Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Unloved84 I drove away an amazing man and I’m not coping
  • replies: 4

I met the most amazing man. We had the same morals, goals, interests etc. And he was interested in me. He cared for his family, animals, was funny and kind. He wanted a serious relationship and sounded like a great partner. I was going through a roug... View more

I met the most amazing man. We had the same morals, goals, interests etc. And he was interested in me. He cared for his family, animals, was funny and kind. He wanted a serious relationship and sounded like a great partner. I was going through a rough patch, so before our firs date I told him I’m not ready to date and I wished him all the best. He accepted it at first, but then hours later said he is there for me if i needed. He said he is ‘the real deal’ Long story short we met up and just clicked. I was smitten and he said he could see me becoming his girlfriend. But my self esteem is so bad that I was closed off. I told him I had bad experiences and he said so did he. He said he can see us becoming serious quickly and wants to help me feel happy and confident again. But then he said he feels uncertain and that he only said all those nice things because he was thinking with his man parts. And that me being closed off is giving him doubts. That he wants to see the real me. He would still say ‘can you see yourself dating an English chef ?’ Hinting that he wanted to date me. I showed him my affection with telling him what I like about him, paying for our dates and lots of affection. He did walk out of work and cried at the beach before our first date, which he messaged me about before we even met. he messaged me all day and every day, showed interest in who I was as a person. We talked about going on a short trip and other travels we didn’t have sex until almost a month in. I got us a hotel room and it was so nice. He cooked for me, we cuddled, laughed and went to the pool and he said he wanted to spend 2018 still seeing me The next morning I got anxiety. I panicked and he asked what was wrong. He said he was still uncertain about me that morning and it triggered me. I’m used to men losing interest at this point. He said before he was so scared of hurting me because he is uncertain. when I expressed my insecurities he got annoyed and backed away. At one point I playfully backed him against the fridge (gently) and tickled him because he was mocking me. We play fought before. He hugged me hard and said my insecurities are pushing him awau. But he reassured me that we will still meet and talk. He hugged and kissed me and said not to worry. We left and he texted me that afternoon still. the next morning he blocked me on all social media. I messed up something that could have been amazing. He was such a good guy.

Sadmum01 Partner calls names and tells me it's all me.
  • replies: 2

Hi, so today I am just not sure any more for the past 4 days my partner and I have been argueing over nothing. But whenever I say anything he doesn't like or do not do what he tells me to do, he starts calling me names like pyscho, crazy, spoilt brat... View more

Hi, so today I am just not sure any more for the past 4 days my partner and I have been argueing over nothing. But whenever I say anything he doesn't like or do not do what he tells me to do, he starts calling me names like pyscho, crazy, spoilt brat, jealous, control freak, nut job, compolsive liar, abusive. He just continues and when I walk away he follows me saying all these things. He also starts saying that I blame him for my mother cancer and for having a c section even though I have never brought it up. When I start crying he tells me I need to grow up and I am a shit mother and I am pathetic. I get so worked up I start yelling at him to stop or leave me alone then he will start video taping me and telling me he is going to show everyone how crazy I really am. I feel so confused is there something wrong with me and how do I fix myself. I also just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant even though I really wanted another child, I did not want one yet. But I am and I feel like I can't stop crying I ended up telling him as it was in planned and he looked at me and said I was manipulative and I planned all of this. He look at me and swore. And drive off. Help I don't know where to go or what to do. My family already are very weary of him and I don't want to burden them. I want to be the best person/ mother I can be and I am really struggling when he is home.

Katrina_22 Everything is perfect but I feel like something is always going to go wrong
  • replies: 4

For the past 6 months i've been experiencing what I think is anxiety and depression. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year however we were great friends for about 5 years before that. He is so caring and loving, I could never ask for... View more

For the past 6 months i've been experiencing what I think is anxiety and depression. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year however we were great friends for about 5 years before that. He is so caring and loving, I could never ask for anything more off him, we still act like great friends as well as partners and I've always looked at him as a support system but in the last couple of months i've noticed myself questioning his actions and i ask myself questions like "He's acting different, he hasnt said he loves me today", "He hasnt replied to you because he doesnt want to talk to you", "I wish he would just hurry up and say he's going to leave me so it can be over with". All of these questions go through my head whilst he's sitting next to me looking quite content watching his TV shows. My own thoughts hurt me so much that I start thinking that I should break up with him first to beat him to it. My previous relationship before him was very unhealthy and toxic, my ex used to be so mentally abusive and I never really healed myself from that. That is the only thing I can think is making my own thoughts try to protect me to a future threat that hasnt happened yet. Because I am so worried about the future happening with my current partner, I say to him "why dont you love me?" or "why dont you want to kiss and cuddle me like you used to" and I say these so often that I think he may get fed up with it and leave but I cant help myself but say whats on my chest. please help, I love this guy with my whole heart and I never want to lose or hurt him.

Mumsie-woo Help! My teenager won't accept rules and boundaries :(
  • replies: 4

Hi. I'm new to this site. My husband and I are having tremendous trouble with our, about to turn 15, daughter. She has started a relationship with a boy at school (same age) 3 month's ago and in our opinion, things are way too serious and out of cont... View more

Hi. I'm new to this site. My husband and I are having tremendous trouble with our, about to turn 15, daughter. She has started a relationship with a boy at school (same age) 3 month's ago and in our opinion, things are way too serious and out of control. We have tried to set rules re phone usage - he has contacted her often in the wee hours of the morning, but she refuses to hand in her phone and laptop at 10pm. She is very tired (often has dark circles under her eyes) and spending all or most of her time outside of school on some sort of social media or Netflix. She is very angry at me for trying to make rules. I have recently said that she can only see her boyfriend once a fortnight outside of school as they saw each other almost every day over xmas holiday (against my wishes). I don't believe they are having sex yet, but it's like they are obsessed with each other. I gave her an allowance of $75 month for outings etc as she was using my bank card (responsibly though), but she's fighting this now too. It just seems every rule I make is wrong for her and "I'm the worst mother ever" and "no one else's mum would do this" and "I hate you". She is still 14. She has had a good upbringing and has all of a sudden turned into a girl that I no longer know who hates her family and refuses to participate in any family outings etc...she's totally withdrawn. Won't talk to me anymore then, accuses me of not caring when she gets depressed. I try to talk to her, I try to give her little hugs, but to very little avail. She's breaking my heart. I'm getting angry at her too. There doesn't seem to be any of the old "daughter" left in her. I just don't know what to do. She doesn't respect anything I ask her to do. She often won't even take out the rubbish...too busy on her phone. I need to say, things in our house are becoming very serious. I don't think I can handle much more. My husband and I are at our wits end. Her little brother (11) is affected by it all. The arguments, the yelling, the silence, the anger, the hell that has become our world. Anyone out there had such extreme behaviour and came through it without the family breaking apart? Thanks for listening.

Jacksparrow123 Advice needed
  • replies: 2

Hi. Please don't judge I just need some advice if anyone can help. About 6 years ago I had an intense what I think was an emotional affair. Both of us were married. It lasted about a year. The First few months was friendly but it was obvious that aft... View more

Hi. Please don't judge I just need some advice if anyone can help. About 6 years ago I had an intense what I think was an emotional affair. Both of us were married. It lasted about a year. The First few months was friendly but it was obvious that after a while we had both developed feelings. I let it go on for a few more months until I realised it was wrong and I stopped it. It was hard and hurt the both of us. I bumped into him occasionally and he told me he missed me and couldn't stop Thinking about me. I was the same but told him it was nothing and never could be. It was so hard I even I quit my job and moved away put all my time into my husband and kids and tried to re find our spark again. I did Tel my husband and we worked through it all we both put so much work into our marriage and I thought we were good again. I haven't stopped thinking of this other man at all the whole time. I put it to the back of my mind done everything even talked about it in counselling but nothing can make him leave my mind. Then i found out my husband was cheating with a work friend and he blamed it on my emotional affair. I was willing to forgive and work it out but he left for the other woman and has been with her since. Roughly 3 years now. I have had no contact with the other man since I moved not even look at his social media pages then last week out of the blue he messaged me on social media and said he hasn't stopped thinking of me the whole time and wants to be with me. I haven't replied to his message at all. I'm not sure if hes still married or not and I don't think he knows I'm not as my now ex husband doesn't have social media and you can't tell anything by my page. My problem is I want to write back maybe we fell in love maybe it wasn't just an emotional affair as so much time how could feelings still be there? But I do not want to accept or write or do anything incase he is still married and also I feel I may hurt my ex if I ended up with this man because he knew who he was. I don't know what it was with him now as I had read all about emotional affairs and told myself that's what it was but I've done all they recommend to forget him and move forward I can't and it seems he can't either. But I do not want to be the reason for an ended marriage I already feel guilt that he still feels this way and i may already be a reason for a marriage ending I feel the guilt for my own marriage ending I feel I was such a selfish person and should stay alone

raineedays Struggling with separation
  • replies: 1

Hi there, My husband and I are currently going through separation and I'm really struggling. We've been together for 8 years, married for 2. In the last year, lots of things changed (jobs, living arrangements..) and in August of last year after a roc... View more

Hi there, My husband and I are currently going through separation and I'm really struggling. We've been together for 8 years, married for 2. In the last year, lots of things changed (jobs, living arrangements..) and in August of last year after a rocky few months he told me that we should separate. We were both very angry all the time and emotional in the months leading up to that point. At the time, I honestly thought it was for the best. He said there was no one else when I asked him, and that he thought it was better to end it now when we didn't want to kill each other. We decided that he would be the one to move out eventually. I told him he could stay living with me for as long as he wanted until he could find elsewhere to go. Then he handed over his computer to me about a month later and in my face (I didn't snoop), there were messages from someone else.... so I threw him out.He's still with her to this day. I've really struggled from the first day that he said we should separate. I've been seeing psychologist every few weeks, initially when it all happened I was talking to friends, I was and still am forcing myself to keep busy and try to do new things, but every day is a struggle and it all just hurts so much all the time. I force myself to go out and do things and meet new people and I always feel like such a fraud because I feel like I'm putting a front on, pretending its all ok, when I'm not even close. Some days I honestly don't think I've made any progress at all. It just hurts all the time and as much as we had our problems, I find myself wishing I did things differently, or wondering about his new life with her. I just want to delete that whole part of my life and move on, but I really don't think I can. It just hurts all the time and I don't know what else to do.

timewillheal From wedding/kids talk to being dumped within a week
  • replies: 11

Hi All, I'm currently struggling with a recent breakup where my bf of 3 years, whom i lived with for 2 years literally broke up with me out of the blue and within 20 minutes was gone. (He's 30, I'm 29). We had no issues in the relationship, only laug... View more

Hi All, I'm currently struggling with a recent breakup where my bf of 3 years, whom i lived with for 2 years literally broke up with me out of the blue and within 20 minutes was gone. (He's 30, I'm 29). We had no issues in the relationship, only laughs and smiles, there was a lot of love and respect (argued about 4 times max in that whole time). The breakup totally blindsided me - no explanation, no communication, no conversation, he simply just walked out. He then spent the next 6 weeks crying and struggling, contacting me telling me he's depressed and feeling low and of course me being the kind and caring person i am, i was there for him in his time of need. Looking back now, i feel used by him during this time as i was the one who was dumped and yet i was looking after him. He has now moved back into the apartment we shared, and i've moved out. He told me he was still so confused about his decision and wanted to find clarity and felt that being alone in the apartment would provide that. I bumped into him the other day and it seems he has come to a decision that this is 'the right choice right now'. Just finding it very difficult how someone can go from having a beautiful, healthy relationship where there was nothing wrong, to absolutely zero contact. We were best friends and he threw it away because he said he 'freaked out' after attending friend's weddings. I wasnt putting any pressure on him for marriage etc, in fact i told him the opposite the week before he broke up with me. His reply was bluntly "i don't feel pressure" - when, in fact, he was feeling a lot of pressure and just didnt tell me. Instead, he would talk about our wedding, kids, houses, future all the while feeling 'pressure' and not communicating with me. I understand getting over a breakup takes time, it's just very difficult at the moment because everyday is excruciatingly painful. It feels like incessant pain where i just seem to be stuck in some sort of mental pain cycle. There are days where i feel okay and days where i feel so low i just cry the whole time. I wonder whether there is a chance he will 'realise'. I feel better when i talk about it and would love to chat with someone whom is going through the same thing to support each other.

AJ2014 How do you overcome loneliness when...
  • replies: 5

How do you overcome loneliness when you feel: forgotten by all those you know / knew always the one to make "first contact" that there is no point meeting new people or caring about new people cause they will only let you down and disappoint you like... View more

How do you overcome loneliness when you feel: forgotten by all those you know / knew always the one to make "first contact" that there is no point meeting new people or caring about new people cause they will only let you down and disappoint you like everyone else has. Like your struggles, thoughts and feelings mean nothing because your a straight white middle aged male and your life must be amazing . Men can't be the targets of sexism. White people can't be targets of racism. Straight people can't be targets of bigotry. in the reverse can you be happy and on your own?

mommabear stupid wife
  • replies: 3

I feel really alone with all our marriage problems! 3 Years into our marriage and one child its barely holding together, we fight over the smallest things like cleaning, moving or sort. When he gets angry he calls my stupid, whats going on in your he... View more

I feel really alone with all our marriage problems! 3 Years into our marriage and one child its barely holding together, we fight over the smallest things like cleaning, moving or sort. When he gets angry he calls my stupid, whats going on in your head, i was more successful without you, you bring me down and i cant talk to you anymore. Its so often im starting to believe it now, my heart feels empty and i dont want to talk to him cause i dont want to hear it. I really try at home making sure everything is immaculate, child is under control when his home, bring him tea and food is ready daily. I put our child to bed, he watches TV, play games, see his friends and he goes to bed fine. A new day the problem is in the past, every time i feel happy the feeling like someone punching your guts comes around. im so tired

haylesmason My boyfriend has a sexual fantasy that's causing stress to our relationship
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone....I've never posted before but here goes. So basically my partner who is...let's say...roughly 15 years older than me (I'm early 20's) has a sexual fantasy. I've tried it before about a year ago but after a bad experience which turned me... View more

Hi everyone....I've never posted before but here goes. So basically my partner who is...let's say...roughly 15 years older than me (I'm early 20's) has a sexual fantasy. I've tried it before about a year ago but after a bad experience which turned me off it we haven't done it since. He goes through phases of talking about it a lot, messaging me about it, asking me when I'll do it, will I ever do it again, how would I like it? Then he goes through a phase of him saying he knows it's not healthy etc etc and keeping it to himself. But the problem is.. when he keeps it to himself he gets extremely stressed and on edge. Basically not my happy man anymore. Recently he told me he's thinking of seeing a counsellor, and I suggested a sex psychologist but I don't know if this will help. Any ideas or advise would be helpful. I don't really know what answers I'm after but I just don't know how to process all this because it stresses me out. If I told him flat out no, it'll never happen again - I think he would get really depressed/sad/less sexual/more withdrawn.