Adoption is a curse

[splodge]

I have always been depressed.  I think of myself as a normal person but then I get a sickening jolt and realise that I am not.  I blame this on being adopted.  I was adopted as a baby in 1971 in London.  Times were harsh I think for young women in that period.  The sexual liberation of the 60s had come in but contraception was newfangled and abortion still illegal.  It was also unacceptable for women to have children outside of wedlock.  The result was a boom in illegitimate babies.  Nowadays the norm is for open adoptions.   This means that although the adoptive parents are the legal parents of the baby, that baby has full rights to know about it's biological parents.    When I was adopted things were a lot more restricted and biological mothers and babies were estranged from each other.   This seems completely twisted today but that was the reality.  Not only that but the adoptive parents were never educated in any way to provide the support that an adopted child should have.    The result for me was that I have had a really unhappy life.  That is despite having prosperous, well educated and conscientious adoptive parents.  Despite that seemingly advantageous beginning my life has always been wrong somehow.  I have always been emotionally disturbed from a young age.  I was obsessed as a child with "dreaming" .  This dominated my young life and involved galloping up and down the room and living in a fantasy world.  I also used to make little "spots"  with cushions - places I tried to feel calm and safe.  I was angry and destructive as a child and would throw away my birthday and Christmas presents.  I loathed my birthdays.  I tore up and threw away any photos with me in them.  

Adolescence was absolute hell.  I had functioned well socially until then but then I realised something was wrong.  I was unable to form relationships.  My friends developed normally.  They progressed into adulthood to sex, girlfriends, wives, careers and so on.  I have never progressed past this point.  I forced myself in my mid 20s to form relationships but it didn't work out well.  I backed off in my late 20s to my lasting regret.  I have now lived without any sex, love or intimacy for over 15 years.  I have a postgraduate degree but unlike all my friends who have professional middle class jobs I have always lived on the margins.   Now in middle age I realise that I am a really sick person.

[MayDayMayDayMayday]

Hi splodge

As I read your post it was as though I had written those words myself. You are not alone and I believe it's many things that cause this state of being from being adopted. I was told at the age of 12 that I was adopted. My adoptive mother sat next to me on a bed crying her heart out holding my adoption papers in her hands. My world shattered. I read those adoption papers a few days later and found out that I had a sister who was 4 years older than me and that they were going to tell her that I died at birth when she asked where the baby was. I went on a life-long hunt for my biological parents. I was also given a name at birth and it was on the adoption papers. I was so confused. So hurt. Lost. I felt discarded. Unwanted. I struggled to have relationships. I have been stuck in grief for 35 years. In 2005 I was re-united with my biological mother and sister and discovered that I had 2 other brothers! I was living in another country and still do. I have met them and keep in touch but I grieve the fact that I will always be apart from them and never know the joy of being part of their lives. I feel cheated. Robbed. I have been depressed and sad Nd living internally inside my head for most of my life. I've buried 2 parents. Abused alcohol and drugs to escape pain. Wrecked my marriage because of unresolved grief, ongoing depression and mental health issues. I just feel broken inside, cursed to life a half life, like a spirit that is stuck between 2 worlds. It's horrible. I don't think there is any help out there. None. I just want forgiveness for the mess I've created and ruining my marriage. I'm a mess. Someone please help me to feel 'normal. You're right adoption is a curse.  I understand your pain splodge. Peace ✌

[quirkywords]

Thank you MayDayMayDayMayDay for your very moving and honest post. I was not adopted  but my partner and brother were. 
My partner did not find his biological  maternal family until a few years ago through a DNA site. He is a senior so his mother was not alive but he found out he was a different religion he grew up in.  He was angry that he was denied his true religion  for most of his life.

He still has no idea about his fathers family, 

He never felt  he fitted in with his adopted family and though he was looked after he never received loved or affection. 

He also feels stuck between two worlds and that is out of your control.

He says that people who are not adopted can not know how an adopted person feels.

I try to understand but I can never know how he feels as I am not adopted.

You are not alone as many adoptees feel like you. 
There is help.

There are organisations to contact, This is one 

Adoptee Rights Australia

adopteerightsaustralia.org.au

This organisation  has been sent up to provide information and peer group support to Australian adult .

Thanks so much for sharing your story and many others will be reading to your words. Your post will help them not feel so alone. 
Feel free to reply as I it would be nice to chat with you further.

Also if you want you may like to start your own thread as more people will see that. 

Thanks again for reaching out. I hope in some small way that writing here has helped you. 

Quirky