Triggers

[PamelaR]

Hi all

Started this thread to get a discussion going about triggers. Honestly, I have nothing planned as such for the thread.

I am interested though in how people manage themselves once triggered.

I was recently triggered by hearing an neighbour’s scream that sounded like she could have been sexually assaulted. Someone called the police and when I popped in to see her the next day. My hand of friendship was rejected.

it’s taken me over 2 weeks to realise this was a trigger. I’d been putting it down to other things. But I couldn’t stop my -racing heart, grumpiness, withdrawal from everyone, leading to lack of energy and interest in doing things.

The triggers were many

* thought of someone being sexually assaulted

* feeling of rejection

* feeling of my inability to save someone in distress

Now that I ‘be identified these. I can address each one in turn and hopefully move on and out of the depression I could feel starting to take hold.

Has anyone out there a story to share about their triggers, how they identify them, or the difficulties in doing that.

I finally identified this recent bout, by not sleeping. My palpitations were so bad, so I went over everything that’s happened in the last few weeks. There had been a couple of things I looked at but still couldn’t settle. Then I found it. Wow my heart lifted, stopped running. Can now think of positive thoughts, things to do.

The relief of identifying cause is almost instantaneous.

Now to put on that slow cook, make some gluten-free blueberry muffins. My reward!

that’s it for now.

PamelaR

[Idkme]

Oh Mandy,

my heart is melting reading this....

i stand beside you, propping up your drained soul as you walk. I will walk beside you.... look to your side and you will see others.... we are here.... we want to help.....

youre not alone.

[Guest8901]

thank you Idkme. You are a real treasure, someone wonderful to have here. You make a difference, for the good.

But Idkme ... I am alone, very much alone. Nobody knows what I go through, nobody knows me. And I cant tell them. Only my psych. The only one who knows everything. I'm surrounded by those who would do me harm. I feel it, I sense it, I know this. Its happened before.

Nothing I can do .. no chance.

Amanda

[Ggrand]

Hello Amanda..

Im really concerned about your last post..

Are you safe?

Grandy..

[Idkme]

Mandy,

i understand that feeling in my own way... the emptiness and hollowness of it all.... but you aren’t completely alone. We ARE here, we may not understand you completely but we ‘see’ you in a different way.... we can be there for you in a ‘safe’ way.

When I feel alone I read my books, they tell me to examine my negative connotations and search for the root of the feeling and it’s trigger. What created this sudden downturn and spiral down? Where will you land to springboard back up?

This is the time where I wish sometimes we could private message people encouraging things in person.... I understand the complication of it all but helping others is so good at helping ourselves.

Ive read so much of your other posts Mandy and you are amazing. I may not ‘know’ you, but I know your a great person who cares about a lot of people. You don’t deserve to feel alone and if I could I’d change that in a heart beat for you.

Please give yourself some love... a big self hug, do something for yourself that you enjoy.... put some loud music on and have a dance, or have a big cry.... give yourself permission to feel sad.... but then find the ‘adult’ inside you to draw you back up and nurture yourself.

Remember there are plenty of people to help you.... you are never alone.... there are gps, help lines, your psych, chat forums, online chat, YouTube, podcasts, books of help, stories of other survivors, a pet...., etc.

We care.... I care..... please find some resourcing and share with us so we know you are safe.....

can you tell us why you feel that way now? Do you have a thread you have ‘blogged’ Your journey on that we can read to help understand more?

still standing there.....

[Idkme]

I had another thought too.....

Aloneness is not always negative, there is strength in being alone too.... sometimes I’m so overwhelmed by the people that are around me, I wish I could spend some alone time......

i love just sitting in the paddocks and watching the grass or the clouds as they pass, or sitting at the ocean.... or walking in the bush.... or sometimes driving with the music on loud.

One of my ‘safe’ memories is sitting on a river bank watching the river flow by letting it take my worries downstream and the word I think about is ‘harmony’. It’s my ‘special’ Word. I’m not a big fan of the word ‘peace’, it kind of lacks depth and feeling.

Do you have a similar memory and word? Does anyone else?

[Ggrand]

Hello dearest Amanda,

Im really sorry about your triggers being everywhere, I can really relate to that as I also have triggers everywhere, whether I’m simply sweeping or vacuuming the floor,vwashing, making the bed, washing up, over such a long period of abuse these triggers are now everywhere in and around my home....outside, shopping everything thing to do with just living...

I have learnt that these triggers will always be here, they won’t go away, but we need to be able to recognise a possible trigger and also be able to control the triggering effect that it has on us by being mindful and to be able to ground ourselves as quickly as we can...(grounding box)..as well as being very mindful of our surroundings, we can do this by using our coping tools...

• going for walks with Charlie or playing with her.
• reading a book,
• playing games on internet
• listening to music, singing along with it, dancing
• sitting outside with a cuppa and looking around.
• ring a friend just to talk about weather etc.
• watch tv..DVD..
• gardening..

The triggers I’m sorry sweetheart won’t go away, they will always be there...we have to try our very hardest to cope with them...I was after a magic wand to get rid of my triggers.. nope that won’t happen and I’m sorry...but sweety you are a strong lady...You can do this you can try and find what works for you to block those negative triggering thoughts....You’re coping tools probably won’t work all the time, and like me you’ll probably go down here and there with a trigger but they do work with practice and with practice we get stronger at being able to implement them and use our coping tools better each time...

I really hope I made sense Amanda and I really so much hope that you are feeling a bit better today....

Sending you my love and hugs dearest friend...

Grandy👼..

[PamelaR]

Hi Mandy (wave to Idkme and Grandy)

Awww you are sounding very low at the moment. My heart and hand go out to you to help lift you up.

What is very pleasing too is that Idkme and Grandy have come in here to give you support, advice and encouragement. I truly love to see this.

I think that Grandy has said much of what I would say to you Mandy -

it's okay to have your days when you've taken 5 steps backwards. It happens. You're not a failure. Just someone on a journey like many of us.

yes, triggers will always be there. They come upon us at the most inconvenient times. I don't want to put you off however the journey you've been on is about 18 months. It has taken me almost 8 years to 'start feeling like life is okay'. to stop running away from my feelings, to begin looking at myself in a different way.

the journey takes time and there is so many good things to learn along the way.

There is something else that you might like to think about. From everything you have written it appears you are in a domestic violent situation. I struggle to know what to say to you sometimes because you have chosen to stay in that situation. I sometimes get the feeling and thoughts about how better your life maybe in the long run if you were to walk out.

Walking out is never easy, it has it's own issues. However, from my viewpoint you might start healing and your scabs may heal rather than being picked off. Just some ramblings. I do know your reasons for continuing in the situation you find yourself, however, I would find it remiss of myself if I didn't say that it does sound intolerable.

I did a uni placement at a women's refuge a long time ago. There were many women there who continued to return to the same situation. There were others that didn't and went on to live their lives more fully. Many of the volunteers who worked there gave up on those women who continually returned to the centre after they continually returned to their husbands/partners.

• They said - it is your choice to return. We've talked through your options - there is little else we can offer to help.

That sounded cruel at the time.

I hope you can find some way forward for yourself Mandy.

So you are not a failure at all Mandy. Be kind to yourself. Do something for yourself that is comforting as Grandy suggested.

Kind regards

PamelaR