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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Loula Forgiveness and Councelling
  • replies: 6

I was getting professional help for a while and I was actually finding it really really hard to deal with to the point I wouldn't speak for days, eat or sleep. I just couldn't handle bringing up the past and trying to process it and the world around ... View more

I was getting professional help for a while and I was actually finding it really really hard to deal with to the point I wouldn't speak for days, eat or sleep. I just couldn't handle bringing up the past and trying to process it and the world around me. I just fully switched off. But the thing I wound toughest was talking about family that wronged me and then calling up that night for a chat. Like how does one discus there horrible childhood and then talk all nicely to the one that let those horrible things happen. It's like I'm fuming mad at them, they did this to me, I need help because of them but they are family they love me they want the best for me and I just can't be mean. It felt so weird. Has anyone delt with this before? I just don't know what to think or do about it. Part of me wants to tell them to never talk to me again I literally hate you! (I never use the word hate but that's how I feel) Then your my family I feel sorry do you, I love you, you got no one. Im just really confused

Rainforrest Alone again
  • replies: 4

Hi Everyone, I just needed to get this off my chest, I have no-one to talk to. I have just split up with my partner of 2 years. She needed space to find herself. Sounds so cliche doesn't it !! 15 years ago I broke-up with someone after 20 years. She ... View more

Hi Everyone, I just needed to get this off my chest, I have no-one to talk to. I have just split up with my partner of 2 years. She needed space to find herself. Sounds so cliche doesn't it !! 15 years ago I broke-up with someone after 20 years. She was a narcissistic unfaithful liar. I was co-dependent and compromised myself. I had an emotional breakdown and spent 12 years alone rebuilding my life. Then 2 years ago, I met someone special and it felt amazing to share love that felt uncompromised. She was so different to the previous experience, loving, kind and grateful, then it went downhill and she withdrew closed up. I'm just sad, sad it didn't work out, sad she wasn't willing to accept my past and create a future. Sad she didn't feel I was worth it I guess. I never wanted to feel this again although the circumstances are very different the heart aches the same. I am having feelings of unworthiness and not being enough for someone to stay and share life's ups and downs. I know that's not healthy but it's how I feel.

Matt1991 A late bloomer
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I am new. I'm Matt. I am 25 years old virgin and late bloomer male. I have high functioning autism and wears hearing aids. I have communication and social challenges where I couldnt hear people properly if they are out of touch in conversatio... View more

Hi all, I am new. I'm Matt. I am 25 years old virgin and late bloomer male. I have high functioning autism and wears hearing aids. I have communication and social challenges where I couldnt hear people properly if they are out of touch in conversations, and I cannot read nonverbal communication like body language and understanding social cues. I have been counseling for many thousands of years trying to help myself to be a normal guy to get experience of relationships and sex like everybody else who already done it before me. I used to have social anxiety, but now I am a social aspie. Since I moved to Brisbane I made lots of friends through like minded groups and that. University, out in community and so on. I have more female friends than males, this is because they treat guys with disabilities quite well as they are understanding people, and also they have similar passion for the environment that I love. More recently I become ashamed of being a virgin and late bloomer among my peers, because all of my friends already experienced it and I am not. I feel like 25 years old is very late according to research statistics. It makes me depressed when seeing myself left behind of this social human behaviour. I couldn't get dates or close interaction with women since they all friend zoned and rejected me. It hurts so badly when feeling lonely and seeing other people enjoy their times at the same time. I am generally a happy and active person. I always go out meet people through common interests and that. Every week i go out, and also I cope communication challenges depending on the environment conditions like background noise, alcohol smell and crowds. I tend to avoid these situations. I always wondered when and where I finally meet a lady for me. Ever guys had their turns, but why excluding me? Is it being an aspie turns women off?

ant56 I am 60, married 35 years but want to leave everything behind. I want to be alone.
  • replies: 3

I had a very difficult young life, spent 30 years in the Army serving my country, and I loved that service. Married a lovely lady and have two adult children. Have had severe depression over the years, result of service and childhood, counselling and... View more

I had a very difficult young life, spent 30 years in the Army serving my country, and I loved that service. Married a lovely lady and have two adult children. Have had severe depression over the years, result of service and childhood, counselling and medication have dulled me, have kicked the medication and have lost weight. But still troubled greatly. Intimacy problems in marriage, counselling again, no help, problems are mostly mine. I just want to leave everything and move overseas to be alone. I'm misunderstood, and feel I have 10 years of life left where I can try to be myself.

quiet_please Tired of being me/ too sensitive
  • replies: 4

I’m tired of other women being nasty to me. Mean spirited, catty, snide remarks. I don’t understand why people go out of their way to be like this to others. I was abused by my mother from a young child to an adult. I never experienced the warmth and... View more

I’m tired of other women being nasty to me. Mean spirited, catty, snide remarks. I don’t understand why people go out of their way to be like this to others. I was abused by my mother from a young child to an adult. I never experienced the warmth and love that a child receives from their mother. My mother was cold, selfish, mean spirited, abusive and narcissistic. My mother never did anything wrong. We were taught to never have any conflict or assert ourselves, state our needs, argue with her. Everything she said was right and whatever she said, whether it as rude, should just be “ignored”. I never learnt boundaries, to be assertive, conflict skills, self confidence. The list could go on. As such, as an adult, I struggle. I am picked on constantly by other females. They see that I am weak, not able to stand up for myself, quiet, passive and tread all over me. My family members say things to me with no respect. They know they can get away with it because I wont say anything to their face. I am always targeted by bullies. Bullied at school at work. People in public make snide remarks and roll their eyes at me. I always catch others pull faces or make comments behind my back. They think I am a snob. They don’t understand I am quiet and anxious and like to keep to myself. My friends who are supposed to lift me up and support me, say nasty things to me. Why cant they be happy for me? I have never had a close connection with another female. When I almost did as a teenager, my mother destroyed it out of jealousy. I have sisters who are both estranged due to my mothers meddling. I have no connection with them. I have difficulty with forming friendships with other females. I have attachment, boundary and trust issues. I have had generalised anxiety disorder, major depression and social anxiety since a young child. I am a misfit. I am tired of being so sensitive and having all these things get to me. I am tired of not fitting in. I am tired of not having a female support network. I am tired of women being nasty to me. I am tired of being a magnet for toxic people and people taking advantage of my kindness and generosity. My anxious mind goes over things 100 times. I feel lonely and alone

Only_the_lonely Narcisstic mother
  • replies: 3

Hello. I am 48 years old. My parents divorced when I was teen age and I was forced into work since I was 15 years old. My elder brother and I was the scapegoats in the family and my brother and I gave all our pay packets (back on the 80's we got paid... View more

Hello. I am 48 years old. My parents divorced when I was teen age and I was forced into work since I was 15 years old. My elder brother and I was the scapegoats in the family and my brother and I gave all our pay packets (back on the 80's we got paid cash with payslips if some of you may remember). Later we did feel unworthy not getting anything from our mum so we approached our employer and he agreed to make two pay packets so one for mum ($100.00), and $25.00 for me. I think it was around this time that my mum lost her love for me but only viewed my brother and I as bread-winners in the house. Saturdays, my brother and I would wake up and take the clothes to the laundrymat, walk kilometres to buy groceries and carry them back. We used to take our younger siblings to weekend game practices whilst my mum just sat back and relaxed. She used to get angry when we missed any of our routine chores. I remember I bought mags for my first car which I bought in a payment plan. She told me to leave the house. We did not have anyone else in Australia ,no friends or family members. I would cry many times. Today, I am married for 21 years, have 2 girls and a loving wife but I have been barred from family members because of my mum. She does not love me enough to except my wife as well. She wants money from me and if I don't provide, she would complain to my younger siblings who then send rude text messages to me. I have raised this issue with her but she brushes it off saying ,,,no..no!! its not what you think. She does not care about how I feel. I have tried to be a good son and gave her money even behind my wife's back as I wish to honour my parents as the bible says but my mum gives me so much grief. Even today it pains me and I cry without anyone knowing as I work alone. Mum often says if I don't do as she wants then my kids will get to me as Karma will prevail. I love my kids and I give them lots of love and kisses all the time. I will ensure that I am nothing like my parents. I do wish well for my siblings but I am keeping away from them as nothing I will say, will make them makes sense as all they are trying to please is my mum. My elder brother, has also stopped contacting mum as we cannot win and we are always branded the "bad sons" after committing 15 years to them. I lost my youth due to my commitment, never dated as my mum made sure we did not have money. Am I doing the right thing here??

Nickname_16EBF092-F51D-42 Waves of shock 6 months on- husband cheated
  • replies: 4

It's now been 6 months since I discovered my husband had been cheating with other women (mfm also) mostly online sex. We have gone through an enormous amount of counselling individually and as a couple. In short we are staying together, he loves me, ... View more

It's now been 6 months since I discovered my husband had been cheating with other women (mfm also) mostly online sex. We have gone through an enormous amount of counselling individually and as a couple. In short we are staying together, he loves me, he is now deeply affected by his actions and we are slowly getting through it. We have been together for 26 years and since then I have never been involved with another man.Our financial issues are also a huge burden, which we are trying to address. Only our doctors know our situation, to tell friends and family would be catastrophic. i absolutely love him and am very slowly trusting and forgiving him - it's just excruciating. I have never experienced depression and anxiety so bad,even during having my first child. My psych described the situation as a trauma which I dismissed at the time but due to what has been happening maybe she is right. I am having episodes where the smallest of things can trigger utter despair, like going back to when I first found out. And it's not when I'm feeling particularly low - even on good days. It might be something like ironing a shirt I know he wore when he saw one them / the shirt now in the bin. Or the mention of an OS trip (one where he was there earlier and meet a woman (very young) and then met me at our rendezvous hotel). i have a high level of anxiety when I go out with my husband - what if he sees someone from that life? I can't trust myself with what I'd do. I'm not violent and very much a law-abider ... But I understand the ferocity of anger that can lead to hurting someone. When these shocks happen, at the time I can't stop it, it's like a spiral of despair. Somehow the mask goes on and I carry on, but if im on my own I end of the couch crying constantly. how do you stop these memories? How to deal with the triggers? Why is the pain still so severe. I didn't ask for any of this, it's not my fault.

jjac Can't move forward with bf until I get over lifelong mental illness
  • replies: 5

So, they say that you need to accept yourself and that you're enough. If another person doesn't like your faults, you should say goodbye. Well...that's not always the case, I've learnt. So I have OCD, depression and anxiety issues which cause some pr... View more

So, they say that you need to accept yourself and that you're enough. If another person doesn't like your faults, you should say goodbye. Well...that's not always the case, I've learnt. So I have OCD, depression and anxiety issues which cause some problems, impact the way I interact with the world, the things I eat, the places I go to and the things that happen. I do not cook at all thanks to this fear, and the best culinary treat you're going to get out of me is some toast or instant noodles. I've managed to manipulate my life into a manageable thing. My boyfriend is quite resentful of this, constantly brings it up and asks when I am going to cook for him, as the burden of cooking is solely on him. (never mind I clean rooms he never bothers to clean!) In past arguments he has stated if I can't cook for him, how am I going to feed our future children? That I can't "give them baked beans everyday." While he is right...I don't want to deal with it in a way. Like I constantly tell myself a child would be different, and everything would be okay...but I can barely prepare food for myself, let alone a partner...maybe I am not worthy of children? I've been with my partner for 9 years now, and I believe the main reason he hasn't proposed (a main point of stress for us at the moment, we came to an agreement on when...but i can't help but think he is bluffing to buy more time, now I wait to see if i lied.) is because I am not wife material yet. I have no idea how to change lifelong habits and fears, and constantly chicken out at the thought of facing up to my mental health at the doctor. I always try to get my physical health sorted out first, which is never fixed up properly. Sure I constantly think to myself that our friends get engaged and married much faster, I've known some of his friends 9 years and seen them date so many people, settle, get engaged and marry in the time we have been dating. It makes me feel bad about myself but then I can understand that I am not good enough. That's just a fact and it's really hard to get my head around the fact that despite the motivator that if I just tried harder I could get this...it still doesn't help me get better. My boyfriend has so many faults and I resent things...but he doesn't "have" to change, so why do I? He's allowed to be everything he is...but where's the line between personality and mental illness? I'm not considering leaving because he hates cleaning the shower. I just do it.

flowerjas my partner of 14 years has said boring with family life -wants a break
  • replies: 1

Our relationship hs been rocky last 8 weeks. His been distance with family life. Just recently told me that his bored with me,kids,work and want to live on his own and live caravan or hermit. His also said he wants a break but still live in home with... View more

Our relationship hs been rocky last 8 weeks. His been distance with family life. Just recently told me that his bored with me,kids,work and want to live on his own and live caravan or hermit. His also said he wants a break but still live in home with kids (young children). He said given a month to see what we want to do. My heart is broken now,angry and shameful. I have been supported with his bad bad habbits (which now stop completed but keep leaving for days without us knowing where he is). How can i be strong while still living together? Just want to be horrible but its not in my natural...

Just Sara I'm afraid of my own body
  • replies: 8

A few months ago I contributed some posts re sexual triggers. (Thank you Lats) Since then, things have become worse with me not even feeling safe to touch my own body. It's humiliating to say, but I've never had this problem before. My previous partn... View more

A few months ago I contributed some posts re sexual triggers. (Thank you Lats) Since then, things have become worse with me not even feeling safe to touch my own body. It's humiliating to say, but I've never had this problem before. My previous partner ignored and shunned me sexually most of the time. (He would kiss passionately and touch me, then walk away as an example) When things did happen, which wasn't often, he'd find a way to play it down or turn it into nothing. I stayed due to his promises of changing. Now that we don't have any contact, my relationship with myself is suffering. Each time I try, I have flashbacks of being 'taunted' and left feeling alone, unattractive and frustrated. This is very difficult to discuss. Of all the triggers I've had to deal with, I was so proud of things not affecting my sexuality. But this too has been shaken. Don't know what else to say. Dizzy