PTSD and Trauma

I feel like I'm not a good person and I don't deserve anything good

replies: 1

I feel like everyone hates me. I feel like I'm not a good person. Every person I come into contact with ends up most likely hating me. I should never have kids, marriage or a career because I don't deserve good things. I had a romantic interest recen... View more

I feel like everyone hates me. I feel like I'm not a good person. Every person I come into contact with ends up most likely hating me. I should never have kids, marriage or a career because I don't deserve good things. I had a romantic interest recently who got upset with me because I was checking in to see if they were OK and they thought I wanted to speak to them every moment of the day but they went quiet and when I checked in they were snappy and defensive. And I told them their attitude hurt my feelings and then they posted on social media how I showed my true colours. I'm not a good person. Everyone truly hates me. My ex friends. My ex partners. My estranged mum. Everyone hates me.

The day I lost my soul

replies: 152

6 years ago today an event occurred that changed my life forever. I went to work, and 18hours later when I finally walked out of that place I was never the same again. Looking about at the person I was before it, and who I am today....I can only desc... View more

6 years ago today an event occurred that changed my life forever. I went to work, and 18hours later when I finally walked out of that place I was never the same again. Looking about at the person I was before it, and who I am today....I can only describe it as losing my soul, the guy I used to be ceased to exist. I've lost so much, my home, my life, my drive and any sense of happiness or enjoyment in the short journey of life. I'm resigned to the fact that I'm never coming back, no treatment, medication or self will can ever remove this pain I live with daily. Everyone I know tells me that they believe in me, they believe I'm still inside and they believe that I can overcome this. But they're wrong, the person I used to be could of overcome those things, im not that person anymore. No one seems to understand, it's like my mind and soul left my body that day...but my body kept living. There's no better life in the future, just more days of pain and suffering. I didn't ask for this to happen to me, im not a religious person but I find myself asking god did I do something in another life to deserve this punishment. For someone whose job was to lock evil up to protect the innocent, I am now a prisoner inside my own mind. Yet, there is no key for this door and no one can hear me screaming to be let out. I look forward to the day I see that light shine through the darkness and im finally at peace I'm not at risk, it's just a very hard day for me.

Losing friends over assaulter

replies: 6

Hey everyone im Jessie, I've recently been through a horrible stage in my life. I was sexually assaulted in my sleep from a close friend. Cops can't do anything !! Lost alot of friends that weren't really my friends.. small town big talk, he's also t... View more

Hey everyone im Jessie, I've recently been through a horrible stage in my life. I was sexually assaulted in my sleep from a close friend. Cops can't do anything !! Lost alot of friends that weren't really my friends.. small town big talk, he's also the drug dealer of the town, I just want to leave

Feeling angry at those who hurt me

replies: 6

How does anyone have the guts to tell a vulnerable child that they’re unwanted? To make them feel like they don’t matter? To bully them and shame them for every little thing they do? In school, I was teased, excluded and put down by many of my peers.... View more

How does anyone have the guts to tell a vulnerable child that they’re unwanted? To make them feel like they don’t matter? To bully them and shame them for every little thing they do? In school, I was teased, excluded and put down by many of my peers. Not many people wanted to be my friend, nor did they want to be my partner when it came to group work. In recess, people would always put me last in their games and make fun of me. The teachers would also shame me if I couldn’t do my work or if I did something wrong in the yard. Not once did they offer any compassion; they rubbed it all in my face and made me feel like I was a bad person. They yelled at me and they didn’t care whether they shamed me in front of other students or not. The home environment was no different. It was just as tormenting at school, except it felt more painful. When the people who were supposed to be your biggest allies hurt you, you suddenly realise that there’s no one in the world you can ever trust. As an adult now, I see people who have friends and others who care about them while I wallow away at my feelings and struggle to move on in life. Why couldn’t I have had the same? Why was I never loved? Why did I deserve to go through all this suffering? Is it really true that no one cares about me?

Friend is still friends with the person who sexually assaulted me.

replies: 3

Hey there, this is my first time here and first time posting. Last year I was sexually assaulted by a "friend" after I came out as trans to them. I don't particularly want to go into that, but the thing that is really plaguing me is that my friends c... View more

Hey there, this is my first time here and first time posting. Last year I was sexually assaulted by a "friend" after I came out as trans to them. I don't particularly want to go into that, but the thing that is really plaguing me is that my friends chose to believe the assaulter rather than me. It took me a bit to get the guts to tell my friends, and its clear that during that time the assaulter "prepared" or something. After the whole ordeal, I was quickly abandoned by most of my friends and I now have one friend left. He's been my friend for over a decade. However, he's clearly part of that groups mentality. Just a couple of examples: I told him of what happened, and then only a week later he invited the assaulter to our discord server so we could play together again. I decided to leave the server because I didn't want to be around him, and my friend responded with annoyance and mentioned how "inconvenient" it is for him to have deal with me leaving the server. On top of that, he constantly talks about the assaulter and all the fun they've been having together with the group. All things that I use to be able to be a part of, but now don't want to because of obvious reasons. It's very clear that he wants me to "Get over it" and just make up with the assaulter or something. It only really hit me today how messed up this is. I'd really like to hear what others think about this situation. Thanks, Violet

Repeated Failed IVF Cycles

replies: 1

Hi. I need advice and guidance on how to deal with overcoming multiple failed IVF cycles. The book is closed on trying any more due to age etc... but I am left with emotional scars that feel like they will never go away. I'm stuck in just being upset... View more

Hi. I need advice and guidance on how to deal with overcoming multiple failed IVF cycles. The book is closed on trying any more due to age etc... but I am left with emotional scars that feel like they will never go away. I'm stuck in just being upset and don't know how to move through this stage.

Dealing with unresolved childhood trauma

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I want too start by saying that this is a positive step for me and any input will be appreciated whether negative or positive. There is a lot for me too unload emotionally and I’m not going to too go into all of my trauma right now in de... View more

Hi everyone, I want too start by saying that this is a positive step for me and any input will be appreciated whether negative or positive. There is a lot for me too unload emotionally and I’m not going to too go into all of my trauma right now in depth but it has left me with a lot of acronyms. I have ptsd, adhd and others but the main one is borderline personality disorder. I’ve spent 3 months in a psychiatric ward which were the best three months I loved it. I was surrounded by people in similar situations and I felt safe and understood. It’s been two years since my last stay. I have a family that are incapable of talking about there feelings and I’ve been alone for years . I’ve reached a point where the the only time I’m slightly ok is at work but when I’m home I cry until I go too sleep which I don’t get much of. The thing is I feel much better when I can use what I’ve learnt too help other people in a similar situation but I can’t forgive myself for my faults and apply the things I’ve learnt too my own life. I have no self worth. I’m not even sure what tge point of this message is or what I’m asking for. I’m ready too tap out. I need help, and too do that I’d like too help others.

Acceptance after a car accident and injury

replies: 13

I was involved last November in a car accident while responding to a volunteer situation.My arm got severely injured. I have had a surgery and I am due for one in a couple of weeks and another down the track. All up, I was told it will take me up to ... View more

I was involved last November in a car accident while responding to a volunteer situation.My arm got severely injured. I have had a surgery and I am due for one in a couple of weeks and another down the track. All up, I was told it will take me up to two years, with little chance of regaining full motion. i have lots of trouble accepting the time frame, and in a way I think the extend of the injuries. I am active and all of a sudden, I need help for the basic things. i also have trouble dealing with the volunteering which I can’t do fully. I love that part, i love the people. Seeing all this and knowing I can’t do it just breaks me. My husband is part of the organisation too so I can’t disconnect completely, even for a little while. My husband says “i am not fun”. I know I have bad and good days, which is normal. This will change me I know. I know that done things will need to change but I can’t seem to accept my injury and what it means, not only now but for later.

PTSD Therapies

replies: 4

EMDR …. CBT. Has anyone gone through therapy for PTSD / Separation Anxiety with either of these? Seeking any thoughts, knowledge, experiences with either plus, if possible, and positives or negatives for either. My therapist keeps talking about me st... View more

EMDR …. CBT. Has anyone gone through therapy for PTSD / Separation Anxiety with either of these? Seeking any thoughts, knowledge, experiences with either plus, if possible, and positives or negatives for either. My therapist keeps talking about me starting EMDR due to years of trauma initiating with suicide of an uncle when I was 9year old. Don’t know if I want to do EMDR. Having someone in my personal space I find leaves my feel nervous and on edge some times. Wanting to talk to my therapist at next session about me being involved and having a say as to type of therapy I feel I want to try. During last few months therapist has mentioned her high success rate when using EMDR. She has explained about EMDR but not about CBT or other therapies she is trained in

Dealing with racist views

replies: 23

*Trigger warning - potentially very distressing* A couple of weeks ago I saw someone in town I knew. We were having a conversation when she began to express some generalised statements about a particular group of people. It progressively got worse in... View more

*Trigger warning - potentially very distressing* A couple of weeks ago I saw someone in town I knew. We were having a conversation when she began to express some generalised statements about a particular group of people. It progressively got worse into more blatant racism. I expressed that what she was saying was upsetting me. It then just got worse in terms of what she was saying and I found myself suddenly saying, "I can't continue this conversation, I'm sorry", and I just automatically left. The reason it was triggering for me is because a really gentle soul from my childhood was murdered with the perpetrators even admitting they did it on the basis of race. It was this same group of people the above mentioned person in town was referring to. I am being particularly vague so as to protect the identities of people affected. So all these sudden trauma emotions came up for me around this issue and that's why something in me just took over and I said I couldn't continue the conversation and left as a form of self-protection. The person I walked away from knows people in my unit complex and she has turned two of the residents against me. I am now dealing with daily comments that I hear clearly from the courtyard such as "F#%k her" and similar in reference to me. Today I wrote a one page letter to explain to the person I walked away from why her comments were so distressing for me, including explaining about the murder, and put it in her letterbox. I am hoping she may be more understanding as a result but not necessarily confident that will happen. I now feel persecuted in my small town because I took a stance against racist speech. I feel like I need to leave and I just don't fit here. I love the surrounding landscape and feel connected to that, but I feel I am out of place in this conservative town and unless the people currently hostile to me can come to understand my point of view and past experiences, I feel I am going to be in an awful situation daily from now on. Has anyone else ever dealt with anything like this? I actually feel unsafe and I already struggle with a whole lot of complex trauma issues around safety. I did talk to my psychologist today which was helpful. I am working on just standing tall and being straight forward and doing my best not to be intimidated. But I do feel very unwelcome here now. My closest friend in these units is my elderly neighbour who is now in hospital and so I'm concerned about her too. Just feeling very isolated.

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PTSD for Medical and First Responders

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