Boyfriend called me his ex’s name

[Von is lost]

My boyfriend of 1.5 years and I went on a really fun week long road trip recently. It was a going really well, there was a few times I felt jealous of his ex because some of the places we went he said he had been there with her before. One night I said that I sometimes feel like I’m competing with her because she and him had done so many things together. They also occasionally stay in touch and catch up. He listened and understood my feelings. Two days later though, we were driving and making jokes etc. then out of nowhere he called me his ex’s name. Initially I laughed it off but then started to feel awful about it and made me question a lot of his feelings towards me. He apologised a lot and eventually we had a big conversation where I asked why he did that, was he thinking about her, does he wish he was still with her, does he feel like he’s settled for me etc. He reassured me that he loves me and is committed to me but that it was just an accident and that they dated for 5 years so was a big part of his life. I still feel really offended by it but also don’t want to be over dramatic. 

[Emotions26]

Hello 

I can understand you feeling concerned about the mentioning of your boyfriend's former partner.

In allowing yourself to think about how you felt when this occurred and then talking to him will strengthen this relationship now, that is growing. 

All relationships change as people learn more about each other and deal with day to day life.

Talking about it together and hearing his response is a beautiful measure of how your relationship is moving forward and you are continuing to learn more and more about each other.  You creates that moment by being open and honest

It is actually a very common occurrence as well.  

I do know that I am very deep and have to tell myself to rest my brain!  Our minds can become overcrowded, even confused , perhaps this might mix up past memories with new ones.  

Our brains are incredible. 

Keep on noticing how you feel, talking about it when it becomes too much and at the same time be kind to you.

Notice all of the good times that you share together as well.

take care

Ems

[quirkywords]

Von is lost,

emotions 26 has given you helpful suggestions.

I have called a partner by ex but not in an intimate moment but when I was annoyed I called the ex name. It  awkward but I just corrected myself a moved on. 

[Von is lost]

Thank you both. Yes I’m grateful that we can talk about these trickier topics. I think a lot of it comes back to having low self esteem and being jealous and worried that I’m not living up to his past.

[Emotions26]

Thank you for your kind words quirkywords.

That is a valid point that you raised          not in an intimate moment

We human beings are creatures of habit and our brain stores much; including words, names that we use regularly.

Yes I have done the same as you in a second relationship that I was in. It was not that I was thinking about my previous husband; more that I was used to saying his name from all of the time that we were together.

It does take the other person by surprise, but I responded in a similar way to you; making light of it. I used to find that it would stop happening for a while and then start again.  Perhaps something happened that triggered my memory and out popped his name unintentionally.

Ems

[Emotions26]

Hello Von is lost

Having low self esteem plays havoc with trust issues.  This scenario is probably nudging your trust.

Jealousy is not a good feeling to experience.  It also can cause issues between people in all types of relationships. Try to not even use the word. It might be more envy that you feel.

Whatever you feel is real for you though and important that you explore why.

Are you able to look at the fact that you are in the relationship with him now, not her?

He has talked openly and apologised which many people find extremely hard to do.  This is a huge plus in your relationship.

Your last comment about "not living up to his past" sounds as though it comes from the low self esteem;  not the "Von" who is in a relationship for 1 and a half years with a person who is able to talk things through.

Going on a road trip would have been wonderful in other ways.  What were the great things that you did together and happy moments shared?  What are your fond memories of the trip?

Photographs to look at?

Do you think that taking your attention away from moments of a slip of the tongue situation, might help highlight what you have with this person whom you are clearly nuts about?

You might find all of the other stuff pales in comparison.  Worth a try?

Keep on noticing your feelings and thoughts.

If you still feel comfortable please write on here.

Others will be reading along also.

Lastly, I am no expert.  I am a member the same as you.  It is easier to feel for the person and respond from own life experiences, than be in the actual moment living the feelings.

You as a person do matter, Von.

take care

Ems