Advice needed - Relationship Breakdown

[Lady45]

I was due to get married in 2 weeks time. 4 weeks ago, my fiancé moved out.
He used to be the most loving and caring guy i had ever met.

He has a daughter (4) and a son (12). I also have a son who is 7.

My partner’s ex hates my partner. She withheld care of his kids, alleged he assaulted her and alleged he sexually assaulted his daughter. I have supported my partner throughout this whole ordeal, preparing for and attending court as he fought to gain care of his kids. I thought if we could get through that we could get through anything.The allegations were thrown out of court.

I also supported him financially as he was always saying he had no money due to legal costs. After regaining some care of his kids he moved in with me. I rearranged my home to feel like home for his kids and treated his children as if they were my own. My son became very close to his stepbrother and sister.

After the property settlement he bought a $53,000 car. That’s when I asked him to start contributing to the bills.

We started planning our wedding.That’s when things started to change. My partner became disinterested in organising the wedding. All he did was organise the photographer. I organised everything else. He became quite argumentative and highly critical. Before Xmas, I suggested that we take the kids away for a weekend. He said he couldn’t afford it. Days later he bought himself a $400 watch. I paid for the weekend.

He withdrew emotionally and I became frustrated. I kept asking if he still wanted to get married? The answer was yes but his actions said otherwise. I threw my engagement ring at him. He moved out. As he was gathering his things I told him in anger to “get out of my house”. He moved back in 5 days later and we tried to make it work. When he told me the wedding was not the wedding he wanted, I cancelled the wedding. I couldn’t go ahead with it after he told me how he felt about it. We continued to argue. He said I'd withdrawn emotionally. I hadn't.

4 weeks ago he moved out to his parent’s home and told me he needed ‘security’ because he didn’t feel like our home was his house.He felt like I could throw him out at any time, despite living together for 18 months. 3 day after moving out he put an offer on a house. I told him this was a deal breaker. He bought it! Thinking we could resolve our issues living under 2 rooves. I was not considered or involved in this decision.

I’m heartbroken.It’s so hard knowing that we would have been married in 2 weeks time...

[Lady45]

Not so long ago i used to be such a happy and positive person. Loud and vibrant. Always laughing.

I had so much to be happy and excited about. New job with less pressure, beautiful kids, upcoming wedding, potential new house purchase and i thought a loving fiance. Some days I'd reflect on hard times I'd experienced in the past and think about how lucky i was.

It feels like in the blink of an eyelid that this all changed.

I drove home from work today crying after holding myself together all day. I'm not religious but found myself screaming out loud "God! What have I done so bad to deserve this??".

I have so many unanswered questions. How can a person who tells you they love you, tell you that you are their soulmate, tells you that they love you more than you could ever love them...how can they become a cold, unreceptive, argumentative, unrecognisable person??

I'm in hell. This is pure torture.

I want my life back. I want to be happy again.

[Croix]

Dear Lady45~

Of course you want that life back - but genuine this time, not an illusion. It is a very hard thing to know there are people in the world who are so completely different, self-centered, callous, dishonest.

I was a policeman, and one of the hardest things I had to recognize at first was that people that looked quite ordinary, some even quite likable, did things wrong. It is all there in the world.

It won't happen to you again, now that you armed wiht such detailed and hard-won experience you will look at prospective partners wiht more searching eyes. And you will find one.

The other thing I learned as a young constable is that there are an awful lot of good people out there, as I said before I've been blessed twice.

Please don't drive when crying, you might get hurt. Pull over until you feel a little better. No, that's not the policeman talking, just someone that wishes you well. Keep some wet wipes in the car.

I once saw a packet called "Thick Baby Wipes" and always wondered what was meant (sorry about that Lady)

Croix

[geoff]

Dear Lady, I know that your broken heart is such a hard thing to understand and the questions you keep asking yourself will have different answers each time you ask them, but please realize that you are worthy of being loved.

He wouldn’t have done the things he’s done to you if he loved you, but know that you are worth so much more than what has happened.

I think we tell ourselves that we should try and completely stop these thoughts once it happens, but we all know that it doesn’t work that way, not even after being married for 25 years like myself, the pain is still the same.

You need someone who loves you back, and that’s not something he can give you right now, I am truly sorry for you and you have my deepest respect.

Geoff.

[Lady45]

I dropped my son at school today and was heading into work when all of a sudden i was crying uncontrollably again. I drove 20 minutes to work crying all the way and didn't end up going to work.

I went to a friend's house for an hour. I almost called him but knew it would be pointless.

I've been in bed all day.

I'm depressed.

This is not a life I'm living. Just existing. Want this pain to stop.

[Croix]

Dear Lady~

Grief and loss is one thing, it happened when my partner died after 25 years. It is part of life, however you have grief and loss plus deliberate injury, so that is something else.

You did mention a private mental institution due to your mood and not eating

Perhaps it might be worth discussing this again with your doctor, a few days in different and supportive environment may help.

What do you think?

Croix

[geoff]

Hi Lady, I agree, you need a break from all of this and perhaps a private mental institution would be a good idea, but I'd like to talk to you if this does happen.

Geoff.