being stonewalled

[Sad_Anxious]

Hello

I'm new here and I need your advice. I've been feeling very anxious lately I cannot calm down since my partner is not talking to me for the past week at all.

I am in an online relationship for the past 4 years. Last couple of years were quite difficult on us due to COVID issues and inability to travel freely. It caused problems with us that my partner did not wish to discuss. The problems just grew more. I became more needy and wishing to resolve it and he withdrew and became quite annoyed with me and every time I would try to discuss issues he would hung up and not talk to me for a day or two. Last couple of months were quite hard and he wanted some time without me previously and we would talk again when I w messaged him how he was. We would be ok for few days and then problems would reemerge since we never resolved them. So again he wanted time off, week of not talking and I'm feeling very hurt and anxious, and abandoned.

I am not messaging him this time and waiting for him to message me. I'm not sure what to do. I cannot stop thinking about him, I can't stop thinking of what did I do to drive him away. I blame myself, I feel deep sadness. I am having often anxiety attacks and difficulty sleeping and constantly checking my phone. I've been left in limbo not sure what to think and what to do. I'm feeling lost. I have nobody to discuss this. What do you think I should do? if it's better to let him be for the moment, do you have any tips how to calm down, how to redirect my thoughts as I'm feeling almost sick from stress inside that I don't show to anyone. Thank you

[geoff]

Hello Sad&Anxious, I agree with RX ' than to just stay away until he's ready', but how long will this be and you don't know what he's thinking about because you haven't heard back from him, perhaps it's because his thoughts are completely different than yours and either doesn't want to mention this or too scared about your reaction.

It's easy to say 'I still love you' when you aren't together, but does he actually mean it, possibly, but why has he not contacted you for a week or so, if he did surely he would want to discuss this topic, if he can't now, then what's going to happen if you become a couple living together, it creates many doubts.

If a couple is young in a relationship, different topics are discussed, wanting to hear what your partner thinks or believes in because this establishes a relationship, you talk about any problems, but in an online relationship and topics that aren't talked about raises many issues.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Sad_Anxious]

This uncertainty is causing me anxiety and restlessness I don't know what's going on I can't believe that after so long he can just stop. Until recently, despite difficulties, we talked every single day. There was no day that we would skip. I miss him so much. Just a thought that he doesn't miss me like this, makes me very sad and it's hurting.

I guess one part of me is scared that it is over and that he does not have the courage to say so. But for me, I'd rather to know, than being in limbo. On Sunday, it will be two weeks.

I know, what you mean about just saying words. I don't express such words unless I mean it. I always trusted his words, now with this silence, I'm not sure what to think.

Thank you

Sad&Anxious

[Sad_Anxious]

I just wish he tells me that he's still around just needs more time.

Anything to indicate that there's a hope.

Not knowing, this uncertainty is what's eating me inside. Part of me believes that if it's over I wouldn't be hurting as much because I'd know it's final, or I'm just deceiving myself.

The issue is long distance relationship. We could not see each other for over two years. I noticed that it affected him. I did not want to let this affect strong feelings we shared for each other despite circumstances but I guess love may not be enough.

Thank you

Sad&Anxious

[Sad_Anxious]

Just a quick update. I have already lost hope he would contact me again, and today I have received flowers and a teddy bear for Valentine's Day. It arrived early. This gave me hope, that he is still thinking of me and loves me. The card only had a written poem, no signature, but I know it's from him.

I took a photo of the flowers and sent it to him and thanked him but I didn't get any reply from him which totally confuses me. I wonder if he's waiting for tomorrow to reply, or was this a farewell gift. I'm not sure because he still hasn't spoken to me. I'm trying to stay positive.

At least the flowers reduced my anxiety.

[Guest_1584]

Well there ya go , that was beautiful and at least something.

l'm just thinking logically here and as we know things don't always work logically butttt. l wouldn't send you Valentines and flowers if l was gonna dump it. Bc it would only and very hurtfully get your hopes up again. lt might be a good sign butttt as l say.

He wouldn't have replied bc as yet , he still isn't ready sorry.

Hang in there. rx

[geoff]

Hello Sad&Anxious, I'm the same as RX, if I was going to break up from anyone I certainly wouldn't send any flowers on Valentines Day and maybe it's from someone else who is frightened to mention their name.

I'm afraid to say that you can't think it's from him, if a person 'you are going out with' would either write their name or include an emoji, but if you are determined it's him, then send him a text saying that the flowers are beautiful and you love the teddy bear and to please contact you a.s.a.p.

I hope it's from him, but no contact and sending you flowers with no name, still doesn't sit easy with me.

Do you know of anyone else who could send these to you, another friend who knows what you are struggling with.

Geoff.

[Sad_Anxious]

The flowers are definitively from him, the lyrics are from our favourite song.

He finally replied with just "You're welcome" and that's it. I'm totally confused.

I'm not sure should I pursue the conversation or just leave it and wait for him. So confusing. I wished if he said at least he needs more time or anything.

[geoff]

Hello Sad&Anxious, that's terrific.

The longer you wait, then the days will drag along because every second you'll be checking the messages, ask him to meet you somewhere for a cup of coffee with the intention of going to a movie afterwards.

Geoff.

[Sad_Anxious]

Yes, that's what happened, I kept on checking messages so I messaged him and asked him if we could talk and he accepted it.

He said he loves me that nothing changed, but that we got into a rot arguing so often that he had to take a break from it as he did not know how to resolve it. Just seeing him and hearing him made me feel better.

We decided we will stop this silence and talk again but take it slow for start.

Thank you for listening to me and helping me. It means a lot to me.

[smallwolf]

Sounds as though things are moving in the right direction for you.