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PTSD and trauma

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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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MOOGAL97 Newbie Alert
  • replies: 3

Hey guys & gals, I'm not sure how this works; tbh I don't even know why I'm here I guess to talk to people like you guys that can help me through tough days; this years been pretty shit I lost the only man that meant the world to me he raised me sinc... View more

Hey guys & gals, I'm not sure how this works; tbh I don't even know why I'm here I guess to talk to people like you guys that can help me through tough days; this years been pretty shit I lost the only man that meant the world to me he raised me since I was 2 weeks old my grandfather.... its hard to live life without him; I got no one now... lost my mum when I was 11 to cancer; watched her get abused badly by my older brother; I felt helpless but I was only little and I didn't understand what was going on; I am trying to cope day to day with my issues but its been hard been diagnosed with PTSD and major depression since I was 12 years old now im 21 I feel like lifes just getting harder Uhhmm what else can I tell you guys... I'm from Aboriginal decent and I have been in and out of DOCs for most of my teen years; I was a very confused and rebellious teen - I use sport (soccer) to get my anger and stuff out but if I am not playing soccer I listen to music; usually music I can relate to like tupac; dear mama or only god can judge me. Anyways; I would love to share my full story and hear your stories, I think it will really help me open my perspective on my mental issues because I find it hard coping and accepting it, I just want to be happy but I haven't been happy for a long time.....

From_the_darkness_to_the_ From victim to survivor. Learning to thrive.
  • replies: 9

Hi fellow survivors! Home is where the heart is as they say. Your sanctuary, your safe place. A place of love, guidance and support. But, for so many as I, home was none of those things growing up. We lived in fear, insecurity, under threat and in a ... View more

Hi fellow survivors! Home is where the heart is as they say. Your sanctuary, your safe place. A place of love, guidance and support. But, for so many as I, home was none of those things growing up. We lived in fear, insecurity, under threat and in a state confusion every single day. Witnessing alcoholism and domestic violence against other family members. Ourselves being violently sexually abused, groomed and beaten by the person you should be the protector, not the perpetrator. A person of submission and domination, sadism, paedolphilia and psychopathy. Meanwhile all being protected and covered over by the victims. Blacked out and dissociated by shame and fear. Not being able to function normally in the outside world. Not understanding social interaction and hidden social rules. Being taught what was right at school to be told it’s wrong at home. Feeling alien, emotional, misunderstood but most of heartbroken and alone. Then came dissociation. The numbing. Shutting down in defeat. Turning the back on God. To grow older, develop a heart condition, endometriosis, fibromyalgia. Issues with trusting partners, explosive moods, suicidalnideation and self harm. Substance misuse as well! But you know what? A caterpillar becomes a butterfly! A fighter, a warrior, a healer, a counsellor, a lover, mother and a wife emerged. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I rose. I keep rising. still dealing with flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, hyper vigilance and panic each day. But now, I cope, I function. I stay determined to own my life, my journey. Admiring the beauty in darkness and appreciating the immense empathy, wisdom and understanding of the human condition I have acquired. I was once indeed a victim, I then became the survivor. But just surviving is no longer enough. I am ready to thrive and I am learning fast. From dissoctaion to association. We are all connected by our experiences and I send you all the highest of love. Be strong and keep on keeping on.

melgav PTSD - Unsworn NSWPF
  • replies: 5

So it looks like i've got PTSD. I've been unsworn in NSWPF for 10.5 years during which i've worked at 000 and then the Child Abuse Squad. 8.5yrs has been spent in the child abuse squad and i've all of a sudden lost my brain. I'm angry. I'm tired. I'm... View more

So it looks like i've got PTSD. I've been unsworn in NSWPF for 10.5 years during which i've worked at 000 and then the Child Abuse Squad. 8.5yrs has been spent in the child abuse squad and i've all of a sudden lost my brain. I'm angry. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm everything all at once. I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of the panic attacks. I'm sick of being looked down on, i'm not a cop, I couldn't possibly have PTSD right?!

Alltheabove New to this wanted to introduce myself
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone I'm here hoping to be around others who can understand what I'm feeling etc. I've suffered depression on and off since a teenager now 38yo. Last year whilst at work I was attacked by three men. Since that day I've been diagnosed with ptsd... View more

Hi everyone I'm here hoping to be around others who can understand what I'm feeling etc. I've suffered depression on and off since a teenager now 38yo. Last year whilst at work I was attacked by three men. Since that day I've been diagnosed with ptsd, depression and severe anxiety and have not been able to return to work since. After 20 years in my field of employment I can't believe Im in this position now. Lost alot of friends since and have attempted taking my life during this time as well. I have an excellent gp who is making this journey more bearable but I guess for me not having control is one of the hardest things. Hoping this post is OK not wanting to put too much on first post. Anyway hoping to chat with others who can understand and empathise with all that's going on. take care all

Coastcruiser PTSD from violent sexual assualt
  • replies: 9

Hey guys, I’ve read a lot on these forums and it’s great Im struggling at the moment with severe PTSD symptoms from a violent sexual assault by at unknown perpetrator, there were weapons involved. I’m 30 I was 15 at the time, I’m only seeking help no... View more

Hey guys, I’ve read a lot on these forums and it’s great Im struggling at the moment with severe PTSD symptoms from a violent sexual assault by at unknown perpetrator, there were weapons involved. I’m 30 I was 15 at the time, I’m only seeking help now, and it’s re-traumatising me emmensly. I put it in a box for 15 years but I haven’t been able to have a single relationship or trust anyone really. I’ve got on with it really. I’m learning my triggers and I get severe physical symptoms such has increased HR 120-130 BPM when bad. I see a lot of people have experienced similar, it they mostly known there perpetrator? anyone been in a similar situation of an unknown perpetrator? thanks

suzie2 Realising PTSD has been there for years...(sexual assault and violence trigger warnings)
  • replies: 6

Hi, I am new to this group. Hard to know where to start so I'll mention what led me here. I'm 46, and a mum. I've battled bouts of depression since, well nearly as long as I can remember. No bipolar, history, just lows that are very dark and lonely t... View more

Hi, I am new to this group. Hard to know where to start so I'll mention what led me here. I'm 46, and a mum. I've battled bouts of depression since, well nearly as long as I can remember. No bipolar, history, just lows that are very dark and lonely times where I feel I am clawing myself back out to keep going. But I do keep going. In past, I have come through a sexual assault which happened when I was a teenager and then, in my 20's, witnessed a shooting at my place of work where someone was killed. I suppose I looked at possibly PTSD being short term after those events, but it's followed me the rest of my life. Then, in the past several years I realised that the strained, loveless relationship from my mother that always left me stressed and drained - was actually emotional neglect and emotional abuse. Took me until my 40's to realise that my mother was a narcissist. I've been low contact with her for 3 years now but the nastiness and lack of love, to this day, from her, feels in many ways more painful than my past traumas. I feel like I can't heal and am stuck in this vicious cycle of feeling sad and empty to fighting to get back up.....on and on. Also just realising that PTSD, is most likely why I push people away at the first sign of hurtful behaviour from them. Struggling to trust or depend on anyone and I know that's not a great way to go through life but don't know how else to cope. I do have a somewhat supportive husband but, as we have two children with special needs, things are alraedy often stressful so I can't lean on him a lot for this. Just hoping to find people here who will understand the feelings and also - has anyone specifically sought a mental health counselor who specialises in PTSD? Is that even a possibility? Thanks for following this far!

Steph21 Struggling with sexual abuse/molestation at young ages and dealing with it now
  • replies: 3

It all started When I was 5 years old I was molested by my neighbour who was 12 for almost 3-4 years, to me at the time I didn't under stand what it was so I let it happen for all those years, but the worst experience of my life growing up was when I... View more

It all started When I was 5 years old I was molested by my neighbour who was 12 for almost 3-4 years, to me at the time I didn't under stand what it was so I let it happen for all those years, but the worst experience of my life growing up was when I was 16 and molested by my nephew who was older than me.... I cried myself to sleep that night in the arms of my cousin, she held me and I asked her if she can keep him away from me, don't leave me alone with him ever again... I didn't tell anyone else I didn't want everyone to know, how I kept letting things happen to me. Why I'm writing this is because I'm almost 22 and I can still feel him/her touching me, forcing themselves on me, I have Flash backs, and it makes me feel so small, I struggled a lot after that, I hate men, besides my father. Have friends but never boyfriends, every time I see a male that stares, I feel as if he is undressing me with his eyes and I'm back in that dark room.... I have days where I don't wanna leave my room ,I just keep bursting into tears, not wanting to talk to others, felt so worthless, like an object, that belongs to someone else. everytime I see another flashback, I think I should talk to someone I realise I have no-one to talk to, I cried myself to sleep last night trying to think of one person I could call because my heart was hurting, but I could not think of one person to open up to...i just need some advice maybe about what I should do next because i want to do better, I don't want to keep missing out on work or on events because my sadness won't let me leave my bed or house, sometimes I actually feel happy when it's a Friday when this mood kicks in cause then I can spend all weekend in bed without having to get up and go to work. I mean I do feel happy and generally I do feel normal some days but IDK what it is? But I fall in to sadness very easily and stay that way for days. So of you can tell me what I should do? Maybe givee some tips on how you pushed through?or generally what you think may help, I'm all ears, I just need to stop this sadness before I lose my mind again

PandorasLocksmith being believed in therapy, worry the therapist will ditch me.
  • replies: 8

I've been seeing my safe, compassionate, highly trained, very understanding psychologist, R, for about 4 years now. I've seen other therapists in the past. My psychologist, R, has kept therapy at a level I can handle it. So we've talked about day to ... View more

I've been seeing my safe, compassionate, highly trained, very understanding psychologist, R, for about 4 years now. I've seen other therapists in the past. My psychologist, R, has kept therapy at a level I can handle it. So we've talked about day to day things for these years I've seen him, and things which make us happy- gardening, pets, art, parties, food. For as long as we've seen him. We know I've had extensive trauma in my entire life. We know I've got PTSD, and a bunch of dissociative diagnoses. Lately my flashbacks have been unbearably relentless and distressing. Not quite unbearably. I've been laying curled up in bed staring at my room or my phone. Trying to focus on small projects like online shopping, watching Netflix, writing to my psychologist (he lets me email him any time, to keep him up to date with what's happening, but he doesn't respond). So I have decided to start talking with R about my flashbacks. Mom almost crippled with fear that he will say he won't see us again if he realises the extent of my trauma, and I can imagine him believing one thing at a time but not everything. I'm absolutely sure he could be overwhelmed with everything. Which is probably transference because I'm overwhelmed by everything. Has anyone else felt like you would not be believed about your trauma, even just one single trauma? Has anyone else thought their therapist would leave if you talked about distressing things? My last therapist stopped seeing us when I think he got triggered by me. I am certain we'll lose this therapist the same. I really want to prevent that. I feel like I know him enough to trust him a lot now. Mom worried sick about these things. Literally. My stomach is completely empty from bing physically sick worrying about this. I see R on Thursday. I've emailed him my worries about talking about my trauma to him. By Thursday afternoon I'll probably be all relieved about this. Or maybe I won't be. I feel so silly worrying about these things. But I'm sick with worry about them. Am I alone here with this?

Gea Ptsd or is it complex ptsd
  • replies: 2

Ive always had depression and anxiety, only diagnoised with it at 16 but now 20 and recently diagnoised with ptsd but i dont feel like i fit into that category either but than i read an article about complex ptsd (cptsd) not necessarily "recognised" ... View more

Ive always had depression and anxiety, only diagnoised with it at 16 but now 20 and recently diagnoised with ptsd but i dont feel like i fit into that category either but than i read an article about complex ptsd (cptsd) not necessarily "recognised" as a diagnosis but it just resonated more with me symptoms wise as a child i was severely bullied, at home was an ongoing yelling match between my parents that caused many nights of me crying wondering why this was and at 11 my mum and sister had a joint psychosis episode, my sister later to be diagnoised with bipolar disorder my mum with depression, for me alot of my trauma tended to come from other peoples behaviors towards me while going through there own problems or situations and though i realise these dont fit in the categorise of trauma for cptsd these all are very traumatic experience i experienced in the first 11years of my life an ongoing cycle. when i look at the symptoms of cptsd for me people have always had power over me in childhood and though not meaning to my parents put me in a situation i felt trapped and traumatised now i have problems going back to those memories i do look at them like im an outsider not someone who experienced(disassociation), i have issues forming relationships with new people. I react at the smallest things with anger and rage and yet feel so much guilt, i react to anxiety through nausea and stomach pains especially in social settings which leads me to have a drink...or two, i have nightmares from stress of life. I dont know i just feel as if cptsd clicks more with my symptoms than ptsd but i wasnt abused my parents just didnt know any better. But maybe im wrong i just feel trauma is different to each person it doesnt have to be the physical or even sexual abuse, it could be emotional but was not done on purpose by my parents but is an ongoing trauma i experienced in childhood that i feel had had an effect on my ability to grow as person as i get older. What is your opinion? What do you think?

Hopps My psychologist is gone
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone. I apologise in advance for my rambling. i returned home from a 4 week holiday yesterday to a voicemail from my psychologists receptionist saying that my appointment today was cancelled because my psychologist had resigned and was no long... View more

Hi everyone. I apologise in advance for my rambling. i returned home from a 4 week holiday yesterday to a voicemail from my psychologists receptionist saying that my appointment today was cancelled because my psychologist had resigned and was no longer working there. I’m completely devastated. I had been seeing him every two weeks for 3 years and he is the first one to actually want to help with my c-ptsd after trying many, many others. I saw him the day before I left and we spoke about long term treatment plans and help to get me through the holidays after a recent issue with suicidal thoughts and self harm. Now he is gone. Yesterday was also the anniversary of my mother’s death (4 years ago) which is always really difficult. I also found out that my dad is now getting married to a woman I have never met. Usually my GP is my backup if I can’t talk to my psychologist and I’m feeling like I am now but he has had a family emergency and has left the country and they aren’t sure when he will be back. I’m feeling completely alone and lost. The thought of starting again with another psychologist.....I just can’t do it Maybe I just need some sleep thanks for reading- I just needed to vent somewhere where people might understand