I suppose this is more of a vent but I need to get it off my chest.
Does anyone else feel like they can’t do the Mum gig some days?
I love my family and won’t leave them but I’m tired and frustrated. My life isn’t fulfilled by just being a Mum, possibility because I started my family late and already had a career which I miss as being the Mum means my career comes second.
Maybe I’m just having an extra bad down day as I don’t have any family/friends close that I could just sit with.
Think I’ll have a day of nothing today while the kids are at school.
I know we should be grateful for what we have just some days are hard.
Ah thank goodness another Mum who feels as I do at times.
Yes I love my kids. But far out I didn't expect being a stay at home Mum to be something that drove me up the wall.
How did I cope?
When both kids were babies I started writing on these forums. It was my way of doing something I felt good about, challenging myself and keeping my mind busy.
Now they are in kindy and pre primary I have a small part of my life and independence back. I work part time and volunteer.
I joined blue Voices (which is a reference group for mental health run by BeyondBlue) and I join in activities and surveys because it helps me too. At the moment I'm writing a submission for the government in regards to mental health and employment which I found out about through bluevoices. It keeps my mind active.
My point is think about what you love and feel passionate about. What interests you? And how can you make that work with home duties.
I thought that spending time with my kids and other Mums would be enough but I hated it when I had no challenge.
Yes you're a Mum... That doesn't mean you stopped being an individual or a person with needs. How can you schedule in activities for your own wellbeing that make you feel good?
Oh and nothing days are fabulous. I think we need to give ourselves permission to just rest at times.
I hope tomorrow is an easier day for you.
If self love is found in positive personal evolution, as a mum it can some days feel like we're just not evolving enough. I find that the thoughts about leaving (which, like you, I never would) typically come at a time of feeling stuck in the same old patterns without an obvious sense of progress. Periods which resemble Groundhog Day can be plenty, until you look at how much your kids have evolved. I believe our kids are a reminder of the progress we actually have made. Because their growth is gradual and seemingly slow, our growth matches the pace, if we're looking to motherhood to set our pace.
For me, speeding up personal progress will have me looking at energy
- What kind of mental energy am I creating/evolving through/interacting with? If I'm not in a good place mentally or if there's not enough stimulation going on in this area, the energy can feel low
- What kind of physical energy am I creating/evolving through/interacting with? If I'm not in a good place physically (in the way of the chemistry relating to mental health) or if there's not enough physical stimulation going on through healthy food and exercise, the energy can feel low.
- What kind of spiritual energy am I creating/evolving through/interacting with? If I'm experiencing a sense of disconnection from life mentally or physically or my environment is one that feeds a sense of disconnection from life, spiritual energy can feel low.
If you can think of a time when you were feeling mentally, physically and spiritually pumped and you were firing on all cylinders, you'd recall how totally driven and connected you felt. It can be a bit of a catch 22 when it comes to energy: We've got to create it to feel it but if we're not feeling inspired enough to begin generating it, it can leave us feeling like we're not going anywhere.
Stimulating the energies all at once can leave us feeling totally pumped. Whether we join a cross country biking group who mentally and physically navigate terrain, whilst making mental and spiritual connections with each other and nature, or we try something a little more low key, the occasional free time to be found in motherhood can see us balance care for our kids with care for our self.
Perhaps it's not family life we're longing to run away from, maybe it's a greater sense of energy we're simply longing to run toward.
Thank you everyone for your lovely words and taking the time to write a response.
Yes, some days are better than others. It doesn’t help that where I live I feel so isolated and lonely, just can’t seem to break into the ‘click’ in this area. Must be me.
I want to go back to Uni but just about given up in this idea as it’s proving too hard for me to do as a mum with out family support.
Thanks again everyone. Was lovely reading your stories and support.
Sometimes we want to make sure we aren’t alone, so thank you. Xx
Apologise in advance if I jump off in different directions.
You mentioned that you "can’t seem to break into the ‘click’ in this area". Some community spaces can be like that, and it really sucks when you are not allowed to feel welcome or that you belong. (Worse still, if there are gate-keepers, but that is another story.)
My wife took time off while the kids were young. And sort of went back to work when they went to primary school. What sort of work were you doing before? And is there anything similar that is close to you?
I know you said that you don't have family support ...do you or can you elaborate on that? Because as far as study is concerned, there are also option there as well - such as distance education, online studies and diplomas where you can learn at your own pace, etc. What would you study?