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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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cherries04 Ohh so lonely
  • replies: 5

Title says it all! I am a now single mother to a child who is severely autistic. Moved to Australia about 5 years ago to marry my now ex and have that happy little family white picket fence and all. I suppose I am writing this to vent mainly. Hopeful... View more

Title says it all! I am a now single mother to a child who is severely autistic. Moved to Australia about 5 years ago to marry my now ex and have that happy little family white picket fence and all. I suppose I am writing this to vent mainly. Hopefully find a penpal or two? Maybe someone can give me some ideas or point me in the right direction. My happy little family dream has turned into an absolute nightmare. I knew shortly after moving here that the person I moved for wasn't quite the person he made himself out to be and I knew our marriage was in trouble. After years of moving(about 6 times now) and being a supportive wife even when my ex was fired for not turning up to work which forced us to live in a camper/caravan in the hot summer...giving up my dreams of uni to take care of our son I finally found the proof(cheating) I needed to end my marriage. In the process of obtaining this proof I was also assaulted. Fast forward one year...my son has been diagnosed with severe autism. I am now single and caring for my son full time. No family here, no friends, no job, no money. The friends one is a bit tricky as I am generally very introverted and do not enjoy social situations as I find them draining. That being said I wouldn't mind some form of interaction every once in a while. It's frustrating that I left my entire family, job, car etc and am now stuck here as my ex will not let me return home with our son. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love Australia and it's people but as my relationship failed it's difficult to find reason to want to stay here. I fell pregnant at a young age and as a result do not have much job xp or any qualifications. Add in the fact that I have not worked in 5 years due to taking care of my son and BAM what a fantastic resume hey? I can't blame employers as I would probably toss my resume in the rubbish pile if I was them as well. I am very thankful for assistance I've been given through centerlink however it is no easy way to live and the stigma that comes with being on it isn't fun either. I feel like a robot most days taking care of my son(although I love him to bits). I suppose what I really miss/want is a partner to hug and the end of the day and share the details of my day with. I wish I could say I was content being single and have the whole"I don't need/want a man" mentality but I'd be lying. I've been in and out of counseling, on and off anti depressants and still seem to find it difficult to enjoy much.

BeFree08 Camping Anyone!!!!
  • replies: 5

Hello to you and thanks for reading. As they say "if you put enough pressure on anything it will explode", today - that is me. Firstly, I am reaching out. No secret, just had enough of second guessing and really would like to start and commit to the ... View more

Hello to you and thanks for reading. As they say "if you put enough pressure on anything it will explode", today - that is me. Firstly, I am reaching out. No secret, just had enough of second guessing and really would like to start and commit to the journey of healing. Today is my first day of a ten day leave from work, I have worked overtime and backfilled to achieve this. I am not excited but sad, I am not happy but hateful. I learnt today the penny that had been going around and around finally dropped, and feel so p#@$ed off I didn't discover this website earlier to avoid the loss of my 13 y.o. son (who chose to live with is father), the loss of my energy, time, love, good intentions, integrity and every other virtue stealthily taken from me, right from under my nose and without permission. Today I recognise this monster (of 4 years) who "loves me", who claims "I am the most important thing in his life, ever" is actually real, a real monster. Today is the day I start to heal - I can't use the word forgive, and won't, as this disguised torture is not forgiveable, when intended. Today I should be packing my gear to go on my kayaking and camping trip with "monster" and my dog. I bought the 2 bedroom tent (he recommended) last weekend off Gumtree, as "we will have a great adventure", I got excited about that, I already have the ocean kayak, (mothballed because of his golf), I located a pet friendly campsite, that I paid for in full, in short - I committed to this adventure. The erection of the tent is a two man job, the ocean kayak is a two seater, his ute is required to cart the kayak, he was needed to make this adventure happen! So instead of packing my gear for my adventure I read a text message this morning "I don't feel welcomed so I think I will stay at home", attached was a picture of a gift he bought and had thrown in the bin. Again, sigh, I asked what is going on, his reply, "you brought it on yourself, you always do". I have lost count how many times I almost got a gift, or a I almost got a card, or I almost got my dream property, we (I paid half) actually did get that but he moved his horrible old mother in instead, against my advice - she is toxic, she makes an excellent troll of the gate though, very good for security. For my 50th in December he waved my card in front of me, I still have not received it. Looking for my kind generous happy self of old, how do I move forward? Any clues gratefully accepted. Already 2nd guessing. ​

Elizabeth CP Caring for husband with chronic illness & blindness How to cope
  • replies: 18

I am unsure if this is the correct forum to post on. I resigned from work last October after struggling to cope with part time work, and assisting my husband who had several stints in hospital and numerous specialists visits and I was exhausted which... View more

I am unsure if this is the correct forum to post on. I resigned from work last October after struggling to cope with part time work, and assisting my husband who had several stints in hospital and numerous specialists visits and I was exhausted which combined with stress exacerbated my depression. When he is well he is fairly independent providing I keep everything in the right place so he can find it. Unfortunately he can no longer help with the tasks he used to do like driving, mowing, gardening & home maintenance leaving a much greater load on me. When unwell the situation becomes physically & emotionally demanding. Other people seem to cope with much larger loads than me. Just wondering if there any others in a similar situation to bounce ideas and support each other

J_m_o Dealing with being alone after breakup, also with anxiety and depression
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone. i have been taking medication for depression and anxiety for almost 6 months, during that entire period i have smoked cannabis every day because i felt it helped me detatch from negative feelings and around the right people made me quite... View more

Hi everyone. i have been taking medication for depression and anxiety for almost 6 months, during that entire period i have smoked cannabis every day because i felt it helped me detatch from negative feelings and around the right people made me quite happy.About a month ago my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me just because we were no longer happy together anymore.which was ended up being a mutual agreement and we left it on fairly good terms. I have been dealing with it rather well i feel and havent gotten too upset about it which actually also worried me a bit because something that significant should upset someone alot but it hasnt. We also have a one year old son which has made it a little hard because of all things that come along with seperation when children are involved but coping fine with that. Still spending lots of time with my son which is very good for me.recently i have been feeling quite depressed and anxious and suffering attacks of anxiety in social situations and it has become overwhelming.my doctors advised me to stop smoking marijuana but of course that went in one ear and out the other.Last weekend i went out with some family friends and had a cocktail of drugs over the weekend and ended up freaking out from anxiety in a nightclub and for anyone who has used mdma before the depression experienced in the following days is almost unbearable, my issue is that the depression has not subsided and reguardless of the fact i am taking my medication i feel so unhappy but also unable to show my emotion or feel like i can cry to let it out. All of my sadness gets converted into frustration and anger which puts me back in the cycle of wanting to smoke marijuana again because that makes me instantly feel better.i have a doctors appointment today and im going to ask about options for stopping smoking it altogether and maybe go up a dose on my anti depressants.i have become detatched socially and even when i do catch up with friends i am not with it and nothing is enjoyable for me, i am 23 and have a lot of responsibility in my life and a lot of stress and i just need a constructive way to relieve it. Im ready to make positive changes in my life for my sons sake also. Is anyone else here experiencing similar situations?

afl106 Feeling more alone than ever
  • replies: 5

I met this gir through work and had been talking to her for about 5 months and things had been getting serious since Christmas. I never thought I would develop feelings for her but as time went on I fell for her and became so attached. Last Thursday ... View more

I met this gir through work and had been talking to her for about 5 months and things had been getting serious since Christmas. I never thought I would develop feelings for her but as time went on I fell for her and became so attached. Last Thursday she told me she wanted personal space and "me time", this lasted for 5 days. After this time she told me that she loved me so much and missed talking to me every day. I was so happy because I thought everything had gone back to normal. I asked her the next morning if she had been having second thoughts about us and she said yes and didn't feel the same anymore. I completely severed all contact I might have with her, by removing her on all social network websites, because I thought this would help me get over her. But she messaged me that night saying how much it hurt that I did that, and that's the last thing I want because I'm still in love with her. we have talked pretty much every day since, which isn't helping me, but every time I think about not messaging her I become very emotional and my anxiety is at it's worse state. I've asked her countless times what she wants with us, and she says she doesn't know and is confused. This is giving me a tiny glimmer of hope to hang onto. We had also developed a texting based relationship. The only time we saw eachother was if I saw her at work. I tried to make plans to see her outside of work, on several occasions and each time something came up or she was too scared about spending time with me. The most upsetting part was that she had no issue spending time with other guys. of course I want to hang around and wait until she's ready, but not if its going to be for nothing and I'm going to get hurt again. This is also the first time i have seriously been in love and I have no idea how to get over anyone. The only distraction I have is working full time, but on my days off and in between my shifts I find that this is all I can think about. im just confused as what to do because if she really has lost all feelings towards me, why does she still talk to me on a daily basis, and get hurt when I remove her on social media.

Squeezer Clinical term for being demeaned in a hidden way
  • replies: 3

Greetings all. I was wondering if any psychologists might be able to provide me with a clinical term (and further definition if possible) about being demeaned in a veiled way. When I was 10 years old my older sister made me a birthday card that had a... View more

Greetings all. I was wondering if any psychologists might be able to provide me with a clinical term (and further definition if possible) about being demeaned in a veiled way. When I was 10 years old my older sister made me a birthday card that had a lovely poem in it. However, the poem was all about how that, now I was 10, there should be no more tears or tantrums, how I should clean my room, etc. Now, this might seem like quite a benign message, but it was written up in a birthday card!!! (and for the world to see). I sometime think back to that and feel it was quite demeaning. I have tried to search for various terms to describe it (passive aggressive, emotional abuse, etc), but none of these really quite get to the nub of it. I did hear a psychologist on the radio one day discussing a topic very similar to this, but I cannot for the life of me remember the term she used. Appreciate any assistance and links to literature. Cheers

Only_the_lonely Why cant my family accept me and my wife??
  • replies: 3

Hello. I am in my late 40's, being married over 20 years and have two daughters, 16 and 11. I have always been the "dedicated worker" in the family who was always lending assistance around the home. Now I do the same at home with my wife and kids and... View more

Hello. I am in my late 40's, being married over 20 years and have two daughters, 16 and 11. I have always been the "dedicated worker" in the family who was always lending assistance around the home. Now I do the same at home with my wife and kids and my family is envious of my wife. I am old school and I respect my family members to the point I never say any bad words to them. They have always picked on my wife and even threatened her with death messages. I have now broken up any contacts with them as they will always pick on my and my wife. My mum, being the main head of the family does more to add fuel to fire as she also is jealous of my wife. What I fail to comprehend is they hurting my wife is also hurting me and sending me intimidating text messages against her. My dad left us when I was 15, and I had it hard since that age. I never had a girlfriend and did not leave home until I got married since I was committed to family responsibilities I got married overseas and my family was not there to witness it and they did not know my wife or her family. My mum lives in social housing, and I have always helped her with bills and provided financial assistance but I don't think she loves me but only wants my help. I did ask her on my birthday to help in mediation process but she totally denied saying it was too hard to do, without offering any assurance of support. It pains me NOT to feel any love from my mother as she had never been any support after our dad left and everything I have today is through our hard work. I do keep mentioning this to my wife who tells me to get over the fact that they (the family) do not love us or respect us so I don't know how to get over this issue as I don't have friends and work alone at home as well (as a remote office) I am a DIY guy who keeps himself busy with home projects and hobbies and I do my best to give attention to our kids. I also cook and clean the house and maintain the house and lawns. I feel so upset that family can really do this to you. I consider myself a nice guy who will bend over backwards for you. I am also religious and tend to do the right things and not to upset anyone for that matter and I am bad at confrontations so I am an easy target for my family members. I am also the send eldest in the family of 5 siblings. Any advise would be good. Thank you. Rob

charlotteB my husband needs help
  • replies: 4

Hi. I guess that i am new to this whole situation in many ways. I have had depression since I was 17, I'm on medication and speak regularly to a counsellor. I've been doing ok but lately its my husband. He had been out of work for two months over the... View more

Hi. I guess that i am new to this whole situation in many ways. I have had depression since I was 17, I'm on medication and speak regularly to a counsellor. I've been doing ok but lately its my husband. He had been out of work for two months over the christmas period, he didnt try to get another job. All he did was sit at home, get angry at our kids, yell at me and generally just mope around the house. It got to a point where the bills were stacking up, I have no job as I look after 3 kids under 5 years so my contributions to our bills are minimal. We got a reposession notice for our car and numerous calls about late payments on the bills. He blamed me for it all. This made me feel worse as for christmas my children got nothing. My younger unemployed sister bought groceries for us and i had never felt so terrible in my life. My husband just kept on doing nothing except be angry. Things got to a point a few weeks ago, when an argument turned into me and my kids hiding in the bathroom while calling the police. He had gotten so angry that he started to shake me and wouldnt let me go that I had to headbutt him in order to get away. Im on blood thinners, so this wasnt the best option but i did it in self defence. Needless to say, police came and I apparently was in the wrong. I had to leave my home with my children (5, 3 and 10 weeks old) I also had to go to court for it, even though he told police he was shaking me first. I have never been so embaressed in my life. Im heartbroken as I left a DV relationship before i met my husband 5 years ago. He was my rock when I was going through the legal system back then to get custody of my 5 year old. Now, all I want to do is stay in bed. Hubby moved out two weeks ago and wants to come back, but i cant let him. Partly because he's traumatised me and secondly because I feel he needs help. Hes clearly angry, and depressed but he cant see it. I told him that if he got proper help and started helping himself i would reconsider, but the longer he isnt around the happier i am. My kids are happier. Its like a dark cloud is gone. I feel bad for feeling like this but i cant help it. Im using this time to reassess my life but i dont want to feel bad about the possibility of moving forward without him. Im still in the mindset that a leopard never changes his spots and i think now our marriage might be over for good.

ht2216 Extremely difficult break up with Zero friends to help me through this..
  • replies: 5

E and I met when we were 14 years old and became very close friends (we're now in our mid-20s). As we grew older and were in serious relationships, we became distant as we spent more time with out partners. 4 years later, E and I grew closer as he we... View more

E and I met when we were 14 years old and became very close friends (we're now in our mid-20s). As we grew older and were in serious relationships, we became distant as we spent more time with out partners. 4 years later, E and I grew closer as he we opened up about our physically, mentally and emotionally abusive partners. E and I were each other's only support. The closer we got, the more our feelings for each other showed. We began to realise that we were in love. We cheated on our partners for a few months before they figured us out. E and I stayed together, but we lost all our friends. Since then, for the past 4 years, we lived together and have only had each other - no other friends. I did my best to keep him happy with me but I started to feel over the past year that he stopped trying for me. When I've tried to talk to him about any problems he never wanted to discuss them and it would turn into a s**tfight with him shoving me around, yelling at me, telling me I'm an annoying b*tch, spoiled brat, think I'm better than everyone, controlling, always interrogating, I've ruined his life, he's lost everything because of me, that he's chosen the wrong person to be with, I'm worthless and useless, that he doesn't need or want me.. I've asked him not to speak to me like that and explained to him what it does to me inside. He's told me he still loves me only to do it again next time we fight, and it's so hurtful that I've stared to believe it. He's made new friends at work who he now goes out with a lot. I'm glad that he has friends, but in the past when I've suggested we should go out for dinner/lunch or watch a movie, he's tired or has no money. I couldn't take it anymore and left him. Now I'm alone because I don't have him around. He was my only friend. I have no friends to talk to or go out with. I don't drive so I can't do things to keep occupied. There's no one to give me advice or reassurance. I sit at home alone crying every day, knowing that he has friends to talk to now and probably making me look like the bad guy. I've been staying back to work each day for and extra 4-5 hours without getting paid, just so that I don't have to be alone. My workmates tell me to go home but I tell them I'm behind on work. I don't look forward to anything and have nothing to work for anymore. I don't get hungry so I've lost 5kg in the last 10 days. I don't mean anything to anyone now. I'm nothing. I have no one. I just don't know what to do since I have nobody.

Eppi monster in law
  • replies: 7

I need some advice or point in the right direction on coping/deali g with my monster of a mother inlaw. My husbamd and I have 2 children together and I have 2 from a previous marriage whom my husband has taken on as his own as my ex husband is not on... View more

I need some advice or point in the right direction on coping/deali g with my monster of a mother inlaw. My husbamd and I have 2 children together and I have 2 from a previous marriage whom my husband has taken on as his own as my ex husband is not on the scene at all. Everything was fine until we had our first child together and suddenly my 2 were not treated as equals by my MIL. My 2nd child was diagnosed on the autism spectrum where she bluntly daid my eldest one had issues and needed to be checked also. Every decision my husband and I have made together she has attacked me for it. Where we have sent the eldest children to school, selling his car that he'd spent years working on and putting in car shows but was not practical for our growing family nor was it affordable to maintain. We both sold shares to pay for our wedding but selling his was a problem. I work but I do nothing but work my husband to the ground as I apparently contribute nothing to the household. She would come to the home and verbally attack me every chance she got. As a family unit we decided that she cant come to our house due to not being able to be nice and if she wanted to see the kids it was all of them equally or none at all. Now she rings my husband and is constantly at him about me destroying who he is as a person and has started attacking my parenting skills. Regardless of how many times my husband tells her enough is enough she doesnt listen because I am the problem. I dont know what to do anymore. Attending major family functions like engagements and weddings cause me to have major panic attacks and its becoming harfer and harder to remain civil because she tells everyone how i have ruined her sons life. Any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks