I’m scared..

[Mina19]

Hi guys,

Last time I posted on here was like a year or so ago. I just need some advice please. When I was in high school about 4 years back I was almost sexually assaulted by a teacher, he’s in jail now but literally since that incident I have had like I don’t know how to explain it like ptsd or anxiety with physical symptoms such as nervous stomach, the runs, chills, constant worry, bad dreams and so on. I have had literally every test done at the doctors they can’t find no physical causes. That’s what angers me. I feel like I’m loosing control of my brain so to speak. And it really scares me. Like the other week I was out shopping with my mum and while we were walking I saw a man that looked almost identical to the teacher that exposed himself to me. My mum assured me the man was just some guy shopping who looked a little like him. But for that little but after I saw him I actually was in that fight or flight mode like ready for danger if that’s a better way of explaining it. I used to be a normal girl before this and now I feel like that girl I used to be is gone? I hope someone could maybe answer my post or give me some advice. Sorry if the post is long to read.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Mina,

Sorry, I think that I just accidentally cancelled my own post? So let me try again and try to recall what I wrote minutes ago...

I think it’s great that you’re reaching out. Thank you so much for your brave post. I know you’re going through a lot, and you’re sounding very drained, tired and on edge...

I think, at heart, you’re still the same person. You’re still you. I don’t think trauma changes who a person is, but I think what trauma does it changes our responses/reactions in certain situations.

I’m so sorry about what happened to you. What your teacher did was wrong. It was a huge betrayal of his position as an educator...no wonder you’re on constant high alert these days.

I feel that’s what trauma can do. It can put your body and mind in a state of constant hyper vigilance. So you end up feeling fearful/anxious/etc of any cues that remind you of the trauma e.g. that man. It’s a very draining emotional state to be in...

I’m glad you’ve ruled out any physical causes, so I wonder if it’s maybe psychological reasons behind your physical symptoms. If you haven’t already, I would gently suggest thinking about discussing it with your GP who might be able to refer you to a psychologist...it’s up to you though but that’s my gentle suggestion...

In any case, as I said, I think you’re very brave. Thank you so much for sharing. If you find writing helpful, please write as often as you like. We are here for you...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Idkme]

Hi Mina,

I can completely understand what you're going through... it's absolutely to be expected when you're in fear... and it's not like anyone can just say "stop worrying" and it all disappears...right???

I often get a thing I call "stress belly", it's a reaction I get from being hypervigilant, or worked up... I get stressed out and it's not until after the even that I start to relax and then BAM, I'm toileted.... It's very frustrating... I think some people refer to it as irritable bowel, however if you've ever looked up the cause for that, there's really no set thing either.

I think our bodies are great reactors to things, just like Peppermintbach said, when we are in the flight/fright/freeze response our bodies let off chemicals, so it's obvious it is reacting... what else it does can be very individual...

So next time you experience these ailments, think it they could be connected to "something" and then explore what that 'something' is and see if you can start deconstructing the fear around it....

I'm a teacher and I would be horrified to think another staff member here would do what he did to you... I hope he is sacked and has a record... (curious if you reported this as I would highly recommend that you do).

So unfortunately you are now suffering from something you should never have experienced because of one bad person amongst a bunch of great people... just remember that most of us are good teachers.... and most of us care, in a professional way, for your wellbeing...

I hope this helps... I really wish I could undo all the damage for you... but I guess also that saying comes to mind "what doesn't break you ends up making you"... I'm hoping you can find some strength from this situation and find some inner calm and closure.

Kind regards,

[Regretful]

Hi Mina,

I guess one thing to try to remember is that what happened to you in the past can't hurt you now. Remember that you're safe now. Perhaps you could try and focus on some other happy memories to try to overcome the nervousness and constant worries. Also another thing could be to try mindfulness in the present: focus on what you see and hear in the present.