***Trigger Warning*** Sibling sexual abuse

[Tyingtobreathe]

Hi there,

I won't be able to write everything down so I'll try and get to the point of everything that has happened to me in the last 9 months.

For ref I'm a 31 yr old mother of 3 young children and a wife. 

I've never struggled with mental health in my life up until now I'm having a complete mental breakdown and am just now seeking help so I can find myself again.

I was sexually assaulted by my brother in march. I still can't wrap my head around it and I should've got help then. I hid it from my husband and family for about 4 months before I broke down and told my husband. It is so far from anything anyone ever expected. I don't really know what I'm trying to get out of writing this on here.

Sorry to change direction but it will tie in at the end...

I have a very toxic, emotionally abusive and narcissistic mother. She is a horrible human who I've called out many many times for her words and actions. I have cut her off many times throughout my life and she has always squeezed back in only to hurt me again. However she is now no longer in my life as of about 2 months ago and I will not allow her back again.

But the thing is I told my mum this had happened to me about 6 months ago and she unloaded on me and told me he had also been doing it to our mum for about 4 years (I'm his biological sister and mum is his both our biological mum) it's so screwed up. I also found out my dad knew (mum and dad have been divorced 10 years) and he invalidated her and failed to get my brother help.

I no longer talk to my brother obviously and had to grieve our sibling relationship whilst also dealing with what he'd done to me and our mum.

I also have another brother I don't talk to as he has bipolar and depression and fails to seek help and he tried to bash me so I have an AVO on him.

I have a sister as well who also has children and we were incredibly close, but in spetember she abused me verbally and harassed me because I had made the choice to cut off my mum. She never understood or listened to me when I would tell her what our mum had done to me and how toxic she was. So I've recently had to lose my sister too, and my children their cousins...

There's just so much to unpack and so much I need to talk about, I'm getting a mental health plan on Monday from my gp and getting as much help in the meantime as I can. I've been using alcohol and drugs to escape. But I had a massive break down two weeks ago and since have completely stopped drugs all together and won't use them again. However alcohol is still a problem and I'm trying to get help for that too.

This year I also got married, had major surgery, sold our house and our business.

I think I was just trying to hold it all in and hold myself together for too long and now I'm broken. I don't even know myself anymore.

Sorry for the massive read x