Alone again

[Rainforrest]

Hi Everyone,

I just needed to get this off my chest, I have no-one to talk to. I have just split up with my partner of 2 years. She needed space to find herself. Sounds so cliche doesn't it !! 15 years ago I broke-up with someone after 20 years. She was a narcissistic unfaithful liar. I was co-dependent and compromised myself. I had an emotional breakdown and spent 12 years alone rebuilding my life. Then 2 years ago, I met someone special and it felt amazing to share love that felt uncompromised. She was so different to the previous experience, loving, kind and grateful, then it went downhill and she withdrew closed up. I'm just sad, sad it didn't work out, sad she wasn't willing to accept my past and create a future. Sad she didn't feel I was worth it I guess. I never wanted to feel this again although the circumstances are very different the heart aches the same. I am having feelings of unworthiness and not being enough for someone to stay and share life's ups and downs. I know that's not healthy but it's how I feel.

[pipsy]

Hi Rainforrest. I'm sorry you find yourself alone again after a two-year relationship. Life seems so unfair when this happens. You look at other couples who seem so happy and you ask yourself, 'what did I do wrong'. The answer, nothing. The relationship ended because your gf was unable to commit. I would say your gf may have had problems she didn't share with you regarding her problems committing fully. Your previous gf wouldn't have helped you with her being narc, that would've been hard to live with. I don't think this gf couldn't accept your past, (that should never have entered the equation), I think she may have decided she wasn't able to give you what she felt you deserved. Please don't ever think you're not 'worth it'. We're all worth it, all we ever ask in life is someone to share the good and bad times with. I know at the moment your heart is broken and you feel at your lowest, but please believe me, when you do meet that special someone who is out there, you'll know she's the 'right' one for you. You just haven't met the right one yet. Maybe your two previous relationships were meant to show you what you're looking for in a partner. You now know what not to look for, use this experience next time you meet someone, see if they have that special 'something' you're looking for.

Lynda.

[Rainforrest]

Thanks for your reply Lynda, You have clearly been through some life lessons of your own and have some sage words of advise.Thank you for being so kind to a total stranger you are clearly a goos soul. Getting older doesn't dull the pain any less. I guess I know all of what you say is true in my head but I worry that I don't have the social skills or the guts to risk it again or be noticed and I don't have the confidence to flirt or be up front. Truth is I am a recluse, I am an introvert and display mild aspergers characteristics. The paradox is that all I've ever wanted is what everybody else wants, a partner who get me. I promised myself all those years ago I would never fall so low again and I guess I'm proud tof myself today because after I wrote my post I made myself go for a bike ride and then to a meditation class. I feel so lost and feel like I'm faking it but I'm going to take comfort in your words. Thanks again take care ~ K

[topsy_]

Hi Rainforest

My counsellor always told me -

"Fake it till you make it".

So well done. I wish you well, Lyn.

[Rainforrest]

It's really sweet of you people to respond. Thank you. I have felt a deep seeded sadness in my soul ever since I can remember. I have never told anyone about it as I'm embarrassed. Things like this bring it to the forefront and I become overwhelmed with the sadness. I thank you all for your support and hope that someone out there feels the same and therefore less alone because I have said it. Thank you beyond blue for giving me an outlet to articulate my pain.