***Trigger Warning*** Sibling sexual abuse

[Tyingtobreathe]

Hi there,

I won't be able to write everything down so I'll try and get to the point of everything that has happened to me in the last 9 months.

For ref I'm a 31 yr old mother of 3 young children and a wife. 

I've never struggled with mental health in my life up until now I'm having a complete mental breakdown and am just now seeking help so I can find myself again.

I was sexually assaulted by my brother in march. I still can't wrap my head around it and I should've got help then. I hid it from my husband and family for about 4 months before I broke down and told my husband. It is so far from anything anyone ever expected. I don't really know what I'm trying to get out of writing this on here.

Sorry to change direction but it will tie in at the end...

I have a very toxic, emotionally abusive and narcissistic mother. She is a horrible human who I've called out many many times for her words and actions. I have cut her off many times throughout my life and she has always squeezed back in only to hurt me again. However she is now no longer in my life as of about 2 months ago and I will not allow her back again.

But the thing is I told my mum this had happened to me about 6 months ago and she unloaded on me and told me he had also been doing it to our mum for about 4 years (I'm his biological sister and mum is his both our biological mum) it's so screwed up. I also found out my dad knew (mum and dad have been divorced 10 years) and he invalidated her and failed to get my brother help.

I no longer talk to my brother obviously and had to grieve our sibling relationship whilst also dealing with what he'd done to me and our mum.

I also have another brother I don't talk to as he has bipolar and depression and fails to seek help and he tried to bash me so I have an AVO on him.

I have a sister as well who also has children and we were incredibly close, but in spetember she abused me verbally and harassed me because I had made the choice to cut off my mum. She never understood or listened to me when I would tell her what our mum had done to me and how toxic she was. So I've recently had to lose my sister too, and my children their cousins...

There's just so much to unpack and so much I need to talk about, I'm getting a mental health plan on Monday from my gp and getting as much help in the meantime as I can. I've been using alcohol and drugs to escape. But I had a massive break down two weeks ago and since have completely stopped drugs all together and won't use them again. However alcohol is still a problem and I'm trying to get help for that too.

This year I also got married, had major surgery, sold our house and our business.

I think I was just trying to hold it all in and hold myself together for too long and now I'm broken. I don't even know myself anymore.

Sorry for the massive read x

[indigo22]

Hello and welcome to the forums,

I am so glad you reached out and apologies for the long wait for a response.

I am so sorry to hear how much you are trying to deal with at present, I have been through a different situation that caused many of the same feelings you have described so I know how hard you must be trying to keep your head above water.

Did you manage to get your health plan arranged with your GP? It will be important for you to verbalise all you are going through with someone non-partial.

I am sure you are horrified with what you have been through with your brother. I can't understand why your mother didn't stop the behaviour a long time ago and make sure your brother got the help he needed. Also can't understand why your father knew about it but let it continue either.

I applaud you for taking a stand with your mother, I have a narcissistic sister who I have permanently separated  myself from. Just because someone is family, doesn't mean you must accept their abuse and bad behaviour.

There is a grieving period when you do this with family, but you need to put your own mental and physical health first and if they are not going to change, then it's time to move on.

I know that feeling of being broken, I used the term of feeling like humpty dumpty because it felt like I would never be able to pull the pieces of me back together. With everything you have been through this year, I would be surprised if you didn't feel broken. Please know that you are not broken, life has just served you more than you were able to cope with this year and now you need time to heal yourself.

Is your husband supportive of you, understanding and emotionally available?

Talking to the helplines that are available while you are waiting to see a therapist would help you get through some of the worst days and I hope you will take advantage of them when needed.

These are a few of the available helplines:

Beyond Blue - 1300 224 636 - available 24/7

Respect - 1800 737 732 - available 24/7 (domestic and sexual abuse)

Lifeline - 131 114 - available 24/7

Again, I am sorry for what you are going through, please feel free to continue this conversation if you are comfortable doing so.

Take care,

indigo