Adult daughter needs help with Dad.

[shopgirl_au]

My Dad is infuriating and exhausting me. He’s in his 60s and showing signs of early stage dementia. (A condition both his parents, now deceased, had.)

He is refusing to get assessed and gets very angry with me when I suggest it. 
We are living together because of finances and his behaviour is having a toxic effect on my own struggling mental health. 
I am overwhelmed and feel like I have no where to turn for additional support. It’s too much to try and take care of myself and him at the moment. I’ve got some chronic conditions am in need of surgery as well. 
I don’t have any friends, so can’t exactly ask people for help. 
I feel so trapped and alone yet mask so well clinicians don’t realise how much I’m struggling at an initial meeting. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome and thankyou for reaching out.

I'm 67yo but I have a few things that help me daily- I have insight so there isnt many things people can say about me that I'm unaware of and I lack stubbornness. If my wife or daughter asked me to get a dementia test I'd do it because if I believe I havent got it there is no harm.

No everyone has those qualities and the reason they rebel is fear, fearful of ruining their lives they enjoy., Not dissimilar to not longer safe to drive a motor car, the defences can go up.

We here are well versed to those stories of refusal to acknowledge illness. It is common. We also know that there is little we can do about it until tragedy arrives. So often people with dementia for example go lost in the bush and then family know its time for action and they then have the evidence to back it up- eg the incident.

I would continue to attend your GP and continue to discuss his deteriating condition. I'd also attend a mental health clinic to gain information. Put it all out there. Be proactive. 

I hope that helps, repost anytime

TonyWK

[shopgirl_au]

Hi Tony,

Thank you so much for your considerate response. I reached out to the forum because I was feeling truely overwhelmed.

My Dad and I actually had a meeting with my regular psychiatrist a few weeks ago to discuss his memory lapses and the effect it was having on everyone. 
(He is indignant about incorrect details and this is causing a problem in our personal relationship and is embarrassing when I have to constantly correct him in external conversation where the incorrect information giving has practical consequences. Such as “I already contacted that person. When he actually hasn’t.”

He agreed in the presence of my psych to talk to a gp about it and then a few days later told me angrily he has no intention of seeing a dr about this. 
This is disheartening. 
I appreciate that aging can be difficult, but even so aging (without dementia) eventually requires accommodations, and seeking help from a GP for regular check ups and being across all aspects of one’s health is a good thing. 
His insistence on not needing help, is hard. 

[white knight]

Of course without diagnosis you have real hurdles.  

Try the   The National Dementia Helpline on 1800 100 500

They might have some experience with this, even online tests if you can get him to answer questions.

You also need support and thats why it was good to post here. If your anxiety or depression comes along we can be of greater support as thats our forte.

TonyWK