A tad confused

[LeeA18]

My boyfriends depression/anxiety returned about 2 months ago. He stepped back from our relationship. I have been keeping in contact with him every few days as I haven’t wanted to bombard him when he is going through this but I also wanted him to know that I wasn’t going anywhere. He slowly opened up to me about a few things. Over the last week he has shown signs of being his old self. I am quite confused as to whether he wants to move forward again or if he still needs space to sort himself out. Without sounding like I am presurring him, but for my own sanity, how should I approach him about it or should I just see how it plays out over the next few weeks?

[LeeA18]

Day 4 of no contact. It’s killing me. I am having a bad day. I just can’t get my head around everything that has happened. From him saying that I am the love of his life to now just friends.

I hate this disease. It’s ruining his life and now mine is affected by it.

[Sophie84]

You and I think the same. That’s pretty much what I am doing. At some point I know there will be a decision to make and that’s how much longer I keep my life on hold. I hope your doing ok. It’s been good to talk to someone who knows what I am going thru. I must admit you and I seem to have an abundance of patience...lol. Take things one day at a time and try to take time out for you. It’s easier said than done I know but go at your own pace.

[Sophie84]

Hey sorry I only saw your last post after I sent mine. I think it’s Aug 14 is your latest. I have been where you are trust me. It’s so hard especially when you start analysing everything. You must remember that this isn’t a reflection on you and you have done nothing wrong, they simply aren’t ready for a relationship. I know this is hard but I think give it time and give yourself time. If you feel however you want to contact him, even just a hello then I think that’s ok too but you should prepare yourself beforehand not hold any expectation of him as he may or may not reply. I found when I let go of the expection the situation was easier emotionally for me to deal with. Does that make sense?

[LeeA18]

Hi!

i went 4 days with no contact. Made contact yesterday and it was positive. I was open about how I was feeling. He opened up a little bit with me and he has been making some self-improvements, which I am so extremely happy about. I have felt better after that conversation and have felt better than I have since it all started. I’ve been reading a little bit and trying to find things to occupy my mind. That’s the best way to do it.

[LeeA18]

I have to move on. As hard as it will be, he will not be ready for a relationship for a very long time. We had a chat and he can’t handle a relationship at all. It messes with his head too much. He has been in some bad relationships and unfortunately those have damaged him and he brings those issues into his relationships, which I never saw. Some of the things he said, I would never dream of doing, but that’s his insecurity, not mine. I’ve been able to move on from mine. I am not sure he ever will. All I can do is wish him the best and be there for him when he needs a friend.

[geoff]

Hello Lee, I know it's been a most difficult time for you, but I think you have made the right decision because what you want doesn't match what he wants.

You are able to move on as you have said, and I know this takes incredible strength, but remember the lesson which we have to realise is to look after yourself.

We can help anyone when they accept our assistance but when it starts to affect us when nothing happens, it's time to look after yourself.

I'm really sorry for you.

Geoff.

[LeeA18]

Thank you Geoff.

I am finding it hard to come to terms with it. I just see the good in him. He has never mistreated me until the depression kicked in. I know that it is for the best for both of us. I think he is going to be hard to get over.

I will continue to write on here because I have found it quite comforting.

[geoff]

Hi Lee, can I ask how the last couple of days have been for you.

Geoff.

[LeeA18]

Hi Geoff

It has been really hard. He came over yesterday to pick up some things. At first I had my walls up.

We ended up having a good chat. Not about the relationship. I didn’t want him to start to feel like that’s all I will talk to him about when he calls/sees me. It was quite nice. He told me a few things about what’s going on in his life. Just like old times. It was like he was his old self.

When he was about to leave, he gave me the biggest cuddle. Was stroking my back and really snuggling into me. I got a bit upset. I went to let go but he just kept holding me. He gave me a tight squeeze and let go. When we went to say good bye, he did it again. He gave me a kiss on the lips. We held hands for a little bit.

It’s quite confusing but I have to look at it as a nice good bye. If I hold onto this, it will just delay my progress. It’s hard not to though. It’s also hard to know what he is thinking when he is in this headspace.

thank you for checking up on me.

[LeeA18]

Having a bit of a bad day. Trying to stop the urge of texting my ex. I am just so over the mixed messages that I seem to be getting from him. I feel like I am just dangling there, waiting for him. I have initiated No Contact from today. It’s hard because I know that he is worried about where his mind takes him.