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A late bloomer

Matt1991
Community Member

Hi all, I am new.

I'm Matt. I am 25 years old virgin and late bloomer male. I have high functioning autism and wears hearing aids. I have communication and social challenges where I couldnt hear people properly if they are out of touch in conversations, and I cannot read nonverbal communication like body language and understanding social cues. I have been counseling for many thousands of years trying to help myself to be a normal guy to get experience of relationships and sex like everybody else who already done it before me.

I used to have social anxiety, but now I am a social aspie. Since I moved to Brisbane I made lots of friends through like minded groups and that. University, out in community and so on. I have more female friends than males, this is because they treat guys with disabilities quite well as they are understanding people, and also they have similar passion for the environment that I love.

More recently I become ashamed of being a virgin and late bloomer among my peers, because all of my friends already experienced it and I am not. I feel like 25 years old is very late according to research statistics. It makes me depressed when seeing myself left behind of this social human behaviour. I couldn't get dates or close interaction with women since they all friend zoned and rejected me. It hurts so badly when feeling lonely and seeing other people enjoy their times at the same time.

I am generally a happy and active person. I always go out meet people through common interests and that. Every week i go out, and also I cope communication challenges depending on the environment conditions like background noise, alcohol smell and crowds. I tend to avoid these situations. I always wondered when and where I finally meet a lady for me. Ever guys had their turns, but why excluding me? Is it being an aspie turns women off?

5 Replies 5

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Matt, it's great for you to post your comment on this site, and it just shows that your ability to communicate with us is excellent, so please take this as confidence booster.
Can I say although it maybe frustrating to be 25years of age and still a virgin doesn't mean so much, but I know that's how you feel, but I was 21 when I had my first proper g/friend who I married, nd the satistics you read or are told about mean nothing to you, everybody is different
Matt how can we determine what a normal person is, one person might be normal to a lot of people, but don't forget there is a large amount that don't qualify him/her as being normal, and being ASPIE is an affectionate term and not meant to put anyone down, so you maybe different to other people but so am I, and there are those that say I am not helping myself, which I disagree with but we can't stop other people from saying what they want to, we all have differnt opinions.
Please you should never put yourself down just because you can't hear what they say, that's what old people need a hearing aid and by no means am I saying that 25 is old, but there are courses which can teach you 'body language' and you find this very interesting to have a look at.
You say that you have more g/friends than guys, aren't you lucky, because these girls are attracted towards you, and although you have aspie, they have a passion for the environment so that's what you can use to meet someone, in other words ask a couple of girls to go with you to a well known country site, where there are walks, water-falls, birds you haven't seen and don't forget to take a picnic with you.
Don't ask them for a date just ask them if they would like to go on a picnic, or to ask them if they would like to see that fabulous water-fall with you.
If you do this then just take it slow, don't try and give her a kiss on the first outing, because that may scare her away, although when you leave each other, just give her a little kiss on her cheek, not her lips, because on the lips may frighten her.
This could be exciting for you, and please let us know how you feel about this advice.
Remember there is always someone for everybody even though it may take some time, but time, you're young and have plenty of it left. Geoff.

Matt1991
Community Member

Hi Geoff,

Thanks for your reply. Lucky I have one attention, better than nothing. All of my counseling sessions that I frequently change in past seven years never worked. its because I am an aspie and my mind works very different to the rest of the normal world.

Women always see me a stigma, an offensive and inappropriate guy. its so sad and disappointing to see and hear that of what they say and do to me. My autism tends to destroy or ruin moods, situations and opportunities that I would like to experience.

I do know dating approaches, I make friends first and stuff. I learned about that. But I am still friend zoned and that. I am not attractive guy out there its because of my autistic traits. You cant learn normal people skills because our brains wired differently, hence it only works within our brains, not learning the normal brains. Its different.

If you see the forums called wrong planet, there are hundreds of aspie guys like me are terribly late bloomers and unemployed severely. its because the world or society is judging us by communication challenges. Its rude, cruel and very patronising. That why aspies like me tend to get anxiety and depression because of no solutions. When being positive and that, the solutions still not happening. Its a war between aspies vs non aspies minds.

I am so extremely ashamed of being a late bloomer because there are so many people out there in the world already had sex and affection stuff before me and my age. Looking at myself with zero experience at such late age, its making a stigma where women sees me I have lot of serious problems of why I am still a late bloomer at that age. I met hundreds of women that doesn't want to date an aspie and also doesn't want to date a virgin because they said they feel awkward of inexperience and poor communication. Women prefers highly charismatic, attractive good looking and Mr popular guys. This how the mainstream society works. It seen it all.

I guess I am alone on this issue. I wonder why my life have to be so left behind. I am becoming so anxious and cyclic depression because of repetitive rejections and isolation.

Chris_B
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Matt, you're definitely not alone on this. Have a look at this thread from last year:

25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend


Hi Matt,

You are definetally not alone there, I was a late bloomer too. But eventually i got a couple of girlfriends but they where short lived relationships with long amounts of lonley time inbetween... then met my wife. I think society paints this picture that all men need to have sex with lots of women to be men, and that if your not then your not doing it right. I totally disagree with it, I think that's just the media and TV shows, and boys talking. To be honest some of my biggest regrets in life are sleeping with women when i was so attention starved i felt i never would get another chance....just remember, keep your morals. The hardest part I think is not seeming too needy/desprate in the first instance, which is a hell of a lot easier said than done.

Have you tried internet dating, that is how i met my wife, and I have a lot of friends who met their partners online, one was in his 30's when he met his...and I never asked but I think he may have been a virgin too. There are some good free sites to try, but with that big world it's all about persistence.