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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Dukeyberry How do I stop my trauma ruining me?
  • replies: 2

5 years ago I lost my Dad at 35. Three months later my partner left our family and removed us from our property.Everything in my life changed.I started again, from a refuge with 4 children to a home of our own. I have worked fulltime since then Also.... View more

5 years ago I lost my Dad at 35. Three months later my partner left our family and removed us from our property.Everything in my life changed.I started again, from a refuge with 4 children to a home of our own. I have worked fulltime since then Also.My heart was in pieces.From the day I lost my dad, I started drinking heavily. It turns out that I'm a highly functioning alcoholic. Our mornings begin around 5.30am, work, school, preschool, sports, play dates etc. Once we were all home I would start drinking while making dinner. I could barely make it to bedtime before literally passing drunk. I've moved around alot and after the last move, promised my eldest that we would stay put til he had finished his schooling.I've just signed a lease for the 2nd year, now I'm wanting to run away. Why is this?I've changed careers also from chef to office, so I can be home at night with the kids. It's since this change that I have been more aware of my alcohol intake. I have tried cutting down, I only have one glass of wine while cooking dinner at night these days. But once dinners done, I sit in front of the TV and wait for 8.30 so I can go to bed.My kids have been raised by their devices for the past 5 years and I'm noticing this now because I'm home at nights and they're all off in their rooms. I'm lonely.I'm realising this past month that I am not the person I used to be.Nor do I like the person I have become.I don't do anything except work, run a household and clean.I'm not the involved parent that I once was. There are so many times where my head is stuck in my phone and I completely ignore what my kids are saying until they yell at me for a response.I have no hobbies. I have isolated myself from all of my friends.I do the bare minimum with my house ( my washing pile is the size of a small car). And I am so wasteful with money that I'm always broke ( I used to be great with money).I gamble when I'm down, I shop when I'm down, I smoke pot sometimes and drink sometimes. Occasionally, when I need to clean my house, I'll use a point of ice to get through it.I believe this all started when my Dad and ex partner exited my life.5 years on, I know the traumas in there, but how do I bring it to the surface and deal with it? I'm not much of a crier, I hate feeling weak which is exactly how crying makes me feel.I want so badly to be someone my children want to be around again.I don't have a life that would afford me rehab, Im a singke Mum with 4 children and no one to take them for an extended period of time. I have thought about going to detox, kind of like a reset.That and ongoing counselling support would definitely help.But what can I do in the meantime?I would love to find someone to talk to on here, tell me I'm not alone.

rhinoceros Having a difficult time - male with intense panic and fear surrounding dating/intimacy
  • replies: 13

Hi everyoneI spent 5 1/2 years in a bad relationship. To cut a long story short, it involved a lot of psychological abuse and so many aspects of my life were under the control of my ex. The most damaging aspect of this time was that I was forced to h... View more

Hi everyoneI spent 5 1/2 years in a bad relationship. To cut a long story short, it involved a lot of psychological abuse and so many aspects of my life were under the control of my ex. The most damaging aspect of this time was that I was forced to have sex even though I didn't want to; however when at times my body wouldn't respond (seems normal to not find an abuser attractive in retrospect), I was yelled/screamed at. It was honestly like world war three. I didn't know how to deal with all this back then and I stayed with her honestly believing any issues with intimacy, or the relationship in general were my fault. I left her just over 2 years ago and have been single in that time. Initially once the trauma-bond started to ease, I felt a sense of peace that I enjoyed. Now days I do deal with intense loneliness and in some ways want some kind of deeper connection with someone. Last week a close friend of mine (female) sent me a message that gently hinted she took a romantic interest in me. We've been good friends for a while now. Instead of feeling flattered or feeling good about this, I plunged into an intense panic episode that's lasted most of last week, it's been totally debilitating. I'm terrified of any form of intimacy, especially anything physical, to the point where I feel physically nauseous... this was all caused by one very innocuous message . I don't know even if I am attracted to my friend in that way, I can't even think that clearly with all this fear and panic. I replied to this message, in a friendly way but didn't really encourage that direction of conversation, and we did catch up yesterday , with others, and things seemed a little awkward at first but were better as the afternoon went on. I feel sick with guilt, worried I've hurt her... also absolutely sick of this intense panic and fear. I want to be able to accept compliments from females, and ones I'm attracted to, and even eventually date again... but instead I freeze and invariably push people away.I feel so utterly alone and hopeless at the moment, I never chose to be abused and I'd sure never choose to live like this. I'm hoping others on the forum might be able to empathise and/or offer me some advice? I'd be very grateful.

sallyfrog1 C ptsd recovery & adapting to life
  • replies: 2

I'm in my early 30sAm in a pretty good place now in terms of clarity (after a long time of being dissociated)Main thing right now is building a support networkTalking to ppl (esp those without lived exp) and they don't get itPpl often want you to sha... View more

I'm in my early 30sAm in a pretty good place now in terms of clarity (after a long time of being dissociated)Main thing right now is building a support networkTalking to ppl (esp those without lived exp) and they don't get itPpl often want you to share your life experiences and usefulness up to your ageBut for me it's like... I've physically grown but has taken time to allow myself to develop emotionally

laureah21 Feel nothing about trauma
  • replies: 5

Hi all,I have been diagnosed last week with adhd and ptsd.trauma was two seperate sexual assaults by different unrelated people in my 20s both at night in my bedroom from breaking and entering circumstances. I now have a bit of agoraphobia linked wit... View more

Hi all,I have been diagnosed last week with adhd and ptsd.trauma was two seperate sexual assaults by different unrelated people in my 20s both at night in my bedroom from breaking and entering circumstances. I now have a bit of agoraphobia linked with night time and general anxiety that comes and goes in certain situations. Can’t really travel (sleep away fromhome) now without sense of doom, that I could never figure out the reason until recently when these memories started coming back to me. So off I went to my GP and now a diagnosis. I didn’t get to really ask any questions yet in my session as it was a diagnostic session. I had some questions about why I’ve never felt anything about this before. It’s strangely like I’d forgotten it. Not completely but like it wasn’t part of me like I’d read it in the paper, I truely wouldn’t have said it affected me as i don’t have any emotion at all attached to it. I have suffered from panic, disassociation episodes, trouble briefly with intimacy with my husband when I just start crying for no reason during sex and I could never explain any of these things to him or myself. Just thought hormones. It always felt like my body was be anxious and my mind had no idea why. All these general mental health problems did happen after these incidents, when I think about it now. I used to be a pretty chilled, glass half full kid with inattentive adhd issues and the general kid fears, were really the only things before that is it normal not to really have any recollection/feelings toward traumatic events? To feel completely removed but still suffer in the physical bodily type way with a reaction?I’m sort of in a bit of shock when I think about the level of affect it may have had on my life from mid 20s on. In my 40s now and it’s all been hidden

white knight Anzac Day, Remembrance Day - to all our veterans
  • replies: 2

As a former Defence Airman I salute you all. Australia has a fine record of male and female defence personnel from all corners of our society that served. People from indigenous mobs, multicultural backgrounds or several generations of Australian mig... View more

As a former Defence Airman I salute you all. Australia has a fine record of male and female defence personnel from all corners of our society that served. People from indigenous mobs, multicultural backgrounds or several generations of Australian migration from the UK, we naturally developed a sense of duty all under the Aussie banner. We have many scarred Aussies that returned from war or disrupted nations in peace keeping roles and many of them came back struggling to fit back into our lives. Some carry on with PTSD and its ramifications. We therefore have some that didnt succeed in that task and we honour them. We Community Champions and members, are here to listen. Feel free to post LET IT BE OUR LAST They came home to jeers along a Townsville street Eggs, insults and abuse Is all they got to greet They’d endured the Asian jungles where every step you take Be wary of that trap or your chest would wear a stake In combat with their mates with honour they’d bestow Crank up that rifle, is it friend or is it foe? With shrapnel in their backs and poison from orange air Their fight would go for years but no one showed their care As the Townsville streets cursed when our heros paced the town Soldier honour put on hold their dignity a frown And wait they’d have to do like a falling shell They fought for this land Australia from the battlefield of hell Do you know Vietnam Vets? Then show them of your jest Shake their hand to understand, acknowledging your best But we should always remember to never relive the past The day Aussie soldiers were jeered, let it be our last When we see our wartime hero’s and remember those that fell, Let us not forget the brave….from the battlefield of hell…. DIGGERS DAY (APRIL 25TH) Another diggers day To a bar to sink the myths Flip a coin and dispel the stories On April twenty fifth A belly of swill in a uniform of pain Ribbons on chest and that word “lest” As he walked home in the rain Dare we think how They ever survived the April hours For those diggers are our mates and we shouldn’t hesitate To honour those diggers of ours. Rest your weary legs It was luck and the fall of the dice In you we believe and together we all grieve For those soldiers sacrificed….. So, I ask you veterans, to put faith in us, to see clearly that many of us understand your sacrifice both overseas and now back home. That there is much of your memories that we could never relate to but our ears are still available. Thankyou for your service. TonyWK RAAF 1973-1976

Lee313 Am I abusive or being abused?
  • replies: 1

My partner and I had an argument that ended the same way it always does, he shuts it down, everything is my fault and that I have communication issues. He can be very mean, swearing at me, criticizing me. He often calls me "childish" and repeatedly t... View more

My partner and I had an argument that ended the same way it always does, he shuts it down, everything is my fault and that I have communication issues. He can be very mean, swearing at me, criticizing me. He often calls me "childish" and repeatedly told me I was acting like a 2-year old during an argument the other night. He locked me out of the house recently while angry and this dragged on for about 4-days, after I told him I am embarrassed by his drinking habits. He made a "joke" about flirting with someone else girlfriend, and said that I should trust him to do that and so actually act on it. That's just a few examples. Tonight, I had approached him about how often we had been fighting and bickering. I told him how badly it is starting to affect me. I told him that if every argument continues to be shut down, nasty and unresolved, then resentment is going to continue to build and it's not sustainable. He responded "sounds like you're blaming it all on me." I said that I am not blaming him, and he said "well, you are." He then started talking about how I had bought a swing set for my daughter for Christmas without talking to him, and went on and on about how it's not okay, behaving as if I had done something super extreme. I became extremely frustrated, because he wouldn't tell me why it bothers him asking why I didn't talk to him. I apologised and said that I was really excited and stuff. And he was saying that's just a "cop out." I said "why are you treating me as if I have committed an unforgivable act, or breaking something very precious to you. I don't understand." I'm not sure why I said that, but I was very frustrated. He then FINALLY told me why the swing set was bothering him. It's because he doesn't want to move it when he mows the lawn. I said: "so she misses out on years of fun, because you don't want to move it when you mow the lawn?" It just escalated from there. He tried to shut down the conversation over and over saying "I'm done. I'm not talking to you." Eventually he stated he won't be attending a Family event we're supposed to go to tomorrow and that I have to get a refund on the swingset because he won't have it here. He continued on with how poor my communication is and essentially all the problems I have. I "just don't stop". He minimised locking me out of the house because it was "5-minutes and you had keys." (He didn't know I had keys)I am starting to experience severe mental health decline. Am I being abusive?

Guest_2613 Mother - Daughter (or son) Sexual Abuse
  • replies: 3

Hi - I've been going to therapy and working on my healing for some years now. I'm making great progress and life is good. I have had bits and pieces of memories coming back though. They are fragmented and mostly sensory... but when I put them all tog... View more

Hi - I've been going to therapy and working on my healing for some years now. I'm making great progress and life is good. I have had bits and pieces of memories coming back though. They are fragmented and mostly sensory... but when I put them all together it paints a picture of child sexual abuse from my mother, to me as her daughter. My mother is quite disturbed, has a lot of trauma herself and was extremely dysregulated my entire upbringing - and still is to this day. She was very emotionally and psychologically abusive towards me. But this isn't the story that one hears as often and it's so hard to find information online. We're so used to hearing about the male abuser - I wanted to post to see if others had any stories of female abusers generally, and also sexual abuse from mothers - maybe female teachers or relatives too... Women can most definitely be abusers too - and they go about it very differently to men, potentially much more insidious.

Miley777 Struggling with sexual assault
  • replies: 1

About a month ago I was assaulted by someone I knew. I was intoxicated and play fighting with him. He became quite aggressive. I struggle to remember exactly what happened due to the amount I drank, this happened in-front of other people also. I was ... View more

About a month ago I was assaulted by someone I knew. I was intoxicated and play fighting with him. He became quite aggressive. I struggle to remember exactly what happened due to the amount I drank, this happened in-front of other people also. I was so upset I left and went home. The next day I was covered in bruises. I’ve had to have physiotherapy. I’m struggling to even label this as sexual assault and I work in family violence. I feel like I should have known better and continue to minimise the situation. I am getting support but feel unstable emotionally due to the ups and downs. When I feel happy or forget about the assault I ask myself why would I feel happy after being assaulted. Working in family violence is a huge distraction focusing on other people, however I’m worried it’s making things worse for me. I haven’t had any time off and caught myself saying today I wish I would get sick and land in hospital so I can have a break. Knowing this is me wanting to escape. Can anyone else relate ?

Kellsbellz My story
  • replies: 2

So I went from Vic to WA to look after my brothers kids. He’s studying nursing and had a placement which fell over the week he had them. I only had 2 weeks of annual leave owing so I took it then (I work in neonatal intensive care) and he got then ba... View more

So I went from Vic to WA to look after my brothers kids. He’s studying nursing and had a placement which fell over the week he had them. I only had 2 weeks of annual leave owing so I took it then (I work in neonatal intensive care) and he got then back on the wed-sun of the second week. My son is 28 and when I was a mum I was pretty strict knowing I was a single mum. These kids don’t get to see my brother ALOT so when they do he likes to make it the most fun time. I respected this until the last day of my 2 weeks. I ordered cakes that thought everyone’s personality including my parents at home (I was leaving in 3 hours) My brother was upset bc the 6 year old didn’t get the cake he wanted. He ate his cake then decided he wanted his 8 yr old brothers cake. My brother saw red and got so upset I didn’t get the same one for him. He bought out my parents and sons cake that was in the fridge and offered it to the 6 year old. I begged him to please not but he gave my parents (in Melb) cake to him and he ate it. I said (after 2 weeks of keeping my mouth shut) this is why your kids behave like they do! My brother pulled me by my hair and threatened to physically assault me. My son got out of the spa and intervened and kept him off me but he said I wasted $600 on getting you here and don’t you ever speak to me or my kids again. I transferred the $600 into his account that minute and my son took me to the airport and I caught the closest plane. He’s tried to call me since but I have nothing to say. My son and parents want to pretend it never happened Im especially traumatised bc was raped 15 mths ago and they are all aware of that Several times my brother has used unacceptable language around that traumatic incident. Do I just leave it or do something?

Owlingo Constantly feel like a character
  • replies: 3

Whenever smth would happen in my life, I would catch myself acting like I'm in a story. I feel like I'm constantly acting. I don't know who I am and how I really feel about things. I recently got diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. And I'm ... View more

Whenever smth would happen in my life, I would catch myself acting like I'm in a story. I feel like I'm constantly acting. I don't know who I am and how I really feel about things. I recently got diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. And I'm afraid I'm going to make this my whole "life story" instead of just living life like everyone else. I'm afraid itll become my whole personality and I'll just self sabtoage for this story my brain is making up. I tend to self sabotage when things go well because I think I'm supposed to live a sad life because that's the story I made in my head. Why can I not just be happy and get better without feeling like smth is off? I cant imagine myself getting better. I just see myself suffering and trying to get better, but will always be sad. Like I live in those sad stories where I'm destined to be unhappy and everyone feels bad. It sounds so childish and attention seeking but i can't stop. My anxiety and depression I know are real. They are smth I can't control and they are the only time I actually know what's happening with me. But when I'm feeling okay, I don't know who I am, or what I like, what I want to do or how to just exist. I still have trauma to heal from, learn to cope with anxiety and depression, finding a purpose in my life and overcoming many many fears. Can someone explain what this is or tell me if this is normal?