PTSD and Trauma

I'm only getting worse, need to find somewhere I can work on my triggers

replies: 4

Hi. I've reached a crisis point in regards to my ptsd and despite what people are telling me, I'm still getting worse and worse. I keep on trying to find anything that can help me work through my triggers but I can't. There's no group meetings, no co... View more

Hi. I've reached a crisis point in regards to my ptsd and despite what people are telling me, I'm still getting worse and worse. I keep on trying to find anything that can help me work through my triggers but I can't. There's no group meetings, no controlled environments, nothing over than just telling a person that this thing happened and that "you're making improvements" which, I'm not, I still can't tell people no and can't tell people what I think without fear of violent physical or verbal retaliation. I can't even stand up for myself, because I go into shut down when I need to act. I'm in constant pain as well and even my hobbies, which cost money, aren't doing anything anymore and it's impacting my savings.

Domestic violence

replies: 1

It’s been a long ongoing situation with workplace not understanding the situation, privacy issues, loss of job and moving. They situation seems to now be repeating itself again with immediate job loss due to domestic violence and lack of available se... View more

It’s been a long ongoing situation with workplace not understanding the situation, privacy issues, loss of job and moving. They situation seems to now be repeating itself again with immediate job loss due to domestic violence and lack of available services I was on this forum some time ago and have now returned. Im in ongoing domestic violence situation. Its difficult. I have found this forum again. Ive recently lost my job and find myself out of work over Christmas time. There is little jobs available and I’m applying for jobs starting over Christmas. I have necessities covered.

sexual assault trauma & advise

replies: 5

Hey everyone! At the start of this year I flew back to my country town for a week before my next uni semester, to stay with one of my old high school friends. My ex boyfriend was one of his roommates, but we were on good terms & keen to catch up. On ... View more

Hey everyone! At the start of this year I flew back to my country town for a week before my next uni semester, to stay with one of my old high school friends. My ex boyfriend was one of his roommates, but we were on good terms & keen to catch up. On the last night I blacked out due to an OD at some point when my ex & I were talking. I don't remember a lot but I remember enough to know that I was molested. I hate myself for not doing anything or going to the hospital or police straight away, but I just shut down completely and wanted to pretend it didn't happen. I know I need to seek professional help, but when I spoke to my psych about it she told me that I was responsible for putting myself in that situation. Though I logically don't agree with her, emotionally I haven't been as strong. I keep thinking I'm alright and I can move on but I feel so much guilt and shame and disgust in myself. My current boyfriend knows and it took a lot to stop him from going after my ex. I've started to lose close friends because of the fallout of the assault. My ex is a very influential and charismatic guy in my home town, and he's been busy damaging my reputation back home, in order to save his. There's no evidence to go to the police. I knew in the morning that it wasn't an option considering the serious conservative corruption in my town - no rape claims are ever investigated. I just would really appreciate some advice on how I can emotionally heal from this. It's effecting me in ways I could never imagine. I'm not sure how to explain all this but I'm definitely just not feeling great in myself to a pretty concerning extent. My boyfriend has been really incredible during this and so supportive & understanding - so please know he's done everything right! I had been dealing with drug addiction issues for a while at that point and if I had just not taken it so far that night I could have fought him off. Thank you for those who read this & reply :))

Obsessive thoughts about trauma: Over 10 years of severe abuse from a parent

replies: 32

Hi all, new here to the forum. Over the past couple of months, I've had memories resurfacing about physical, sexual and emotional trauma that I experienced from my father for over 10 years while growing up. He had substance abuse problems and untreat... View more

Hi all, new here to the forum. Over the past couple of months, I've had memories resurfacing about physical, sexual and emotional trauma that I experienced from my father for over 10 years while growing up. He had substance abuse problems and untreated mental illness which influenced the situation, as well. Now I'm at a place where I'm basically thinking about the memories all the time. There are so many things that I am feeling and trying to piece together. I am also trying to make sense of why these things happened - what frame of mind he was in and such. These obsessive and intrusive memories are basically starting to take over my life, specifically influencing my focus with work and school. And it is all very isolating...I don't think anyone in my life would understand what happened or what I am going through now (nor should I expect them to). No one in my family knows what happened. I've told my partner and a couple of friends that I've been through abuse but haven't gone into much detail, basically for fear of overwhelming them. I've talked with a counselor a couple times but didn't find it completely helpful as it focused more about logistics of taking care of myself in general - I normally have a healthy lifestyle so that's not what I'm struggling with, it's the obsessive thoughts. And for reference, I've been on meds for bipolar for a while and have meds to spot treat anxiety, which generally work well. But these symptoms have been worse lately, as the ptsd has been worse. Normally I wouldn't feel the need to talk about these things, but lately the trauma has been taking up most of my thoughts and attention. It can be difficult to not feel able to express what I'm really thinking and feeling to the people in my life. I have tried to spend time sitting with these thoughts to process and feel. Obviously there is a lot that happened and my mind is trying to make sense of it all. But I can't just sit and think about it all of the time. My coping lately has basically just been to distract myself. As soon as I stop focusing on something, then the traumatic memories tend to come back. Just looking to see if anyone has similar experiences with obsessive/intrusive Ptsd thoughts. What do you do to handle them? Do you talk about your trauma with the people in your life? Thanks very much.

Frequent Dreams about the older man who tried to take advantage of me when I was 15/16

replies: 1

Hello there, A bit of a background story - when I was 15 or 16 years of age my family and I befriended a much older man, at our volunteer work. Over a matter of months and a couple of years him and I grew enormously close. He was 68 years of age at t... View more

Hello there, A bit of a background story - when I was 15 or 16 years of age my family and I befriended a much older man, at our volunteer work. Over a matter of months and a couple of years him and I grew enormously close. He was 68 years of age at the time and we both got along 'so well' because we were both passionate about 1960s and 1970s music. At first, it was just a friendship. Although, as time progressed, he started grooming me. I grew up in quite an emotionally unavailable household. I am now estranged from my psychologically abusive Mother. And he built that trust with my parents, as he built a 'friendship' with all of us. I was starved from affection, protection, love and security.. when I was younger. I felt very ignored at times and I felt like my feelings/emotions did not matter. So, I began to really enjoy the attention and affection he gave me. He would call me pet names. He would say he loved me- I love you. And eventually he created a secret email address, that his Wife wasn't aware of, so we could privately communicate with each other. He would pick me up from school and while no sexual relations did occur.. he and I became quite close, physically and emotionally. He would constantly tell me how beautiful I was. And I thought he was charming and I liked the attention and 'love'. Realizing this now, I am trying to come to terms that THIS MAN was exploiting me at such a vulnerable and impressionable age. I am getting nightmares still, at 20 years old now. It's deeply traumatic and upsetting. Luckily, I am safe now and nothing like this is happening to me anymore. It is just still affecting me. And I avoid going back to the location of the volunteer work because it brings back some traumatic memories of what happened when I was much younger. I wanted and yearned for protection, love and genuine friendship. ALL HE WANTED TO DO WAS EXPLOIT ME! Luckily, when I was almost 17 I CUT ALL CONTACT WITH HIM. Blocking his phone number and email addresses. I started to realize that it wasn't a healthy connection. And now I am COMPLETELY NO contact with him, thankfully. I DETEST HIM. I AM SO ANGRY THAT HE WAS GROOMING ME. I HAVE SO MUCH ETERNALISED FRUSTRATION AND SADNESS. It's too much sometimes. I am trying to move forward but how can I when I keep getting dreams about him?

When I should be enjoying my life its full of things I want to forget

replies: 2

Ive struggled since Rememberance Day, I tried to remember the people, but my mind kept drifting back to my nightmare, its now three years on and fight as I might I can't stop remembering, I feel asif I'm cracked and shattered inside and out and can't... View more

Ive struggled since Rememberance Day, I tried to remember the people, but my mind kept drifting back to my nightmare, its now three years on and fight as I might I can't stop remembering, I feel asif I'm cracked and shattered inside and out and can't be fixed. At my age I had thought life would be wonderful, so nice, anything but the nightmare I endure on a daily basis. Three years on and I still lay in bed, wishing I could do anything but think, wishing and hoping for a night without flashbacks and nightmares, wishing I could 'get over it' or 'move on' as so many people tell me I should. Wishing it was not endless rounds of medical appointments trying to end the horrors.I am as tired now as i was when it happened, mentally, physically and emotionally.And no matter what I take or how I try or what I listen to, my mind just won’t shut off.All the things I didn't do, all the events of that night, replayed over and over in my mind, analyzing and overthinking. I cry until I feel like i have no tears left, but they keep coming, I wish it wasn’t like this, because i hate these times when I want to sleep..But I just can’t.I've tried all the tricks and still my mind fights with my overthinking.Wondering what would have happened if I had reacted differently. And anger and frustration leads to more tears, and all I want to do is stop the thinking, stop the crying and have a night of sleep, just one night.But its a small victory I'm here at all, and that will have to do, as i keep trying to deal with the night terrors and the constant daily reminders and the feeling I will never ever get peace of mind.

I can't sleep

replies: 1

Having a really bad time in general, lost my job due to the pandemic, living with my mum and brother who both had a negative reaction to me coming out as trans, started HRT 11 months ago but it's not doing anything for my body and my levels have been... View more

Having a really bad time in general, lost my job due to the pandemic, living with my mum and brother who both had a negative reaction to me coming out as trans, started HRT 11 months ago but it's not doing anything for my body and my levels have been consistently low even after changing doses so I'm feeling depressed over that, and on top of that every time I go to sleep I have flashbacks to when my dad lived with us, he was violent, had alcohol problems, it's been a long time since he lived with us but every time I go to sleep it feels like it's happening again, and I'm just so sick of my brain constantly interrupting my life with horrible traumatic thoughts, I'm tired of having random panic attacks, I'm exhausted and I can't sleep

Stop Locking Kids Up

replies: 2

I don’t know if we can discuss this issue here but, I absolutely do not feel I can discuss this on any other platform but here. I have at least 2 male relatives who I know were incarcerated as juveniles in the 1970-1980’s. Petty theft. One I know sto... View more

I don’t know if we can discuss this issue here but, I absolutely do not feel I can discuss this on any other platform but here. I have at least 2 male relatives who I know were incarcerated as juveniles in the 1970-1980’s. Petty theft. One I know stole a bicycle and was sent to jail in his mid-teens. Following the 4 Corners program last night, it has been playing over and over in my head, how this awful experience changed his life forever. I feel sick to the stomach about it. The saying that ‘he wasn’t the same’ when he came out is so true. He never spoke about it in specifics, not even to his parents. But we all knew that something awful was done to him. He never returned to school, was unemployed for quite some time, never married and has never left his parent’s home. He is close to 60 now and still lives with his mother. I will add that he didn’t re-offend. He wasn’t a criminal. He wasn’t an awful person. He was quite shy and quiet when we were kids. He was just a normal boy. Made an awful decision and has paid for it his entire life. That’s the thing with Trauma. Once experienced, it stays forever. It does affect your life. It changes it forever. It changes you forever. And other peoples Trauma affects you too, forever. I did feel like throwing stuff at the television last night. I wanted to scream at the television. The affect it had on me, was physical pain. Can we stop abusing children. Can we Stop Locking them up.

Is something wrong with me?

replies: 2

No longer is there a human face when I look in the mirror for a reflection. Hard to explain but seeing the same words twice like it's almost on top of each other normally I have perfect vision. Pretty much everything is going bad probably self sabota... View more

No longer is there a human face when I look in the mirror for a reflection. Hard to explain but seeing the same words twice like it's almost on top of each other normally I have perfect vision. Pretty much everything is going bad probably self sabotage am happy to punish myself for whatever as long as it's my demise at the end. Given up or not caring anymore

Apparently I am ok

replies: 4

Hi there, I am currently on workers comp caused by trauma (dealing with catastrophically injured people and families who have lost a loved one), in a toxic workplace environment where there was bullying. I had suicidal thoughts, have done three weeks... View more

Hi there, I am currently on workers comp caused by trauma (dealing with catastrophically injured people and families who have lost a loved one), in a toxic workplace environment where there was bullying. I had suicidal thoughts, have done three weeks in a mental health unit and about to get admitted for second three week admission. My marriage is hanging by a thread and so am I . I have been seeing a psychologist weekly, and todays seession has really done my head in. Basically her interpretation of it is that the mental health unit has just made me think I am worse than I am and we all go through a tough time, suck it up, I am just sad and it was just bad management and I am just wallowing in self pity. I feel as if what I feel or went through is all in my head. I might as well just suck it up, go back to work and whatever happens, happens. I am so confused. I have had a few good sessions with her but then today she just really pissed me off. I get her straight forward attitude, but to continually put what I went through, and dealing with vicarious trauma every day down to, bad management and wrong job, just really got to me today

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PTSD for Medical and First Responders

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