Husband says I am an extremely negative person

[Sunshine79]

Hi All,

I just joined the forum but have been thinking about it for a while.

Today, we received an invite to a friends bbq, but unfortunately it clashes with something else we have on and so we had to decline. Our friend seemed disappointed and said ‘can’t you do a quick stop at ours first’. For reasons that I do not understand, this irritated me, I mentioned it to my partner who ignored me, so I said it again. His response to me was ‘there isn’t a single thing or person that doesn’t irritate you’. This line is something he is starting to use more often, I could make a comment about a tv program and he’d say that to me. Tonight, he also told me that I am an extremely negative person, the only one he knows. He also told me that I need to be in control of my mood swings.

This weekend was his first weekend back with us after traveling extensively for the last 5 weeks, while I have been home with our 2 kids. We have no family nearby and so it was just me, juggling kids, the house, my business etc. I did vent to him a few times, about how hard things are when he is away.

Hes not wrong that I can be negative, it true. I’m cynical and I don’t trust easily. I have low self esteem, I constantly worry about what people will think/say. I get nervous/anxious if I am excluded from things by people ie school mums. I don’t have a great relationship with my in laws, though I know I am not entirely to blame for the deterioration of the relationship, however I still stress about it/them and do vent to my husband.

what is wrong with me? Should I be seeing a doctor? Is this anxiety? Depression? Bipolar?

[geoff]

Hello Sunshine, a warm welcome to you and thanks for having the courage to post your comment.

The answer to your question at the end of your comment is, yes, it wouldn't do any harm by seeing your doctor, although we aren't allowed to diagnose anybody, being irritable is related to having anxiety.

Being pessimistic may not mean that you are being negative but quietly suffering from an illness unbeknown to you, that's why an appointment to see your doctor really should be done, then they can begin the appropriate help.

Let us know what you think.

Geoff.

[SamSJ2018]

It sounds like you're super overwhelmed, Hun! I suggest visiting the GP as you don't want your anxiety to spiral and become more intense.

Does your husband stand up for you when it comes to your in laws? I've had a similar experience with in laws and it just caused the worst ruminating thoughts for me. After 3 years of it, I opened up to my other half about how bad it effected me. They would just constantly put me down and I'd take it. They'd comment on my weight, my welsh accent and it would be negative stuff too. Made me feel worthless and if ruminate over their horrible attitude toward me. Now, my partner and I don't stand for any of that, especially now my mental health is at a fragile state (due to other things too),

communicate with him, tell him you're going to the GP to seek help as you think the "negative narrative" could be something you can't control. hope that helps x

[Sunshine79]

Thank you Geoff, I appreciate your input. I will contact my GP.

[Sunshine79]

Thanks Sam. You've described my in laws to a T. They do pick at the things I do, my parenting for example is a hot topic of discussion. I've learned to rise above it, and also had words with them. All it does in their eyes is make me a 'problem' in law. I'm ok with that these days, and I don't make an effort anymore, but it does hurt.

I should mention - I do not like confrontation of any sort, so I would usually either walk away or not say anything and THEN when we get home "hash" it out with my husband. If I'm being honest, I hold him accountable for what his family does, which is so unfair and I Can see that when I'm not so fogged up with anger and sadness.

He does stand up for me - but my in laws usually have a go at me when he isn't around.

You are so right about being overwhelmed, I couldn't find the word to describe it to myself. Thank you, I'll contact my GP.

[quirkywords]

Sunshine79,

You have had some very helpful and caring replies.

I just wanted to say I could relate to being called negative.

I do not like confrontation either and often go for a walk to calm down.

I can understand how upsetting it is when your in laws criticise you but not when your partner is not around.

I am please dlike others have suggested that you will visit your GP.

If you want to, post here and let us know how it went.

If you feel you may not be able to explain yourself to the GP you could cut and paste your post, deleting any things that are not relevant, and take it to the doctor. you can read it or show it to him if you are nervous.

Or you can type out points to take to help you if your forget things, Just an thought that may help.

Quirky