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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Globetrotter Childhood PTSD
  • replies: 2

So I suffered sexual abuse when I was little, I always went numb and was never able to dob him to protect my other fam members... Through my teenager years I tried to see psychs to talk about my anxiety and depression but I was never brave enough to ... View more

So I suffered sexual abuse when I was little, I always went numb and was never able to dob him to protect my other fam members... Through my teenager years I tried to see psychs to talk about my anxiety and depression but I was never brave enough to tell them what the real root of it was ... I just let it be and then found thr man of my life who was the complete opposite of the perpetrators. He was fun, a bit crazy, adventurous etc. We had so much fun together and worked through life together until he had a back injury with work and stopped working for the last 4 years...I started having these feelings of being disgusted, angry, numb, I got so distant I can't even answer and look him in eye...I feel like I am back at 15 years old on that place with the perpetrators and I feel like I lost interest in life. I cannot deal with these similarities that bring me back to those nightmares...I am not too aure what to do....I can't get pass it even when he does try do something to move.forward I am stuck on these feelings. I don't take anything for depression but I am in a deep whole right now and cannot feel any love or happiness in life...The only thing that keeps me going is being a responsible mum so I will always stick to survival mode to give them what they deserve...I am not too sure why I am even posting but I can't talk to anyone about this and it's killing me....

Timeless My Story
  • replies: 7

I am in my early 40s, trans man FTM and I want to share something very personal about me, regarding the effects I am suffering in my adulthood, as a result of childhood sexual abuse. I have only ever been able to disclose this to my current and previ... View more

I am in my early 40s, trans man FTM and I want to share something very personal about me, regarding the effects I am suffering in my adulthood, as a result of childhood sexual abuse. I have only ever been able to disclose this to my current and previous psychologist and my ex-wife. Why? Because of the shame, and guilt I feel inside me, and to speak openly about it, is almost unbearable. The effects that I am now suffering, started surfacing about 5 years ago, and I have been suffering in silence for about 1 year now. I was exposed to numerous types of traumatic events throughout my childhood, including sexual abuse and I have been seeking professional help for more than 20 years and have gone undiagnosed until about 3 years ago. My mental health conditions include, C-PTSD, Dissociative Disorder, Sensory Issues (touch), major Anxiety and Depression. When the effects started to surface, I was in absolute shock and extremely confused. I felt ashamed and this prevented me from being able to share what was happening to me, with anyone, including my treating psychologist. I will disclose with you now the effects that surfaced for me; I was finding myself being aroused at the thought of my sexual abuse, I could not believe that I was turned on by the sexual abuse I endured throughout my childhood. How is this possible? I didn't know what to do but I had to do something to make sense of what was happening to me. This lead me to begin an extensive search online, and I am talking about months and months of research. Every google search kept coming up empty. The only effects ever mentioned would be repeated over and over, for example, PTSD, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, self-harm, high-risk behaviours and many more but no where did it mention, being aroused or turned on at the thought of being sexually abused as a child. During my last psychology session, I disclosed more in-depth details about what was happening to me, that I am in distress, and that I have had enough. I also spoke about 2 books that I had read, 1 I had personally found and it's by a female author who remains anonymous and it was her story of childhood sexual abuse and the long-term effects; the other was recommended to me, and it's about a study of 40 women who had suffered childhood sexual abuse and my psychologist had never heard of it. I'm not the only suffering in silence, and I want to change that and help people like me. The worst, is where the research lead me.

Debbie Downer Trauma + Self Care
  • replies: 3

Hello,I am wondering if anyone has any experience with having a chronic illness / trauma. I have been diagnosed with endometriosis and secondary pelvic pain disorder; my pain flares up when my mental health is down or I am triggered by something from... View more

Hello,I am wondering if anyone has any experience with having a chronic illness / trauma. I have been diagnosed with endometriosis and secondary pelvic pain disorder; my pain flares up when my mental health is down or I am triggered by something from my past. I am really struggling to allow myself time to heal and cannot stop being cruel to myself; keep telling myself I am a failure or a sook. I was raised to never be allowed sick days, whenever I complained about my cramps as a girl I was told to toughen up, I was also not allowed to have time off unless I was "bleeding profusely or throwing up" which I think plays a significant factor in my guilt and shame. I just don't know how to get past it. I can see it all for what it is but can't stop the emotion. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

DaffyDuck Family Cancer
  • replies: 2

A recap of the past few years: - Mum was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma. - Grandma was diagnosed with lymphoma. - Grandpa was diagnosed with bowel cancer and skin cancer. - Mums uncle was diagnosed with bowel and oesophagus cancer and passed. - My g... View more

A recap of the past few years: - Mum was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma. - Grandma was diagnosed with lymphoma. - Grandpa was diagnosed with bowel cancer and skin cancer. - Mums uncle was diagnosed with bowel and oesophagus cancer and passed. - My great uncle is starting chemo.- My cousin woke up paralysed from the shoulders down and spent 3/4 of the year in hospital. It feels like 2-3 years of hell.. the consistent diagnosis. The hospital trips. The waiting for medical tests. Not knowing the outcome.. I am exhausted.. whenever things settle something else seems to happen. When I think we are finally safe and everything is okay it isn't.. so I can't relax. I am getting angry over every little thing at the moment. I hate feeling tired all the time.. and/or angry over dumb things. I don't know what to do any more. I have seen a counsellor in the past but it's hard to keep going when I feel like I don't always have something to talk about.

plasticinehouse I feel like everything I do to try and take control of this just slaps me in the face.
  • replies: 3

There's been too many things happen, but atm it's that I wanted to get a tattoo. I always thought I could never get one. I dont know what changed, I think I am still desperately trying to take control of my body. If I blur my eyes, I still think a ta... View more

There's been too many things happen, but atm it's that I wanted to get a tattoo. I always thought I could never get one. I dont know what changed, I think I am still desperately trying to take control of my body. If I blur my eyes, I still think a tattoo is cool. Its just not what I wanted. Why did I even think I had to agree to something I dont like? I wanted to trust her cos shes the artist. I felt pushed to go with this as the best option, rather than redrawing, or even just leaving (she had my deposit). Thinking I should just go with it is not a good way to make such a permanent decision Looking at other tattoos - these ones have faces that arent as big and detailed as what she did. And that's what I wanted. Im so upset. How did i go thru so much therapy, so much learning to assert boundaries and forget all of it in the blink of an eye? Not just the SA, but a guy also pretended to be there for me through court, when rly he was just faking it to get what he wnte. It broke me further, made me feel really exposed adn used and all over again made me hate looking at my body if he didnt even want me and made me expose myself for fake friends. He latched onto so many things that were getting me through the pandemic, including Zelda.Getting it was trying to reclaim my interests too. I havent been able to play it all year because it reminds me of him, even tho I wanted to go back to it in 2022. I know its cute, just not what I wanted. I wanted him to have an angsty expression (ALL my refs did. I hate the heart. It doesn't feel me at ALL. I hate the bottom bit the most. Why did that even need to be there? I wanted something simple, that bit feels unecesary. If she's goi g to copy something, why not go for one of the pics I sent? Instead she copied something completely different instead of making her own design of him. I tried to ask without the heart. She said he had to be contained in something due to the size. After that I got too afraid to ask for more changes, the way she justified felt like she would have reasons for everything. idk what to do anymore. I was trying to own it, have something cool on my body. It didnt work.

phatboislim68 Hi I’m new here! Dealing with life the best way I can.
  • replies: 2

Hi I’m new here. Suffer from CPTSD from DV. Anxiety and depression.I am in a good place right now. Probably the best I’ve been in many many years.So why am I here then? Well I had gastric bypass surgery I was nearly 200 kgs, 19 months ago and I lost ... View more

Hi I’m new here. Suffer from CPTSD from DV. Anxiety and depression.I am in a good place right now. Probably the best I’ve been in many many years.So why am I here then? Well I had gastric bypass surgery I was nearly 200 kgs, 19 months ago and I lost a lot of weight about 80kgs. 13 months after I had the gastric bypass surgery I had a perforated bowel that nearly ended things for me. I was give a 1 in 3 chance of survival and I spent 9 days in hospital and 4 and a half months of work recovering. But one thing has changed I feels angry a lot of the time, I snap at my loved one’s when I don’t mean to.When I started back at work this anger found me standing up to people I couldn’t ever before, people who were bullying me, and belittling me. I am not comfortable with this and I don’t understand why am I so angry with what happened to me and how do I deal with this moving forward. Should I be talking to my GP?

lilykitten Feeling dead inside today
  • replies: 1

I'm a single mum (secondary school teacher) and carer for an 18 yr old autistic daughter and 87 yr old mother. I'm generally a glass half full type of person but days like this are so disappointing.I had given everyone prior notice it was going to be... View more

I'm a single mum (secondary school teacher) and carer for an 18 yr old autistic daughter and 87 yr old mother. I'm generally a glass half full type of person but days like this are so disappointing.I had given everyone prior notice it was going to be a stinking hot day and I wasn't going to leave the house. At 7 my daughter jumped on my bed wanting her daily drive to Maccas (over an hours round trip). i pointed out it was not in the plan but she retorted it was still early and hadnt got hot yet. By the time I was dressed, had breakfast and watered the garden it was 8am. Mum said she fancied walking down the street for breakfast and would I pick her up so I said if she goes now I could pick her up on my way home from maccas but she said she wasn't dressed yet. I commented it would be too hot later and she was upset. When I got back mum was insistent I fix the backdoor or the dog would escape. By the time I had finished this my daughter who is changing medications was very heightened and demanded another trip to Maccas because she was "Hangry". I compromised and said I would take her for a quick local ride but she continued to get even more heightened on the drive and almost killed us both grabbing the steering wheel and pulling my head below the dash by my hair as I was driving home because I refused to take her to Maccas again. on getting home what followed was 2 hours of threats and hysterics in my face and pinning me down so I couldnt get away from her because she wasnt getting her way. Eventually she calmed down after I gave her $50 I dont have for an online game. Then mum wanted to know what time I was taking her to the wine bar. I explained we were not going because it was too hot. She expressed her disappointment then started giving me jobs to water the garden. I explained it was to hot to lug the hoses around at 3pm and offered to do it later. To do it properly it will take hours. So in between all these demands I just sit there, smoke cigarettes and eat junk just waiting for my next assignment.

NKL__ How do I believe in myself?
  • replies: 1

My name is Nat, I'm 29 years old and up until this last year, my entire life has been a constant repetition of trauma and abuse.I have seen my mum overdose on heroin more times than I can count, I've visited her in hospital when she went on a binge s... View more

My name is Nat, I'm 29 years old and up until this last year, my entire life has been a constant repetition of trauma and abuse.I have seen my mum overdose on heroin more times than I can count, I've visited her in hospital when she went on a binge so much that she almost lost her legs, her kidney function, her life. When she drank it was different, it was violent. She's abused me, my sister, strangers passing us by, I've seen her try to kill herself in front of us, the list goes on.I've had to undress her from homemade diapers and bathe her because she didn't want to get up to go to the toilet anymore, taken her to court appointments for when she's attacked people in streets and more recently spent two years by her side when she was in a psych ward from drug induced psychosis after trying to kill her neighbours. I would call her doctors on my lunch break to work out her treatment and rehab plans, visit her every weekend and clean out her house so she had a real home to come back to and within 6 months she started drinking and doing drugs. It broke me and I knew it was time to take space from her so I could focus on giving myself the same love, care and effort I was giving her.To add to the list of traumas, I've been drugged and raped twice and both times were away with friends, they knew what happened when they found me but I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud, none of them wanted to address it and ruin their holiday so we acted like it never happened.I feel like everything has worn me down so much that I don't have anything left to give in this life. I try to practice mindfulness, awareness and gratitude. I do affirmations, meditate and have gone to therapy when I can afford it but whenever I do anything good for my self I can feel this deep seeded belief that things won't work out for me and I am always walking around with this sense of doom and insecurity. I can't go anywhere or do anything when I'm alone, I completely shut off and dissociate watching days go by and thinking nothing of it. I don't know how to make myself believe that I can get better, I am doing all the things to help but I know none of it will work unless I truly believe happiness and positive change will happen and I can't.How do I start believing in myself?

Immy-95 Self-discovery after trauma
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I have lost my identity and direction in my life. I have suffered through many traumas which have destroyed my sense of self and thus, I am 'lost' in my own life. I have forgotten what I am good at, what my dreams are, what my goals are,... View more

Hi everyone, I have lost my identity and direction in my life. I have suffered through many traumas which have destroyed my sense of self and thus, I am 'lost' in my own life. I have forgotten what I am good at, what my dreams are, what my goals are, and who I really am. I would love and appreciate advice as I am really struggling.

44Max44 I think I've realized why I have such a hard time with friends and relationships
  • replies: 2

For a long time now I've had a lot of trouble with relationships, whether that be with friends, family, romantic partners, or whatever else. I never really knew why this was the case, but after a bit of thinking the other day, I think I know why this... View more

For a long time now I've had a lot of trouble with relationships, whether that be with friends, family, romantic partners, or whatever else. I never really knew why this was the case, but after a bit of thinking the other day, I think I know why this is the case, or at least part of the reason it's the case.As a kid I had 3 best friends (all at different points in time), I never really had big friend groups, I would just have 1 main friend that I put all of my time and effort into. I realized that all 3 ended badly and quite suddenly, all for stupid reasons.With the first, one day we were playing the N64 and I accidentally spilled a drink, which spilled onto some of his Pokemon cards and ruined them. When he saw this, he started screaming and crying and said "I hate you, I never want to see you again" and at that point I was crying and just waited for my Mum to pick me up. I never saw him again. He was my best friend for years, and we fell out over a dumb accident.My next best friend pretty much threw me under the bus. One day, my friend's older brother came home early from work, and saw that his xbox controller joysticks had been chewed up. I wasn't me, it was all my friend, but he immediately threw me under the bus and blamed me for doing it. His older brother then started yelling at me and scared the shit out of me, and that traumatized me, so I never saw that friend again after that either (not that I wanted to, you never throw your friends under the bus).With my third best friend, one day we had a disagreement, I won't say what about because I am already nearing the character limit, but it was a stupid disagreement and we stopped hanging out after that.Anyways,This is why I think I don't even bother with relationships now. As a child I was conditioned to think that all relationships would inevitably end for little to no reason, so "what's the point in putting any effort into them at all?". I lost 3 best friends that I put my heart and soul into, all over trivial things. My parents also divorced when I was quite young, and my older brother had a new girlfriend pretty much every other month (so I never even bothered to get to know any of them). Both of those things probably just further cemented that mindset into me. Anyways, I'm not looking to get any advice out of this post really, I just wanted to speak my mind.