being stonewalled

[Sad_Anxious]

Hello

I'm new here and I need your advice. I've been feeling very anxious lately I cannot calm down since my partner is not talking to me for the past week at all.

I am in an online relationship for the past 4 years. Last couple of years were quite difficult on us due to COVID issues and inability to travel freely. It caused problems with us that my partner did not wish to discuss. The problems just grew more. I became more needy and wishing to resolve it and he withdrew and became quite annoyed with me and every time I would try to discuss issues he would hung up and not talk to me for a day or two. Last couple of months were quite hard and he wanted some time without me previously and we would talk again when I w messaged him how he was. We would be ok for few days and then problems would reemerge since we never resolved them. So again he wanted time off, week of not talking and I'm feeling very hurt and anxious, and abandoned.

I am not messaging him this time and waiting for him to message me. I'm not sure what to do. I cannot stop thinking about him, I can't stop thinking of what did I do to drive him away. I blame myself, I feel deep sadness. I am having often anxiety attacks and difficulty sleeping and constantly checking my phone. I've been left in limbo not sure what to think and what to do. I'm feeling lost. I have nobody to discuss this. What do you think I should do? if it's better to let him be for the moment, do you have any tips how to calm down, how to redirect my thoughts as I'm feeling almost sick from stress inside that I don't show to anyone. Thank you

[Sad_Anxious]

yes they do

He continuously says he loves me, however, his affections are so minimal. He rarely gives me a praise or a compliment. If I say it, he then says how I'm never happy and always want more. I tried to bring sparks back into our conversations, to be more playful, but he's very tense. I agree with you that he's hypo sensitive, and he doesn't want to discuss any issues, and If i start he just cuts me off. If I tell him that I'm trying everything, that I'm open for everything, then he gets upset with me saying that when I say that that I indicate he isn't trying. He hung up on me, and the next day we did not discuss it, we talked normal and he said he loved me. Very confusing for me.

Today, I might have talked about how would it be if we didn't talk and he said, if we would break up that it would be hard but eventually we would recover and life would go on. I took it to heart, his realistic words got me that even now I still feel sadness. I didn't say anything, but he saw it in my eyes.

People say we cannot change anyone but ourselves. And he has changed. He wasn't like this before, he was warm, affectionate, loving. I think this difficult situation made him the way he is now, distant, hard, almost as if he refuses to feel too much.

I find myself surpressing my own feelings and affections to 'equalise', and this was never the case before. I am very affectionate, very warm, so it's hard for me to be different, if I still love him. and that comes to me as if I'm playing games and I'm not like that. However, this situation makes me feel very anxious.

I'm not as anxious as when we haven't spoken at all, so for me, not to talk at all, would be very hard but this situation is also creating an axiety feeling knots in my stomach, crying very easily and feeling of helplesness.

Thank you for listening and your advices.

S