. For background information about my situation from a few years ago I'll link the thread info. I now find myself in a touch situation regard... View more

Hello, I'll start off by saying how thankful I am for this community as it greatly helped me a few years back. For background information about my situation from a few years ago I'll link the thread info. I now find myself in a touch situation regarding my ex partners superannuation. Initially I hadn't thought much about the super as I was happy that my autistic son was getting the help we needed and my ex partner and I were able to co-parent without fighting. Our marriage was officially terminated Oct 2017. It has now dawned on me that I only have 12 months from the date to try and obtain my portion of the super that I would be entitled to. After much thought I do not feel it is fair that I walk away without my portion of the super, after caring for our son (who is severely disabled) for so many years, sometimes by myself, often with no help at all. I had moved away from my family and left a stable job. I am now a full time student. Going to uni is something I had always wanted to do however after the divorce it seemed my only option as I could not get a job anywhere. Due to enrolling in full time study and my son going with his father a bit more so that I have adequate time to study I am no longer on the carers pension. My current partner is amazing and works hard to keep a roof over our head and food on the table however we live paycheck to paycheck and I can't afford a lawyer to try and obtain my portion of the super. I've spoken to legal aid and they advised me they do not offer legal aid for these types of settlements. I've also spoken to citizens advice bureau and they don't seem to know much about how to help my situation either. I'm so lost and confused with all of this superannuation stuff. Now facing the reality that I may not be able to get my portion of it due to not being able to afford a lawyer. I just don't understand how he seems to walk out of this unscathed with his whole super and $80k per year job, meanwhile I'm nearing 30 with no super of my own and only just beginning uni studies. So many people say the system is designed to screw men over but in all this I seem to be the one who was really screwed over... Getting a bit down about it all. I am happy with my current fiance but because of my previous relationship with my sons father I feel like I have to be constantly planning for when things "inevitably" go south and once again I'm on my own- that means getting my portion of the super that I am entitled to...but I can't seem to get it

Plutonicmermaid Feeling lost, confused, out of control and scared.. please help.
  • replies: 1

First of all my story is long and complicated so I will try and simplify it best I can so you can fully understand my situation. I am 25 female and living in a rural town in WA. I live with my mum and my fiance currently because I am unemployed and c... View more

First of all my story is long and complicated so I will try and simplify it best I can so you can fully understand my situation. I am 25 female and living in a rural town in WA. I live with my mum and my fiance currently because I am unemployed and can't afford to move out. My mother is my main contributing factor when it comes to my depression, she is very negative and childish and my counsellor and psychiatrist have both told me she mentally abuses me and emotionally blackmails me. She makes me feel guilty for everything I do in my life even if it doesn't involve her. Because my partner and I can't afford to move out just yet it is very difficult to escape her. Even when I try and just get out of the house or go to a separate room she makes me feel guilty for wanting to do my own thing or just have some me time. She makes it out like I am abandoning her. She also tells me all her problems like I am supposed to fix them and they range from stupid small things to major life things like complaining about her job or people or the main one is my stepdad who she has little to no contact with but he lives with us too. I have told her several times to leave him if she's not happy because she isn't and neither is he. The house isn't a very nice place to be and I m pretty much stuck in it 24/7. The town I live in is slowly turning into a ghost town because there is no work at all so everyone is leaving. I want to leave too so I can find a job but at the present I cant because I know my mum wouldn't be able to survive financially without mine and my partners small contribution money wise. She isn't very good with money and never has been, for as long as I can remember we have always worried about if we were going to have a place to live or if we will eat dinner and it still goes on to this day. She lies to me about our financial situation and I have to find out through letters I find from our landlords or real estates. The last few weeks have been the hardest and she has pushed me to my breaking point but today was the worst, I feel like I don't know what to do about anything going on right now and I'm so confused and lost and worried. I know half of the things I worry about aren't my problem but I feel like I have to take control and be the adult because no one else will. I just need some guidance and help, please.

EMC7 Struggle
  • replies: 2

I need some advice please, I have been with my partner for 8 years. I had a very intense 2 year relationship before her, I was absolutely in love and obsessed with this girl. To a point I would almost say was unhealthy. But I have never been so happy... View more

I need some advice please, I have been with my partner for 8 years. I had a very intense 2 year relationship before her, I was absolutely in love and obsessed with this girl. To a point I would almost say was unhealthy. But I have never been so happy in all my life. But at the same time, never had such an awful time in my life, see, she would cheat on me, lie to me, steal from me, and hurt me over and over. I was a mess in those times but because of the love I had I would always let it go and just go back. Anyway we had a big fight she left me for someone else. I was heartbroken. But I ended up meeting someone else, I never had that “spark” with her as I did with my ex, and I struggle because I constantly compare everything to my ex and with such intense feelings in my last relationship I just wonder if this relationship is right? My girlfriend is the most beautiful person, she would do absolutely anything for me. She is the most caring kind and loyal person. She puts me before anything. We never fight, we have just purchased our first home. But I have moments (even 8 years on) that I think about my ex, then I start to have severe panic attacks wondering if this is even the person I want to spend my life with? But I know I deserve better then what I copped with my ex. I have everything and more with my current partner but sometimes I really struggle with letting go of my ex. I see things that remind me of her and I start to get anxiety. I had a dream of her last night, it was bliss. But today I have had anxiety all day and tonight had a massive panic attack. Because I can’t stop thinking about my dream which has once again made me question everything. But I just randomly have these dreams of her and I feel so guilty and I don’t want to tell my current girlfriend as it would break her heart. The times have had fights and she leaves me I realise I need her and I can’t live without her. I know I love her but I don’t know if I hold onto the lust of my first love and then the fact that my partner now and I have been together 8 years and it’s now more of a committed companionship and the honey moon phase is gone. I was young and carefree with my first love. Now I am grown with adult pressures and responsibilities. I have panic attacks about whether I am living a life I want to live. Im too scared to break up and possibly lose the most amazing girl, they say the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I just feel lost in life and scared. Sorry this is long.

Unloved84 I drove away an amazing man and I’m not coping
  • replies: 4

I met the most amazing man. We had the same morals, goals, interests etc. And he was interested in me. He cared for his family, animals, was funny and kind. He wanted a serious relationship and sounded like a great partner. I was going through a roug... View more

I met the most amazing man. We had the same morals, goals, interests etc. And he was interested in me. He cared for his family, animals, was funny and kind. He wanted a serious relationship and sounded like a great partner. I was going through a rough patch, so before our firs date I told him I’m not ready to date and I wished him all the best. He accepted it at first, but then hours later said he is there for me if i needed. He said he is ‘the real deal’ Long story short we met up and just clicked. I was smitten and he said he could see me becoming his girlfriend. But my self esteem is so bad that I was closed off. I told him I had bad experiences and he said so did he. He said he can see us becoming serious quickly and wants to help me feel happy and confident again. But then he said he feels uncertain and that he only said all those nice things because he was thinking with his man parts. And that me being closed off is giving him doubts. That he wants to see the real me. He would still say ‘can you see yourself dating an English chef ?’ Hinting that he wanted to date me. I showed him my affection with telling him what I like about him, paying for our dates and lots of affection. He did walk out of work and cried at the beach before our first date, which he messaged me about before we even met. he messaged me all day and every day, showed interest in who I was as a person. We talked about going on a short trip and other travels we didn’t have sex until almost a month in. I got us a hotel room and it was so nice. He cooked for me, we cuddled, laughed and went to the pool and he said he wanted to spend 2018 still seeing me The next morning I got anxiety. I panicked and he asked what was wrong. He said he was still uncertain about me that morning and it triggered me. I’m used to men losing interest at this point. He said before he was so scared of hurting me because he is uncertain. when I expressed my insecurities he got annoyed and backed away. At one point I playfully backed him against the fridge (gently) and tickled him because he was mocking me. We play fought before. He hugged me hard and said my insecurities are pushing him awau. But he reassured me that we will still meet and talk. He hugged and kissed me and said not to worry. We left and he texted me that afternoon still. the next morning he blocked me on all social media. I messed up something that could have been amazing. He was such a good guy.

Sadmum01 Partner calls names and tells me it's all me.
  • replies: 2

Hi, so today I am just not sure any more for the past 4 days my partner and I have been argueing over nothing. But whenever I say anything he doesn't like or do not do what he tells me to do, he starts calling me names like pyscho, crazy, spoilt brat... View more

Hi, so today I am just not sure any more for the past 4 days my partner and I have been argueing over nothing. But whenever I say anything he doesn't like or do not do what he tells me to do, he starts calling me names like pyscho, crazy, spoilt brat, jealous, control freak, nut job, compolsive liar, abusive. He just continues and when I walk away he follows me saying all these things. He also starts saying that I blame him for my mother cancer and for having a c section even though I have never brought it up. When I start crying he tells me I need to grow up and I am a shit mother and I am pathetic. I get so worked up I start yelling at him to stop or leave me alone then he will start video taping me and telling me he is going to show everyone how crazy I really am. I feel so confused is there something wrong with me and how do I fix myself. I also just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant even though I really wanted another child, I did not want one yet. But I am and I feel like I can't stop crying I ended up telling him as it was in planned and he looked at me and said I was manipulative and I planned all of this. He look at me and swore. And drive off. Help I don't know where to go or what to do. My family already are very weary of him and I don't want to burden them. I want to be the best person/ mother I can be and I am really struggling when he is home.

Katrina_22 Everything is perfect but I feel like something is always going to go wrong
  • replies: 4

For the past 6 months i've been experiencing what I think is anxiety and depression. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year however we were great friends for about 5 years before that. He is so caring and loving, I could never ask for... View more

For the past 6 months i've been experiencing what I think is anxiety and depression. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year however we were great friends for about 5 years before that. He is so caring and loving, I could never ask for anything more off him, we still act like great friends as well as partners and I've always looked at him as a support system but in the last couple of months i've noticed myself questioning his actions and i ask myself questions like "He's acting different, he hasnt said he loves me today", "He hasnt replied to you because he doesnt want to talk to you", "I wish he would just hurry up and say he's going to leave me so it can be over with". All of these questions go through my head whilst he's sitting next to me looking quite content watching his TV shows. My own thoughts hurt me so much that I start thinking that I should break up with him first to beat him to it. My previous relationship before him was very unhealthy and toxic, my ex used to be so mentally abusive and I never really healed myself from that. That is the only thing I can think is making my own thoughts try to protect me to a future threat that hasnt happened yet. Because I am so worried about the future happening with my current partner, I say to him "why dont you love me?" or "why dont you want to kiss and cuddle me like you used to" and I say these so often that I think he may get fed up with it and leave but I cant help myself but say whats on my chest. please help, I love this guy with my whole heart and I never want to lose or hurt him.

Mumsie-woo Help! My teenager won't accept rules and boundaries :(
  • replies: 4

Hi. I'm new to this site. My husband and I are having tremendous trouble with our, about to turn 15, daughter. She has started a relationship with a boy at school (same age) 3 month's ago and in our opinion, things are way too serious and out of cont... View more

Hi. I'm new to this site. My husband and I are having tremendous trouble with our, about to turn 15, daughter. She has started a relationship with a boy at school (same age) 3 month's ago and in our opinion, things are way too serious and out of control. We have tried to set rules re phone usage - he has contacted her often in the wee hours of the morning, but she refuses to hand in her phone and laptop at 10pm. She is very tired (often has dark circles under her eyes) and spending all or most of her time outside of school on some sort of social media or Netflix. She is very angry at me for trying to make rules. I have recently said that she can only see her boyfriend once a fortnight outside of school as they saw each other almost every day over xmas holiday (against my wishes). I don't believe they are having sex yet, but it's like they are obsessed with each other. I gave her an allowance of $75 month for outings etc as she was using my bank card (responsibly though), but she's fighting this now too. It just seems every rule I make is wrong for her and "I'm the worst mother ever" and "no one else's mum would do this" and "I hate you". She is still 14. She has had a good upbringing and has all of a sudden turned into a girl that I no longer know who hates her family and refuses to participate in any family outings etc...she's totally withdrawn. Won't talk to me anymore then, accuses me of not caring when she gets depressed. I try to talk to her, I try to give her little hugs, but to very little avail. She's breaking my heart. I'm getting angry at her too. There doesn't seem to be any of the old "daughter" left in her. I just don't know what to do. She doesn't respect anything I ask her to do. She often won't even take out the rubbish...too busy on her phone. I need to say, things in our house are becoming very serious. I don't think I can handle much more. My husband and I are at our wits end. Her little brother (11) is affected by it all. The arguments, the yelling, the silence, the anger, the hell that has become our world. Anyone out there had such extreme behaviour and came through it without the family breaking apart? Thanks for listening.

Jacksparrow123 Advice needed
  • replies: 2

Hi. Please don't judge I just need some advice if anyone can help. About 6 years ago I had an intense what I think was an emotional affair. Both of us were married. It lasted about a year. The First few months was friendly but it was obvious that aft... View more

Hi. Please don't judge I just need some advice if anyone can help. About 6 years ago I had an intense what I think was an emotional affair. Both of us were married. It lasted about a year. The First few months was friendly but it was obvious that after a while we had both developed feelings. I let it go on for a few more months until I realised it was wrong and I stopped it. It was hard and hurt the both of us. I bumped into him occasionally and he told me he missed me and couldn't stop Thinking about me. I was the same but told him it was nothing and never could be. It was so hard I even I quit my job and moved away put all my time into my husband and kids and tried to re find our spark again. I did Tel my husband and we worked through it all we both put so much work into our marriage and I thought we were good again. I haven't stopped thinking of this other man at all the whole time. I put it to the back of my mind done everything even talked about it in counselling but nothing can make him leave my mind. Then i found out my husband was cheating with a work friend and he blamed it on my emotional affair. I was willing to forgive and work it out but he left for the other woman and has been with her since. Roughly 3 years now. I have had no contact with the other man since I moved not even look at his social media pages then last week out of the blue he messaged me on social media and said he hasn't stopped thinking of me the whole time and wants to be with me. I haven't replied to his message at all. I'm not sure if hes still married or not and I don't think he knows I'm not as my now ex husband doesn't have social media and you can't tell anything by my page. My problem is I want to write back maybe we fell in love maybe it wasn't just an emotional affair as so much time how could feelings still be there? But I do not want to accept or write or do anything incase he is still married and also I feel I may hurt my ex if I ended up with this man because he knew who he was. I don't know what it was with him now as I had read all about emotional affairs and told myself that's what it was but I've done all they recommend to forget him and move forward I can't and it seems he can't either. But I do not want to be the reason for an ended marriage I already feel guilt that he still feels this way and i may already be a reason for a marriage ending I feel the guilt for my own marriage ending I feel I was such a selfish person and should stay alone

raineedays Struggling with separation
  • replies: 1

Hi there, My husband and I are currently going through separation and I'm really struggling. We've been together for 8 years, married for 2. In the last year, lots of things changed (jobs, living arrangements..) and in August of last year after a roc... View more

Hi there, My husband and I are currently going through separation and I'm really struggling. We've been together for 8 years, married for 2. In the last year, lots of things changed (jobs, living arrangements..) and in August of last year after a rocky few months he told me that we should separate. We were both very angry all the time and emotional in the months leading up to that point. At the time, I honestly thought it was for the best. He said there was no one else when I asked him, and that he thought it was better to end it now when we didn't want to kill each other. We decided that he would be the one to move out eventually. I told him he could stay living with me for as long as he wanted until he could find elsewhere to go. Then he handed over his computer to me about a month later and in my face (I didn't snoop), there were messages from someone else.... so I threw him out.He's still with her to this day. I've really struggled from the first day that he said we should separate. I've been seeing psychologist every few weeks, initially when it all happened I was talking to friends, I was and still am forcing myself to keep busy and try to do new things, but every day is a struggle and it all just hurts so much all the time. I force myself to go out and do things and meet new people and I always feel like such a fraud because I feel like I'm putting a front on, pretending its all ok, when I'm not even close. Some days I honestly don't think I've made any progress at all. It just hurts all the time and as much as we had our problems, I find myself wishing I did things differently, or wondering about his new life with her. I just want to delete that whole part of my life and move on, but I really don't think I can. It just hurts all the time and I don't know what else to do.