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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Dani_85 Cptsd and where it all started
  • replies: 7

Cptsd can be a life changer and nothing ever prepares you for when or where your next trigger will hit. My life is a classic example of this horror day after day and there are some days where I wish that there could be assisted dying to rid me of thi... View more

Cptsd can be a life changer and nothing ever prepares you for when or where your next trigger will hit. My life is a classic example of this horror day after day and there are some days where I wish that there could be assisted dying to rid me of this pain My trauma story starts way back... Childhood in a narcissistic enmeshed abusive a psychotic family... My mother and her parents the primary abusers especially my mother... She would stop at nothing to ruin my life, even if it meant contacting people and partners and turning them against me so she could hopefully in her mind gain sick control over my life. She is an enmeshed undiagnosed BPD personality and has constantly tried to derail my life by either trying to bring me down with her constant negative chatter about her work or other aspects of her life in order to gain sympathy from me. When I moved away from home many years ago her end of the day phone calls were relentless. All negative. This didn't even stop when I was going through chemotherapy for lymphoma. She would call me at the hospital to dump on me. When eventually I told the nurses to field all calls. You get the picture, she is the root of my cptsd. But there are other factors that followed after she and her toxic family laid down the foundations for my trauma. They say we mirror or attract what our environment was and this was true for me until my late thirties. I am 39 now. I had three very abusive partnerships with men who cheated, lied, were physically abusive and financially abusive. After the third I saw a pattern emerging and my realisation was that I was attracting the very personality types that were imprinted on me from my upbringing. I left the third relationship and haven't had another one since. Life after covid... Well it was turned upside down and due to this factor I was forced to live with my abusive mother once again. The triggers are relentless. Anyway that is my story... Thank you for listening. With love, Dani

lil8002 Gaslighting: Advice for daughter of mother with PTSD
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone. So, I am having relationship difficulties with my mum. This has been ongoing since I was 13 (when my parents decided to separate). I am now 22. My father was physically and emotionally abusive to my mum and I can remember only a handful... View more

Hey everyone. So, I am having relationship difficulties with my mum. This has been ongoing since I was 13 (when my parents decided to separate). I am now 22. My father was physically and emotionally abusive to my mum and I can remember only a handful of times he was emotionally abusive to myself and my sibling (he mostly ignored us when in this violent state but when he did notice us it was terrifying). But he always made me feel very scared. My mum has PTSD and when they separated as the eldest I was expected to help a lot. Fast forward to when I was 20. I've moved out of home because I can't get along with my mum at all. She made me do all the housework (iron all her clothes, laundry, feed pets, clean bedrooms, bathroom, living areas, etc) and cook. All while working and studying. This was not a new thing but occurred during high school as well. My sibling rarely helped. Since moving out, she has threatened to throw my clothes on the front lawn, take money out of my account - she always threatened but never did this, she used to threaten to smash my car, has told me she would jump out of my car if I didn't take her to lunch when I was driving. I have slowly been detaching from her. I have most of my things, removed her from my bank account, and changed my address for everything. However, since Christmas I have not seen her. She calls me on the phone and we fight nonstop or she tries to get me to do things for her. She has even tried demanding I come over and clean the house even though I don't live there. She claims she supports me and I only get good marks because of her, etc. She has also said I should pay her money even though she works full-time and I barely get shifts. We have been arguing on facebook and she has gone and deleted all her messages that make her look bad. Then tells me I am imaging things. For example, she has said that she never asked me for money currently even though I sent her the screenshot of it. She denied it and said she didn't mean that but having read the message multiple times I don't get her point at all. It sounds like she does want money. I had my birthday recently and I refused to see her until she owns responsibility for her actions. She said that my birthday was as much her day as mine because she birthed me, demanded I come over because she decorated and has cake even though I have plans and told her so. I don't know how to fix our relationship. She is the only parent I have left but I don't think I can handle this.

Bee1998 I am severely triggered by sexual things
  • replies: 7

A bit of back story / reasons why I believe I get triggered: I was sexually abused as a 5 year old by my own grandfather for several years. I have been cheated on in every relationship I have been in, including my current one. I was severely bullied ... View more

A bit of back story / reasons why I believe I get triggered: I was sexually abused as a 5 year old by my own grandfather for several years. I have been cheated on in every relationship I have been in, including my current one. I was severely bullied throughout primary and Highschool. My mum called me a lesbian when I was growing up (even though I’m not) and constantly would put other females down in front of me. My mum was also verbally, physically and emotionally abusive to me my whole life (she has BPD and Bipolar). In my current relationship I still get triggered by my partner watching movies with sex scenes in them, my partner wanting to watch porn, liking females provocative pictures on social media. All of these things are weighing down our relationship and we constantly get into arguments over it. My partner also was emotionally and physically unfaithful earlier in the year in 2023, which has made my insecurities far worse, and my trust even less than it already was. I really don’t want to live my life being insecure anymore, and constantly in fear that my partner is going to betray / hurt me. I’m super sensitive to porn and all of the things I mentioned above, and I don’t want to be this way anymore, or let these things rule my life.

Raven87 Unjust custody situation
  • replies: 1

What would you do? Long story short. Move in with husband and his family. Naive. Didn't know how controlling they were going to get. Get pregnant early on in the relationship. My father promises to sell his vintage car if we ever need it. Later reneg... View more

What would you do? Long story short. Move in with husband and his family. Naive. Didn't know how controlling they were going to get. Get pregnant early on in the relationship. My father promises to sell his vintage car if we ever need it. Later renegs it. Won't explain why. Gaslights me. After the baby is born. Get Post natal depression. Husband's parents kick us out. Husband loses his job xand I couldn't get work. My parents go overseas for months. My parents eventually get back. My in laws use the legal system against me and file for custody of my daughter. Husband begs me back. Many empty promises of getting custody of my daughter back. Move in with him (without in laws) Many empty promises of getting our daughter back. Marriage becomes financially, emotionally and physically abusive. Move back in with my parents and baby. I feel like such a fool. But yet don't get any answers as to why my father screwed us over.

Gizmo6 Lost. Trying to cope with 4 deaths & my rape trial dropped
  • replies: 4

I feel like I’ve reached my limit. Aside from previous trauma, the past few years have really tested my resilience, especially the last 12 months. I’ll try to summarise.My nan died, my friend died from an accident, my mum died after fighting cancer f... View more

I feel like I’ve reached my limit. Aside from previous trauma, the past few years have really tested my resilience, especially the last 12 months. I’ll try to summarise.My nan died, my friend died from an accident, my mum died after fighting cancer for a few years - caring for mum at the end was the hardest thing I’ve endured, for various reasons - my beloved dog died, I was going through the absolutely awful and traumatic legal process of a rape case, which fortunately finally ended with a trial date set.I came into 2024 though with so much hope, for positive change, and potential happiness.8th Jan, I get told the DPP decided to drop my case, there would be no trial. After all of the immense stress & trauma from the process (that I ended up in hospital for months from when I tried to end my life). Suddenly, it’s over, just like that, the government gave up on me - it was too hard to fight for me in court. 15th Jan I took my other dog to the vet she was having trouble breathing. Immediate X-rays revealed she had collapsed lungs and I’d be best to say goodbye in a matter of days.3 days later take her to my normal vet (yes, yesterday), who says actually it might just be fluid on the lungs caused by an infection- we will try meds for 2 weeks. I should have been ecstatic, but I was so shocked. Of course, it’s fantastic news, she’s my world. But now I feel numb, and totally lost. The intense and devastating emotions over the 2 weeks have I think finally broken me. And my poor doggo is still not well I have to listen to her struggling to breathe all of the time which is heartbreaking and I have no idea what’s going to happen or when. I don’t know what to do with myself, or my feelings, or lack thereof.

David35 PTSD from mum's cancer and brother's betrayal
  • replies: 45

I've been experiencing intense panic/rage attacks lately. A few weeks ago I punched a door. I thought this was the end of it. Then again today. I have this anger built up over issues that have occurred in the past few years which I'll describe now.Mu... View more

I've been experiencing intense panic/rage attacks lately. A few weeks ago I punched a door. I thought this was the end of it. Then again today. I have this anger built up over issues that have occurred in the past few years which I'll describe now.Mum had cancer treatment for several years and in that time my brother, his wife and family stopped associating with mum and I. So I was not only dealing with the situation of mum's illness, but the betrayal. The problem is now that mum is better, I find that I can't talk or listen to certain topics, or else I go into a rage. It just gets too much. Illness, my brother's wife and her treatment of us have both deeply traumatised me. How can I deal with this? I get counselling, but whereas I've tried to compartmentalise it, mum keeps dragging up these uncomfortable feelings. I have very low tolerance and can't cope with too much stress

Lick Desperately seeking reassurance
  • replies: 2

I was sexually abused at the age of 10 by a family friend and now I’m paying the price . I’m 60 years old in March . 3 yrs ago I finally started to get professional support but also advised via email to my parents how my Dads words about the abuse ha... View more

I was sexually abused at the age of 10 by a family friend and now I’m paying the price . I’m 60 years old in March . 3 yrs ago I finally started to get professional support but also advised via email to my parents how my Dads words about the abuse has had a great impact on my mental health . my Dad said I deceived him , he feels sorry for my other sister ( who was abused ), he thought him and I were good .I deserved it , get over it and the past is the past . when the perpetrator tried to abuse me I snapped and ran as fast as my little legs would take me .My Dad was waiting for me to get home as back in the days you were free to play at the park as it was safe .When I walked in the door my Dad made me stand on the kitchen chair and accused me of being over at the river by myself , I told my Dad that’s a lie but he continued to belt me for ages , I felt so seek I lied and said I needed to go to the toilet . this was the punishment I got because the perpetrator lied as a form of punishment because I rang from his bedroom . i spend years looking after my 3 children as a single mum and put my needs aside . my Dad and mum snd my sister continue to not talk and o find my already bad mental health going down hill even more .I started therapy due to being suicidal and when I reached out to my older sister about 3 years ago she shut me down and said she doesn’t know how to deal with me and hung up over the phone . theres lots of family dramas going on within my family with other sisters who straight away get support , follow up phone calls to check on there welfare but with me it’s different . i feel extremely abandoned, really mad and just simply don’t want any thing to do with my family but my conscious is telling me otherwise . i want to cut ties as I’m not spoken to any way but fear I’m going to be the worst person in the world . i have grandchildren now and am really busy with enjoyable things to do but if I choose to not attend a family get together I’m made to feel bed I can’t win either way but this is affecting my sleep , is cutting ties the best thing as I think it is but want reassurance Thank you for your much valued and needed response

Lick I feel saddened by the lack of concern and support by my family
  • replies: 11

Hii have recently finished my second group of psychology sessions over a period of 3 years for PTSD , depression and anxiety .my problems are associated with childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence which has been a result my past .Im 58’yrs old ... View more

Hii have recently finished my second group of psychology sessions over a period of 3 years for PTSD , depression and anxiety .my problems are associated with childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence which has been a result my past .Im 58’yrs old and I just think my family show no concern for what Im going through and always say that’s in the past , obviously i know that but you have these reoccurring thoughts , negative remarks from family members which often get me annoyed .My understanding was that your initial point of support should be at home and with family but I have found that not to be true .ive been there for members of my family through their bad times , helping with drug addicted family members , carer for my disabled sister ( disabled as result of domestic violence )., my Dads drinking problems , helped my sister look after her grandson but when I’m at rock bottom and wanted to commit suicide I have no understanding , support from any of them .Apparently I deceived my Dad re my sexual abuse but I have 3 sisters that also were but I was effected worse and abuse more severe .my Dad only feels sorry for one of my sisters and he thought him and I were good .i try to get through my days but will not at any time but up with my family throwing negative remarks in my face when I’m struggling and then I defend myself by giving my opinion back to get cut off and things thrown back at me .ive found it hard to get through my days but find myself not wanting to have any connection with family especially as I said when I’ve helped on numerous occasions and then feeling no one is there for me . os it right how I feel? your opinion if you have gone through the same will be appreciated

Speechless How to talk to older parents about your mental health?
  • replies: 3

Its very hard for me to talk about my mental health to my mum. Not because of me feeling shy but because she doesn’t understand it and doesnt want to, even briefly. Its incredibly hard for me, ive been put in situations of trauma and grief and compou... View more

Its very hard for me to talk about my mental health to my mum. Not because of me feeling shy but because she doesn’t understand it and doesnt want to, even briefly. Its incredibly hard for me, ive been put in situations of trauma and grief and compounding depression as well as social phobia all my life, recently been in acute distress and having whole days and nights of crying and not being able to function at all. Because i love with my parents, i like to get some validation and support from my mum, to let her know whats going on for me but i cant even get any understanding or any emotional support because of her hearing disability and limited patience with a sentence or certain words, she comes off as extremely rude to me and gets annoyed at me, doesnt want to know and treats mental illness like something negative and like im selfish to talk about me and my problems. She will make it worse and say certain things that can be quite nasty and old fashioned, makig me seem like im the problem. When all i wanted was a bit of comfort. I come off feeling so much worse than before and it can make the day a crying one again. But when your so desperate for comfort and support and all this stuff everywhere about talking to someone about your issues, I cant get any comfort at home and my only friend is a paranoid schizophrenic who has a meth addiction and in cycles of functioning, non functioning and paranoia, aggression, preoccupation, delusions of grandeur etc. My therapist is on holidays so its extremely hard.

brinkers EMDR effects
  • replies: 1

I have been undertaking EMDR with my psychologist for a number of months now (took a break after several months, now immersed in a second round). My experience has been that I have felt very sad indeed between sessions, and have cried intensely and w... View more

I have been undertaking EMDR with my psychologist for a number of months now (took a break after several months, now immersed in a second round). My experience has been that I have felt very sad indeed between sessions, and have cried intensely and with very regular frequency. I feel vulnerable and depressed. My mood improved after the first break from treatment, but now, back in EMDR sessions again, I am experiencing neveu similar symptoms (although not crying as often). I am hoping that others might share their experiences of hie they have felt between EMDR sessions. For me it’s a difficult and lonely place to be in.