Didn’t ever think I’d be writing something like this: but, here we are! I’ve unfortunately endured several big issue traumas (molestation, rape, physical/mental abuse, infidelity, as well as work related PTSD from being an ambo - both on road and in communications).
I have been formally diagnosed with the work related PTSD, but something in me believes I’m suffering from my past above mentioned crisis’s.
Cutting to the chase:
I am now in a fairly great relationship, i am not harmed in any way…but me, myself has become toxic. He’s never cheated on me. I am always hyper vigilant of his communications on fb, or should he talk to a female: and lash out if he does. I’m becoming controlling, and aggressive. I speak the most venomous and hurtful words - just to get a response. I’m constantly worried he will leave or cheat - despite his reassurance….and it’s killing our relationship. I blame him for everything and anything.
I have spoken to my dr who thinks it maybe related to my pain I suffered from my work related injury-but it’s not. I’m viscous to my friends, refuse to take calls and have lost half of my family….
My fiancé is aware of my condition, but he’s kinda at a loss as to what to do…
I literally only have two emotions atm: angry or sad….today being my best day is how I’ve managed to even write this post.
I want the happy, goofy, unsuspicous me back- so bad, cos life at the tmiembtnjust doesn’t seem worth the effort ….
thank you if you’re still reading my little rave…
