(TRIGGER WARNING -firearms related) A new flashback after a very long time

[Croix]

Dear All~

This post involves putting down animals - please no not read if you think it might upset you.

I'm writing this account in part to because I feel I need to in order to fully accept it, partly so others with PTSD can see what can happen in the future - and perhaps take encouragement. Flashbacks that were much closer in time to the original event were for me overwhelming in many ways. This is a new one, not experienced before and milder. The subject matter may seem silly or trivial to some.

My wife is in the next room.

I used to be a policeman. These events happen around 1980 and whilst I have been able to refer to them in conversation it has always been in a clinical fashion. In the last couple of weeks they have suddenly become 'real' with several occasions where I was fully back there.

One of my duties was to be on-call after hours. At that time the local railway fell in my jurisdiction. On two separate occasions I was rung up
by the public saying that there were injured sheep on the tracks.

On each occasion I went to the area involved, wearing old clothes and located them. Some were in a very bad way, and since I had no possibility of quickly calling a vet I had to put them down. In each case they had been there some time.

To do this I had to use my service revolver and stop to reload before completing the task. I then went home, showered and changed and my wife rang the railways to clear the track.

This is surprisingly hard for me to say. The memory is crystal clear in my mind with sounds and other sensory input, however I will not give any more details, they are not really suitable.

I'm not flashing back, so I guess I'm improving. I am crying.

[Croix]

Dear Mary~

Sorry about that, I got a bit overwhelmed by everyone's responses, so caring and understanding.

Pets are such wonderful companions and to lose one under horrible circumstances is a terrible thing to go through. Do you have any dogs or other pets living with you now?

I've not had much to do with snakes, the lady two doors up had her dog bitten, but it survived ok after a rushed trip to the vet.

I see you're in good company with Mahatma Gandhi, I don't know if he meant it that way but helpless humans should be in there too I think.

My thanks

Croix

[Guest_322]

Hi Croix,

I'm with you on humans helping animals as well as your point about how humans helping other humans too.

I'm not sure if you meant it this way but I personally feel this particularly applies to those less fortunate than us in developing nations. People in war torn cities and nations, people who don't have access to clean water, child brides forced to marry much older men, people who don't have access to an education...the list goes on but you get my drift.

Sorry, I know that I went a little off topic. Dottie gets off her soapbox now...

Anyway, back to the original topic.

I'm glad my virtual tissues came in handy. I think the level of support that you received reflects the support you have given. It's obvious that there are many people who care about you here (including me).

Virtual hugs,

Dottie xxx

[Croix]

Dear Dottie and soapbox~

Yes I agree totally, cruelty is a sad fact of life. I've come to the conclusion I can only do a tiny bit in my immediate circle, less ambitious than when young, but more realistic, maybe more effective? - Don't know.

Yes your v-tissues came in v handy - still on the first box:) I'm amazed at the number of people that have been so kind and supportive here, gives me a very good feeling.

Anytime you want to get off topic - you just go ahead, does me good. I replied to you in Croix Parler and am looking forward to your next dollop of music (but no hurry, I'm sure study takes precedence:)

Have a hug back

Croix

[Guest_322]

Hi Croix,

Thanks for indulging me. Now, I just want to preface this by saying, I'm in no way, shape or form expecting that everyone will agree with me (and that's totally okay). I'm merely expressing my personal thoughts on your comment.

To answer your question, I half agree and half disagree. I think it's great to help those in our immediate circle and very important too.

In saying that, I personally feel (again, I'm only speaking for myself), if I have the emotional, intellectual and/or financial capacity to do so then I feel a sense of responsibility beyond that of my immediate circle.

I mean, imagine if we all only looked after our own inner circle. That's great for those in our inner circle but what about those who don't have an inner circle? What about them?

Now, I can't speak for anyone else. I can only speak for myself and my personal opinion is I believe in social responsibility towards people beyond my immediate circle.

I don't think it's necessarily unrealistic. I mean, water pumps are installed, schools are built, etc.

Anyway, let's end this topic before this gets even more off topic (and people get annoyed with me).

Apologies to all for briefly hijacking this thread.

Back to talking about PTSD and your flashback.

Dottie xxx

[Guest_1055]

Hi Mr Croix,

I am so sorry for the pain you felt upon remembering the particular incident.

I care

shell

[Croix]

Oh dear, Dear Dottie~

I have struck a nerve! Well that's pretty good:) I can see you springing back up on your soapbox - how excellent!

Before you write me off as a 'horrible example' do you think we could discuss my meanings of 'realistic' & 'immediate circle'?

Pretty please with sugar AND a semi-breve on top? Perhaps in Croix Parler, but not tonight, I'm pooped.

Ta

Croix (who is pleased, distracted, not in the slightest annoyed)

[Croix]

Dear Shell~

I'm please to see you are a bit recovered. It's lovely to see you here and I really appreciate your care. Everybody has been wonderful.

I always enjoy your picture happy picture of peaceful times.

Croix.

[Starwolf]

Croix, you are in no way indebted to me.

Memories no longer haunt me but I have stopped sweeping them under the carpet many years ago. I enjoy the freedom to bring them back when necessary. A deliberate choice. They are still identified as good or bad but have lost their emotional contents. I hope this makes sense to you.

If snippets of my past can help others feel understood and supported, all is well. That's the idea.

I hope the week ahead will bring peace and pride for having done what compassion commanded.

[Guest_322]

Hi Croix,

Nah, I don't think you're a "horrible example" as you put it.

Sure, I would be happy to continue our earlier conversation in Croix's Parler. I'll pop in some time this week.

Dottie x