Not feeling Xmas joy
It's been like this for a while but being Xmas just amplifies it, there's no stress but also no thrill no excitement. My youngest just turned 14 Santa doesn't stop by anymore, not for a long time. I spent this day like any other with the added bonus of trying (and failing my family) I was so intent to distract hubby from arguing with the newest moody teenager son we have that I ended up just making everything worse.
My medication does little more than keep the wolves at bay but depression is always in ear shot. I feel like I was supposed to be the one that made the majic of Xmas happen but I couldn't even get them to the dinner table to break bread. I hate this time of year all the expectations engrained like worn out carpet. Sometimes I feel like they'd all be better off without me and that all l do is spread poison and not love. I feel like, as a Mother and Wife such a monumental failure that I can't even do Xmas right.
Christmas is such a stressful time, you are not alone in struggling. Summer Rose started a whole thread on it called Merry and Bright or Bah Humbug, how do you feel about the holidays? If you find this thread and read through it you'll see many of us find it hard to put on a brave face this time of year.
1. Teenagers ARE moody, that's not your fault. You can't force a teen not to be, I wish you could! But I'm afraid it's part of the deal, and very difficult and unfair for the parent involved sometimes. My sympathies.
2. We as women do tend to feel like making everyone's day run smoothly is totally our responsibility. I think we feel this at times all through the year, but the pressure is increased at Christmas. This is an unfair burden that is placed on us, by society in many ways but also by ourselves.
It is not your responsibility to make anything perfect for anyone. Christmas is a family day, meaning all your family needs to contribute something to make it work, be that physical effort, or emotional effort (ie. being a bit nicer than they feel like being, not arguing about petty things etc). It seems to me if your day wasn't great, your whole family contributed to the mood (by not coming to the table to eat together for eg - you can't physically move them so that is definitely not your fault!). Try if you can to release yourself from the cycle of self-blame. Making yourself miserable over the let down of yesterday isn't helping anyone. I know that's easy to say, not always easy to do if you're dealing with depression. But try if you can.
Taking care of yourself is the best way you can take care of your family.
All the best
Let me just say one thing ..I’m glad it’s over ...I hate Christmas ...I hope it just disappear into a vault. Birthdays and new year all the same .
i have a 13 year old son and I say you spend Christmas with dad because my whole family is not here .dead or overseas ..so I do it alone on Christmas ...so MUch Fun ..I just find a hole and climb into it and come out when it’s safe...hahah