Immediate support
Immediate support

PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

All discussions

Start a discussion

OrangeBeam Coping with past sexual assault, emotional neglect as a child, think I have a porn addiction
  • replies: 12

Hi, new to beyond blue. Not sure where else to turn to. Some events in my life lately have made me realise some things that happened to me as a child and as a teenager that are deeply affecting my now in my late twenties. I am so ashamed of this but ... View more

Hi, new to beyond blue. Not sure where else to turn to. Some events in my life lately have made me realise some things that happened to me as a child and as a teenager that are deeply affecting my now in my late twenties. I am so ashamed of this but if I am honest with myself I believe I may have an addiction to viewing pornography. I believe it to be an addiction because it has gone on for years, and I want to stop and can’t. I tell myself I have it under control, but continue despite not even wanting to do it anymore. I think it is linked to the sexual assault I experienced at the hands of a stranger and other compounding events in my life.. idk. I guess I just hope that someone sees this and responds so I can know maybe I’m not alone? Or the only one with this problem. I know in some ways porn can be normal and actually okay, but it doesn’t feel normal or healthy when I really pull it apart and analyse it for myself. I can’t bring myself to talk about it but I really want help for it, so maybe this is a good place to start. I feel so ashamed of it and like everyone will look at me differently. I feel so alone in my life right now. I want to have a healthy mindset, healthy coping mechanisms with my pain and my trauma. I want to not feel so much shame around this. It’s kind of like, well the rape is something that happened to me, but the porn thing is my choice and my actions and it’s dirty and not okay. The way that I have been raised and the people that surround me don’t talk about sex let alone porn or anything along those lines, so how could I even get started with porn myself? I know that’s what they will wonder if anyone found out and I know I will be looked at differently. idk if anyone can help me understand why I might be having this problem, if it is or isn’t linked to my assault and idk just where I could start in getting help. I do have a therapist but I don’t feel comfortable talking about this and asking for help with it. But I need help. I want to stop. I want to be normal. I want to feel normal.

Anzee Dissociation
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am having a lot of trouble with dissociation at the moment, it’s chronic and is leading to frequent panic attacks. I am currently going through court (not my decision) and things have been extremely stressful with that and my daughters have... View more

Hi all, I am having a lot of trouble with dissociation at the moment, it’s chronic and is leading to frequent panic attacks. I am currently going through court (not my decision) and things have been extremely stressful with that and my daughters have now been allocated lawyers also, but I can’t find any info on the children’s lawyer they have been allocated and I haven’t had great experiences with lawyers or registrars through the family court system so I was really hoping I’d be able to find some info on their lawyer just to help alleviate some of their anxiety about it all, and I think not being able to find any info on their lawyer at all is causing severe stress for me which is leading to chronic dissociation and panic attacks. I have a therapist I see once a week but my apts are on fridays and I’m feeling like I’m really struggling in that time between so I’m wondering if anyone else suffers dissociation along with their panic/ anxiety?

tired_14 Shame, disgust, guilt and self-loathing
  • replies: 2

I have been living with C-PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, OCD and an ED since I was a child. Every time I feel like I have taken a step...I find myself hitting rock bottom again. I just feel so incredibly disgusted in myself from the many many years of ch... View more

I have been living with C-PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, OCD and an ED since I was a child. Every time I feel like I have taken a step...I find myself hitting rock bottom again. I just feel so incredibly disgusted in myself from the many many years of childhood and adulthood SA from my family. I hate myself and feel so ashamed....I can't help but feel like this is what is holding me back. Stopping me from learning to live rather than just existing. How do I do it? How do I move on from the guilt, disgust, hatred, shame and self-loathing?

DIDbloke Guilt after trauma
  • replies: 2

Hi All I experienced sexual abuse as a 5 and 6 yo. At the time I was obviously not able to understand what and why this was happening to me. I twisted it all around in my immature mind and thought it was my fault, perhaps I had been naughty or bad or... View more

Hi All I experienced sexual abuse as a 5 and 6 yo. At the time I was obviously not able to understand what and why this was happening to me. I twisted it all around in my immature mind and thought it was my fault, perhaps I had been naughty or bad or something. I also (for reasons I don’t understand) thought that if I had been a girl, this would not have been happening to me, so it was my fault for being a boy. Even though I realised years later that I was a victim the guilt lodged on my subconscious or unconscious mind and is still there undiminished. The combination of this guilt, DID and PTSD, have left me with very low self esteem and a subconscious drive to punish myself physically, mentally and in other ways. Are there others with guilt from childhood abuse and how do you handle it?

Echtis I don't think I'll ever recover
  • replies: 2

I experienced a wide variety of sexual and emotional abuse as a child and teenager. My sexual abuse occured between the ages of 12-17 and I believe it fundamentally broke something in me. I'm seeing someone, and I stayed over at their place, and I wo... View more

I experienced a wide variety of sexual and emotional abuse as a child and teenager. My sexual abuse occured between the ages of 12-17 and I believe it fundamentally broke something in me. I'm seeing someone, and I stayed over at their place, and I woke up to them cuddling me. I had a breakdown right then and there. I haven't had sex since I was 17, with my abuser, and still to this day the idea of it scares and disgusts me. I want to make my gf happy, and I know she wants to do this stuff, but I don't know how to overcome this. It really just makes me hate myself, I'm afraid, she asked if I'm a virgin and that's why I'm nervous/afraid. This stuff is too difficult to talk about and I don't think anyone believes me when I do, so I said I couldn't explain and she wouldn't believe me, which was bad on my part. Either way, I'm hopeless. 24 year old male and I start shaking if someone puts their hand on my leg. It's just over.

Horse18 Dating a girl with PTSD
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I’ve currently been in a long distance relationship (250km’s) with a girl for the last 4 months who’s a paramedic and has had an extremely difficult year. Both of her parents died within 2 months of each other at the start of the year an... View more

Hi everyone, I’ve currently been in a long distance relationship (250km’s) with a girl for the last 4 months who’s a paramedic and has had an extremely difficult year. Both of her parents died within 2 months of each other at the start of the year and because of her job and a few other things she was on compo when we met (diagnosed with PTSD) Everything was going great in our relationship, we fell deeply in love, would text each other constantly through the day and night, chat on the phone when we could and spend time with each other at every opportunity but in the last 2 or 3 weeks she has really pulled away from me, I’ve tried talking to her about it and she says that she does this when her PTSD/anxiety is really bad, she pulls away from loved ones and isolates. I really want to be there for her but the distance and withdrawal makes it really hard.she does text me every day and we chat on the phone about 2 or 3 times a week but I just don’t know what to do.any advice would be greatly appreciated as I truly love this girl with all my heart and it’s killing me that she is going through this without me.she is seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist and a GP about it but is there anything I can do to help her?thanks in advance.

Loligiggles I'm only getting worse, need to find somewhere I can work on my triggers
  • replies: 4

Hi. I've reached a crisis point in regards to my ptsd and despite what people are telling me, I'm still getting worse and worse. I keep on trying to find anything that can help me work through my triggers but I can't. There's no group meetings, no co... View more

Hi. I've reached a crisis point in regards to my ptsd and despite what people are telling me, I'm still getting worse and worse. I keep on trying to find anything that can help me work through my triggers but I can't. There's no group meetings, no controlled environments, nothing over than just telling a person that this thing happened and that "you're making improvements" which, I'm not, I still can't tell people no and can't tell people what I think without fear of violent physical or verbal retaliation. I can't even stand up for myself, because I go into shut down when I need to act. I'm in constant pain as well and even my hobbies, which cost money, aren't doing anything anymore and it's impacting my savings.

Healing heart Domestic violence
  • replies: 1

It’s been a long ongoing situation with workplace not understanding the situation, privacy issues, loss of job and moving. They situation seems to now be repeating itself again with immediate job loss due to domestic violence and lack of available se... View more

It’s been a long ongoing situation with workplace not understanding the situation, privacy issues, loss of job and moving. They situation seems to now be repeating itself again with immediate job loss due to domestic violence and lack of available services I was on this forum some time ago and have now returned. Im in ongoing domestic violence situation. Its difficult. I have found this forum again. Ive recently lost my job and find myself out of work over Christmas time. There is little jobs available and I’m applying for jobs starting over Christmas. I have necessities covered.

Leona_Maree sexual assault trauma & advise
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone! At the start of this year I flew back to my country town for a week before my next uni semester, to stay with one of my old high school friends. My ex boyfriend was one of his roommates, but we were on good terms & keen to catch up. On ... View more

Hey everyone! At the start of this year I flew back to my country town for a week before my next uni semester, to stay with one of my old high school friends. My ex boyfriend was one of his roommates, but we were on good terms & keen to catch up. On the last night I blacked out due to an OD at some point when my ex & I were talking. I don't remember a lot but I remember enough to know that I was molested. I hate myself for not doing anything or going to the hospital or police straight away, but I just shut down completely and wanted to pretend it didn't happen. I know I need to seek professional help, but when I spoke to my psych about it she told me that I was responsible for putting myself in that situation. Though I logically don't agree with her, emotionally I haven't been as strong. I keep thinking I'm alright and I can move on but I feel so much guilt and shame and disgust in myself. My current boyfriend knows and it took a lot to stop him from going after my ex. I've started to lose close friends because of the fallout of the assault. My ex is a very influential and charismatic guy in my home town, and he's been busy damaging my reputation back home, in order to save his. There's no evidence to go to the police. I knew in the morning that it wasn't an option considering the serious conservative corruption in my town - no rape claims are ever investigated. I just would really appreciate some advice on how I can emotionally heal from this. It's effecting me in ways I could never imagine. I'm not sure how to explain all this but I'm definitely just not feeling great in myself to a pretty concerning extent. My boyfriend has been really incredible during this and so supportive & understanding - so please know he's done everything right! I had been dealing with drug addiction issues for a while at that point and if I had just not taken it so far that night I could have fought him off. Thank you for those who read this & reply :))

lennon11 Obsessive thoughts about trauma: Over 10 years of severe abuse from a parent
  • replies: 32

Hi all, new here to the forum. Over the past couple of months, I've had memories resurfacing about physical, sexual and emotional trauma that I experienced from my father for over 10 years while growing up. He had substance abuse problems and untreat... View more

Hi all, new here to the forum. Over the past couple of months, I've had memories resurfacing about physical, sexual and emotional trauma that I experienced from my father for over 10 years while growing up. He had substance abuse problems and untreated mental illness which influenced the situation, as well. Now I'm at a place where I'm basically thinking about the memories all the time. There are so many things that I am feeling and trying to piece together. I am also trying to make sense of why these things happened - what frame of mind he was in and such. These obsessive and intrusive memories are basically starting to take over my life, specifically influencing my focus with work and school. And it is all very isolating...I don't think anyone in my life would understand what happened or what I am going through now (nor should I expect them to). No one in my family knows what happened. I've told my partner and a couple of friends that I've been through abuse but haven't gone into much detail, basically for fear of overwhelming them. I've talked with a counselor a couple times but didn't find it completely helpful as it focused more about logistics of taking care of myself in general - I normally have a healthy lifestyle so that's not what I'm struggling with, it's the obsessive thoughts. And for reference, I've been on meds for bipolar for a while and have meds to spot treat anxiety, which generally work well. But these symptoms have been worse lately, as the ptsd has been worse. Normally I wouldn't feel the need to talk about these things, but lately the trauma has been taking up most of my thoughts and attention. It can be difficult to not feel able to express what I'm really thinking and feeling to the people in my life. I have tried to spend time sitting with these thoughts to process and feel. Obviously there is a lot that happened and my mind is trying to make sense of it all. But I can't just sit and think about it all of the time. My coping lately has basically just been to distract myself. As soon as I stop focusing on something, then the traumatic memories tend to come back. Just looking to see if anyone has similar experiences with obsessive/intrusive Ptsd thoughts. What do you do to handle them? Do you talk about your trauma with the people in your life? Thanks very much.